Disclaimer:I do not own Gundam Wing. And anyone who thinks I do has obviously been drinking too much of 'Upscale British' Quatre's tea (long story, don't ask).

Author's Notes: My friend and I got to talking and we wondered what the pilots Christmas letters to Santa would look like and then VIOLA! This was born from the mayhem. Never mind the fact that they all probably don't believe in Santa. Let us fan girls have our moments, thank you. But this is probably my most favorite of all story arches. I just can't wait for chapter 12! It's gonna' be so great. I am really tempted to skip all chapters in front of it and just go straight to it. But if I did that it would completely ruin the ending and the ending wouldn't make sense anymore. Not that it makes sense now.

Oh and another thing. I am NOT on drugs. Thank you.

Warnings: Major stupidity! Christmas cheer. Minor mild language. Author probably drunk on eggnog but that's what makes things fun anyways.

'On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Seven pieces of coal.'

Duo lay on his back under a small bed, biting his knuckle to keep from chuckling. He concentrated on quieting his breathing so that he was as silent as humanly possible. He was on a mission of the utmost importance and he most certainly could not afford to get caught. If he was found now, especially in the suspicious looking place that he was, he was definitely going to be in big trouble. It was a risky and life-threatening job, but someone had to do it. And it might as well be him, not that he wasn't enjoying it of course.

He had been laying in the dark on the hard wooden floor for three hours and it was starting to get a little boring. It seemed as if no one had ever cleaned under the bed and he was getting lint in his hair, and not to mention, the fact that his back was starting to ache from staying still so long. Despite all this, Duo still couldn't help the wide grin that was firmly planted on his face. He had taken all the necessary precautions to make sure everything would go smoothly and so far nothing had messed up. It had taken a lot of work to get as far as he had gotten so far but in the end it would be completely worth it.

His back and legs had cramped up about an hour ago but he knew that at any moment that his target could enter the room, and he couldn't chance that person hearing him and giving away his presence in the room.

Duo stopped his mental snickering as he heard someone enter the pitch black room. He held his breath as the footsteps drew closer to where he lay silently on the floor. Duo's whole consciousness narrowed to focus on the quiet sounds of the other person in the room that was slowly drawing closer to Duo's hiding spot.

Duo moved his head slightly and saw that the pair of feet were now directly in front of him, standing at the edge of the bed. He smirked and shot out his hand, grabbing on to the ankle that was closest to him.

"DANGER!" Duo shouted as soon as he felt his hand touch the skin of the leg that he had aimed for. Duo heard a loud cry of surprise and the person that he had grabbed jumped backwards, doing a back flip to land about three feet away. Duo then immediately drew back his hand as fast as he could, just in time to avoid a bulled that buried itself into the floor directly where Duo's hand had been mere moments before.

Duo burst into fits of laughter and managed to force out, "Don't shoot. Don't shoot." through his insane laughter. He was laughing so hard that tears sprang to his eyes and it became harder to breath through each of the bursts of laughter. Suddenly light flooded the room and when no more shots were fired, Duo rolled out from under the bed, still shaking from his uncontrollable laughter. Once he was out in the open, Duo managed to pull one of his eyes open to see a very shocked looking Trowa standing by the doorway and aiming a gun directly at his head.

Trowa looked at Duo in shock, which quickly melted into anger. He had thought that the OZ soldiers from before had given their location away before they had been 'dispatched', and that now he was getting attacked by their friends. But it didn't take long for Trowa to realize that it was just the braided pilot who had decided to hide out in his room. Though, he did have to admit that he was impressed at Duo's ability to stay silent when he wanted to. You would have never guessed by the constant stream of noise coming from Duo's mouth, that he would be so efficient at staying so silent. Trowa hadn't even suspected that there had been another person in the room.

Duo waved one of his hands at Trowa, trying to communicate his wish that Trowa put the gun away. "I'm sorry Tro'." Duo choked out, finally getting his laughter under control, "I couldn't help it."

Trowa just glared at him and Duo's eyes widened as he saw Trowa's finger get tighter on the trigger. Duo lept to the side just as another bullet whizzed past him to embed itself in the mattress of Trowa's bed.

