I've split this into two chapters to make it easier to read. Hope you like this final part!
Valentines Day
Mac walked into Headquarters in a terrible mood. The dreams hadn't stopped. In fact the were getting worse, she was currently surviving on no more than 3 hours sleep per night and was relying on a fair amount of coffee to get her through the day. Harriet had tried to talk to her about it the previous day, but she had brushed her off. She didn't want to talk about it; she just wanted to know that her Flyboy was ok. She nodded to Jen Coates and Bud on her way through the bullpen to her office, quickly closing the door behind her. She knew she wouldn't be disturbed until staff call and she needed that time to compose herself. Collapsing in her chair, she leaned forward to start booting up her computer, stopping short when something lying on the desk caught her eye. It was a single red rose, with a silver ribbon tied around the stem. She looked around, confused, half expecting someone to jump out at her. She looked back down at the rose in her hands and noticed something else; the ribbon was holding a piece of paper in place. Hands shaking slightly, she untied the ribbon, and unraveled the piece of paper. As she looked at it, Mac grew even more confused. It was gibberish; a list of two words, with a symbol in between them. Getting up, she strode out into the bullpen. "Bud!" she called, catching the attention of the Lieutenant who was standing b the printer chatting to Coates.
"Yes Ma'am?" he asked, hurrying over.
"Has anyone been in my office this morning?" Bud made a pretty good effort of looking confused.
"No Ma'am, I haven't seen anybody and I've been in since 0800. Why? Is there a problem?" Mac sighed.
"No it's nothing Bud, thank you." She nodded to him and returned to her office, picking up the piece of paper to scrutinize it further. The first word was TOP, the second BOTTOM. The symbol, which she now noticed had a circle drawn around it, was an equals sign. What could it mean? She wondered, completely confused. For the briefest of moments she wondered if it was from Harm, a reference to their conversation in Paraguay where she had said that they both wanted to be on top. But she brushed that idea away as quickly as it had come. Harm hated her; probably never wanted to see her again; he would never send her flowers. She brushed angrily at the tears that had welled up in her eyes just at the thought of him. Get a hold of yourself Marine. She berated herself angrily. You made your bed, and now you have to lie in it. A knock at the door interrupted her thoughts, and Jen's head appeared.
"Ma'am? The Admiral would like to see you before staff call." Mac blinked a few times, hoping Coates wouldn't notice the tears in her eyes.
"Thank you Petty Officer, I'll be right there." Jen paused in the doorway.
"Are you ok Ma'am?" She asked, concerned. "Can I get you anything?" Mac looked at her, touched by her concern.
"I'm ok thanks Jen." She said, managing a small smile. "Thanks for asking." Coates nodded and slipped out of the door.
Mac sighed, took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and walked to the Admiral's office. Coates announced her presence to the Admiral and she entered his office.
"You wanted to see me sir?" she asked, coming to attention and saluting her CO.
"Yes Mac I did, sit down will you?" Chegwidden said, even more concerned than ever when he noted exactly how dark the circles around her eyes were, as well as the pain he could see reflected in them; pain she was unable to hide anymore.
"Are you ok Sarah?" AJ asked. Mac flinched at his use of her Christian name, forcing herself to look up at her CO with a smile on her face.
"I'm fine sir." She said softly, not quite meeting his eyes. "I just haven't been sleeping that well recently. It's nothing."
"Are you sure?" Mac nodded, still refusing to meet his eyes. "Is it to do with Harm?" he asked hesitantly, shocked to see tear well up in her eyes. She blinked furiously, lowering her gaze back to her hands.
"No sir, it's nothing to do with Harm." She said quietly, trying to control slight shaking of her voice. AJ walked around his desk, perching on the front of it in front of Mac.
"Sarah" he said again, "It's ok to miss him you know. He was your best friend, even when you had your issues it was obvious you still cared about each other. It's ok to worry." This time Mac couldn't fight the tears that poured down her face.
"I hate this. I know he is working for Webb, everytime I try to sleep I dream of him dying." She burst out suddenly. AJ looked at her sadly. Those two are just about the most stubborn people I have ever met in my life he thought tiredly, Damn it Rabb, can't you see what you are doing to her? Then her reached out and did something that surprised them both. He leaned down and gave a hug. A brief one; but a hug all the same, like the kind of hug a father gives his daughter.
"He'll be fine Sarah." He said softly, "He's a damn good pilot. He's strong" Mac still hadn't looked at him, but she nodded slowly, trying to regain control of her emotions, feeling shaken that she had allowed them to boil over like that.
"Do you want to take a day of leave?" AJ asked, he had never seen her like that and it scared him.
"No sir." She replied looking up at him shakily, "I'll better here doing work sir."
"Well if you're sure?"
"Yes sir. Thank you sir." Mac replied, getting up to leave. "See you in half an hour for staff call sir."
