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I'm sorry some of you guys don't like Erica. I hope you keep reading!
Big surprise at the end of this chapter. If you're paying attention, you've seen that something is amiss…
Aftermath
Chapter 8: Catalyst
Erica met her ex-husband's intense gaze with no intention of backing down. She had to fight to keep from squirming. He'd
always had that effect on her, she'd just gotten good at hiding it. She crossed her arms in front of her and squaredher shoulders.
"You mind telling me what exactly it is you're doing?" She asked, starting off what was destined to be an infinitely long
discussion.
He sighed heavily and attempted to turn his thoughts into words. "I… I've been asking myself that question everyday since
Addison came out here." He replied.
She shook her head at his response. "Does Addison know that you're still in love with Meredith?" She asked at last.
He nodded. "I told her a couple months ago." He answered. Erica was visibly surprised.
"And she's still here!" She'll do just about anything for your forgiveness won't she…?" Erica trailed off, her voice filled with
amazement and amusement.
"I haven't said anything to Meredith yet though." He continued after a moment.
Erica shook her head. "Doesn't matter. She already knows. Or at least, has a pretty good inkling." She told him as she
took a sip of her soda.
"How could she? I haven't said a thing to her." He protested.
"I'm sorry Shep, but she knows." Erica replied with a shrug of her shoulders. He said nothing. "Derek, you have always
been very good at telling people how you feel without ever saying a word." She told him matter of factly.
He was still silent. Truth be told, he wasn't really sure what to do or say. He'd always kind of wondered about it in the
back of his head, but he'd never allowed the discussion to actually happen.
"It's you D. You wear your emotions on your face. I guarantee she knows you still have feelings for her. Why else would
she still be hanging around, watching you and me in the lobby?" She questioned.
"You saw her? How did you know who she was?" He asked, shocked at her knowledge.
"Shep, she's Ellis Grey's daughter. Her picture is all over the internet. Almost as much as mine." She said teasingly.
"She hasn't said anything." He countered, trying to protest.
"She won't. She's probably not 100 sure of what she's seeing. Plus, it shouldn't come from her and she knows it. Smart
girl." Erica answered.
Thankfully, their food arrived before he was forced to respond to her statement. "Who's this?" Joe asked as he set their
plates down.
"Dr. Erica Wakefield. Erica, this is Joe." Derek introduced. Erica offered her hand, which Joe shook.
"I'm beginning to think you guys travel in packs. How do you know Doc?" Joe asked Erica. She met Derek's gaze over
the plate, clearing her throat, daring him to tell Joe.
"Erica is my first wife Joe." Derek told him, his eyes never breaking away from Erica's.
Joe let out a low whistle. "OK then. Well this is awkward, so I'm gonna-yeah, I'm gone." Joe fumbled, totally caught off
guard by Derek revelation.
They both dug in, too hungry to try to talk. He munched his food contentedly, glancing up every once in awhile. He watched
beneath lowered eyelashes as she finished off her burger. She should be taking a drink of soda right about…. Now. Fries are
next. He thought to himself as he watched her put her soda down as her other hand moved towards the fries.
"Derek, I hate when you watch me eat." She told him, startling him out of his trance. She never even looked up, just kept
eating.
"How did you know I was watching you?" He asked. He thought he'd been pretty covert about the whole ordeal.
She raised an eyebrow. "Seriously? What kind of psychologist would I be if I couldn't even tell that I was being watched?"
She responded.
He laughed softly and they both finished up their meals.
He watched her openly now, a curious expression on his face, almost like he was trying to figure something out.
She tried not to squirm under his gaze. She hated when he looked at her like that. "Stop D." She told him, her eyes pleading
with him
"What happened to us?" He asked, totally ignoring her request.
