CHAPTER SIX
They'd only played about four hands when Peter picked up his cards and immediately folded before anyone had even bet. When questioned about it, he admitted to just having a bad feeling about the hand.
Oliver called Peter out for using his spider-sense, a super-power, no matter how inherent and unavoidable it was. Bruce and Oliver got to break out their toys then in an effort to level the playing field as super-powers were no longer off limits. Bart attempted a few quick passes around the table to peek at cards, but Bruce caught him with a tripwire the second time and sent him sprawling.
The occasional emergency popped up that Clark's ears would catch. Clark volunteered to lead on the first call and after Oliver drew the low card, he was Clark's backup. The next emergency Bart was in charge of and Peter was his backup. Next turn was Bruce's and Peter was again his backup. Peter had been surprised to hitch a ride in the Batwing, and on the ride over found out AC was pretty much useless unless there was an emergency in a body of water.
According to Bruce, they decided it wasn't fair to ask AC not to drink on their poker night, but his track record of inebriated hero work was lacking. It only took one time where AC came as backup in the Batwing, and he managed to convince himself hitting a fire hydrant with a bat-grenade was a good idea. Apparently he thought it might help with the downed power lines. Ever since that time, AC got a free pass on the hero work during poker night as long as he did his part to entertain the others.
This was how when break time came a little before midnight, AC was stripped down to a flesh-colored bikini and blindfolded. He had a bottle of beer in one hand, and used his other hand to cover the top and keep it from spilling. Oliver and Bruce were taking the Batwing while Peter and Clark were in charge of kicking off the ride to Crater Lake.
Bart had to work cleanup duty in case anything got dropped. He also had one of Peter's cameras and was documenting the night for the benefit of the others as well as the people of Atlantis.
The Batwing hovered in the sky, while Peter spun together a very thick strong webbing slingshot. Clark was pulling the web-sling tight, holding AC back and in place until the moment he let go, sending the blindfolded nearly naked man rocketing off the balcony and down the street in the direction of the Batwing.
Bruce fired a net that caught AC, who was shrieking womanly and extremely grateful he couldn't see what was happening or how near death he was.
The race was on.
The Batwing zoomed off and hadn't even gone half a block when a blast of heat vision took out the buckle holding the net in place.
AC began to fall to the ground when Peter caught him with webbing and swung him back up into the sky hundreds of feet above them.
The Batwing caught up with AC again, before Clark flew in and stole him from the Batwing's clutches. Clark made sure AC was doing okay, and even held him steady as they flew so AC could take a drink. Something AC was grateful for after screaming his throat dry. AC let out a contented sigh before Clark threw the man high enough in the sky to confuse a young boy looking out his airplane window.
The Batwing caught him again, and the process continued the whole journey to the lake. Peter just had to hold on to Clark and the Batwing through the majority of the countryside. When they arrived, Oliver removed AC's blindfold as the Batwing and others hovered a thousand feet directly over the surface of the water. AC trusted Oliver with his beer, and knew since it was Peter's first time that AC was obliged to do a good old-fashioned terminal velocity belly flop.
The slapping sound AC made as he hit ensured he was excused from hero duties next poker night.
Bruce managed to surprise Oliver by demonstrating his new passenger ejection seat before informing Oliver that he had a new ejection seat installed.
AC realized Oliver flailing about in the water meant AC's beer just got spilled. He spun his arm in a circle and fired a blast of water. Bruce had been flying just off the surface leaving small gentles waves in his wake when the blast flipped the entire Batwing upside-down. It crashed into the water completely soaking Bruce and temporarily shutting down the onboard systems.
As was usual on poker night things just got out of hand after that.
It was an extremely wet group that made it back to Clark's balcony. Clark offered to quick-dry them and Peter mistakenly took him up on the offer. It would be two days later before Peter stopped smelling like salsa.
The others wisely raided Clark's linen closet and toweled themselves dry. Considering the amount of time they all spent in tights and around each other they were all comfortable walking around in their undies while their wet stuff hung to dry.
They started up the poker again, and Bart managed to win an entire new suit design off of Bruce when there was a knock at the door. Clark focused on it and jerked up in surprise. "Anyone know why Lois is here?"
Bruce groaned. "I told her not to come."
"Yeah," Oliver chuckled. "That's the way to make Lois not want to come."
Bart raced around the room gathering up all remnants of costumes or other contraband.
Clark was up and at the door. He opened it just enough to stick his head out, "What's the matter, Lois?"
"Hi Clark," Lois said as she pushed her way in not even noticing his lack of proper attire. "Imagine my surprise when I found out my good friend, the billionaire Bruce Wayne, seems to have a poker game with my far less affluent partner…" Lois' voice trailed off as she spotted the poker table and the five shirtless men in various stages of undress. "Ohhhh… kay."
"I told you not to come," Bruce said scowling at her.
"It's not what it looks like," Oliver said with a grin noticing Lois' eyes glaze over at all the ripped and toned bodies in the room.
"Umm…" Lois was struggling to make sense of the situation. "So it's not strip poker?"
"Well it wasn't until you got here," AC grinned.
