You

Still the same boring disclaimer…

A/N: I didn't start watching ER until I got to college, so I am not sure I have Abby's history totally accurate. Feel free to correct me!

Here's the last chapter. Sorry it took so long to update, but I was working on my other story (Nine Lines). I realize these two sound very similar in some ways...sorry, that's just how it is!

Ray is more OOC in this chapter, but in order for it to work out the way I wanted it to, he kind of had to be. And I doubt anyone would care, because the chances of any of this story happening are about as likely as pigs flying!

/three days later…/

"Oh, by the way, Abby, I called that guy."

"Andrew?" Neela nodded. "And?" Abby asked expectantly.

"He's taking me to dinner tomorrow…some place that's not Midnight," she laughed.

"You will be telling me about this," Abby said playfully, but serious. Neela rolled her eyes.

"You'll beat it out of me some how, I'm sure."

--o--

"Neela, where have you been?" Ray asked when his roommate walked into the apartment the next night at 10:45 PM.

"Out with a friend."

"Who?"

"Actually, you know him too. Andrew." Ray felt his stomach tighten.

"Oh." He was trying his hardest to suppress all emotion, to sound completely indifferent. "How'd it go?"

"It was fine."

"That's rather non-convincing." She glared at him. "Are you ok? You look like you're about to cry…" He regretted saying the second half of that. He knew it was not something she'd want to hear regardless of whether it was true or not.

"I'm just tired," she answered, sounding slightly annoyed.

"You seemed to be having a rough day when I saw you in consults, so I just thought you'd be in a better mood having just come back from a date." She glared at him again.

"I am happy. I'm just tired."

Liar, he thought. Tired, I believe. Happy, I don't. And I didn't ask if she was happy.

"He makes you happy?" he asked not sure he really wanted to know the answer.

"Good night, Ray," Neela walked away, clearly aggravated.

--o--

The next day at work Neela told Sam that she'd gone out with Andrew, and it had been nice, but she wasn't going to go again, even though he had asked. When Sam asked her to explain, she declined, and simply asked Sam to pass on the information to Inez and Abby, because Sam would probably see them before Neela would. The nurse, although a little confused, agreed to.

Before Neela went home after her shift, she stopped in the locker room and taped a piece of paper to Ray's locker. It was just a white scrap of paper, with four words on it. He doesn't. You do. As Neela turned to leave the locker room, Abby walked in.

"Hey! Neela! Sam told me that you went out with Andrew."

"Yeah."

"Well?!"

"It was nice."

"Just nice?" She then shifted her focus. "Isn't that Ray's locker?"

"Yes."

"Who doesn't do what?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Ok then, what does Ray do?"

"He knows."

"What?"

"He asked me a question, and that's the answer. It doesn't really concern you, Abby."

"What was the question?"

"Like I said, it doesn't really concern you."

"Can I ask you something? That you'll answer really truthfully."

"Sure. I guess."

"Why are you and Ray so secretive about each other? It's like you're trying to hide something, but at the same time deny there is anything to hide."

"It isn't about hiding, Abby. He's my friend."

"Am I not?"

"No, you are."

"I was just kind of under the impression we were a little closer than you and Ray."

"We were, but things change."

"What changed?"

"Would you like to go to dinner?"

"Ike's?" Abby smiled.

"Sure."

"Let me just sign out to Weaver. I'll be right back." Abby left the room and Neela walked back over to Ray's locker. She slowly pulled the piece of paper off and crumpled it in her hand. She dropped it in the trash can as she left the room.

--o--

"Ready to go?"

"Yup, let's get out of here."

"So, back to where we left off. What changed?" The two women wrapped their coats tighter around their bodies, fighting the wind.

"Abby, you know something about me, that I haven't told you."

"The marks on your—" Neela cut Abby off.

"Yes."

"Ok."

"Ray knows too."

"I know. You told me that when we were walking back from the restaurant."

"He knew before you did."

"Obviously."

"It's not something I like to broadcast."

"Understandable. Maybe I'm just being stupid, but I don't really see where this is going."

"He found out before you did, so he knows more than you do. If you'd found out first, he might not know at all. But the point is that he does know, and he did find out first."

"Once he knew, you confided in him."

"I guess so."

"I'm not mad at you Neela, you know that, right?"

"Now I do," Neela laughed. They approached the door of Ike's. After they sat down, Abby once again restarted the conversation.

