Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing.
Author's Notes: My friend and I got to talking and we wondered what the pilots Christmas letters to Santa would look like and then VIOLA! This was born from the mayhem. Never mind the fact that they all probably don't believe in Santa. Let us fan girls have our moments, thank you. But this is probably my most favorite of all story arches. I just can't wait for chapter 12! It's gonna' be so great. I am really tempted to skip all chapters in front of it and just go straight to it. But if I did that it would completely ruin the ending and the ending wouldn't make sense anymore. Not that it makes sense now.
Warnings: Major stupidity! Christmas cheer. Minor mild language. Author probably drunk on eggnog but that's what makes things fun anyways.
'On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Six freezing miles.'
"Alright guys keep up!" Duo shouted over his shoulder at the four other extremely aggravated pilots. They all marched tirelessly through a foot of snow, Duo leading the way, followed by Trowa, who was determinedly trying to keep Duo and Quatre apart after the 'Big T' incident, then Quatre was directly after him. Then walked Heero and Wufei.
None but Duo actually knew what they were looking for. All they knew was that the crazy American's plan somehow involved Wufei's dao, which Duo had forced Wufei to drag along.
"What are we looking for Maxwell?" Wufei growled at Duo, shivering in his thin white clothes and his arms tired from carrying the heavy dao.
Duo just smiled as if he hadn't heard the edge in Wufei's voice. "I told you we're lookin' for a tree." Duo responded cheerily, despite the fact he was freezing and he was starting to get tired. Duo glanced all around him, trying to find an evergreen tree. Any evergreen tree. By this point he would even take one that looked like that one from that little cartoon he used to watch when he was a kid. Ooo...What was it called? Um. Never mind. It didn't matter. It was the one with the big headed kid and his little Christian morals about small Christmas trees and the true meaning of Christmas.
"What tree 02?" Heero growled, his head still throbbing from his hangover after last night. Duo was just lucky Heero in no way associated his pain to the mystery drink Duo had given him last night. Heero had never had alcohol before that night, nor had he even heard of it, thus he had never heard of hangovers. In fact the only one in the group who even knew, or even suspected, that their nausea and aches could be traced back to Duo was Trowa who was quite familiar with alcohol from his time in the circus.
"I'll tell you when I see it." Duo mumbled, still looking for the tree he wanted.
Oak.
Elm.
Oak.
Oak.
Spruce.
ARG! Elm!
Wait! Wait! What was that?! Duo craned his head and looked around the wide trunk of a oak tree and finally saw what he was looking for. A fir tree! The perfect one too. Maybe a little small and dead looking but after walking six miles for one tree he would take anything.
Duo raced over to the tree as fast as he could through the snow, the other pilots just giving him a confused look from where they stood.
The tree was most certainly not the best. In fact, it probably wasn't even alive. It was about Duo's height and a sickly shade of brown. But once again, the six miles and below zero temperatures made it look like the tree version of Jesus.
"I found it!" Duo shouted out, motioning for the other pilots to join him as he lovingly inspected his find.
"Is this what we've been looking for all this time?" Quatre asked tentatively, walking over to look at what Duo was causing such a ruckus about, followed by Trowa, who was still refusing to let Quatre be alone with Duo for over a second. Quatre looked the tree up and down wondering what on Earth Duo would want with a dead, little evergreen tree.
"Yeah! This is it! This is our new Christmas tree! The palm tree was starting to get on my nerves." Duo exclaimed happily.
"But Duo," Quatre ventured carefully, "It's not alive."
"So?" Duo said, looking over at Quatre, smile still in place, "Neither is our current one."
"Yes, but that one's fake. It's supposed to be dead." Quatre argued. He just knew this tree was going to shed dead pine needles all over the carpet and since all the others stereotyped him as the cleanest one, he was probably going to be the one cleaning them up.
"Yeah, but this is actually a traditional Christmas tree." Duo shot back, determined to have his way. Refusing to let the argument continue, Duo motioned for Wufei to come over.
