Glad you're all enjoying! You guys are the BEST! Seriously. You make me write that much faster!
Hang with me on this guys, I know you all don't like the concept of Derek and Erica, but I think closure is required.
Aftermath
Chapter 14: Broken
Erica tucked the papers into her bag and met her 'official' ex-husband's eyes. "Go. Go find her. You need this, you need her. And believe it or not, she does need you." Erica told him, swallowing the slight pain she felt when she said the words. She was sending him after Meredith.
Listen to her, Derek. Go. Go after Meredith. He took a second to study the woman in front of him. The woman he'd never been able to replace.
It was hard for her, he knew, to send him after Meredith. They'd never stopped having feelings for each other, they'd never stopped loving each other.
He'd loved her when she left.
He loved her when he started dating Addison.
He loved her when he asked Addison to marry him.
He loved her when they got married.
He loved her when he left New York.
He loved her when he moved to Seattle.
He loved her when he met Meredith.
The only reason their feelings for one another had ebbed was because of time, nothing else. Part of him pushed him to follow Meredith. The other part begged him to linger a moment longer and appreciate the pain the woman in front of him was going through. He chose to listen to the latter.
"I didn't chase you." He said, speaking the words that were echoing through her mind at that very moment.
"No, you didn't." She agreed, not trusting her voice to say anything more. She crossed her arms in front of herself protectively, a slight wind playing with a few stray pieces of hair.
"I should have." He told her as he stood up. She followed his lead and stood as well.
"Yes, you should have." She agreed again, turning her gaze the sea, not wanting to meet his eyes, not wanting him to see the pain of ending the same marriage twice, of losing him twice. It may have been well over a decade, but there are some things, some pains, that no amount of time will extinguish. She still loved him. In what way, she wasn't entirely sure, but she did.
He grabbed her chin and turned her face to his. "You will always be the first. You'll always be my biggest mistake, my biggest regret." He said softly.
She closed her eyes to his words. She couldn't look at him, not now, not like this.
"Derek." She breathed, exhaling as she spoke. He felt her breath hit his face. She hadn't been this close to him in a long time. He wasn't going to lie to himself, it felt good…. A part of him still believed it felt right, that she was right.
He waited, his body so close she could feel his warmth.
"Go." She told him, swallowing the lump that had somehow managed to form in her throat.
Stop. Stop it. You cannot have him anymore. He does not belong to you. He wants Meredith. She wants him. They're in love. Don't give in to these feelings. They aren't real. They'll go away as soon as you go home. She processed the thoughts in her head, begging them to comfort her heart.
He hadn't chased her when she left, if he had, maybe things would have been different. And while she was being honest with herself, there was a tiny part of her that didn't want him going after Meredith.
She was right. He needed to go after Meredith. Erica was, she was…. She was his past. If he wanted any shot at a future, he needed to find Meredith. Still, his feet had problems understanding the message his head was sending.
"Derek, this boat docks in less than 10 minutes. Unless she's thrown herself overboard, she's still on the boat. She can't run, not yet. But if you let her get off this ferry without explaining, you're finished." Erica reasoned.
He turned to face her. "Thank you for that. I know it's not easy-" He started but she cut him off.
"Don't. Please don't." She whispered quietly.
He recognized that voice. She was hurting. This was hurting her. He instantly hated himself for being part of this, being part of her pain. He leaned over and pressed his lips to her cheek. "I do love you, don't forget that." He whispered before turning and running to look for Meredith.
She waited until he was out of sight before she let the tears flow. She kicked her chair around to face the ocean before her and sank down into it. If she was going to cry, she certainly wasn't going to let anyone see her do it.
He made his way down the side of the nearly empty ferry boat. There weren't many places she could be hiding. As a matter of fact, she wasn't hiding at all. She was standing at the other end of the boat, at the exit, seeming to be prepared to jump off the boat as soon as it docked.
"It was a mistake." He said at last, making his presence known.
"What was a mistake? Cause you're going to have to be a bit more specific, you've made a lot of them." She answered without turning around.
Touché. I deserved that. "When she left, I was mad. I didn't sign the papers. After 90 days, she was able to get the divorce on her own. And she did. Except that, somehow, some way, the divorce papers, the ones she signed, were lost. We were divorced as far as the Census Bureau and Public Records were concerned, but no written proof to back it up meant that the divorce as it stood 14 years ago, was null and void." He explained.
"And you had no idea?" She asked, her back still to him. The fact that she couldn't even look him in the eye told him how much pain she was in.
"Not until she got here. She didn't find out herself until I filed for divorce from Addison. Her lawyer informed her and my lawyer is no longer practicing. So she did what she always does, told her lawyer not that she'd take care of it herself." He replied.
"So does this mean you weren't married to Addison?" Meredith questioned after a long pause.
"Not technically. Our marriage didn't become valid until I signed Erica's and my divorce papers." He responded softly.
"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, finally turning to face him. He winced at her evident pain. Her eyes were bloodshot, her face was red from her tears.
He swallowed deep, unsure of exactly how to put his feelings into words. "Because of this… Because of how much this is hurting you right now. This, this was what I wanted to avoid. I've hurt you, I've hurt you more times than I care to think about, and I knew that this would just be the icing on the cake. My intention was to sign the papers and tuck that little part away and just deal with the here and now." He explained, moving a bit closer to her, praying to God she wouldn't back away.
She didn't. "But you can't tuck her away Derek. She is the here and now. She's here, trying to fix the damage. She's part of you, Derek. Granted, it may be the past that she's a part of, but that past, it's still part of who you are. You shouldn't have kept it from me." She informed him, her voice even and calm.
"So you think you could've dealt with it? You think you could have handled knowing that your biggest competition was still married to me?" He challenged, his voice low and soft.
He was right. Damn it, he was right. He knew her better than she cared to admit. It didn't make his actions right, but he knew she wouldn't have been able to deal with it. She looked up after a few tense seconds. "No." Was all she said before turning away again.
That wasn't exactly the answer he'd expected. He'd thought she'd fight, argue her point, make him see her perspective. He certainly hadn't expected her to just…. Agree.
She turned her back to him and braced herself on the cool rails of the ferry. She was just so tired…. Tired of fighting within herself tired of dealing with her feelings, tired of pretending she was OK when she wasn't. She was tired of being tired…
He gazed at the fast approaching shore. They'd be docking within minutes. She still had yet to continue, yet to elaborate.
"I just… I can't deal with this anymore. I'm only human. This, all of this, it's just too much. I can't, more importantly, I won't deal with this, anymore." She told him quietly.
"If you just give me time…" He pleaded quietly, moving closer.
Meredith raised her eyes to his. "I've give you all the time I have." She replied in a whisper. With that, she turned and headed down the plank to the shore.
Derek turned, his eyes meeting the piercing blues ones of his ex-wife.
ReViEw….
Sorry it took so long to put up, major computer f ups.