"You needed someone to confide in. Ray knew and so it felt safe to talk to him, because no matter what, he would always know." Neela looked at her friend, trying to read her eyes, unsure of what to say. "Neela, dear, you are not the only one with secrets. I know what it's like. You know I don't drink. That wasn't something I broadcasted."

"Ok."

"No one expected me to talk to Carter about it first, but he was the first one to know."

"So you understand?"

"Yes!" Abby laughed. "I just didn't think Ray would have seen those marks unless the rumors are true…"

"What rumors?"

"That you slept with Ray."

"What?! No, I never slept with Ray!" She added in her mind, well, technically, I did sleep with him. Just not like that.

"Well, then how'd he see them?" Neela told Abby about the night Ray found out, giving as few details as possible. She declined to tell her friend the part about Ray sleeping in her bed that night, or what he whispered to her at the restaurant. "Oh."

"Yeah. I guess it was bound to happen eventually, living with him."

"Probably. So what does he do?"

"What?"

"The note you left on his locker you. You do. What does he do?"

"That I can't really tell you." Abby sighed.

"Ok. I understand. Is it a good thing?"

"Yeah. It's a good thing."

"Well, then I guess I'll drop it," Abby smiled as she spoke. "As much as I really want to know," Abby laughed.

"Thank you. And don't tell Sa—" Abby cut her friend off.

"I won't tell anyone Neela. Don't worry." Neela smiled and nodded.

"Ok. Thanks." The women sat down at the bar, and put their order in.

"So, about this date!" Neela groaned. "Did you really think I'd forget?"

"Honestly? No. But I can always hope!"

"Sorry, no such luck. Where'd you go?"

"This little place a few blocks down from Midnight. I think it was called The Chicago Grill, or The Grill of Chicago, or maybe just The Grill."

"Ok."

"We had dinner. It wasn't bad. We talked about trivial inconsequential things. And that's about it."

"Oh, come on now. What did you talk about?"

"He asked me about moving from England, and then why I live with Ray."

"And what did you tell him?"

"The truth. That I needed somewhere to live, and was having a hard time finding a place, and it happened that Ray was looking for a roommate. Why would I say anything different?"

"I don't know. Did he tell you anything about himself?"

"Yeah, where he went to school and stuff. It was really quite uninteresting, Abby, honest. He's a very nice guy, but…"

"But what?"

"I can't really explain it. It's not that I don't like him, I just don't like him enough to go out with him again."

"Maybe you should give him another chance. Now that you have all the boring things out of the way, you might talk about something interesting."

"I know what you mean, but I don't want to."

"Neela, you've said yourself that you wish you went out more. This is your chance."

"I know. But I don't want to date Andrew."

"As in you'd rather have him as your friend, or you don't want to date him, because you want to date someone else?"

"Both. Kind of."

"Who?!"

"Who what?" Neela asked, knowing exactly what Abby meant.

"Who do you want to date?"

"No one."

"Now that's just a lie, and you know it! You just said you did. So who is it?"

"I misspoke," she lied again.

"Ray?"

"What about him?"

"Is he why you don't want to go out with Andrew?"

"No. Not really."

"Because they know each other?" Abby prodded, ignoring Neela's negative answer.

"That contributes to it." The bartender placed their meals in front of them. "Thanks," Neela said, acknowledging the man.

"Anything else?" the bartender asked. Both women shook their heads. "Let me know if you want something later."

"Thanks," Abby replied. The bartender walked away, and Abby turned back to Neela. "So? What is it about Ray?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know, or you don't want to tell me?"

"Abby, if I knew, there would be no issue, ok?"

"What's the issue?"

"Andrew's this great guy, who likes me, and I like him. And I, like you said, wish I went out more, but there's just nothing that makes me want to go with him."

"Would you go with, say, Ray?"

"Probably. I have fun with him."

"That's because you know him. Give Andrew a chance."

"You're probably right," Neela conceded. "I'll call him."

Neela walked into the apartment, expecting it to be empty, since she knew Ray's shift ended later than hers. She was surprised to find him standing at the stereo, flipping through some records.

"You're home early," she exclaimed.

"Uh, no, you're home late. Where were you? I saw you leave the hospital."

"Oh. Heh, Abby and I went to dinner. I guess that would bring me home kind of late wouldn't it?"

"Most likely." He turned his attention back to the music. "Can you believe people used to listen to records all the time? It seems so weird, with tapes and CDs and everything now…"

"I guess," Neela laughed.