Georgetown
When Mac got home all she wanted to do was sink into a hot bubble bath and try to escape from her life for a while. She was shocked to find on her doorstep a box of chocolates tied up with silver ribbon again. She leant down and picked them up, shocked to see another piece of paper tucked in with the ribbon. Her sixth sense suddenly kicked in and she spun around, convinced that someone was staring at her. There was no one there; the hallway was deserted. She sighed and opened the door to her apartment, waiting until she was safely inside before pulling the piece of paper out from under the ribbon.
'8PM SOFT ROCK-97.1FM' it read, the handwriting identical to the morning's note.
Mac looked at it in confusion, turning it over in her hands to see if there was anything else on the paper. She sighed, too tired to mull over the note for more that a couple of minutes. She didn't know who it was from, and at this point in time she didn't have the strength to care. She went to run herself a hot bubble bath, and turning her radio to the station in question stepped in to the tub, trying to imagine her troubles floating away.
By the time 8pm came around she was curled up on her sofa in her pyjamas, flicking through a magazine. Her internal clock reminded her of the time and she sat up nervously, wondering what was going to happen. The DJ's voice her caught her attention.
"Next up we have a special request for a special girl. I have a little note to read out here so here we go.
I miss you Ninja girl. I'm tired of trying to be on top. Would you take forever as equals instead of never? Love your Squid." The DJ sounded fairly confused by the message, and Mac's eyes filled with tears for possible the millionth time that day. "Hmmmm cryptic!" The DJ continued. "Well Ninja girl, this one's for you!" Mac's heart leapt as the introductory notes of the songs floated across the airwaves.
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
They disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight
It's only you and me
The miles just keep rolling
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
You're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl
It's only you and me
Oh Harm, Mac thought, tears pouring down her face. They were from him. She had pushed him away but he was still there. I'm so sorry. Her reverie was interrupted by a knock at the door. She froze; terrified, forcing herself to get up and move to the door. She took a deep breath, her hand shaking like crazy as she reached out to open the door. What she saw on the other side took her breath away. Harm was standing there, holding a huge bouquet of red roses, a nervous Flyboy grin on his face. They both stood there for a second, similar 'deer in headlights' expressions on their faces. Mac moved first, throwing herself into his arms, clinging on to him for dear life. He chuckled softly; the first sound either one of them has made, and wrapped his arms around her, carefully putting the flowers on the floor. He realised with a shock that she was shaking, and pulled back to look down at her tearstained face. He wiped the tears away with his thumb. Mac looked up at him, a look of pure terror on her face.
"I'm so…sorry." She sniffed, the tears continuing to roll down her face. "I didn't mean it. I've missed you so much." He pulled her back to his chest, kissing her hair gently.
"Shhhhh, shhhhh" he whispered softly, "its ok." He stroked her back gently, trying to calm her sobs. "I can't lose you Mac." He whispered, "It would kill me not to have you in my life." His words only made her cry harder, and he gently steered them into her apartment, leading them to the sofa. He took a deep breath, "I love you so much Sarah. These past few months have been hell." Mac pulled back to look at him again, an expression of awe and wonder on her face.
"But I was so awful to you." She said, confused, "You gave up your life to come and save me and I threw it back in your face. How can you still want me in your life?" Harm sighed,
"Sarah, you are the centre of my life, I can't survive without you. Don't you understand that? I love you." A fresh batch of tears made their way down Mac's face.
"I love you too Harm." A look relief appeared on his face and he leaned forward, pressing his lips gently to hers. When he pulled back, he smiled at her again, that flyboy grin that she loved, and had missed so much.
"So ninja girl, what do you say?" he asked, hope now evident in his eyes. "No more being on top? We try this as equals?" She nodded, and smiled a slightly watery smile.
"As equals." She agreed. Harm reached into his pocket, pulling out a small velvet box nervously.
"I know we have a long way to go to get back to where we were Sarah." He started, flicking the lid open with his thumb. "But I want you to have this for when you are ready. You can where it on your right hand if you want to, but Sarah, sometime in the future, will you marry me?" Mac looked at the beautiful platinum and diamond ring in the case and then at Harm, the shock evident on her face.
"That won't be necessary Harm," she said, putting out her hand to stop his shocked and disappointed face from turning away. "I mean," she continued, looking deep into his eyes, proffering her left hand. "this is where it will always belong." She saw a flash of understanding in his eyes – This wasn't her and Brumby. This was real; this was forever. – He nodded quickly, and taking the ring out of its box, slid it onto the fourth finger of her left hand. She watched him in awe, wondering what she had done to deserve this amazing man.
"I love you so much Sarah." He repeated, looking deeply into her eyes. The intensity in them made her want to melt.
"I love you too Harm." She replied, leaning in to kiss him again.
Finis!!!!!!
I hope you enjoyed it. I got to the fluffy bit in the end! Im not sure where all that angst came from, although I did have a crummy day at work so that might have had something to do with it!
All reviews welcome!!