"Hey! What was that for!?" Duo shouted at Trowa, no longer laughing. Duo glared over at the other pilot, who matched Duo's glare with one of his own.

"You should know exactly what that was for. And that was a warning shot." Trowa said, his voice sounding eerily calm due to the angry glare that it was attached to. "And next time you have the idea to sneak into my room, hide under my bed, and try to do something stupid, you had better 'help it'."

Duo just chuckled and got to his feet and brushed the dust and lint off of his back. "Well of course I will. I'd never do the same thing twice." Duo said while smirking at Trowa, "That'd be a little repetitive, don't ya' think?"

Trowa just huffed and put away the gun. "Yeah, sure." He muttered and opened the door to his room, signaling that it was time for Duo to leave so that he could get some sleep.

The moment the door was open, Heero came charging into the room with his gun ready. His wild eyes scanned the room, pointing his gun into every corner. "Barton! What was all the yelling?" Heero barked, still looking for whatever had caused the disturbance. "Are Klaus's minions back?"

Duo snickered at Heero's question, but managed to muffle them when Trowa shot another glare in his direction. "Nothing is wrong Yuy." Trowa responded to Heero calmly. "The yelling was merely my surprise at finding Duo in my room," Trowa informed Heero, gesturing towards Duo, who was currently sitting on Trowa's bed, looking around Trowa's room with interest. "And no. It was not any of Klaus's minions." He finished, rubbing his temples lightly. Sleep was going to be impossible for him now. He could already feel the headache coming on. Trowa sighed mentally, wishing more than anything that he could return to the everyday dangers and surprises of the war and get away from his fellow gundam pilots. They were fine for short period encounters, but once you are forced to spend more than two hours with them, almost everything they did started to seem annoying.

With a curt nod, Heero walked out his door and into his own room. Duo sighed and got to his feet, walking to towards the door. On his way out Duo clapped Trowa on the shoulder and grinned up at him. "Sorry 'bout the scare Tro' but you gotta' admit that it was getting a bit quiet in here." Duo said in a friendly tone, as if Trowa hadn't just tried to bury a bullet in his skull moments before.

Trowa just huffed and said, "Out." The edge was gone from his voice, so Duo guessed that his comrade's original anger at his joke had at least subsided a bit. But then again it was kinda' hard to tell with any of the pilots other than Quatre, so Duo couldn't be completely certain. Duo just smiled up at Trowa one last time and exited the room.

The moment Duo had left Trowa's room, he was confronted with a pair of sky blue eyes, who were staring at him in confusion.

"Duo what happened?" Quatre asked him, a note of fear for his two fellow pilots in his voice, as he looked towards Duo for the answer to his question. Quatre was standing in the cold hallway, wearing only his boxers and despite the fact that it was probably only 50 degrees Fahrenheit in the house, didn't seem to be cold. He had just been drifting off to sleep when he had heard the gun shots and he had immediately grabbed his own gun from it usual place on his nightstand, then came rushing towards Trowa's room. Sadly, Quatre had found that he had to wait outside helplessly, due to the God-awful computerized locks that Heero had installed on all the doors. The locks were proving themselves to be more of a nuisance than a blessing. All the pilots were constantly being locked out of rooms because all the locks had different combinations and it was easy to forget one. Plus, Quatre had, in the past, found no need to memorize the code to Trowa's lock. So he had been forced to wait outside, going over every possible horrible, death scenario in his head while waiting for someone to open the door. He had even tried going to Heero, but his door had been closed and there was no way for Quatre to get inside, though thankfully Heero had come rushing out moments after Quatre had tried the door. Then a few seconds after Heero started to input the code into the lock's key pad, Trowa, to Quatre's relief, had opened the door himself.

Duo looked down at Quatre and smiled widely. "Oh, I was just joking around with Trowa." He stated happily, already walking past Quatre and heading towards the kitchen since he had found it necessary to skip dinner in order to take time to hack into the locks and get into Trowa's room while everyone else was eating.

Quatre trotted after Duo, looking over at him suspiciously. He couldn't tell if Duo was being serious or just kidding. He waited a few seconds for Duo to tell him what had really happened, but when the other pilot said nothing, he decided to question him further. "What do you mean?" Quatre asked Duo.