"I was just looking for something," Ray said hesitantly, feeling for some reason he should explain himself. "How was dinner?"

"It was fine. Ray, you had…never mind."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"C'mon. What were you going to say?"

"You had asked me a question, and I was going to answer it, but I just forgot the answer," she lied.

"Uh. Ok."

"I'm going to bed. G'night."

"'night" he replied, very confused.

--o--

Neela went out with Andrew again the next night. The evening was much like the first date, though this time, Andrew convinced Neela to dance before the meal came. When she got back to the apartment, she sighed as she dropped her keys on the table.

"How was it?" Ray asked from the couch.

"Alright."

"Just 'alright'? How come?" After the words came out of his mouth he mentally reprimanded himself why would I want to know? I don't want to hear about it! She didn't know what to say. The first thing that came to mind was because he isn't you, but she couldn't bring herself to say that out loud. She collapsed on the couch, looking up at him. "Neela?"

"Hmm?"

"Everything ok?" She nodded. "Are you lying to me?" he asked, with a quiet laugh, not really expecting her to answer. She nodded again. "Care to elaborate?" She leaned her head on his shoulder.

"He asked me out again."

"That's a good thing, right?"

"It should be."

"Why isn't it?"

"Because I don't want to go."

"Then say no."

"I can't."

"Why? Actually, don't answer that. This is probably a conversation you should have with Abby."

"I have."

"Oh. I'm probably not going to give you very good advice."

"You might…" He laughed. "Maybe."

"Do you like him?"

"Yes."

"Does he like you?"

"I'm pretty sure, yes."

"I feel like a girl." She laughed. "But you don't want to go out with him again?"

"No."

"Because…" She didn't answer. "Is he nice to you?" She nodded. "Do you have fun with him?"

"Kinda."

"Does he make you happy?" She didn't answer again. "Neela? Does he make you happy?" She shook her head slowly. A part of Ray was pleased with this answer. It's not that he didn't want Neela to be happy, he did, he just didn't want it to be with Andrew. "Does anyone?" She nodded. "Who?" She once again did not answer. Her mind was screaming you, but again she couldn't say it. Instead, she stood up.

"Good night, Ray." He nodded.

"Yeah," he replied offhandedly, "you too."

--o--

Before Neela left the hospital the next evening, she again scrawled you do on a piece of paper, and taped it to her roommate's locker. She hurried out of the room, before she changed her mind.

When Ray's shift was finally over he went into the locker room to get his things to leave. He was exhausted and more than ready to go. As he approached his locker he saw a piece of paper taped to the front. Puzzled, he pulled it off. Looking at the words did not help his confusion. I do what? he thought. He studied the handwriting, concluding that it was Neela's, though with only two words to judge by, he wasn't quite sure. When he got home, he could hear the shower running. While he waited for her to finish, he wracked his brain to figure out what the words meant. You do. He found some food in the fridge, and made himself some dinner. You do.

"Ray?" He jumped. He was so lost in thought that he didn't notice Neela had not only finished in the shower, but she had also gotten dressed and was sitting across the table from him.

"Yeah?"

"Where were you?"

"Working…my shift ended after yours…"

"No, no, I mean just now. I said your name, like, six times."

"Oh. Just thinking."

"About what?"

"The note you left on my locker."

"What note?"

"It said you do. What do I do?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You seriously don't know what I'm talking about?" She looked at him, but didn't answer. "This isn't your handwriting?" He pulled the note out of his pocket, and tossed it across the table. She looked at it.

"Oh. Yeah. It is."

"What does it mean? What do I do?"

"You asked me a question last night that I didn't answer. That's the answer." He looked at her, clearly confused. "I was just coming out here to say good night. So, good night."

"No, wait. What question did I ask you?"

"Think about it."

"I have."

"Think harder. Good night."

"'night."

After Ray finished eating, he showered and got ready for bed. You do. He would have gone back to his room, but he noticed Neela's light was still on. He knocked on her door.

"Yeah?" she called from the other side of the door.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure." He opened her door and stepped into the room.

"I've thought about it."

"Still haven't come up with it?"

"No. Can you please tell me?" She shook her head. "Ok…is it a good thing that I do?" She nodded. "Ok."

"It's something you've asked me a lot, Ray. And I've never answered."

"Ok."

"Think about it. You'll get it." He scowled. "Eventually." She smiled.