Suspiciously, Wufei walked over to stand next to Duo. "What do you require Maxwell?" Wufei barked.
"This is the part where you're sword comes in handy." Duo said with a smile, still inspecting the tree, "I need you to chop it down."
Wufei's eyes widened in shock and then narrowed to glare at Duo. "Absolutely not Maxwell! You've lost your mind if you think that I'm using this blade to cut down your silly little tree!" Wufei almost yelled, his anger fueled by pride, "This dao is a traditional fighting sword from my home! And I will not disrespect its past by using it for such a demeaning task!"
Duo sighed and shook his head. "Alright, then fine." Duo said calmly and Wufei relaxed slightly, glad that Duo was being so understanding. Then Duo held out his hand towards Wufei and said, "Then give it to me and I'll do it."
Once again Wufei's eyes widened at Duo's audacity. "Not a chance are you touching this sword Maxwell." He growled, sending Duo a glare that almost melted the snow from shear will power.
"Why not?" Duo said, "If I do it, your sword's heritage wont be undermined, because I don't know about it's heritage. As they say 'Ignorance is bliss'." He then smiled up at Wufei with his hand still stretched out. He really didn't understand what the big deal was. He just wanted to chop down the tree.
"That logic doesn't even make sense Maxwell and you know it." Wufei growled. How could one American be so insolent?!
To try and stop the argument, Trowa stepped up to the tree and placing his foot at the base, pulled the tree towards him. With a loud snap the tree broke away from it's roots and came free in Trowa's hand. Both Duo and Wufei stopped arguing to look over at Trowa.
Duo's face split into a wide grin and he shouted, "Woo! Nice going Tro'!"
Wufei just huffed and started to trace his footsteps back to the main path they had been on, glad that they were about to get out of the cold. All he planned to do when he got home was curl up in the chair closest to the fire place and finish his book and if anyone interrupted his plan they would be shot on the spot, no questions asked.
Heero glared over at Duo and growled, "Did that really require all of us?" He really didn't like being here. He was freezing. Heero was only wearing a long pair of pants he had borrowed from Duo and a thin jacket over a short-sleeve red top. He had never been required to go somewhere with a cold climate so he had never really felt the need to purchase anything too warm and he was paying for it now (1). Not that you would catch him complaining. He had been trained better than that.
Duo just smiled over Heero while trying to figure out the best way to haul the tree back to the safe house. "Of course it did! I wouldn't want you all to miss this wonderful experience!" He said with a laugh before adding, "Plus, if I gave you a choice, no one would have came with me."
Heero just nodded. There really was no arguing with that. It was true. If he had been given a choice he would have stayed home, and there wasn't a doubt in his mind that the others would have done the same thing.
With a groan, Trowa heaved the small tree on to his back only to shove it off a few moments later. Pine needles are prickly and they are no fun when you have them resting on your back. Trowa stared down at the tree a few moments before deciding that the best solution would be to just drag it along behind him. With a nod of determination, Trowa picked up the trunk of the tree and started to drag it along behind him, walking towards the direction they had come from.
Duo trotted after him, followed by the others. "Keep up the good work Trowa!" Duo exclaimed happily, walking just off to the side of Trowa.
Trowa just looked down at the snow in front of his feet and kept telling himself it wasn't long before he reached the safe house. "I hope you aren't under the impression that I'm carrying this thing the whole way back Maxwell." Trowa stated.
Duo just laughed and clapped Trowa on the shoulder. "Wouldn't dream of it Tro'." Duo said before trotting ahead to lead the way home.
Quatre sped up slightly so that he took Duo's spot walking next to Trowa. "I'll take it once you don't feel like pulling it anymore." Quatre offered, giving Trowa a sympathetic smile.
"It's fine. If anyone is taking this after me, it's going to be Duo. If he wanted this tree so bad he can have it." Trowa stated, shooting a spiteful look at the back of Duo's head.
