Author's Note: You know, I thought you may or may not want to know I've already got the last chapter written. Har, har. Yeah, I'm one of those authors.

Kichi-Kaze, thanks for the feedback. You'll be happy to know that chapter 3 is probably the most sex-driven chapter of 'em all (and who said Ganondorf was gay?;) ). It was one of the chapters I had to include (you'll see why later), and it fell short – in word count, that is. I suppose "quality over quantity" is the golden rule of writing, but I felt I had to add some filler just to at least make the chapter seem a little lengthier. That filler, of course, was the lack of substance that you complained about. Future endeavors proved more successful.

And yes, I admit that the lack of description was just my laziness. But like I said, chapter 3's one of the "get it out and over with" chapters, and I hope you'll enjoy the rest of the story more (and I hope you were complaining about the lack of description, not the abundance of dialogue, because Ganondorf's a rather talkative guy – especially when talking to himself).

And, in all honesty, the caps lock isn't going anywhere. Sorry. I suppose I keep it in there because it allows me to recreate the dialogue in my head more accurately (stress on words, sentences, questions), though I see why it would rub some people the wrong way. I'll see if I can't tone it down a bit without losing my (don't mind me) "artistic vision."

And Tweedle, thanks for a more... (what's the word I'm looking for?) composed review.

So, on with chapter 4, eh? AND IT'S NOT A PROLOGUE!

The Countdown to Imminent Doom: Ganondorf's Story
Chapter 4: Not a Prologue

Ganondorf jigged a little jig. "Now, who shall I test out my newfound powers on? OH, YES! HOW ABOUT... No, I promised not to... Oh well, to hell with it," he turned around, prepared to stab Link with many pointy things, "Hey... Where'd he go?"

Link snored elsewhere.

Ganondorf took a look around, and saw he was back in the Temple of Time. "WHERE'D THE SACRED REALM GO?"

He sat down and clasped his hands. "I will miss the sacred-ness of it... It's sacred-y things shall forever have a sacred place in my heart. Sacredly."

Ganondorf was then brutally assaulted with a giant red question mark, which took great pleasure in landing on top of him then promptly disappearing.

"Alright, alright!" Ganondorf flailed his arms, "So I don't have a heart! IS THAT YOUR BLOODY POINT!"

Ganondorf was then sidelined by an large envelope with a return address of "The Bloody Englishman."

"I HATE inanimate objects! The bastards!" Ganondorf noticed what hit him and opened it.

Letter: "Ye shall notsies utter the wordsies 'bloody,' unlesses ye bes an Englishman, unders penalties of DEATH!"

"I didn't know English people spoke like that..." he turned the letter over.

Letter: "We dount."

"That is unnecessarily confusing!" Ganondorf crushed the letter in his hand and snarled a vicious snarl, "WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE, THOSE BLOODY ENGLISHMEN?"

He looked around nervously before deciding nothing was coming to cause him pain and crooned. "YES! FEAR ME!" He walked out of temple and into town center in long strides.

Random Townslady #1's voice wafted across the market. "So I was counting my cuccos, and he said he wasn't a doctor!"

Random Townslady #2 (who took great delight in the juicy bits) gasped. "No!"

"Yes! And then he had the NERVE to try and grope me!"

Random Townslady #2 gasped again and whispered, "Was he green? I heard rumors..."

"No, it was a normal, fleshy man. Though the hair under his armpits DID have a green tint..."

"Gross!"

"I was grossed out at first," Random Townslady #1 agreed, "but then I just laughed at him!"

(Echo: Laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh...)

Ganondorf, who had been eavesdropping, suddenly looked very profound: "Oh..."

CUE FLASHBACK!

"You'll see! YOU'LL ALL SEE!"

"...will be mine when my new laugh rings throughout..."

"...the evilness of the laugh!"

"...AND ALL SHALL FEAR MY WRATH!"

END FLASHBACK (you're safe now)!

