Also…the last two chapters were so long because they were Sora's memories. From now on, the chapters are gonna be back to normal length (8-11 pages each)…
OH!! And things that are written in italics are dreams…
WARNINGS: bad language, borderline insanity, blood…lotsa fun stuff…
Disclaimer: The characters and worlds of Kingdom Hearts belong to Square Enix and Disney…
"…I'm not crazy
I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy
I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be…"
—"Unwell" Matchbox Twenty…
((Another Side, Another Story))
Unwell …
My life seemed to lose all possible meaning the night that Sora went into the hospital. Things would have been fine if it wasn't for Leon; stupid Leon and his stupid morals. Even though Sora was in a coma, I would have been perfectly fine if I could have just stayed with him. But, of course, I couldn't. The gods had to prove me to once more just how much they hated me.
I wanted to break down and cry, but my tears wouldn't give my pain justice. Unfortunately, I wasn't devoid of feeling like the last time he had attempted suicide. The difference was probably that he had succeeded then, but this time… Now we was unresponsive in a bed with a hundred different machines hooked up to him and a 50/50 chance of pulling through or dying.
After the first month, I isolated myself away from everyone, even Axel. The only one I talked to was Roxas, but even then, I didn't really talk. He gave me updated information on Sora and I told him thank you. That was about as close to a conversation as I got for quite a while.
Axel tried his hardest to get me to go back to school, but I refused. What was the point if I wasn't going to see Sora there? Returning to school would have only caused me even greater pain. I would have to walk past Sora's locker everyday, sit beside his empty seat in chemistry class…stare longingly at the bathroom by the cafeteria where we had shared our first kiss. It was too painful to even think about those things. I could only imagine what it would be like to actually have to see them five days a week.
Time seemed to pass infinitely slow while I was locked away in my head, and it gave me time to think, which wasn't good. It hardly took a day before I was blaming myself for everything that had happened, even Sora's cutting which had started long before we had met in this life.
I went back in time to that night at the party every night and thought about everything I could have—should have—done differently. I shouldn't have gotten so intimate with Sora because I knew that it would have only made my thirst for his blood stronger, which it had. The thirst had been almost unbearable by the time I had dragged Axel off to the alleyway so I could have something to tide me over until my horomones were able to calm.
Instead of taking Axel into the alleyway, I should have run off to someplace safer. We really should have gone home and then back to the club. That idea was so much smarter, yet I never even thought about it in my thirst. All I had wanted was blood of some kind, and I had wanted it right then.
With thoughts of blood thirst, I started to wonder what I really was. Father had denied the fact that we were vampires when I had asked him about it years ago. He had laughed at me and shook his say, saying "We are only demons, my son." But, now that I thought about it, weren't they the same thing? In religion, vampires were seen as Satan's puppets and considered to be demons.
Is that what we really were?
Satan's puppets?
No, I didn't believe in Heaven or Hell. To me, they are just fictional places that were created to satisfy the human race's desire to have something to aim for in death. If they were good little boys and girls who loved thy neighbor and praised the Lord above, they were given a one-way ticket into Heaven. If they did one thing wrong and didn't repent for it in some way, it was straight to Hell with them. It was just a way to scare people into being good; a way that had died out overtime.
The only divine beings I knew of in this world or the next were the Source and the gods and goddesses that helped It with Its decision making. The closest thing to Satan was my own father, as much as it pained me to admit it, and my brother wasn't very far behind.
But saying that I didn't believe in Heaven or Hell didn't mean that I didn't believe in angels or demons. Both walked the earth and either helped or tormented people in their daily lives. Angels helped and protected the people, while demons tried their hardest to break the people down until they were nothing. Sora was an angel and so was Roxas, minus his Kuraian upbringing. Axel and I were demons and would so always be. There was no way to change our pasts.
Karma was a bitch, and I had a feeling that it was going to kick our asses.
o-o-o-o-o
"Riku, open your gods damned door!" Axel shouted while his fists pounded into the barrier that separated us.
I gave him the reply I had grown famous for over the past two months or so. Silence. I curled into a tighter ball beneath my blankets and closed my eyes.
He sighed heavily and stopped his pounding, but didn't walk away.
