This is going to be very short. I'll be lucky if I make it to four pages with this chapter… I hope you'll understand why while you're reading it. There's a limit to drawing out what's going to happen… The next few chapters will make up for it, though. I promise…

WARNINGS: blood, angst, drug abuse…

Disclaimer: The characters and worlds of Kingdom Hearts belong to Square Enix and Disney…

"Stained, looking at my hands
I talk with these lines
It's not the answer
I'm crying and now I know
Looking the sky
I search for an answer
So free, free to be
I am not another liar
I just want to be myself…myself

And now the beat inside of me
Is a sort of a cold breeze
And I've never any feeling inside
Ruining me…
I bring my body
Carry it into another world
I know I live…but like a stone I'm falling down…"

—"Falling" Lacuna Coil…

Chapter Ten:
Falling…

The gasp was still stuck in my throat when Riku pulled away from the person's throat. He turned to see who had disturbed him with an annoyed frown on his face, a line of blood dribbling down his chin. His jaw dropped when he saw that it was me. His eyes were wide and fearful, probably a mirror image of my own.

He took a step forward and reached for me, and I scrambled backwards. He took another step, and I pushed myself up from the ground. When I ran into the wall, I looked at him for only a second before I tore off down the pitch black alleyway.

"Sora, wait!" His pained words echoed after me but I couldn't stop, no matter how badly I wanted to.

The bouncers at the club's door shouted at me when I burst out of the alleyway, but I didn't stop running. I heard Riku's voice shout out for me again, but I ignored it. I didn't want to look at him. I couldn't look at him, not after seeing him like…like that.

When I thought about it, though, he really hadn't been cheating on me. It wasn't like we had said that we were official or anything. I guess I had just jumped to conclusions. But how could he do that after everything he said to me…everything he made me feel. He had told me that he loved me, dammit! Wasn't that supposed to mean something?

And why hadn't he chased after me in an attempt to try and explain himself? He'd shouted my name and reached for me, yes, but that doesn't exactly constitute as trying to hold me back so we could talk. He had just let me run away. He really didn't care about me, did he?

Or was it because I hadn't told him that I loved him yet? He was doubting our relationship and had given up on me ever saying that I loved him in return, so he'd moved on to someone else! I would have screamed if I weren't so winded. Why did I have to be such an idiot? I knew that Riku cared for me so why hadn't I just been able to trust him and give him my all?

Tears welled in my eyes and spilled over while I ran. They blurred my vision and made the already dark street even darker.

I was a failure. Riku thought I didn't love him. Roxas felt that he couldn't tell me anything. Leon and the others hated me because I had never told them about my cutting or Mom's treatments. My own mother beat me and blamed me for my father's death. I had no one to go to, no one to really love me because they had lost all hope and trust in me.

Before I knew it, I was at the door to the apartment. I tried the handle and couldn't help but smile when I saw that it was locked. A locked door meant that no one was home. Perfect.

I fished beneath the welcome mat for the spare key and quickly unlocked the door. I didn't bother to lock it behind me. It would only be delaying the inevitable for the others, anyway.

I stumbled around until I found myself in the kitchen. My eyes immediately went to the digital clock on the stove. It wasn't even ten o'clock yet. That was good. It meant that there were still a few hours before anyone would be home to bother me.

My eyes flashed to the top drawer beside the sink and a mental image of what was inside formed in my head. I smiled and stumbled drunkenly toward the drawer though I hadn't had anything but Monster to drink the entire night.

A shockwave of energy surged through my body when I closed my hand over the drawer's handle, the anticipation building as I pulled it open and stared at the silverware that seemed to glitter majestically in the moonlight. I bypassed the forks, spoons, and butter knives and went straight for the steak knives I knew were in the back of the drawer. Leon thought that he had hidden them from me, but I knew where they were all along. He couldn't hide anything from me. I watched him too closely while he was making dinner, though I had never planned on using them for what I was going to now.

I pulled out a handful of knives and dropped them on the counter so I could sort through them and choose my weapon of choice. One knife in particular seemed to wink at me from its place beneath all the rest. I smiled and wrapped my hand around its handle. It felt so perfect, like this was what it had been made for all along…

With a sigh, I set the knife off to the side so it was separate from the others and began to raid the cabinets. I knew that Leon kept his bottle of prescription migraine pills in one of the cabinets, but I wasn't sure which. I smiled when I opened a door with bottles of different medications, prescription and over-the-counter. Now all I had to do was find the right bottle.

