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Aftermath
Chapter 19: Better Than Me
Addison snapped her jaw shut and tucked the papers under her arm and made a beeline for Erica's office, Derek was with her for his appointment at the moment and they should be close to finishing up.
Sure enough, as she rounded the corner, she saw the two of them standing in his doorway.
"Discussing your divorce settlement!??!" She snapped, whipping the papers at them.
Derek's blood ran cold at the words his wife spat at them.
"Addison, please, let me explain." He told her, begging her to listen.
"There is no explaining! You've been married to her for over 14 years and you want me to let you explain!?! That time has come and gone!!" She snapped, her arms folded in front of her.
"This wasn't his fault. This wasn't anyone's fault. It was a simple glitch in the system, a mistake really. It's not like we've known all along!" Erica protested, holding her ground despite Addison's increasing anger.
"If it was so simple, how come nobody felt the need to tell me?! I'm surprised you even signed the papers Derek, considering how much you still love her!!" Addison spat, unable to keep her feelings to herself. She didn't care. She was hurt and pissed off and felt justified in her actions.
Derek and Addison continued their yelling match as Erica slowly backed away from it. She didn't want to be anymore involved than she already seemed to be. As soon as she was out of sight, she made a beeline for Richard's office.
He was alone in his office, seeing as his secretary was at lunch. He looked up when he heard his door open and slam. He made his way out of his office and into the waiting room. He found Erica sitting on the floor in front of the door, breathing heavily.
"Problem?" He asked, his hands on his hips.
"Richard. The shit has hit the fan." She huffed out, fisting her hands on the floor. She looked up, her blue eyes meeting his dark brown ones. She leaned her head back against the door, closing her eyes as she did.
"What did you do?" He asked with a sigh as he sat down on the couch.
"Why do you always assume it's my fault?" She returned, head still leaning against the door.
"Because you're sitting on the floor of my office, pinning the door shut with your body. And because trouble seems to follow you." Richard pointed out.
She winced at his words. "Touché." She conceded with a sigh.
"So what did you do?" He repeated.
"I might've… Sort of… Well, technically, Derek and I were never divorced… Paperwork glitch… We signed and filed new divorce papers… Only Addison just found his copy. She's down the hall yelling at him as we speak." She explained.
The two of them sat in silence, neither one sure what to say. "What… What do you want me to do about it?" Richard asked. He hated that he bended to her so willingly, but he felt a sense of obligation to her, a need to protect her.
She thought a moment. "Nothing. I'm going back to New York. I don't belong here anymore. I'm obviously doing much more harm than good." She whispered, her voice full of despair and regret.
"You don't have to leave. Besides, you still have work left here, don't you?" He asked, not wanting her to leave on this note.
She shook her head. "He was the last one. I wasn't planning to leave this soon, but I can do my post session notes from my office in Manhattan. So I'm just going to go home." She said finally.
He sighed, he knew better than to argue with her once she'd made up her mind. "Fine. That's probably for the best anyways." He agreed. He knew full well she was running from this, but he'd be a hypocrite if he called her on it, considering he'd become quite good at running himself.
She stood, seeming to be at peace with her decision. He followed suit. "Goodbye Richard." She whispered, wrapping him in a hug.
As he hugged the young woman he'd come to think of as a daughter, he knew this time was different.
"This is it, isn't it?" He asked softly. He felt her nod against his shoulder.
"You're just going to leave and not tell anyone?" He questioned, pulling back from her grasp.
"Richard, we've been through this. I don't want anyone to know." She told him, her voice tired but sure.
"He's your ex-husband, he would want to know." Richard protested.
"I'm not doing it. I'm not giving him a reason, a need, to come back to me. If he found out I was sick, he'd do something he'd regret." She replied, pleading with him to understand.
"Damn it Erica. You're not sick! You're dying!" Richard roared, throwing his hands up in the air, clearly frustrated.
"This is exactly why I didn't tell anyone, and why I didn't want to tell you!" She shot back, crossing her arms in front of herself.
"When are you going to stop being stubborn and realize that your pig headed-ness is what started this whole thing??!" He demanded, his voice full of frustration.
"Richard, please! My being stubborn is not why I have Cystic Fibrosis and you know it!!" She shouted back.
"No but your stubbornness is why you didn't get treatment until you were in your mid-twenties!!" He shot back.
He was right on that one and she knew it. She'd had problems practically since birth but she'd never told anyone beyond her parents, she'd been much too independent for her own good, refusing to believe it would make a difference if people knew. She refused treatment until it became too much to handle now it was going to cost her… Her life.
"I made a mistake. I know that. But I can't keep dwelling on that. I'm going to die Richard. Dr. Keaton says I have some time left, and I don't want to spend that time bringing down all the people I care about the most. I'm going to die with dignity and respect." She told him.
He couldn't argue with her. This was her life, this was her decision. If she wanted to handle it this way, that was her choice and he had to respect that. He looked at her and guilt overcame him. He didn't feel right yelling at a woman who wouldn't be here this time next year. Let it go Richard…Let it go…Let her go.
"Will… Will I be notified?" He asked after a moment.
She gulped. She hadn't expected that. She turned away for a moment as her eyes watered a bit. Finally, she nodded. "Yes. Now, please, just say goodbye to me and know that this will all turn out OK." She whispered.
He wrapped her in a strong hug, tears flowing freely out of his eyes. After he pulled back, she smiled at him through her own tears. "Promise me something." She told him.