"I'll give you ten seconds to break whatever voodoo you put on the door before I find a way to break it myself!" I swear I heard the clock of him closing his lighter, and with a heavy sigh, I lifted the block I had put on the door.
Axel pushed my door open and leaned against the frame with a frown on his face. I could only guess how horrible I looked. I hadn't slept properly in weeks, and if it weren't for the bathroom that was connected to my room, I wouldn't have bathed. Even so, I only showered about once a week and never tried to brush my hair.
Axel sighed and took a step into the room. With his movement, I pulled my blankets up over my head and refused to look at him. Unfortunately, it didn't stop his progression toward me, and the bed inevitably sunk beside me a few seconds later.
"You can't keep hiding from this, Riku. Things will only get worse until you can accept the reality of it."
I sighed and pulled the blankets back from over my head so I could glare at him. It was my "go away" glare, but the effects seemed to be lost on him, as usual.
"Riku…" He kept his voice soft and gentle. "I need you to get out of bed. You're never like this, and it's starting to scare me."
I turned my face away from him and kept my silence. Before I knew what was happening, Axel was lying on top of me with my hands pinned to the bed beside my head.
"Stop ignoring me!" he growled. "I know that you hear me, so give me some kind of answer!"
I sighed and it was answered by a sharp slap across the face. I winced, but that was it. Axel hovered above me, his breath coming in sharp hisses between his teeth. Tears had gathered in the corners of his eyes, but I knew that he wouldn't let them fall. He was too strong of a person to give into sadness. He was the only of us to survive the whole ordeal in our past lives, after all. I'd only seen him give in twice. The first time was when I was ready to jump from the cliff, but, unfortunately, it was just a little too late. I had still jumped, and his scream had followed me into the darkness. The second was in the hospital while he was retelling the story to Leon.
"Dammit, Riku!!" he shouted, and I blinked when I felt a drop of water hit my turned cheek.
I turned back so I could look Axel in the face, and had to bite my tongue to keep from gasping when I saw that he was crying. So maybe he was vulnerable to strong emotions like everyone else was. Oh, well… I couldn't be right every time, could I?
"Talk to me! You can't keep making me do this on my own! I can't keep doing it! It's tearing me apart! Can't you see that?"
"I…I…" My mouth opened and closed slowly. "I'm…sorry?"
He laughed angrily and turned to the side, rolling over to the open space on the bed beside me. "Is that all you're going to say? You're sorry?"
I scowled and turned my face away from him again. "What else do you want me to say?" I couldn't help but cringe at the sound of my voice. It sounded like I had a sore throat from hell.
"Something other than a simple 'sorry' would be nice."
I sighed and closed my eyes. I didn't feel like arguing with Axel right now. Hell, I didn't even feel like talking to him, but he had forced me to open my mouth and I knew that he wouldn't be satisfied if I lapsed into another bout of silence.
"Life fucking sucks," I croaked.
He laughed sadly. "And you're just figuring this out now?"
I sighed again and rolled onto my side so I was facing him. He looked down at me gently and brushed a hand across my cheek to swipe my hair out of my eyes.
"No one in the world deserves to go through the hell that you and Sora have already gone through and are going to have to face," Axel said quietly. "But the two you won't be alone this time. You have me and Roxas here to back you up, and we'll never leave you guys."
"History is bound to repeat itself, Axel," I muttered weakly. "Karma's a bitch, remember?"
He scowled down upon me, his eyes fierce. "Fuck karma!" he growled. "We're in control of our own destinies now."
I laughed softly and closed my eyes. Axel was always so damned optimistic about things…and cliché. I wish that I could have been half as optimistic about life as he was because maybe then I could be half as strong as he was. I sighed. There was a reason why Axel was my best friend.
"So what's next?" I muttered, opening my eyes in time to see him shrug.
"I dunno. We really can't do anything until Sora wakes with his memories."
My eyes widened, and I shot up on the bed. "You're sure that's what's gonna happen?"
He shrugged again. "We'll know when he wakes up, won't we? But by the way he keeps uttering things, I would say that he's having dreams of some sort."
I sighed and lay back down with a hand over my eyes. "This sucks."
Axel laughed and laid down beside me. "Let's take a power nap, shall we? We can think about all this."