Quatre just laughed and then walked next to Trowa in companionable silence.
About two hours later, after Duo being forced at gun point to carry the tree most of the way by Trowa, the group finally made it back to the safe house.
"Finally!" Duo shouted, dropping the tree in the center of the living room and collapsing on the couch. "I'm exhausted!"
"You lost all complaining rights after you got us lost the third time Maxwell." Wufei growled taking up the spot in the chair closest to the fireplace. Wufei glanced longingly over at the book that rested on the side table next to the couch. For him to get the book it would require him to actually get out of his chair and that was defiantly more work than he felt like doing. The only thing he had had the energy to accomplish after entering the house was placing his dao in its holder and that was only because tradition had required it of him. Plus, he was probably too tired to read.
Duo was too tired to argue and merely buried his face in the pillow.
Quatre looked down at the tree and winced. It was right on the carpet and shedding all over the place. It was as if each individual pine needle that touched the floor was mocking him. Quatre groaned and plopped down in a chair. It was Duo's tree, let him clean up the mess.
Duo groaned and forced himself off the couch. "Alright, here comes the fun part." Duo announced to the other pilots.
Both Heero and Wufei looked panic stricken. It seemed like every time they came to a 'fun part' at least one of them ended up unconscious, their security was jeopardized, something got broken, or they got at least one obnoxious Christmas song stuck in their head. In other words, they didn't like the fun part.
Trowa just figured it couldn't get any worse and decided to stick around. Personally, he didn't think it could be any worse than all the things that had already happened.
Quatre just looked excited. He seemed to completely trust Duo's judgment despite his bad track record.
"Alright, I'm giving each of you a job!" Duo said in a general like manor, "And I expect each of you to perform them to the best of your abilities." Heero relaxed slightly. This seemed like something he was capable of doing.
Duo turned to Quatre and pointed. "Quatre," Duo said, causing Quatre to sit up straighter and give Duo his full attention, "You are on threading duty with Trowa. It is your responsibility to take the popcorn I bought yesterday and thread it onto some string that can be found under the kitchen sink. You can also find the necessary needle next to the thread."
It took all Quatre's will power not to salute. He was also mildly surprised that Duo actually had bought something other than Eggnog yesterday. Determined to do his job correctly, Quatre got out of his seat and followed Trowa into the kitchen.
Duo then turned to Wufei. "It is your job to turn this house upside down for anything shiny. Anything at all. No matter what room it is in."
Wufei cast Duo a confused look but decided it was best not to ask questions. He slowly got to his feet and walked off to complete his task as quickly as possible.
Finally, Duo turned his attention to Heero who was standing at attention and then instructed, "It your task to help me get this tree standing."
Heero nodded and walked towards Duo to help him heave the tree upright. Both the pilots got on opposite sides of the tree and pushed till it was standing straight up. They both held it like that before Duo seemed to realize that it probably wasn't going to stay standing on its own.
"Now how are we going to do this?" Duo murmured to no one in particular. After a few seconds of thought, Duo seemed to come to a conclusion. "Duct Tape!" Duo shouted and then looked around the tree towards Heero, who was still holding the tree obediently. "Be right back Heero!" Duo told him and then let go of his side of the tree to race into the kitchen and then coming back out holding the afore mentioned item.
Heero raised an eyebrow but chose to say nothing. Who knew. Maybe the crazy American actually knew what he was doing.
Duo kneeled at the base of the tree and began wrapping duct tape around the base and then connecting to the floor. Heero just watched curiously as Duo kept adding more tape and test how stable the tree. Each test came back negative as the duct tape just didn't seem to want to remain stuck to the floor.
Now determined to put the rebellious duct tape in its place Duo just decided to try adding more. It wasn't until two whole rolls of duct tape, and one pack of nails, were used up that the tree finally stood up right on its own.
