Author's
Notes: Still not pleased with this chapter but I've been taking too long. Only two more to go to wrap up this little ficlet. Going to try and crank them out as soon as possible. All reviews are greatly appreciated.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Chloe tried not to wince as she felt one of the men sitting at the bar eyeing her up. "Explain to me again why we're here?"
"Because Perry's sending me and Clark to California tomorrow morning, and I can't make lunch," Lois said while pouring Chloe a mug from their pitcher of beer.
"No, that's why you have to cancel," Chloe reiterated making sure her cell phone had reception. "I'm asking why we're here."
"I wanted to see you," Lois said with a smirk avoiding the question. "And all the bars you suggested have loud music and dancing and we'd never get a chance to talk."
"Maybe," Chloe admitted, "but at those places you can get at least get an appletini without the scary-looking smelly people stalking you."
"Oi!" Lois leaned over and looked up towards the bar. "Toothless Joe! Watch that lazy eye! You're freaking my cousin out."
"Sorry Lois." The man sitting at the bar turned quickly away, and meekly hunched down.
"Hey Bibbo," Lois called out. "You know how to make an appletini?"
The man behind the bar had been drying some mugs with a towel and asked curiously, "You mean like… shrink it?"
"Never mind," Lois said with a small grin. She turned back to Chloe, "Yeah, I'd probably avoid the fancy drinks for now. And don't be such a snob. The Ace O' Clubs is full of class."
"Lower and working?" Chloe shot back with a smile.
"Look at you," Lois grinned back knowing she was just joking. "From the poverty-stricken corn fields of Smallville all the way to full-fledged bourgeoisie."
"We all must do our part to reassert proper status," Chloe snootily added with her nose in the air. "It separates us from the common beast."
"So that's why Clark beats up the homeless," Lois said in dawning understanding. "It all makes so much sense now."
Chloe chuckled. "Are we talking about Clark already? What happened to the one drink minimum?"
"I'm on my second glass," Lois insisted. "This counts as a substitute lunch not out drinking. And truth be told, I never cared about your opinion that much anyway."
"Right," Chloe nodded. "So? Ready to admit your feelings for him?"
"Do I look like an old lady already?"
Chloe smirked. "Now that you mention it-"
"Stop," Lois interrupted. "That was rhetorical. Check your smart-ass remarks at the door. Us working class people will smack you upside the head for it."
"This is ridiculous Lois," Chloe sighed. "Think of all the sex you're missing out on. If not for yourself or for Clark, then do it for the sex."
Lois seemed to pause and reconsider her stance on the Clark issue.
"Lois?" Chloe saw her cousin was so lost in thought staring into space, she briefly wondered if Lois had super-hearing. "Lois!"
Lois tried to banish a certain shirtless image from her mind. "What!" She snapped angrily at having her daydream disturbed.
"You're drooling," Chloe explained.
"Not again," Lois whined, wiping her face clean. She realized her chin was dry and she'd been had. She looked at a broadly grinning Chloe.
"Not again, eh?" Chloe echoed happily. "You know our deal. Let's hear it."
Lois sighed. Long ago, she realized Chloe was going to be in the middle of Lois' burgeoning feelings for a certain young man, and Chloe's own loyalty to her best friend, that same young man.
Lois still wasn't sure how Chloe had manipulated her but she somehow agreed to be one hundred percent fully honest and forward with all relevant experiences, and in exchange Chloe would never betray any confidence that a best friend like Clark would normally be entitled too. In retrospect, Lois realized Chloe would have done that anyway and still wasn't sure how she got talked into this.
But she was a woman of her word. She sighed and began, "Clark caught me drooling when I crashed his little poker game a few nights ago."
"Really?" Chloe smiled. "And for what reason were you drooling?"
"Would you believe me if I told you it was because of some jalapenos I had with dinner?" Lois questioned, telling herself she wasn't lying, merely pondering a hypothetical situation.
"No, I wouldn't believe you at all," Chloe argued.
