Author's Note: I don't own the song used in this chapter. "Ask Me" is the property of Amy Grant.
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Perfection
Chapter Fifteen: Ask Me
By Ann Parker (Music-not the song used)
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Lao Tzu once said, "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."
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"Sarah, are you ready?" Reid called out, entering their hotel room. He had left for a minute to get her some flowers to take with. Stargazer lilies, her favorite. He noticed their bags were neatly packed and by the door.
"Yeah, just a sec," she replied, coming out the bathroom. She had changed into a black pencil skirt and a dark red top. He watched silently as she grabbed her gun placed it in the small of her back. "Okay," she looked up at him and noticed the flowers in his hand. "Spencer…" She walked over to him.
"I thought you might like to take them with," he stated, handing them to her. She smiled up at him and leaned in to place a sweet kiss on his cheek.
"Thank you. They're beautiful," she whispered. He smiled and held the door open for her to leave, grabbing their bags in the process. They walked in silence through the hotel, meeting the rest of the team at the front entrance. They rode in silence as well, no one noticed Sarah linking her hand with his. She was strong, they knew that, but this was still going to be hard. When they arrived everyone let her take the lead, giving her space. Even though it had been years since she had been there, she knew the way like the back of her hand.
"Hi daddy," she whispered, kneeling down at her father's grave. Even though she never knew him, she still missed him, often wondering how her life could have been different if he hadn't died. She placed one of the flowers at the foot of his headstone. She briefly glanced back at Gideon before looking back at the marble stone. She kissed her hand and placed it on her father's name. "Thank you for sending me Jason, dad. He's doing what you can't. I love you."
She stood up and walked over to her mother's grave, placing another flower on the ground. She ran her fingers over the name. "Mama, I'm okay now. I'm safe. You'd be so proud of me…" her voice trailed off for a minute. The rest watched as she sat there for a moment, each one thinking of losses in their own lives. Even if it wasn't a death, they all had pain from their pasts and watching her reminded them what they had overcome, what she had overcome. "Thank you for Spencer, Mom. I know you were looking out for me. I love you."
Finally, she made her way to Lucas' grave. Reid noticed a few tears in her eyes. This would be her hardest goodbye. He knew that she still partly blamed herself for not being able to protect him, even though there wasn't anything she could have done. She set the remaining flowers down as she knelt down. "Hey buddy," she whispered, tears beginning to fall. "I'm so sorry…" Reid could see she was starting to break down and rushed to her side.
He gently placed his arms around her, "It's not your fault, Sarah. He wouldn't want you to blame yourself." She placed a hand on his, gripping it tightly.
"I love you, Lucas. I'll make sure you didn't die in vain." Just as she did at her father's grave, she kissed her hand and touched the stone. She looked up at Reid and nodded. He pulled her up and into a hug. After a moment she pulled away, keeping an arm wrapped around his back. She glanced back at the graves one more time. She then looked up at the man next to her and at the rest of the team. She smiled slightly, knowing that she was going to be okay. She had a new family now. Tugging at Reid's shirt slightly, she indicated that she was ready to leave and he led them back to their ride.
They rode back to the plane in almost complete silence, the only exception being when Hotch called to get the plane ready to go. They arrived to the airport in about ten minutes and were in the air shortly there after, still silent. No one really knew what to say.
"I almost forgot," Sarah stated, digging into her bag and getting everyone's attention. They noticed she was setting up her iPod to play a song, just like she did after every case.
"Sarah, you don't," Sarah cut Morgan off by shaking a finger at him. She set it up and pressed play. She took hold of Reid's hand as the music started, singing along to the words.
"I see her as a little girl hiding in her room
She takes another bath and she sprays her momma's perfume
To try to wipe away the scent he left behind
But it haunts her mind.
You see she's his little rag, nothing more than just a waif
And he's mopping up his need, she is tired and afraid
Maybe she'll find a way through these awful years to disappear.
Ask me if I think there's a God up in the heaven
Where did he go in the middle of her shame?
Ask me if I think there's a God up in the heavens
I see no mercy and no one down here's naming names
Nobody's naming names."
They all watched as she sang, any pain she had being poured into the words, as if she was finally releasing it from her heart. Finally ready to move on.
"Now she's looking in the mirror at a lovely woman face
No more frightened little girl, like she's gone without a trace
Still she leaves the light burning in the hall
It's hard to sleep at all.
Still she crawls up in her bed acting quiet as a mouse
Deep inside she's listening for a creaking in the house
But no ones left to harm her, she's finally safe and sound
There's a peace she's found.
Ask her how she knows there's a God up in the heaven
Where did he go in the middle of her shame?
Ask her how she knows there's a God up in the heavens
She said his mercy is bringing her life again."
She took Reid's hand, placing it over her stomach. She smiled at him and he could see it reached her eyes. He couldn't help himself from grinning in return.
"Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heaven
Where did he go in the middle of her shame?
Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heavens
She said his mercy is bringing her life again
She's coming to life again.
He's in the middle of her pain
In the middle of her shame
Mercy brings life
He's in the middle
Mercy in the middle.
So ask me how I know
Ask me how I know, yeah
Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heaven
Ask me how I know there's a God up in the heavens
Yeah, ask me how I know
Ask me."
She let the rest of the song finish on its own, pulling Reid into a hug. When she pulled back a few seconds later, a smile still on her face, she kissed him. Neither noticed the rest smiling at them, particularly Gideon. He remembered Hotch asking if she was going to make it through this and he finally had a good answer for him.
"Thank you," she whispered in Reid's ear when they pulled apart for air. "You're the key to my piece of mind." She looked up at him, pushing his hair out of his face. "Now, about this wedding we need to plan," she teased, clearly ready to focus on the good things in her life from now on.
Reid smiled, "I was thinking Vegas."
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