"What?" He asked as he let her out of his embrace.
"This is between us." She said softly.
"Erica…." He trailed off, unsure of what to say.
"Richard, I need to be alone… I need to do this myself." She explained.
For this, he had no words. She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. "Goodbye Richard." She whispered and with that, made her exit.
She was out of her office and on a plane within 3 hours. She'd gotten her wish, she got out of Seattle without anyone knowing the awful truth.
Derek had been reamed from one end to the other by Addison. She'd ended with a slap to the face and a spiteful "I'll send the divorce papers over." She'd checked into a hotel hours later.
Now, he sat alone in his office, pondering his life, his women. It was nearly 9 pm, on a Friday night and he was holed up in the hospital. "I need to get away." He muttered to himself.
I'll go fishing. Get away from it all. He picked himself up from his desk and hurried home. 2 hours later, he was headed upstate for a weekend of fishing.
TWO DAYS LATER
Derek returned to his trailer feeling much more in control of his life than he had in a long time. He'd done a lot of thinking, a lot of soul searching and he'd finally figured out the path he wanted to travel.
He felt confident as he strode down the hall of the hospital towards Erica's office. He popped the door open and the sight before him brought an unusual taste to his mouth. Her office was empty. Not just of her, but of all her belongings. It was as it was before she took it over several weeks before.
Panic started to rise in his throat. He pulled the door shut and yanked his phone out of his pocket and dialed her. Nothing, it went straight to voice mail. He began questioning nurses, doctors, anyone who was in the immediate vicinity. Nobody had any information. An undeniable feeling of uneasiness was slowly overtaking him. Something was not right.
Unbeknownst to him, Meredith had witnessed his panicked questioning of the staff. She felt her heart start to break off into tiny pieces as he ran around in circles trying to locate the missing ex-wife.
Finally, he had exhausted all options but one. Going to Richard meant giving in, confessing that he thought of her as more than just his therapist, as a bit more than just his ex-wife.
He knocked on the man's door, waiting to be permitted entrance. Not even 5 minutes later, he was sitting across from the chief.
"Derek, what can I do for you?" The man asked as he put some paperwork in the top drawer of his desk.
"Where is she?" He asked, not even bothering to make niceties.
Richard was well aware of why Derek was there, he just wasn't prepared to handle it.
"She's gone." He answered stoically.
"Thank you, I'm aware of that. When and where?"
Richard regarded the man in front of him. He knew it took a lot for Derek to come in there and ask about Erica, especially when he was supposed to be over her. He could relate to the difficulties of letting go of the real love of your life. For him, that had been Ellis. For Derek, it was hard to say who exactly it was… Erica or Meredith…
"She left Derek. On Friday." Richard replied at last.
Derek didn't want to accept that. If he did, it meant she left without telling him, without saying goodbye… It would mean that she'd done it on purpose. And he wasn't entirely sure he could handle that truth just yet.
"Did… Did she say why?" He asked at last. He had so many questions but he knew better than to question Richard over them.
Why…Why did she put me in this position? I care just as much about Derek as I do her… She knew this wouldn't go well… She knew what she was asking… "Derek… She… I'm not supposed to be sharing this sort of information with you." Richard said, his face marred with frustration and concern.
Derek was at a loss for words on this one. He'd never been denied any information when it came to Erica. She was normally an open book. The fact that Richard knew something he didn't, and that he wasn't supposed to know, upset him.
"How is it that you know and I don't? Who did you speak with?" Derek asked, sitting up in his chair.
"Derek… I'm not in a position-" The chief started, attempting to better explain the situation.
"No, I don't care what your position is. I want to know. She's my ex-wife, she's my friend, and I need to know." He finished softly. He hated admitting that, but it was true and sometimes, the truth hurt.
"She's sick Derek." Richard blurted out. Not the best way to approach that Richard…
Derek's head shot up. "Sick!!?! What's the matter?!!" He demanded, on the edge of his seat.
"She…She's dying. Advanced Cystic Fibrosis." Richard reported, his voice quiet and somber.
Derek sat back, the full force of the words smacking him in the face.
"Dying? How… When…" Derek had no words, he couldn't even form coherent sentences at this point.
"You need to speak with her Derek. It's not my place to share anymore. I will tell you this though. She didn't want anyone to know, especially you. She wants to do this alone, with dignity and respect. She feels that you knowing would skew your view of her and your feelings and she doesn't want that." Richard continued, wanting Derek to fully understand before jumping in head first.
"What do I do Richard? They deserve better than me… All three of them." He told the other man.
"Derek, I don't have an answer for that. You have to do right by them and by yourself."
"Thank you Richard. I appreciate… I appreciate it all. Can you tell me who's treating her?" Derek asked, standing up to head out.
"Dr. David Keaton. Oh, Derek? A word of advice?" Richard called as he made his way to the door.
Derek turned to meet the older man's wise eyes. He knew he should listen to the old man.
"Before you go to New York, make up your mind." Richard said, knowing Derek would get the meaning behind the simple words.
"I will." Derek told him and with that, he headed out.
Easier said than done… Everything had seemed so clear that morning, he'd known what he was going to do, who he wanted to be with and now, that might be changing.
After getting in touch with Dr. Keaton, he faced a decision. If he stayed in Seattle, he could be with her, and if he went to New York, he wouldn't come back.
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