"Fine," Lois curtly retorted. "I showed up at Clark's and he was just wearing a pair of pajama pants, flannel of course. No shirt, not even his glasses. And his muscles… were wearing chiseled abs… basted and… delicious…"
"Okay," Chloe interrupted again. "Now you really are drooling."
"Dammit," Lois snapped, wiping her chin.
"I thought you only drooled like that for Kryptonians in tights."
Lois sighed and sipped her drink. "Oh please. Don't act like you haven't fantasized about those soft farm hands and a literal roll in the hay."
"If I remember correctly, the last time that aspect of my impetuous youth came up, your claws extended and you hissed at me."
A low rumbling seemed to resonate from the back of Lois' throat.
"And before you get territorial," Chloe continued. "You have no right at all. You won't even let Clark ask you out despite how obvious his feelings for you are."
"I can't let him ask me out," Lois argued. "Because I don't think I'd be able to say no to him."
"Then say yes!"
"No!" Lois insisted. "I'm way too young for Clark."
"Okay," Chloe said with a roll of her eyes. "I really don't want to know what sort of freaky fetishes you think Clark has."
"That's not what I meant," Lois winced picturing a genre of pornography she'd rather not imagine. "You know our history. I call Martha 'Mom' and I've been a part of the Kent family more than the Lane family for the past few years. He's been one of my best friends, and that's not to mention how much it'd complicate work if I started dating my partner."
"You know that fine line between legitimate excuses and defensive rationalization so you don't risk getting hurt?" Chloe interrupted with a grin. "Yeah, that line's about two miles back in your rearview mirror."
Lois narrowed her eyes but ignored Chloe. "Can you honestly see me and Clark dating casually? I already know everything about him."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Chloe interjected.
"Even still," Lois insisted. "If we went out on a date, we'd be practically engaged. You know very well that as soon as I say yes to Clark, it's going to be the end of me."
"The end of you?" Chloe asked skeptically. "He's going to kill you?"
"Don't be so melodramatic, Chloe," Lois snapped paying no attention her cousin's chortle. "Dating Clark would be the end of Lois Lane, unattached individual. I know that Clark and I are more than likely going to end up together eventually. And a few years ago, that was exactly what I wanted."
"So, to summarize," Chloe explained counting her points on her fingers. "You love his family – him included, he's one of your best friends, seeing him shirtless makes you drool, and you've pretty much accepted that you'll be spending the rest of your life with him. That sound about right?"
Lois shrugged and nodded.
"Wow," Chloe commented. "Not only are you an idiot, you're a cruel idiot."
"I know," Lois agreed. "Why does he still like me?"
"I'm not sure there's anything he can do about it," Chloe admitted before going back to something Lois said. "A few years ago, that was exactly what you wanted? Not anymore?"
Lois sighed. "You remember when he saved my life back in Smallville?"
"That doesn't narrow it down very much."
"Pick any time, it doesn't matter," Lois said. "Something about needing his help stopped bothering me, and I started to like it. I hate needing help. Ever. From anybody. But from Clark, it didn't really bother me. I realized I was actually counting on him and well… that was when I started to like him in that way. And then he went and ruined it by running off on his little stripper quest."
"It wasn't a stripper quest," Chloe sighed. "You're taking his words completely out of context."
"He told me before he left that he needed to find his Destiny," Lois spat out the last word with clear disgust. "And you're not gonna convince me that someone named Destiny is anything other than a stripper or a two-bit whore."
Chloe knew she couldn't exactly explain the truth to Lois. "That's not quite what-"
"Three years!" Lois snapped loudly. "Three years away from the people that love him, all for some disease-filled festering skank!"
Chloe was rubbing her temples trying to stem the headache that was forming.
"You and Martha never would explain to me why you weren't more upset with him, but that doesn't mean I just forgave him like nothing happened."
"So you're still carrying a grudge?" Chloe asked curiously.
"No," Lois pouted. "No, I'm not carrying a grudge or still angry at him. I was even starting to warm up to him again when I finally met someone who was everything Clark wished he could be."
"Oh brother."
"I know it's not fair to compare anyone to Superman," Lois agreed. "He's practically a God amongst men. Built like Adonis and with a heart more pure than may be humanly possible. I mean I know Clark saved me more than a couple times back in Smallville, but Superman… Wow."