Duo looked at his handiwork proudly and Heero finally stepped back from the tree, pulling splinters out of his palm. "All done." Duo stated proudly and rose to his feet, brushing his hands off on his pants.
"Now what?" Heero asked placidly.
Duo turned his head to look over at Heero. "Now I go see if the others are almost finished and you hang out here in the living room." Duo informed him before walking towards the kitchen, deciding to check on Quatre and Trowa first. "And once Wufei comes out with the shiny stuff start putting them on the tree." Duo called over his shoulder to Heero.
The moment Duo entered the kitchen he knew that the plague of the Christmas retardness had struck again. The first thing he noticed was Quatre sitting at the kitchen table and trying to pound a needle through an unpopped popcorn kernel and Trowa trying to figure out a way to keep the very few popcorn kernels that they had managed to string from falling off. Duo just sighed and shook his head. He just supposed it served him right for not being more specific.
When Duo entered the room, Quatre paused what he was doing and looked up to give Duo a desperate look.
"Um, Quat," Duo said, trying to hold back his laughter, "You're supposed to pop them first."
Quatre looked down at the kernel sitting on the table in front of him and a slight frown formed on his face. "Oh." Quatre muttered, "I suppose that would make sense." With a sigh that all that work had been for nothing, Quatre gathered up all the kernels that he had already put on the string, then the open bag of popcorn and threw them all in the trash can.
Trowa looked extremely frustrated. He just figured out how to tie a knot big enough to keep the kernels from falling off the thread. Plus, this task seemed completely pointless.
Duo walked over to the pantry and pulled out an unopened bag of popcorn and then popped it in the microwave to cook. Smiling in satisfaction as he heard the kernels start popping, Duo turned to give Quatre a smile of encouragement. Quatre smiled back weakly. The only bright side to this he could find was that it would go faster now that Duo had corrected them and they wouldn't have to spend another thirty minutes tying a knot big enough for the holes.
Once Duo brought the popcorn out of the microwave, he sat down at the table both Quatre and Trowa were at. "Alright, firsts things first." Duo instructed, opening the popcorn bag and taking out one the pieces of popcorn and then lifting up the threaded needle, which was now dull from being forced through so many kernels. "What you do is you push the needle through the center of the popcorn and then you push it down to the end of the thread." Duo said, performing each step as he came to them.
Having gained some confidence, Quatre nodded in understanding as Duo finished explaining the process and then took the needle from Duo and performed the task as instructed. Duo nodded in satisfaction as Quatre completed each step perfectly and then told Trowa to be the one to push the pieces of popcorn down the thread so the process would go faster.
Confident that Quatre and Trowa knew what they were doing, Duo stood up and decided to go see Wufei's progress. Duo just sent a silent prayer to what ever god was listening that Wufei had done a better job than Quatre and Trowa.
Duo walked out into the living room to find Heero already putting up the 'ornaments'.
It was right then that Duo finally had his suspicions that there was only a God of Death confirmed because the prayer that Duo had sent obviously hadn't done a thing. Either that or this was just how the gods got their chuckles.
Out in the main room Duo saw Heero organizing the shiny objects on the tree symmetrically, in order of size and color. And Wufei had obviously taken Duo's instructions a bit too literally. Arranged on the tree was Heero's laptop, some necklaces, ammo, guns, a sword, a metallic shirt that Duo owned, a light bulb, and wide variety of other objects. It looked like the Christmas tree from a extremely well organized Hell.
Duo groaned and gave the tree another good look. "You weren't supposed to organize them Heero!" Duo exclaimed.
Heero turned his head to give Duo a confused look. "How else would I do it?" He asked, not really understanding Duo's complaint.
"At random!" Duo shouted in aggravation.
"Why would I do that?" Heero asked, becoming even more confused.
"Because that's how it's supposed to be." Duo whined, giving the tree a sad look. He could defiantly kiss his theme song good bye for Christmas. Even if Santa had decided to give him something other than coal that year, Duo was certain that he would immediately change his mind once he saw the sorry state of the Christmas tree.