"Fine. Good night." Ray returned to his room and lay in bed unable to sleep, trying to figure out what it was that he did. You do. As he lay in bed it occurred to him. He looked at the clock. It read 1:24 AM. She wouldn't tell me earlier, so it's her fault if I wake her up, he thought. It was a little childish and unnecessarily vindictive, but he didn't care. He got up and knocked on Neela's door again. The light was off and she didn't answer. He knew she was almost certainly asleep, but he had to know. He knocked again, this time a little louder. He heard the sheets rustle a little.

"Yeah?" Neela answered groggily.

"Can I come in?"

"Ray, it's 1:30 in the morning."

"Just a quick question."

"Fine. What?" He opened the door, and stepped inside. He stood there a moment letting his eyes adjust to the low level of light in the room until he could see Neela clearly.

"I…I make you happy?" he asked tentatively. She nodded. She had answered his question, so after a brief pause of not knowing exactly what to do, he turned to leave.

"Ray?" He faced her again. "You don't have to go." He again wasn't sure what to do. She raised her arm and gestured for him to come over to her. Hesitantly he walked over to her bedside. She slid herself closer to the center, giving him room to lie down. He looked at her without moving. "Lie down." He nodded and obeyed, lying down on his back. She pressed herself against his side. "Ray," she whispered, looking up at him. He looked down at her. She kissed him lightly. "You make me happy."

"Good." He kissed her again.

"But," she started, averting her eyes.

"But what?" the pain he couldn't hide evident in his voice.

"It's not going to make me stop." He lifted her chin, so she was looking at him again.

"But will you let me help you? Try to help you?"

"No." She dropped her head again, to avoid looking at him.

"Why?"

"Nothing's changed for me, Ray. It's just that now you know what I've been thinking. That's all."

"Something's changed if you've finally said it. There's some reason you weren't saying it before."

"I was a coward. I tried to tell you before."

"But the fact of the matter is that you didn't before."

"Can you just accept what I am telling you?" She looked up at him, frustration burning in her eyes. "Nothing's changed."

"Fine. And I'd imagine you still don't know what needs to change." She shook her head sadly.

"You woke me up. I'm tired, and it's almost 2 AM."

"Alright, but that's not the end of this conversation."

"There's nothing else to say."

"I wasn't asking. Maybe there's nothing else for you, but there is for me."

"Good night, Ray."

"Good night, Neela." He sighed. They were quiet for a few minutes before Neela interjected one last comment.

"Ray, you piss me off like no other, but you do make me happy." He smiled.

--o--

The next morning they both woke up to Neela's alarm clock. Neela groaned and slapped the snooze alarm. Ray chuckled. She shushed him, making him laugh again. When the alarm went off seven minutes later, Ray turned it off and got up.

"So what else is there to say?" Neela asked as she walked into the kitchen where Ray sat with a bowl of cereal.

"Do you know what will make you stop?"

"No! How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"Ok, ok." He paused. "Would you tell me if you did know?"

"Maybe. I don't know. But it's kind of a moot point, because I don't."

"But you might figure it out."

"I've been trying to figure it out for the majority of my life, Ray. So, if I figure it out, yeah, I'll tell you. Don't hold your breath." He nodded sadly. "You have to understand, this won't ever end. It'll always be there. I need you to accept that as fact."

"It could end."

"No, Ray, listen to me. That's what no one seems to be able to do—accept it and be able to look past it."

"I don't judge you for it. I don't look at you differently because of it." She nodded. "I don't love you any less because of it. I just think that it won't always be there. I think it can permanently become a part of your past."

"No, Ray—" he cut her off.

"No, listen. That's what I think. That's what I want to believe. If that's not reality, that's fine. That's ok. But I can still hope can't I?"

"Yeah." She sighed, "you can." He smiled and stood up.

"You do want to stop, right?" He put his bowl in the sink, and turned to face her, leaning against the counter.

"Yes."

"You just feel like you can't?"

"I can't." Ray took a deep breath and prevented himself from arguing with her.

"You don't know why you do it, and you don't know how to stop?"

"No."

"No, you don't know, or no, that is an incorrect statement?"

"The statement is correct."

"But I make you happy?" She stood in front of him, placing her hands around the back of his neck.

"Yeah, and that's what really counts," she smiled. "You make me happy."

R.E.V.I.E.W.S. -- Realistically, Even Vague Insights Elicit Wanted Scrutiny

Thanks for reading, and please review--good, bad, or indifferent! Seriously, I like reviews of all types!