Duo's grin just got wider. "Oh you shoulda' seen it Quatre! It was great!" Duo said with a laugh, remembering how shocked Trowa had looked. "I skipped dinner, hacked into Trowa's room, hid under his bed and then scared the living day lights just as he was about to go to sleep."

Quatre couldn't help but to laugh at what Duo was telling him, despite the fact that he felt bad for Trowa. "So you weren't sick after all." Quatre stated, shaking his head in amazement that Duo had actually gone so far as to miss a meal in order to pull off his joke. "How did you scare him?" Quatre asked, a look of amusement in his eyes.

"I grabbed his ankle just as he was about to get into bed!" Duo said laughing at his own genius. Sometimes he even amazed himself.

Quatre laughed outright at this. He could already imagine the look on Trowa's face when he felt the hand grab his ankle. He had to admit that it was a cruel prank to play on a soldier in a war, but he also had to admit that he wished that he had the guts to do something like that himself. "Allah. He must have jumped out of skin!" Quatre said with another laugh.

"Yeah!" Duo responded, "It was so great! He leaped like halfway across the room! Oh man...I wish I had caught it on camera."

Quatre smiled at the idea. He had always wanted to buy a camera. Since any day could be the last, he thought that the idea of a camera to record each day he had seemed like a good idea. It had even seemed important enough that he had decided to include it on his the Christmas list that Duo had had him write a few days before. "But that's an easy way to get yourself killed." Quatre pointed out, trying to at least seem like he didn't completely approve of Duo's actions.

Duo smiled widely as they entered the kitchen and put his hands behind his head while walking over to the pantry. "Ah, yes. But I would have left this world with a smile on my face." Duo sighed happily. "Plus, I think Trowa has a little more self-control than to kill me without questioning me first." He then leaned over and grabbed a bag of cookies shaped like snowmen out of the pantry, which were another thing that he had bought in his Christmas euphoria.

Quatre looked off in thought as Duo popped another cookie into his mouth. "Hey Duo," Quatre said, still looking thoughtful, "Didn't you say that Santa was always watching?" Quatre asked.

"Yeah, so?" Duo said around a cookie, while trying to figure out what Quatre was getting at.

"Well, didn't you also say that you had to behave or else you would get coal?" Quatre mused, looking over at Duo for confirmation.

Duo swallowed and looked slightly fearful, glancing around the room as if he would see Santa Klaus looking back at him from the shadows. "Um, yeah. I guess I did say that." He murmured.

Quatre looked concerned as he saw the smile fall off of Duo's face. "So wouldn't that pertain to that little trick you pulled?" He continued.

Duo set down the cookies and took a deep breath. "Yeah, I guess it would. But there are a lot of worse things than just scaring someone a bit." Duo said with a wave of his hand, trying to blow the whole thing off as nothing.

Quatre laughed and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, you're right! If all the deaths we cause don't get us a mountain of coal then I don't think that a little prank will."

"Exactly! I am right! Plus, I'll just be extra good, and then Santa will be forced to not give me coal." Duo exclaimed, looking slightly relieved. He had gotten coal every single year. Every single 'effin year. Back at the church, Sister Mary would get up extra early on Christmas morning just so she could beat Duo to his gifts and exchange them with something other than an ugly rock to make sure that he wouldn't get disappointed. At first he had liked the gift of coal. In fact, he had even named it and it had become his pet 'Rocky' (yeah, original little tyke wasn't he?). He still had it. It normally sat on the floor of his gundam's cockpit, but he had brought it with him when he was sentenced into this house since he didn't want Rocky to be alone on their 'anniversary'. It was currently taking residence in Duo's left pocket, kinda' like a lucky charm or something. But after the first time of getting coal, it had gotten a little old. This year he was determined to get something other than coal, even if he had to steal it off the old windbag's sleigh himself! And even if he had to act like a good little boy for the rest of the days leading up to Christmas!

As Duo was thinking, he heard footsteps entering the kitchen. Since he was so lost in his thoughts, without thinking, he acted on his gundam pilot instincts, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the first blunt object he felt and then hurling it in the direction of the footsteps.

