TWENTY
Martin didn't go to Kelly's funeral. He would have gone, loved too, if that's the right way to describe wanting to go and say goodbye to a deceased friend.
The dreams for Sam were still there, but last night she had woken up crying, and thrown herself onto Martin crying and pouring her heart out. She had clung to him until the sun came up, just crying, wanting to move on with her life.
Maybe the small changes were coming about because she had received her divorce papers, signed from Jack. He couldn't believe it when he came back to the apartment after discovering they needed more milk. She was jumping around the apartment, happy. When he made his presence known, she reverted back to the hollow and quiet person that she had become.
Danny sat in Martin's apartment at the table talking to Martin whilst Sam showered. Whenever they had company she would either take a bath or a shower, maybe even both.
"You've fallen for her haven't you?" Danny smiled as Martin looked over his shoulder in the general direction of the bathroom.
"What?" Martin snapped his head in the direction of Danny after hearing what he had said.
"You have, you've fallen in love with her." Danny said again, taking a mouthful of his water.
Martin didn't respond, returning his gaze to the direction of the bathroom. "It was never intentional." He whispered.
Danny smiled taking another drink, watching Martin. "You should tell her."
"No I shouldn't. If I tell her something like that, there are two possibilities of how she'll react." He said turning back. "She'll either be happy and move forward, or she'll spiral out of control." Martin sighed.
Flashback
Martin was clearing up as Sam sat on the couch watching TV. It was late and they were both tired after having to spend another day in the Federal building, going over their statements. He wasn't surprised that Sam had retracted into her shell once again.
Having to once again go over what had happened to her was too much. And now she was being subpoenaed to testify at Jack's trial. Martin thought that with all the images they had of her, the DNA that the doctors had found within her, his statements plus hers would be enough. But no, she had to stand up in a little box looking directly at the men who had hurt her and tell a judge and jury what had happened.
As he was wiping the bench he realized that the ringing wasn't coming from the TV but from the phone outside the kitchen door. He dropped the cloth and rushed around to the phone before it stopped ringing.
"Hello this is Amanda Feldtmen." The voice said as he answered.
"Hi." Martin said uncertainly returning to the kitchen.
"I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time." She sighed as he picked up the cloth again to resume cleaning.
"No, no, not at all. I was just wondering why you called that's all." Martin admitted, positioning the phone between his shoulder and ear so that he could work whilst talking.
"Oh, I wanted to talk to you about Samantha. I believe she's living with you?" Martin stopped as she spoke.
"Ah, yeah she is." He said quietly so that Sam wouldn't hear him.
"I spoke with your supervisory Agent, Vivian Johnson," she said as Martin multitasked, cleaning the bench and listening. "She said that Sam was pretty shaken by the whole episode."
"You could say that." Martin sighed.
"Well I just wanted you to know, the reason I spoke with Agent Johnson was because I saw her, she was with you heading for the elevator. Your contemporary Agent Schmidt was taking my statement, and I saw you, you appeared to guide her into the elevator, but she shrugged away from you.
"I wanted to tell you, that after speaking with Agent Johnson, reading her statement and seeing her today, I wanted to say that I have known her since she stepped foot into this building five years ago. I have never seen her as weak and as isolated as she is now."
End Flashback
Hearing a friend describe Sam the way Amanda had, how she had never seen her so broken, and how she never thought she would ever become the person she is had startled Martin. It was those types of moments that really made him want to help her through her current stress and life.
"I don't know what to do anymore Danny." He sighed taking a mouthful of his coffee.
"Well if your so afraid of telling her the truth, don't. Watch her continue to spiral downwards whilst you wonder to yourself what if. Continue to watch her when she's sleeping because she's the most beautiful thing in the world, attempt to look through the walls to see her, smell her towels; god what am I saying." He chuckled lightly, bringing a small grin to Martin's face.
"I don't do that." Martin grinned putting his cup back down.
"Okay you don't," Danny grinned, "but I can see how much you care for her, and it's not just because she's in a bad spot. I saw it when we started learning more about who Jack was, when you guys had to come in. You just, I don't know man, you just couldn't concentrate when you were working, you would always be looking up at the doors." Martin sighed as Danny spoke.
Sam lay back in the bathtub, allowing the water to hold her. She rested her hands over her stomach, both in an attempt to conceal the fading bruises that were still evidence of her ordeal, and because she couldn't have children.
Before marrying Jack, oh how that name tortured her. Even watching the news and hearing the stories by Jack Moran, and reading the paper, Jack Stewart, she shuddered, remembering his face.
Before she married the first man she called her husband, the thought of having children wasn't a thought. She was determined that she wouldn't allow herself to have any. If this had happened to her then, she probably wouldn't be complaining.
How one man and a miscarriage can change a person's beliefs and life.
Now she spent her nights silently crying, the only sign that she was upset were the tears rolling off her face and onto her pillow.
She remembered waking up the night before in a cold sweat and screaming. Martin was awake too and the first thing she did was fling her arms around him tight, crying into his lap or onto his shoulder. It made her feel wonderful, she was finally properly crying about what had happened, actually showing the full emotion, but also because she willingly touched him. And she touched him for hours, until she heard a constant groan from Martin's stomach.
She looked down to where her knees were small islands surrounded by water covered in small white bubbles. The smell gently rising filling her nostrils, making her remember a dream; the sand, the sea, Martin.
She smiled gently as her eyes closed, her thoughts creeping to a scene somewhere on the beach. She could feel sheer heat on her body, one side from the burning sun, and the other from the searing hot sand. She could hear the crash of the waves, the laughter of people, families, screams of teenage girls as they were splashed by their friends. All she could smell was the spray of the sea the wind picked up as the waves tipped and became a horde of perfect white seahorses, racing into the shore.
This time she rolled over, sitting up looking out. The water was a perfect blue, cool, shimmering and inviting. Martin was up to his waist in the water waving to her, she could just make him out. She got to her feet and raced into the water, her pace dropping as the water she encountered became deeper and deeper.
Martin smiled as she reached him, holding out his arms to her. He kissed her lightly as her body came up against his. She pulled away smiling at him when a wave hit them, knocking Sam off her feet and falling into the water. As she felt the water enter her nostrils the vision was shattered as she gasped for air, her surroundings becoming the neatly tiled walls and floor of Martin's bathroom.
She shivered lightly as she realized what had happened, and that she had fallen asleep. She glanced at the clock on the counter beside her head. Deciding that she had been in for long enough she decided it was time to get out.
She reached for her towel as she stood up, wrapping it around her body as she stepped out of the bath and pulling the plug. She stood in front of the mirror staring at herself, before doing something she hadn't done since the attack. She dropped her towel to see the remaining bruises and scars. It shocked her what she saw.
There were some parts of her body that she couldn't see by simply look down at, namely the many scars on the bottom of her breasts, the yellow marks on her right shoulder. She turned around to see her back, realizing why her back had been hurting. There was still a large bruise perfectly situated along her spine.
As she looked at them she felt her tears return, collapsing onto the floor in a fit of tears, hating what the men had done to her. She suddenly felt that all the 'progress' she'd made with Martin had in a second been thrown out the window. The remaining bruises where too much for her to bear.