I sighed, but let myself be gathered into his arms. It wasn't long before I drifted off to sleep.
o-o-o-o-o
Sora and I were dancing at the party. His body was pressed flush against mine, and my lips were attached to his throat. I could hear his loud moans over the pounding music, feeding my lust and further drowning me in my hunger. I wanted so badly to just sink my teeth into the peachy flesh of his neck, but I knew that I couldn't without terrifying him.
I hit a particularly sensitive part of Sora's neck with my teeth, and he moaned loudly, pressing himself back against my groin. I gasped and tightened my hands on his hips as a new, faster song started to play over the speakers.
Sora turned in my arms so he was facing me and smiled innocently, moving his body frantically to the music in a beautiful dance. I don't think he knew what that look was doing to me. I crushed his lips against mine in a passionate kiss, drinking his moans and whimpers, and my hands moved dangerously low on his body. My tongue dove into his mouth, and he fought desperately with me for dominance but gave in soon after he started.
"R-Riku…" he moaned as he pulled away from our kiss. "I want you to do it."
I furrowed my brow and cocked my head to the side in question. He just kept his innocent smile on his face and cupped my face in his hand.
"Take my blood," he whispered and pulled his hand away from my face. He held his wrists out in front of him, and I saw that they were bleeding profusely. "Do it."
I gagged and turned my face away from the sight, tears welling in my eyes. The sweet scent of his blood lingered heavily in the air. I wanted so badly to do what he asked, but I couldn't. He didn't know what he was asking. And when had he cut himself? He had been fine only moments beforehand.
"Do it, Riku. I want you to. And I know that you want to, so why not?"
I shook my head and tore myself away from him. I didn't want, but I had to run away. It was the only way out unless I wanted to give into my urges and scare him away from me. I heard him holler my name, but it was lost and replaced by my own scream as I burst through the doors to the club.
The kitchen of Leon and Cloud's apartment stood in front of me. With a hand over my mouth I stumbled in and walked toward the motionless form in the center of the floor. Sora seemed to glow slightly as he lay on the floor. Blood covered everything, and I almost slipped and fell as I slowly crossed the room.
"Sora," I moaned pitifully as I dropped to my knees beside his body.
I nudged him gently in an attempt to wake him up, but he didn't move. I set a finger against his throat to check for a pulse and had to choke back a sob when I felt that there wasn't one. I had been too late this time. He was gone.
A sharp and sudden pain erupted in my abdomen. I gasped and pressed my hands to my stomach, surprised to feel the tip of something sharp pressing against my hands. When I pulled them away, they were covered in blood. I looked down and screamed at the sight of the lance tip that was protruding from my stomach.
A cold laugh sounded from behind me, and I turned, only to collapse on the floor in helplessness. It was Sora again. He was holding the lance that had almost taken my life in the past and a cold smile was on his face. But it couldn't be Sora. I looked to the side and saw that he was still lying lifeless on the floor.
"I'll make sure you die with me this time, bastard!" the Sora with the lance growled.
I turned my attention back onto him. His eyes were wide and blood was running down his cheeks as if it were tears. He was still smiling, though it was more crazed than anything. He raised the lance and drove it through my front before I had time to react.
"Die!" he screamed and twisted the lance in my stomach before he pulled it out and let it clatter to the ground.
I screamed bloody murder as I woke up. My eyes snapped open and wildly searched the room around me in terror. My hands immediately went to my stomach and searched for any open wounds that might be there. I pushed myself up in bed and looked around the room for any signs of Sora with the lance, but there were none. Unfortunately, it didn't help to calm me any.
I was getting ready to climb out of bed when a hand grabbed my arm and pushed me back down onto the mattress. I screamed and pulled away quickly, falling back into my wall with a loud thud, before I realized that it was only Axel.
"What the fuck, man?" he muttered, his voice slightly slurred with sleep.
I sighed and ran a shaking hand through my hair to push it out of my face. I wasn't surprised to find that I was crying when my fingers drifted across my cheeks. My vision was horribly blurry, and the only way I was able to distinguish Axel from the rest of my room was his mess of vibrant red hair.
"Are you okay, Riku?"