Quatre smiled over at Wufei who was walking into the kitchen for his routine cup of water that he got every single night, without fail, directly at midnight. Just as Quatre was raising his hand to greet his fellow pilot, he saw Duo throw something at Wufei. Wufei seemed to notice the object just as Quatre did, but it was already too late to move out of the way since the last thing he had been expecting when walking into the kitchen was to be assaulted by one of the other pilots. Quatre watched in complete horror as the object struck Wufei square in the center of the forehead, knocking him back to the floor, unconscious.

Duo seemed to realized exactly what he had done just a few seconds after the object was out of his hand, and he watched Wufei fall to the ground in what seemed like slow motion.

The moment Wufei dropped, both Duo and Quatre leaped towards him, in order to see if he was alright. "What in Allah's name did you do that for!?" Quatre almost shouted, still trying to be mindful of the other people in the house that were sleeping.

"I-I didn't mean to." Duo stuttered, watching as blood sprouted from a gash on Wufei's forehead. "I just wasn't thinking and then- footsteps – reflexs- It's not my fault!" Duo tried to explain, though his mind didn't seem to want to stay on one train of thought for then a few seconds. Duo's eyes then searched the ground for the object that he had thrown and noticed the small black object lying on the ground about a foot away from Wufei's head.

"Rocky!" Duo shouted, lunging for the object and scooping it up in one of his hands. "I'm sorry buddy." Duo told the small black rock with a smiley face painted on it. "I didn't mean to throw you like that."

'Rocky?' Quatre wondered as he stared at Duo with a slight mix of fear, confusion, and worry. He just guessed that 'Rocky' must be the name of the black rock that Duo was currently hugging. He couldn't really figure out why Duo was talking to the rock, but then again, Duo had done much stranger things in the past.

A groan on the floor brought Quatre's attention back to his injured comrade who seemed to be slowly coming back to the conscious world.

Wufei's eyes squeezed tightly together, as Wufei tried to pinpoint what part of him was hurting and thenn he slowly opened his eyes as he felt the initial wave of pain subside. Wufei glanced wearily around the room trying to take in his surroundings, while attempting to remember exactly what had happened that had landed him on the floor with a cut on his head.

The first thing Wufei noticed was a worried looking Quatre who was leaning over him and then Maxwell, who looked...to be cuddling a rock. Why didn't that surprise him at all? Wufei rolled his eyes and started to sit forward and raised a hand to head to feel the sticky blood that was already starting to dry.

"Are you alright Wufei?" Quatre asked him slowly.

"I'm fine Winner." He responded tensely, still not being able to remember how it had happened.

'Wait. Maxwell had done this!' Wufei's mind slowly registered.

Wufei's head snapped to the side so that he was able to send a glare at Duo. A murderous look come over Wufei's face as he guessed that that rock that Duo was cuddling with was probably the object that Duo had used to attack him with. Wufei let out a growl. "Maxwell, you have five seconds to explain yourself." Wufei hissed at Duo.

Duo's eyes widened and his gaze shot over to Wufei in fear. He mentally fumbled for an excuse that Wufei would buy, but came up short. With a mental shrug, Duo just decided to wing it and see where that got him. "Woah! Hey! This isn't my fault. I was trying to save you." Duo exclaimed, attempting to sound indignant. "You see, Rocky, he's got some anger issues, and I tried so hard to keep him at bay, but he's an animal I tell you! I just couldn't prevent him from attacking again!"

Wufei's glare intensified after Duo's explanation. "Why did 'Rocky' get impaled upon my skull Maxwell?" he ground out.

"Well hey, you're not the only victim here. Rocky got hit just as hard." Duo said, raising his nose and holding his precious pet rock closer.

"Maxwell." Wufei growled in warning.

"For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Right? So that means that your forehead hit Rocky back just as hard. For all I know, Rocky could have a severe concussion."

Wufei just lunged for Duo and shouted, "I'll show you and equal and opposite reaction!"

Duo yelped in surprise but had already predicted this outcome and dove off to the side and avoided the attack. "I didn't mean to!" Duo cried over his shoulder. "Really! I'm being good this year!"