I picked up every bottle and read every label. I threw the ones that didn't sound promising onto the ground, but left the ones that did on the counter. When I was finished with the job, five or so bottles were left on the counter while ten were scattered here and there across the floor. A couple of the ones I had dropped had come open and the pills that had been inside were spilled across the linoleum.

I went through the bottles that were left one more time and settled on the one that sounded like it would be the most promising. Just the amount of labels on the bottle was enough for me to dump out a handful and dry swallow them. I cringed at the aftertaste while I settled down into one of the chairs around the table to wait for the pills to take effect.

My eyes wandered aimlessly around the kitchen. Every time I looked at something, it looked different. Some of the colors were brighter. Some were dimmer. Some blurred together to form new, exotic colors I had never seen before.

I wondered if Riku and the others were looking for me. Probably not. It didn't matter what I had thought before. Riku didn't care for me, and I wasn't going to try and convince myself that he did. It would have been useless. How could someone possibly care for someone like me? How could someone love someone like me? I was a mental and emotional wreck. I was weak and relied on others for support, and when they didn't work, I relied on a blade to keep what little sanity I had left.

A giggle slipped past my lips. Yes, it always came back to the blade, didn't it? The beautiful, silver blade I had chosen called out to me from the counter, but I ignored it. I was ready to die, but I wasn't ready to do it yet. I had to give the pills a few more minutes to sink in.

I laughed again. I was taking the coward's way out. Not only was I going to commit suicide, but I had taken a handful of pills so I wouldn't have to feel the pain. But, had I really taken them for that reason? All I wanted was for the pain I was feeling to disappear and the pills were working their magic with that. Besides, I had a greater chance of dieing if I overdosed and cut my wrists, didn't I?

When my eyes started to slip closed by themselves, I decided that it was finally time. I pushed myself up from the chair and crossed the kitchen to the counter. I grabbed the knife tightly in my hand and slowly sank to my knees. I dropped it only to push my sleeves up on my shirt and unravel the perfect white bandage that donned my right arm. When the pale skin beneath the bandage was reveled, I couldn't help frown at the flesh. It was only the second time I had been able to really look at the wounds. I had forgotten how many stitches there were.

I set to work on cutting and picking away the stitches, only using the knife when it was absolutely necessary. My fingertips were cut up and bloody and most of the wounds were reopened by the time I was done, but I didn't care. Even with the pills, I could feel the pain, and it was amazing. I wanted more of it. So much more. I wanted enough pain so I would never have to feel pain again. Enough pain so I would be set free.

In a hurry to be done, I grabbed the knife from the floor and set the blade against the flesh of my right wrist. With one simple cut, I made a deep wound that seeped blood. I sighed in content, but knew that it wasn't enough. I switched hands and set the blade against my left wrist, slashing carelessly. I jerked at the pain that flooded my senses. The knife made a metallic clanging noise across the ground as it fell from my hand.

I had never expected it to hurt so badly because I was used to it, but the pain seared across my nerves like an out of control wildfire. My hands dropped limply to my sides, and the blood formed pools of crimson that I knew would stain the linoleum floor.

The first wave of dizziness assaulted my senses and I held my hands up in front of my face to see the wounds. I couldn't see much, seeing as my hands from the wrists down were covered in blood, but I knew that I had done a good job.

A wave of exhaustion hit me like a tidal wave and I bent over with my arms cradled in my lap. It was a battle just to keep my eyes open.

Then, suddenly, the pain disappeared. The pills worked their magic and the pain was replaced by a strong feeling of nothingness. It started at my arms and slowly moved throughout my entire body. Another wave of dizziness overcame me and I slumped carelessly to the side, my vision starting to go fuzzy with the movement.

The front door banged open and I heard footsteps running through the apartment. I recognized Riku's voice as he shouted my name, but I wasn't able to answer. Two other voices joined in with him, but I couldn't quite decide who they were. One sounded like Roxas, but I couldn't but a face to the other. All I saw was red.

I closed my eyes as exhaustion began to creep over me again. I was ready to go to sleep. I was ready to die. I just prayed that the others wouldn't find me before I was gone.

Riku called out my name again, and footsteps slowly started to make their ways toward the kitchen.

"Fuck! Riku!" the voice that sounded like Roxas' shouted and the other two sets of footsteps ran into the kitchen.