She hadn't been prepared for that one. For once, she thought before she spoke. "You know what happened. I know what
happened. What's the point in rehashing a 14 year old issue? It's just too many painful memories Derek." She finished. God, the
irony of that situation is already kicking me in the ass. She kept that thought to herself though. During the course of her
statement and the thought that followed, she'd begun to tear her paper napkin to shreds.
He shocked her by reaching over and quieting her hands with his own. "I was a bad husband wasn't I?" He asked softly.
She didn't look up from their intertwined hands. "You would've had to actually be there to be a husband, let alone a bad
one." She retorted.
Ouch. He cleared his throat. "I deserved that." He replied weakly.
"Yes you did. And so much more." She agreed.
His hands were still wrapped around hers. He squeezed her hands gently to get her attention. She looked up into his eyes.
"I know I've never actually said it, but I am truly sorry. I was young and stupid. I thought I could put my wife on the back
burner. I thought you'd wait. If I'd known you woul leave-" He tried to express his feelings, but she cut him off.
"Derek, the potential threat of my leaving shouldn't have been what made you stay. It should have been that you loved me,
needed me, that you just couldn't live without me." She explained, removing her hands from his, placing them in her lap.
"You and I both know I didn't think like that 14 years ago." He reminded her.
She nodded, not saying anything, letting him speak.
"But that doesn't mean that there wasn't anything I wouldn't do to keep you." He went on after a moment.
"Everything except what you needed to do, pay attention." She snapped back, her voice laced with frustration.
"Obviously that was my downfall. I tried everything except that. The simplest of concepts and it went right over my head."
He explained.
"Yes it did Derek. Which is why we never should have gotten married." She finished, plunking her straw back into her
glass.
He was shocked. "I disagree." He protested indignantly.
She raised her eyebrow. "Seriously?" She asked, her voice registering shock.
"Absolutely. I don't care what you say. I wouldn't trade what we had for anything." He informed her, crossing his arms in
front of him.
That was one answer she hadn't seen coming. "Erica, I don't regret because of everything that happened BECAUSE of our
marriage." He went on.
She shot him an incredulous look. "So you're telling me that I'm the reason for everything! Your marriage to Addison and
the subsequent affair with Meredith included!" She questioned, her eyes narrowing at what she thought was his intention.
He raised his eyebrows and cocked his head. "You know better than that. You were the first love of my life. You were my
world for 4 years. I'm sorry, but I can't, and I won't, just throw that away because you regret getting married. Erica, you taught
me so much about myself and about life. You made me grow up. You are why I care about my patients as more than JUST
patients, they are people and you reminded me of that. You taught me one of the most important lessons in my life." He said
softly.
"And what's that?" She questioned, twirling her straw in the glass.
"You taught me that in order to succeed in life, no matter what I'm doing, that I have to do more than think about myself
and what I want. You forced me to recognize that there were going to be times in my life where I couldn't just think about myself
and my goals. So, in a way, you're the reason all the great things in my life happened, you're the catalyst." He finished, his eyes
soft with compassion.
"I think you're giving me too much credit Derek." She replied softly, brushing her hair back from her face.
He sighed. "All I'm trying to say is that I'm grateful for all that you taught me and did for me." He explained.
She smiled ruefully. "Well, thank you, I think." She replied weakly. Do it. You have to tell him. It's been years. He
needs to know. She opened her mouth to say something, but he cut her off.
"I'm going to grab a scotch from the bar. Jack and 7?" He asked.
She nodded and he strode to the bar. She waited until his back was turned and dug in her purse. She pulled it out and put it
on the table, facing him.
Derek grabbed his drinks from Joe and headed back to the table. He saw something white at the table. He wrinkled his
forehead in confusion. He got to the table, put the drinks down and read what was in front of him and froze. He gulped a breath
of air in after a moment. "What are…What is..?" He fumbled, not forming the words.
"These are our divorce papers. Why didn't you sign them Derek?" She asked, her voice low and calm.
He met her gaze and there was a new look there. A look of pain, of confusion, a little bit of anger even. He opened his mouth to
explain...
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