Axel put a hand over one of my own and pulled my attention onto him. I did the first thing I could think of as a response to his question. I laughed. But it wasn't one of those sad laughs that everyone had given so much these past few days. No. It was one of those crazy laughs that can only come from a person who is losing their mind. And I was losing my mind. I had to be losing my mind because there was no other reason as to why I would be acting like I was.
"Ri…ku?"
I fell sideways onto the bed and buried my face in the blankets as I started to laugh even harder. I was soon gasping for air and tears were rolling down my cheeks. I didn't even try to resist when Axel roughly grabbed my shoulders and shoved me so I was sitting up again. I didn't blink when he smacked me across the face. If anything, it only made me laugh harder.
When he punched me, though… That was a different story. My laughing halted immediately and a hand went up to hold the cheek he had hit. I stared at Axel with a furrowed brow and my head cocked to the side.
"Much better," he growled. "Are you going to listen to me now, or are you gonna lapse into another ridiculous laughing attack?"
I shook my head, and he smiled coldly.
"Good. Now what the hell is your problem?!"
"I had a dream that Sora killed me."
Now it was his turn to look confused as he furrowed his brow and looked up at the ceiling. "Oookay. I can understand why you would wake up screaming from that, but what the hell was so funny? It was a nightmare."
I shrugged. "I thought it was funny."
He snorted and rolled his eyes. "I always knew you were fucked up."
I frowned and closed my eyes, not in the mood to argue with Axel over my mental state. We both knew that I was fucked up at the moment and we knew precisely why I was fucked up, as well. I just hoped that Sora would wake up soon, before my sanity managed to slip away from me completely.
"Do you want to go back to sleep?"
I opened my eyes and looked at Axel, shaking my head. "No. I don't want to have that dream again. There was so much…"
Axel pressed a finger against my lips to silence me. "You don't have to tell me what happened," he said with a soft smile. "Wanna go for a walk instead? It's been a while since you've gotten some fresh air."
I sighed. I really didn't want to go for a walk, but I really didn't want to say cooped up in my room anymore either. He was right, anyway. It had been almost three months since I had gotten any fresh air, and I could feel how stiff my limbs were from just lying in bed all the time.
"Whatever," I muttered.
Axel smiled brightly and bounced up from the bed. He had to help me get to my feet, but I was able to walk on my own, albeit slowly. We walked out of my room and downstairs as quietly as we could. It wouldn't have mattered, though, as we discovered when we went into the kitchen.
Sephiroth was sitting at the kitchen table with the smirk of the century on his face. I narrowed my eyes and an immediate sense of anger flared within my gut. He had been nothing but a bastard to me since Sora had landed in the hospital. And this smirk had no good intentions behind it. Sephiroth was about to lay something hard down on top of us, I could sense it.
"You're awfully chipper for three A.M.," Axel muttered. Apparently he could sense it too.
Sephiroth laughed and stood from his chair, the smirk never leaving his lips. "How can I not be in a good mood when there is such good news?" he said in a smartass tone.
He walked across the kitchen and stopped a few feet across from us with his arms crossed over his chest. He kept his eyes locked on me, and I had to use everything I had to keep from looking away. The light shining in his eyes was pure evil.
"Good news for you means bad news for us, and we were just headed out for a walk so if you'll excuse us…"
Axel grabbed my hand and dragged me past my brother. Sephiroth's gaze followed me as we moved.
"Don't get too settled. Father has decided that it's time for us to finally return to him."
Axel and I froze just before we were about to step out the door. Axel was the first to turn back, but I couldn't. I didn't want to look at Sephiroth for the fear of the look that I knew would be on his face. Instead, I balled my hands into fists at my sides and clenched my eyes closed in anger.
"What's the rush? Did he finally grow a heart and start to care for his children?" Axel spat.
Sephiroth laughed his cold, heartless laugh that always made me flinch. "Why won't you turn around, otōtō? Is that what you wanted to hear?"
"Shut up," I muttered under my breath. "You have no right to consider me your family, you evil bastard."
The words came out before I had the time to stop them. When I realized what I had said, my eyes snapped open and I looked up at Axel in fear. He was staring at me in disbelief. Thankfully, though, Sephiroth took the insult in a different way than I had expected. Instead of lashing out at me in anger, he just laughed again.