"It's after midnight, Lois. What are you doing here?" Clark asked scowling at AC, resisting the urge to burn Aquaman's eyebrows off.
"Am I not allowed to…" Lois trailed off having spun around and only now noticed Clark was as shirtless as the other men. Her eyes traveled over his chest, down his stomach and back up again. Her mind had simply stopped thinking about anything other than permanently cataloging every inch of his skin into a very special part of her mind.
Clark saw Lois was speechless and thought the mere idea of such a thing had been impossible. He glanced over at the other poker players who were equally amused at Lois' stupor and oblivious staring.
"Flex your pecs," Bruce mouthed at Clark.
Clark saw Lois wasn't snapping out of it and began to contract and tighten first his right, then his left pectoral muscles. He'd bounced them back and forth a bit, before slowing down to a gentle rhythm.
Lois' body was swaying with motions like a snake being charmed.
Clark stopped and looked at his partner in worry. "Lois?"
She hadn't blinked yet and didn't seem to even hear him.
"Lois?" Clark said louder. "Lois, you're drooling."
Lois suddenly realized she was being made fun of and snapped her head up to look at Clark. "I am not!" She insisted just as a large dollop of saliva betrayed her and dribbled down her chin.
"Dammit!" Lois swore as she wiped her face off. "Don't give me that look. I had jalapenos with dinner."
"You did, did you?" Bruce asked from his seat with a grin, having come from dinner with Lois before the game.
"Dammit!" Lois swore again having been so quickly caught in a lie. "I had a later din… oh forget it. Actually, what are you all doing here?"
Bart was grinning and ignoring Clark's hand motions. "What does it look like?"
Lois had dated AC, Oliver, and Bruce and they were all smirking dangerously at her. She was also aware that all three of them had secret identities, as did Peter. But she had no idea if they all knew about each others' secrets and she wasn't about to betray those confidences in front of Bart or Clark.
"I told you to stay out of Alfred's planner and you looked anyway. I told you not to come here and yet here you are," Bruce said frowning at Lois. He grinned mischievously and added, "Is this because you want to continue our conversation at lunch? Perhaps Clark might have an opinion?"
Lois' eyes widened and she wisely shut up. "Fine, forget it. But something's going on here. Because the money you bet would bankrupt Clark in a heartbeat."
"Oh we don't bet money," Oliver said happily. "Isn't it obvious? I mean haven't we all seen you naked?"
Lois narrowed her eyes dangerously. She opened her mouth and realized that was true for AC, Oliver, Bruce, and thanks to a few purposeful accidents in the shower, Clark. Of course with Clark there also was that whole chaste little lap-dance situation, and after that was the time Lois tried to make tomato soup and the neighbors had to call the Sheriff. Yes, Lois realized Clark was probably on that list more times than any of her ex-boyfriends.
"Bart," Lois turned to the man furrowing her brow. "You've never…"
"Umm… actually," Bart grinned thinking this was way more fun than the usual poker night. "There was one time when I dropped by the Kent Farm…"
"I've never heard this," Clark said jerking his head up.
Bart shrugged. "I was looking for suggestions on naming a little project I was starting up. I went up into your room Clark and wasn't expecting to find a beautiful woman in there." He finished with a cheeky wink at Lois.
Lois was scratching her head grasping at memories. "I certainly don't remember this."
"Me neither," Clark said giving Bart a scolding stare.
"You wouldn't," Bart shook his head with a grin ignoring Clark. "Before I realized what was happening, you dropped the towel covering you and basically… flashed me." Bart smiled weakly at Lois. "I hightailed it out of there before you noticed me, as I figured it'd just embarrass you. I didn't seek Clark out after that because, well, inspiration hit me for a good name."
Lois frowned a little uneasy while the others were all snickering quietly other than Clark who had gone pale. Lois almost didn't want to know, but asked anyway, "Peter?"
Peter shook his head vigorously. "I've never seen you naked."
"Give it time," Bruce agreed.
"You just met," Oliver added with sheepish smile.
"Didn't stop Bart any," Clark was grumbling into his beer.
"Okay, I want this on record that I am happily married," Peter interjected, "and thinking only thoughts of my wife naked."
"Me too," AC agreed and tilted his beer bottle in salute.
"You?" Lois asked in disbelief. "Got married?"
"No," AC said shaking his head. "But when Peter brought up the idea of his wife naked, it also got me thinking about his wife naked."
"You're a really pal, AC," Peter grinned knowing it was just a joke.
"But is it so hard to imagine me getting married?" AC asked looking at Lois uncertainly.
Lois bit her lip thinking that blurting out yes would be considered rude. She damned Perry for making her take that common courtesy workshop.
"I mean we went together pretty well," AC continued with a small wink at Clark. "Could you never even picture us getting married?"
Lois' eyes widened in terror as she tried to imagine a life with AC.
"Dude," Bart said grinning towards AC and pointing at Lois' horrified expression.
"Bro!" AC called back.
"Dude!"
"Bro?"
"It's not like that," Lois explained trying to think of something that wouldn't sound awful. "I mean even the name. Because you know I'm not dropping my name, so that'd make me Lane-Curry?" Lois shook her head. "No, that sounds like something you'd order. Excellent choice, sir. Would you like that with the rice pilaf or the lane curry? No thank you."