"Yeah right!" Wufei shouted back. Throwing a punch at Duo's head but missing by about an inch when he ducked.

"I am!" Duo shouted back. He raced around their kitchen table and then jumped over the island. "I'm sorry Wufei!"

"Not going to work Maxwell!" Wufei growled while throwing another punch at Duo's head. "You'll be really sorry when I shove that rock down your throat, which you should have thought about before throwing the darn thing!"

Duo yelped as he narrowly avoided a kick to the torso. "You snuck up on me!" Duo shouted at him.

"I was walking through a doorway, Maxwell! In plain sight no less!" Wufei shot back, amazed that Duo actually seemed to think that he wasn't at fault.

"I said I was sorry!" Duo whined, ducking a punch that was aimed at his neck.

Quatre just sighed as the other two boys crashed around the kitchen. After the things that he had already been forced to deal with during his stay in this house, these sort of things just didn't phase him anymore. Instead, he got to his feet, brushing himself off and headed for his room. He would just let them sort things out between themselves, they would both probably calm down in a few minutes anyway.

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, Duo was using a frying pan to block a knife that Wufei was wielding. In normal houses, people just talk out their problems; here, they headed straight for the cutlery. Duo almost laughed at the situation.

Though there was one thing that he didn't find funny at all. Rocky was probably going to have another brother or sister come Christmas morning after that little stunt that he had pulled. He could almost kick himself for not thinking before he threw the rock. 'Oh well' Duo thought. He would just have to be on his extra best behavior in order to make up for it.

And now a word from our sponsor...

I'm sooooo sorry that this took so long. Though I'm a bit curious as to whether or not anyone actually noticed that I was missing. In fact, I'll bet there was a party. But anyway, I have an excuse for not creating another chapter until today. I just go so distracted, loss of motivation, my Christmas spirit seemed to whither after New Years and was entirely gone by Valentines. But then when I finally got the perfect idea for the next two chapters, I completely lost it. I got so mad. You see, what happened was I got an idea right before going to bed. You know how sometimes you'll just get a flash of genius right before you're about to go sleep? One of those. But anyway, I was so tired I really didn't feel like getting out of my nice warm bed to do something about my genius idea and I thought I would remember it in the morning. WRONG! I couldn't remember a thing when I woke up the next morning. Not a thing. The only thing that I managed to remember is that I had a brilliant idea and it would last for two chapters and that I had loved it. Just enough information to make me miss the idea but not enough to remind me of what it is. I screamed, I yelled, I cursed, I re-read all my previous chapters, I read Christmasy stuff, I listened to a full CD of Christmas music 3 times, I ate pancakes (which may not sound productive but it has symbolic value...and I was hungry), I went over every topic I had been thinking about before going to sleep and yet I still wasn't able to remember what the idea was. All I remember is that it had something to do with:

-Duo reading

-Some song that I like but can't remember which one

-Revenge on something about something

-Ice

-Something to do with a Harry Potter icon that I saw and now can't remember

-Quatre and Trowa played some major part

-The phrase "These aren't the droids you're looking for"

-Mistletoe, which wasn't intended to be used for strictly yaoi purposes

-Markers

-Something called 'Captain Disaster' (but I think I know what I was planning with that)

-A couple of randomly placed phrases that I can't remember

-And a blond woman in a too short female Santa costume

Which makes absolutely no sense when put together in a list like that. I'm starting to think that maybe I didn't really have an idea at all and that I was just thinking of some random stuff before going to sleep and woke up thinking that I had had an idea.

ARG! But anyway, I'll stop gripping. I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. As this story goes on it seems to be becoming less and less Christmas themed. I'm toying with the idea of just dropping this fic until next Christmas rolls around, but I'm not sure yet. I'll probably create one more chapter and then decide, depending on how things turn out until then.

Also, some of you may or may not noticed that I got rid of the Christmas lists. I did that because I want to have them at the end of the series so that they will make more sense. So just in case you are about to get mad at me for taking them down (as if any one really cares enough about that!), they are coming back.

I also changed the ending of Day Two because I wasn't satisfied with it. I'm still not happy with it though.