Interlude: Bachelors' Medley
Now that Aang has officially lost to Zuko in the race for Katara's heart, the other spinsters decided to take him out for a few rounds, despite all of them being under the legal drinking age. As it just so happens, they go to a karaoke bar!
The scene opens with none other than our dear Jet at the microphone…
Jet:
A
little bit of 'Zula, in my life;
A little bit of 'Tara, by my side;
A little bit of Yue's all I need;
A little bit of Suki's what I see;
A little bit of Tai Lee, in the sun;
A little bit of Mei, yeah all night long;
A little bit of Gran-Gran, here I am;
A little bit of you makes me your man…
Gran-Gran: Er… it's not you, it's me…
Jet: Thank you, thank you, good people of The Head of the Fire Lord Pub! (flourishing bow ) (is knocked out by shoe)
Bob? Bill? Barty?: Thank you, powers that be…
Sokka: (muttering) Serve him right… Aang, why don't you get up and do a number? It'll make you feel better, I promise.
Aang: (moan)
Sokka: All right, I guess I'll have to demonstrate….
Can't
touch this
Can't
touch this
Ya
can't touch this
Can't
touch this
My
my my boomerang keeps me
Healthy
Makes
me say Oh Agni
Thank
you for blessing me
With
a mind to fight
And
two quick feet
It
feels good
When
you know you're down
A
super-dope homeboy from way down town
And
I'm known as such
And
this is a beat, uh, you can't touch –
I
told you, Zuko -
Can't
touch this
Yeah,
that's how we livin' and you know….
Can't
touch this
Look
at my skillz, man
Can't
touch this
Ya
know let me bust the funky lyrics -
Aang: Spirits help me… both kinds.
Meanwhile –
Sokka:
Can't touch this
Break it down!
Oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh,
oh ,oh, oh, oh!
Oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh!
Oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh!
Stop – SOKKA TIME!
"Get off the mike, amateur!"
Aang: Gasp! It's Master – er… guy from the North Pole!
Master Pakku: (Twitch). Let me show you how it's done on the North Side, beeyotch…
Let's
kick it!
Ice,
ice, baby…
All right stop –
Collaborate
and listen
Ice
is back with my brand new invention
Something
grabs a hold of me tightly
Flows
like a harpoon daily and nightly
Will
it ever stop?
Yo, I don't know
Turn
off the lights
And
I'll flow
To
the extreme I rock water like a Master
Freeze
up the stage and watch me bend even faster –
Roku: Those waterbenders, always so cocky…
Aang: GASP! Avatar Roku!
Roku: It is I. Now… it is time… to rock.
Master Pakku: Avatar, sir?
Roku: Let's shred it…
Ohhhhhh….
Ohhhhh….
Ohhh
-
Everybody
was firebending
You
know many battles were ending
The
Fire Nations troops were rending
Away
losers we were sending
There
was the freaky Water Tribe
From
freaky down below
There
was Earth Nation too
Til
we had a giant coup
It's
an ancient kick-ass art
And every body knew their part –
Aang: Um… there never was a gigantic wave of coups in the Earth Nation… and aren't you supposed to remain subjective, sir?
Roku: Looks like someone doesn't want my awesome advice anytime in the near future…
Aang: Roku, wait!
Roku: No, Aang, we are OVER! You just keep walking all over me! I don't even know who I am anymore! It's like your trying to make me an incarnation of YOU!
Aang: But Roku -
Roku: STOP SMOTHERING ME! (rushes out of the bar and slams the door)
Aang: How did I screw up my life so badly? First Katara, then Roku… who's next? APPA?!
Appa: Er… rawr. (Translation: Aang, I have something to confess.)
Aang: Whatcha talking about, Appa old buddy, old pal, old friend of mine? My true blue? Mi amigo?
Appa: Rawr lawl… roorm. (Momo and I… are eloping.)
Rawl
darw
Arp
rawr!
(Going
to the chapel
And
we're gonna get married!)
Aang: WHAT?!
Sokka: Hey Aang… I know I said I was gonna take you out tonight and do some male bonding… but Suki just texted me… so, um… see ya later? (leaves)
Jet: Yo, Avatar… catch ya later! I gotta go entertain this nice young lady here…
Tai Lee: (giggles)
Aang: So, uh, going to stick around long, Gran-gran?
Gran-gran: Sorry, kid. Even I've got plans. (exits)
Aang: Oh. Well, see you around. (sigh) Being the Avatar is such a big responsibility… always alone… (looks plaintively out of the window)
"One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do…"
Awww. Poor Aang. But seriously, that last part was supposed to be REALLY corny. Where he looks out the window and stuff. So don't be sad for Aang. Be happy! He's corn-tastic!
Songs quoted in this chapter include:
"Mambo #5" by Lou Vega,
"Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer,
"Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice,
"Kung-fu Fighting" by Carl Douglas.
That chapel song by whomever.
"One" by Three Dog Night.
None of which I own. Maybe next time, Vanilla Ice. Maybe next time.