Bruce snickered. "The real reason we would never work: Lane-Wayne."
"Lane-Queen doesn't sound that bad," Oliver suggested. "Even you'd have to admit that."
"Oh yes," Lois agreed with an exasperated sigh. "I can just imagine getting to be a Queen. These are our twin boys Drag and Size, and the youngest, our daughter Drama. Sorry, Ollie. No child should have to grow up a Queen."
Oliver grumbled about his own misspent youth but stayed silent.
Peter looked confused and leaned towards Clark. "I get drag and drama, but what's a size queen?"
Clark shook his head and whispered back. "I find most slang Lois knows that I don't, I'm better off not knowing."
Bart patted Clark on the back and whispered, "I'll tell you when you're older."
Clark seemed to accept this and nod, while considering the fact that Bart was younger than him.
Lois felt like stirring up some trouble and stated, "Some men get mutated by meteor rocks or radioactive insects. Others need their toys just to keep up. And then some men, well, some men are just born with it. And even some of those look like carrots."
Peter only caught the last half of what Lois said and quietly asked, "Is she still talking about size queens?"
"I don't think so," Clark answered uncertainly.
Oliver sat back and looked at Lois challengingly. "What about Lane-Kent?"
"Lane-Kent?" Lois said glancing at Clark. "Lane-Kent really doesn't sound half bad… the name at least." She smirked at Clark playfully.
"Figures," Oliver grumbled, "considering how much it sounds like you're saying lying cu-"
"How about a beer," Clark interrupted loudly, trying to keep the smile off his face. "Anybody need another beer?"
"I'll take one," Lois accepted.
"No," Bruce retorted. "You're not staying."
Clark came back with three chilled bottles. He set them on the table and picked Lois up from his seat, before passing a bottle to Oliver and one to Bart.
"Clark?" Lois looked at him curiously, realizing he hadn't gotten her a beer and she was about to be kicked out. "Are you drinking?"
"Just a few beers," Clark admitted.
"Just a few beers the man says," AC repeated with a grin. "Four bottles and he's as drunk as a skunk. He'll bet anything then."
"Clark?" Lois repeated in disbelief. "Clark can't get drunk."
"Lois," Clark said jerking his head. "I think Bruce is right. It's about time-"
"What do you mean Clark can't get drunk?" Oliver asked leaning forward curiously glancing at Clark's panicked expression.
"Lois, come on," Clark pleaded.
"I mean I don't think he can get drunk. I've seen him chug entire bottles of the really hard stuff. Doesn't even make him blink," Lois admitted, glad to get Clark in a little trouble. "He used to joke it was because of his alien physiology. But yeah, Clark can't get drunk."
"Alright time for you to go," Clark said picking Lois up and carrying her out the door. "It was great seeing you but you're interrupting my little boys' time. So go. Shoo. Bye."
Clark had set her down outside his front door and closed the door leaving her standing in the hallway alone. Clark watched her with X-ray vision and saw she was leaving. He turned back around and saw a few upset faces.
"Alien physiology, huh?" Bart said thinking of the times he'd having fallen victim to some drunken acting skills.
"Can't get drunk, eh?" Oliver added, disappointed that Clark had managed to fool him.
"Man that sucks," AC added as apparently the understanding voice of reason.
Clark was looking for a change of direction in the conversation and asked Bruce. "What did you and Lois talk about at dinner?"
Bruce shook his head and explained. "Some secrets I must keep but suffice it to say, that's the first, and hopefully only, time I've ever uttered the phrase the Penis of Steel."
Clark groaned and looked to redirect the conversation again. He recalled Bart's little revelation. "The Flash? Really?"
Bart giggled but was cut off by Peter, "Hang on, guys. I think she's coming up the fire escape."
"How do you know?" Oliver asked curiously.
Peter shrugged. "I hit her with a spider-tracer when Clark picked her up. I figured it'd be worth keeping an eye on her whether she's crashing our game here or antagonizing Little Old Ladies."
"Impressive," Oliver admitted. "She usually catches the tracers I've snuck on her."
"It's her alright," Clark sighed after another use of X-ray vision. "Why can't she take a hint?"
"Allow me," AC said as he got up and opened a nearby window. He said loudly, "My beer is warm. I'm pouring it out." He then proceeded to line up the woman sneaking up the fire escape and poured the last third of his beer right on her. "Anyone else, while I'm at the window?"
"Yeah get rid of mine," Oliver grinned tossing AC an unopened bottle. "A bug landed in it."
AC popped the top and proceeded to pour the whole beer out the window. "Peter, yours looks about empty. Want me to pour that backwash out?"
Peter shrugged and passed him the more than half full bottle.
Clark was watching with X-ray vision as Lois was scrambling down the fire escape running from the spilled beer. "Come on guys," Clark pleaded. "Stop it, please."
"You don't think she deserves this for trying to sneak up and crash our game again?" Oliver asked curiously.
"No, it's not that," Clark admitted with a slight blush. "I mean… you're littering."