I heard several gasps and then was lifted into someone's arms. Someone else wrapped towels or something around my wrists. The only notice I got of the third person were their distinct sobs.

"Oh gods, Sora. Not again. Not again. Please, gods," Roxas' voice sobbed. "Sora!"

"Axel, take Roxas to the living room and calm him down, please," Riku ordered.

The pressure on my wrists was released for a second, only to be replaced by a stronger force. I think Axel did as he was told because the next thing I heard was a painful sob that echoed off the walls of the kitchen. Then there was nothing.

I was leaning against someone's chest, their arms providing support to keep me lifted. Something wet hit my cheek and it made me blink.

'It's Riku. Riku's crying. But why? He's not supposed to care about me. He's not supposed to be here. No one's supposed to be here. No one's supposed to care…'

I could hear Riku muttering something to me while I thought. I tried to listen but it was becoming harder for me to concentrate as time passed.

"Don't you dare die on me, Sora! Please don't leave me behind. I won't be able to live with myself if you die…"

Another wave of dizziness swept over my senses and I opened my eyes to make sure the world wasn't spinning like it felt like it was. Riku's face loomed above me, his beautiful face framed by his silver hair like a halo. He was crying.

"Sora?" Riku asked, his eyes widening slightly. "Sora, don't close your eyes, Love. Try and stay awake for me, please."

I wasn't really listening. My vision was starting to go grey around the edges and it was getting harder for me to concentrate on his face.

"Sora, why did you do this?" Riku sobbed, holding me tighter. "Why didn't you let me explain, Love? Why did you have to run away?"

Axel returned from calming Roxas, though the blonde didn't return with him, and wrapped his arms around Riku's shoulders.

"Will you take his wings off?" Riku asked.

Axel nodded. Riku lifted me a bit so Axel could move his hands along my spine. He pulled the wings away in a matter of seconds. The white feathers, I noticed, were stained crimson, as were the towels around my wrists.

I closed my eyes as yet another wave of dizziness swept over me, almost sending me into unconsciousness. I could still hear Riku's voice as he panicked.

"Sora? Sora! Wake up, Love. Come on, open your eyes! Don't go to sleep on me! You need to keep your eyes open, okay? Sora!"

Axel made soothing sounds and I could feel Riku shaking.

"Why did he do this? Why didn't he just let me talk to him? Why did he have to run away? Why didn't he let me explain?" he said through sobs.

"I don't know, Riku, but we need to do something. We can't just leave him here…"

"No!" Even in my semi-unconscious state, the force in Riku's voice made me jump. "We can't take him there. They'll take him away from me, and I'll never see him again!"

Axel sighed. "A hospital, then. We have to do something or he'll die! Do you want that?!"

Riku took several deep breaths. I could feel his shaking becoming worse. Something within me could also sense his pain and fear, and I wanted nothing more than to make it all go away. In my attempt to make everyone happier, I had only succeeded in making them sad. I didn't want to think about how Leon would react.

The pendant around my neck pulsated, and it was then that I realized that it had been Axel who Riku had had pressed against the wall…

Tears welled in my eyes as the realization hit me. I had been too quick to come to conclusions without thinking about what had actually been happening. Riku hadn't been kissing Axel. He'd been… The tears in my eyes spilled over and I struggled to hold back the sob that was rising in my throat. So now I knew, but it was too late.

Riku and Axel were still talking, but I couldn't make out what they were saying. It was a garbled mess of words and phrases that refused to make sense in my drugged mind.

"I'm sorry, Riku. Forgive me…" I managed to mutter.

I didn't hear his response. I silently slipped into unconsciousness and prepared to face the inevitable.

TBC…
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A/N: Meh…I'm not sure if I like this chapter. It feels like it happened really fast. I dunno… Either way, it had to happen so here it is. If I had put it later in the story, I would have had to go over my set chapter amount, and I don't want to do that. Twenty is enough for this part of the series…

To come:
Sora in a coma…everyone's reactions to his suicide attempt…"awakening"…lemon?…NeoAkari and NeoKurai…separation…

Anywho…tell me what ya'll think of this chapter. Tell me if you thought it sucked. If you didn't, you can tell me that you liked it too. ::smiles:: Hehe… Thanks to you guy who reviewed last chapter…::hugs::…You guys rock!!…

Sorry for any typos and stuff. Like last chapter, I did edit, but I have the bad tendency to miss some things, so yeah...

Until next chapter, adieu…