Perfection Chapter 9: Swirl of Emotions, a criminal minds fanfic

Perfection

Chapter Nine: Swirl of Emotions

By Ann Parker (Music)

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"The beauty of the world has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder." – Virginia Woolf

Sarah and Reid reached their hotel room, which had been secured before they entered. Their car ride had been silent; he could tell she didn't want to talk with Roberts, who drove them, in the car listening. He was trying hard not to profile her behavior, but he couldn't seem to help himself. She was clearly going through mood swings – on the verge of tears one second and then almost void of any emotion the next. Although he had gotten increasingly better at reading her as their relationship had progressed, there were still plenty of times when he couldn't figure out what she was thinking. Understanding human emotions, particularly females, had always been something he struggled with. All he really knew was that right now he just wanted to make her feel safe.

The sound of her dropping her bag with a resounding thud on the floor snapped him back to reality. She sat down on the bed and rested her head in her hands and he knew he needed to make his way over to her.

"Sarah," he whispered, straining to come up with anything else to say. He gently sat down next to her and placed an arm around her. She just about melted into his embrace, glancing up to meet his gaze. He could see a swirl of emotions in her eyes, the one thing he had become remarkably good at reading. There was anger, fear, sadness, pain, and exhaustion, which appeared to be the dominating feeling at the moment. No wonder Gideon had ordered them to get rest. He ran his free hand through her long, chocolate hair and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. When he pulled away he could see a hint of gratitude and love in her eyes as well, although physically she appeared to be fading.

He pulled her up off the bed, "why don't you take a shower and then get some rest?" He hoped his phrasing was gentle enough that she wouldn't argue. She simply nodded and went into the bathroom. He could hear her turn on the water and then shut the door. Sighing, he sat back down on the bed. Why had this have to happen? He couldn't believe that it was only a day and a half ago that he was worrying about how to propose. It felt like an eternity ago. Now all he could do was worry about getting her out of this town alive and putting her stepfather back behind bars.

His eyes landed on her bag and he suddenly realized that she hadn't taken anything in the bathroom with her. He walked over to her bag and grabbed something for her to wear and her shampoo and other shower necessities. He then took anything he needed out of his bag before walking over to the bathroom.

"Sarah?" he asked, knocking lightly. He got no response and tried again. When she didn't respond again, he opened the door. "Sarah?" Her clothes had been discarded on the floor and steam was coming out of the shower, but she still didn't say anything. He quickly set down their stuff on the closed toilet lid and pulled open the curtain. What he found was probably the saddest thing he had ever seen. Sarah was curled up into the fetal position, sitting on the bottom of the tub, and just letting the water hit her. She appeared to be crying. Reid sighed; he should have come in here with her. He quickly stripped and climbed into the shower. He bent down to her level, ignoring the fact that she had the water incredibly hot, almost to the point of burning.

"Sarah, sweetie, we need to get you washed up," he stated, placing a hand under her chin, causing her to make eye contact.

"Okay," she whispered, her voice weak. He pulled her up and begin to wash her hair, and then his own. A part of him remembered when he had to do this for his mother occasionally, when she had refused to do it herself several days in a row. At least this time, he knew deep down that Sarah would, could, snap out of this, that she could get better. It wasn't quite the same for his mom.

He finished bathing the both of them and turned off the water. Pulling back the curtain, he grabbed two towels. He quickly dried himself off before stepping out of the tub. He waited for a second to see if she would follow him or if he was going to have to pick her up. He offered her the towel and she silently took it after a few seconds. He saw her blink a few times, tears still falling, as she dried herself off and stepped out of the tub. She picked up the clothes he had brought in and began to get dressed. Sighing out of relief, he too got dressed. At least she had been able to do that. She combed her hair and so did he before he opened the door to go back out to the bedroom.

She walked out into the bedroom and sat down on the bed, leaning against its headboard. She pulled her legs back up to her body and he could sense that she was almost reliving the attack in her head. He walked over to her side of the bed and gently pulled the covers out from under her. He then walked back to his side of the bed and climbed in. "Sarah," he saw her look down at him slightly, "please come sleep next to me." He took hold of her left hand and ran his thumb over her ring. He had also noticed she fiddled with it. The sensation of the metal moving on her finger seemed to snap her back to the present.

"Spencer," she breathed. He smiled slightly as he watched her scoot down the bed and hug him tightly. He could feel her wet tears hit his chest and her back shake slightly. "I…I…"

"Shh, I know." He rubbed her back as she began to sob, finally letting out all her pain she had tried to bottle up the whole day. He tried to think of something to say to comfort her, even if it was only just a little. "If you need to fall apart, I can mend a broken heart. If you need to crash then crash and burn, you're not alone." He wasn't sure where that had come from, probably a song she listens to, but it seemed to fit. He noticed her breathing begin to calm down a little and she looked up at him.

"Thank you," she replied. He wiped some of the tears from her eyes. She reached up and pulled him to her, kissing him softly. She pulled back slightly and he had just enough time to see a weird flash of emotions in her eyes before she kissed him again, this time much harder. He knew that she was doing this just to feel another emotion, but he couldn't pull away. Luckily for him, she did. His eyes snapped open and locked with hers. He thought he saw guilt before she rolled back to his side and rested her head on his shoulder. "Sorry. I love you too much to use you like that." He wrapped his arm around her, rubbing her back again. He should have guessed she knew was she was doing, she did have a degree in psychology for crying out loud. And as much as a part of him was sad she had stopped, he knew she was right.

"Don't worry about it, there are worse ways someone could be used," he stated, kissing her forehead. She laughed slightly. "We'll catch him, Sarah. I swear to God, we'll catch him – I'll catch him – if it's the last thing I do."

He felt her grip tighten slightly, "I know." She looked back up at him and this time kissed him much more delicately. "I love you," she tapped his nose and they both smiled slightly.

"I love you too."