"Evil bastard or no, I am still your older brother and you will still listen to me. And you will listen to Father. We are leaving the first weekend of February. Have your precious items packed by then or else you'll take nothing with you. I'm not going to let you stay here and drown with your little lover boy. You're coming with me whether you like it or not. You too, Axel."
I knew that it would have been a lost cause to argue with him, so I just grabbed Axel by the hand and left the house. Sephiroth's laughter followed us until we got to the sidewalk.
We were halfway to the park when Axel opened his mouth to say something, but I silenced him by lifting a hand. I looked at him sadly in response to his questioning glance.
"I have a week and a half to figure out how to wake Sora. I don't have time to talk about what just happened."
He nodded in understanding and walked alongside me when we got to the park. We wandered around until well after the sun had risen, sharing plans with one another. Unfortunately, each idea seemed less likely to work than the last.
The sky was darkening by the time we made it back to the house with the mindset that maybe we might discover the way to wake him in our dreams. I never would have thought that that was the one idea that would work.
o-o-o-o-o
I had gone to sleep long ago, but now I didn't feel like I was dreaming. It was too lucid. Though everything else was black, the color of his hair and the shade of his skin were all too real to just be a dream. Sora stood before me, his eyes closed and his face relaxed. I just wanted to reach out and touch him, but was too afraid that he would disappear if I did.
I stood and watched him for a while. There was no reaction from him, no change in how he just stood there as if he had fallen asleep standing up. I needed to think of a way to wake him up before it was too late. I could almost watch him fading away from me as I stood there. Helpless, I did the first thing that came to mind.
"Sora, I need you to wake up."
I almost fell over when it actually got a reaction out of him. He yawned and opened his eyes. He blinked a couple of times before he rubbed at his eyes in a cute little gesture that made me want to hug him. But he didn't show any reaction when he looked straight at me.
"Who's there?" he muttered.
I sighed quietly. "It's me, Love. I need you to wake up."
He blinked a couple of times in surprise. "Ri…ku?"
I took a step forward, and he suddenly seemed able to see me. I smiled and held my arms out toward him and he fell into my embrace willingly. I buried my face in his hair and ran my fingers through it gently.
"You've been sleeping for too long, Sora. I need you to wake up. We're all worried about you," I whispered.
He pulled away from me a bit and looked up at me with a furrowed brow. "Sleeping? I've been sleeping?"
I nodded. "It's almost the end of January. It's been three months since you attempted suicide."
He opened his mouth as if was going to argue with me, but he looked down at his wrists and all his questions were answered. He looked up at me and, even though the look was lost, it was as if everything had clicked in his mind and now it made sense.
"I'm so sorry, Riku! I should have stayed and waited for you to explain! I should have noticed that it was only Axel. I'm sorry!"
I shook my head and smiled sadly. "It doesn't matter anymore, Love. All that matters is that you wake up. We all miss you. Leon won't let Axel or me into your hospital room. I can't stand not being able to touch you."
"Leon did what?" he shouted, his voice echoing away in the distance.
I couldn't resist a smile. The reaction was so Sora of him. "Don't be angry with him, Sora. I understand where he's coming from."
He shook his head. "No. It's not acceptable. He knows how much I love you. He shouldn't have done that."
I laughed and tightened my arms around him, a feeling of unbelievable joy exploding in the pit of my stomach. "It's the first time you've ever said that."
He sighed and snuggled into my chest. "Well, it's true. I do love you."
"Then wake up for me. Please. I can't stand living without you anymore," I moaned…
And then I was opening my eyes and I was in my own bedroom with Sora nowhere to be found. Axel was curled up in a ball on the bed beside me. I don't know why, but I reached out and shook him awake excitedly, smiling at the annoyed frown he flashed at me.
"This better be good…" he muttered.
"Sora's awake!" I exclaimed. I don't know how, but I just knew that Sora had woken from his coma. That dream was too much of a sign to just ignore.
All signs of sleep seemed to disappear from Axel's face as he jumped up with a smile. "You're serious? How do you know?"
"I dreamt it!" I said with a laugh.
He looked at me in disbelief for a few seconds before he just rolled his eyes and lay back down on the bed. "Tell me when Roxas calls with news."