Heero just turned his attention back to his organizing and stated, "Well that doesn't make any sense." Heero decided that Duo had probably caught hypothermia during their hike and just didn't understand what he was saying at the time. Probably best just ignore what ever Duo said, Heero concluded, giving his full attention to straightening the rows of objects nestled between branches.
Duo just sighed and realized that trying to convince Heero organization was a bad thing would probably be about as successful as trying to convince Heero that he was a piece of toast. Instead, Duo sat down on the couch and stared at the tree. He did have to admit, it did do a good job conveying all the personalities in the house. Each pilot was represented on the tree in some form or fashion. Heero had his laptop and some guns. Duo had his shirt, a cross, and a button. Trowa had ammo, throwing knives, and a sequined mask. Quatre had a little metal camel, an ornate spoon, a belt buckle and an Arabian coin. Then Wufei had his reading glasses and a sword.
A couple seconds after Duo finally accepted the tree, Quatre and Trowa came out of the kitchen holding a long line of popcorn kernels, each perfectly placed on the string. Quatre and Trowa both cast the tree a confused look, seeing that their stuff had been taken out of their rooms and placed in a tree.
Heero immediately took control of hanging the line of food, refusing to let anyone mess with the organization of his tree. Duo protested momentarily but in the end surrendered to Heero's authority.
The line of popcorn was hung in a fashion similar to that of the objects. The popcorn was wound around the tree, perfectly inbetween each line of objects.
Once the task was completed, all the pilots stood back to marvel at the fruit of their labor. None of them but Duo really understood why they had objects crammed into the tree or why they had to waste perfectly good food, but they were thankful that the task was done.
Duo sighed and looked up again at the tree. It definitely wasn't anything like what had happened with the big-headed kid and his Christian based morals, but then again, none of the pilots had abnormally large heads (Unless you counted Trowa but that was really just hair) and none of the characters in that show probably ever killed anything or made stuff explode just for kicks, so Duo just figured that there were bound to be some differences in the stories. Plus, if their story had Christian based morals or big headed kids with even bigger dreams it probably wouldn't turn out as interesting.
Who really cared about the true meaning of Christmas now days anways?
(1) Yes, I know that Heero did go somewhere cold...but when this was written, I kinda'...forgot...so just pretend this happened before that or something. Sorry for the misunderstading.
And now a word from our sponsor...
I would like to take this time to thank Mandy5 who rocks out loud. I give her complete credit for this chapter and it was all thanks to her amazing idea that this chapter was brought into being. The moment she gave me this idea I couldn't wait to do it. Hope you liked it!
Next I would like to thank all the people who have read this. I got 1000 people to read this! That's a really big number! To think 1000 people actually used time where they could have been doing something productive to read my little story.
I would also like to add a note that I had to do a lot of research to find out the type of sword Wufei has. A LOT! Despite what some authors would have me believe, I knew it wasn't a katana. He does NOT use a katana. He may own a katana but that isn't his fighting sword. It's a dao! I swear it is. Don't believe me? Look at the anime/manga and find one mention of Wufei using a katana. Or any other sword for that matter. I dare you. Prove me wrong. Wufei's sword is not consistently straight. Wufei's sword tapers and it curves. Plus, katanas are JAPANESE! Jeeze.
It also can't be jian. Though he may very well have one. Jians aren't curved.
Sorry. That rant had to be gotten over with. You would not believe how many times I've had to hold that rant in while reading some story where Wufei's lover drools over him while he practices with a katana(s).
Oh and one last note. I'm sorry I'm taking so long. Like I said: Writer's block is a bitch. Plus, I'm a lazy little git. But you know comments might motivate me to work faster. (hint hint) Yeah. I know. I'm attention monger.
Please comment and give me ideas. Writer's block is getting me behind schedule.