"Yeah, yeah," Chloe tiredly said. "You've said it a million times. Every time you fly, your knickers get soaked."
"You're just jealous," Lois admonished, making no effort to disagree. "And I swear, sometimes when I see Superman, I really think I see something in his eyes. I don't know if it's lust or love or what, but that look, I mean… that look reminds me of the same look I see in Clark's eyes."
"Oh brother."
"I know I don't really have a chance with him," Lois reluctantly admitted. "But I'm not ready to give up on the possibility. I mean I used to dream about a man in a red cape, years before Superman showed up. And once I start dating Clark, it'll be too late for some Super-loving. I know Clark can wait, but would Superman care? Or be hurt?"
"And that's why it's been years since you even got a piece?" Chloe asked. "You sure your parts are all still working?"
Lois was tempted to make a scene and visually prove Chloe's suggestion wrong, but decided against it. "You know, come to think of it," Lois commented. "I'm not sure Clark's saved me from certain death even once since Superman appeared. You think that might be affecting his ego?"
"So now you're concerned about Clark's feelings?"
Lois sighed. "I never wanted to hurt Clark. Well, not too bad."
"Right. Unless it gets in the way of your Super-lust," Chloe pointed out. She inquired, "Would you give up the chance of a future with Clark for a night with Superman?"
"He's Superman!" Lois answered. "We should all be tending to his needs."
"That's not an answer. And I'm sure Superman would be sufficiently disgusted and horrified by the implication."
"A gal can dream, right?"
"And Clark?"
Lois smirked. "He can dream too, though I don't really think he's Superman's type." Lois paused picturing something she'd never imagined. "Although both of them at the same time… oh my…goodness…"
"Lois," Chloe just imagined Clark's face if he were listening in right now, "would you really throw away a potential lifetime of happiness for one Super night?"
"Fine," Lois admitted with a childish pout. "No, no I wouldn't."
Chloe grinned victoriously. "Then why haven't you gone out with Clark?"
Lois sighed, unable to come up with an excuse. "Shut up."
"You know Clark's not going to wait forever," Chloe stated.
Lois just frowned back.
Chloe figured it was time to aim for the jugular. "I remember another girl who assumed Clark would always love her until the end of time."
"Don't you even…"
"She also took advantage of Clark's feelings by leaving him hanging for a long time."
"Chloe, so help me God, I swear…"
"Of course she had the excuse of acting selfishly because she was young and immature."
"I got no problems hitting family, you know that…"
"I'm trying to remember how that situation worked out…" Chloe tilted her head, looking as if she were lost in memories.
"Alright, that's it!" Lois snapped. She whirled around to face the bar. "Toothless Joe! I want to you leer at her and I want you to picture her naked, you hear me?"
The man at the bar slowly turned to face the two women. He saw the blonde flash the taser in her purse. "I gotta go, Lois," Toothless Joe exclaimed as he jumped up from his seat and ran out of the bar.
"Coward!" Lois yelled out at the sprinting man.
"Hello, Pot? I think Kettle's got a few words for you," Chloe added, earning herself an angry Lane glare.
Lois' angry stare completely shifted into a pleading hopeful look. "Can we be done for now?"
Chloe nodded. "Yeah. I think that's enough."
"Phew," Lois exhaled tiredly. "Comparing me to Lana. That was just low."
Chloe shrugged. "I felt a little dirty too."
"This would be so much easier if they both weren't so damn sexy," Lois sighed. "And they both didn't have those looks of admiration, those same brilliant blue eyes, those chiseled bodies, those bad habits of saving my life, the same cheekbones…"
Chloe was just staring at Lois in disbelief as she continued.
"If they both didn't have that same sweet tone of voice, if they both didn't mispronounce the same words, or sing the same wrong lyrics to Amazing Grace. If they both didn't have the same ability to make me weak in the knees with those crooked smiles, that same hair you just want to run your fingers through…"
Chloe just shook her head. "And I thought Clark was dense…"
"I know!" Lois insisted. "Wait… huh?"