"Oh... Yes... " Ganondorf grinned, "YES! At last, my dream has come to pass! TOMORROW, THE RED SUN WILL RISE, and the rivers will be saturated with blood, tears, and the occasional children's doll, SO AS TO STRIKE PITY INTO THE HEARTS OF ANYONE WHO SEES IT FLOATING BY!"

He continued, "They will never know they were actually on sale last weekend... BUT I SHALL LAUGH AT THEM! And they will babble on about sentimental things! AND THEN... What then... Yes... THEN, I WILL LAUGH AT THEM SOME MORE!"

Random Townslady #2 waved to #1. "Let's talk somewhere else. The drunks around these parts are getting out of hand."

The townsladies strutted away.

Ganondorf shook his fist at them. "YOU'RE MISSING MY SPEECH! Anyway... Er... Uh... DAMN IT! I HATE IT WHEN I'M INTERRUPTED! It would seem I have to rehearse more before I try to give this segment of my Acceptance Speech." He pulled out a script from his pocket and walked off towards Hyrule Castle, studying it, "Yes... And I could move this segment over here, if I put more emphasis on this here..."

For some strange reason, he immediately reached the gate in front of the castle.

"Tsk, tsk. Well, this just won't do. Those flowers over there don't go with... THIS GIANT LAVA PIT!" Ganondorf created a giant energy ball and threw it at the landscape, obliterating it in a nice, explosion-y way.

Ganondorf walked up to castle remnants, "Much better!"

He made random hand gestures, and a dark, ominous, and all-around evil-looking castle appeared out of nowhere, hovering above the lava pit.

"PERFECTION!" Ganondorffloated over to giant double door entrance to castle. The door opened, revealing Knives on the other side.

Ganondorf pointed, "GAH! What the hell are YOU doing in MY castle?"

Knives: 私はよりよい質問が档?とおりであることを考える: "私の城の近くでしている何であるか。?"

"Hey, turn the subtitles on!" Ganondorf demanded.

Knives: ああの権利。.

I think a better question is," Knives spoke clearly, "What are YOU doing near MY castle?"

"BUT YOU DON'T HAVE A CASTLE!"

"Do now. I found it," Knives said.

"But I summoned it using my own powers! It's mine!"

"You don't have any powers, pathetic human."

"I do now!" Ganondorf explained, annoyed, "And I'm not-"

"SILENCE! YOUR LIFE IS INSIGNIFICANT!" Knives pointed a gun at Ganondorf's head.

"That's a nice... Thing you have there. What is it?" Ganondorf asked.

"Well... It's, uh, this thing..." Knives held it up, examining it, "You point it someone, and pull this here trigger, and then... Then they die."

"Interesting," Ganondorf slowly bent over, searching the ground for a weapon, "How does it work?"

"Uh... I think there's this thing inside, where..."

Ganondorf beat Knives to the ground with a nearby rock, knocking him out. "I HATE unwanted guests!"

He kicked the door open, and dragged Knives' body downstairs into the dungeon. Knives' tongue mopped the floor along the way.

Ganondorf locked Knives up in the first cell, "YOU are going to get the spanking OF YOUR LIFE when you wake up!" Ganondorf shook his finger at him and stalked back upstairs, "Now I can enjoy my castle!"

3 days later...

"DAMN IT!" Ganondorf bellowed, "I HATE THIS PLACE! There's only so many times I can play tic-tac-toe against myself, and that blonde bastard is STILL sleeping! I MUST TAX THE PEOPLE TO GET FUNDING FOR HIS EXPENSIVE NEEDS! Such as a water hose attached to his mouth for routine watering! And... And... Water! It's hard to get water when you live above a giant pool of lava, after all.

"But," he pondered,"How to inform them without having to go tell them all individually... I need henchmen! BUT HOW?"

A lovely red plane flew by outside, toting a banner that read: "1-800-HENCHMEN-IS-USZ0RZ! CALL TODAY FOR YOUR FREE TRIAL HENCHMAN!"

Ganondorf rubbed his hands together. "Yes... Eeeeexcellent..."

Chapter Four: End