"No!" I growled and grabbed onto him. "I'm not talking crazy. I had this…thing where I talked to Sora. It really wasn't a dream because it was too real to be a dream, but I saw him and told him that I need him to wake up. Now I just have this feeling in my gut that tells me that he's awake."
As if to back me up, Roxas' voice came through our heads. "He's awake!" he shouted. "Well…he went back to sleep because he was tired, but he's awake and he remembers. Guys, he remembers!"
Roxas' happiness was easily transported through the mental link and only added to our own.
"When can I see him?" I asked.
Roxas was silent for a moment, and I could just picture the thoughtful look on his face as he went over his options. "He wanted to see you immediately, but I told him to wait a few days." Before I could bitch at him, he cut in with his excuse. "He's been in bed for three months and can hardly walk. Give him at least a day to get back on his feet and we'll think of something, okay?"
"That's all we have to spare," Axel muttered.
Roxas paused for a moment. "What do you mean?"
"Father suddenly called for us to return home," he explained. I tried to say it myself, but nothing came out. "We only have until the first weekend of February before we have to be home."
Roxas sighed. "Yeah…we'll definitely thing of something then. Just give Sora a day to see Leon and to recuperate. I'll let you guys know when I come up with something."
"I can't thank you enough for what you've done for me over the past three months, Roxas," I muttered. "You're great. Thank you."
He was quiet for a moment. "Riku…"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up. You know that I know that you and Sora belong together. The four of us belong together, and even though you're going back, I know that we'll see you again."
I nodded before I remembered that he couldn't see me. "Yeah…thanks."
He laughed, and I could feel his exhaustion through the link. "I'm going to sleep now. It's been an exhausting past few months."
Axel and I laughed quietly.
"Yeah. Sleep well and keep me up-to-date."
"I will."
"Sleep well, Love," Axel said.
Roxas laughed quietly and severed the link, leaving us with an echoing silence in our minds. I tackled Axel before he could react, and we laughed like mad as we lay in a pile of limbs on my bed.
I couldn't believe it. Sora was awake and he was okay! I was going to see him again. I was going to be able to hold him in my arms again! I couldn't wait. And I believed every word that Roxas had said. I knew that he would come up with some sort of plan to get Sora and me together within the next couple of days, and he would do it without Leon knowing.
I untangled myself from Axel and lay down next to him on the bed, closing my eyes for sleep without a heavy heart for the first time since that fateful night back in October. When I drifted to sleep that night, I wasn't haunted by nightmares, but was visited my memories of a time that history had long since forgotten.
TBC…
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A/N: Yay! I actually managed to finish it. Hehe… This chapter wasn't as difficult to write as the last, but I kept getting distracted by little things tonight, so yeah… LoL…
Anyway…there aren't any translations for this chapter (unless you need otōtō, which means "younger brother"), but I do want to clarify something. When Roxas says that he knows that the four of them belong together, I don't mean in a romantic way. He knows that Sora belongs with Riku, he belongs with Axel, and the four of them belong together as a family… I just wanted to make sure to explain that before I got any questions like "What the WTF did you mean by that?!" Hehe…
A MESSAGE ON PART TWO OF LOST HEAVEN!! It pains me to say this, but I've decided that I'm going to take a break before I post the sequel. It won't be too long (hopefully only a month at most), but I just need the time. Though I have started planning it in my mind, I haven't had the time to really sit down and write out my ideas and stuff. I usually don't do that, but it worked miracles while working on this part, so I'm gonna try it again. Plus, I just need a little breather for a bit. My brain gnomes need a break before they die from overexertion or something. LoL…::hides under bed::…Please don't hate me too much!!…
And I was wondering if anyone caught the kinda sorta reference to the movie Constantine in Riku's thoughts about Heaven and Hell, and angels and demons. It wasn't much of a reference, but that's kinda where I got the idea from…
Anywho…thank you soooooooo much to everyone for your fantabulous reviews for the last chapter. You know that I love you all more than words can explain, though I always try whenever I respond to you. And I think I responded to everyone, but I'm sorry if I did miss someone. ::hugs:: You guys are great!!…
Sorry for any typos and whatnot. I tried!!…
Alrighty…I think that's it, so ja ne until the next chapter!!…