At last, I've got a second chapter... And that's not the only thing, I've got to write a third chapter too. (looks worried). It's still not finished (looks tired) I'm absolutely going crazy... This was supposed to be a one-shot :S. Anywayz, here is the seconed chapter... Enjoy.
Disclaimer: Morgain doesn't own Harry Potter, that would have been very sad for Remus, as you can read in this fanfic (see, that's what it is, a fanfic, not a official story), no money is made out of this.
Morgain apologises for any errors made in this text, English isn't her native language and she doesn't work with a beta-reader. This is no excuse for her mistakes but it is a explaination.
Remus stared out of the window. It was raining outside. Rowena hadn't answered his letter, already days had passed, normally she'd write back very quickly. Remus didn't care, he was sinking into lethargy and most of the time he was staring out of the window, just like now.
Slowly it was getting dark, but Remus didn't notice. He hadn't slept for a long time. Sending his letter to Rowena had been the last sensible thing he'd done. After that moment he'd let go and now his life was faling apart. And, again, he didn't care.
All he was feeling was the pain, slowly taking over his entire life. He was sinking into a swamp, drowning in tears and choking like a fish upon the land, all at the same time. Time passed.
The night turned into day, and that day turned into night again, he lost track of time. Life went on, like a living hell. He didn't know how many days or weeks had passed when he finally forced himself to eat something. But he'd lost the ability to taste anything.
Then the full moon came, and the wolf cried out all the pain and sorrow, then curled up in a corner and fell to sleep. Not only was it strange behaviour for the wolf, it also was the first time Remus slept in weeks.
---
When he awoke someone was hovering over him, blokking out the sharp morning light. The person was hooded and cloaked, just like the person in his dream from years ago. His first reaction was out of fear, curling up into a ball. Then he heared a soft female voice. "Remus, are you allright? Why didn't you answer my letters?" Then he saw her cloak wasn't black, but blue, and he remembered who she was and why she was there.
She lowered the hood she was wearing. Her short blond hair fel into her face. Her concerned face was just to much and he broke down and cried. The tears started to flow and they wouldn't stop. The sound of sobs started to fill the room and Remus felt as if he was choking in the sound. Rowena softly grabbed his arm en gently lead him outside, into the garden and the early morning sun. It was early summer and warm enough to sit outside. She pushed him into a chair and walked back inside. Promising she would be back soon with something to eat.
His head was spinning and aching. The pain was gone, and instead there was an emptiness that wasn't healing the wound but didn't make them worse either. Suddenly the sun seamed less bright and all colors seamed to fade. Any feelings that might have been left inside him disappeared and he started to fal into a dark pit. It was a fall without an end and he was swallowed by darkness.
---
She walked outside again to the place she'd left Remus just a minute ago. But when she arrived there she knew right away she'd been away to long. Remus' eyes where empty and staring into nothing. Her worst fear had came true, if she couldn't break through this depression she'd lose him, and she knew.
"Remus..." She tried to talk to him, but he didn't answer her. "Remus, talk to me. Remus!" She kept trying but failed. The kept staring without noticing her. She sat down on her knees in front of him and grabbed his hands. He didn't react at first but then he looked down at their entangled hands and looked right into her eyes.
"Remus! I know you can hear me. Please, answer me." She felt hopeless. He was so close, yet so far away. She had to reach him, if she didn't, he'd die. He would, again, forget to take care of himself and eventually, it would lead to his death. Images of a dead wolf that, slowly, transformed into a human being tortured her. "I don't want to find you dead after a full moon, Remus. Do you hear me?! I don't want to!" She was screaming, but Remus view had faded again, and he did no longer see her.
He head dropped onto Remus' lab and tears filled her eyes. "Remus, please. Don't leave me. Don't leave me." She had always thought that, when she would have to face a moment like this, she would be strong, she would know what to do and save whoever it was she had to take care of. But things turned out different. She noticed that she missed the third person of their group and the pain of realising Sirius was no longer there to help either of them came crushing in.
"So that's what you feel. The emptiness is taking over, and you stopped caring. Well, I'll tell you what Remus, I dó care. I'll get you out of this. I'll prove I can do what I thought I'd do. I'll stay strong and I will win!"
---
Weeks passed, and slowly Remus was getting better. Rowena nursed him day and night. She'd stay by his side when he went to sleep, she'd wake him up when he'd have a nightmare and she'd feed him when he was hungry. When things had gotten back to normal Remus could recall the moment she'd tried to feat him something for the first time. Most of his memories of that time where a blur, but that event was something that he'd remember the rest of his life. Probably because his body, his fragile body that was no longer used to food, had decided to trow almost all of the soup out. That was because he hadn't listened to Rowena's warning. She'd told him to eat slowly and carefully, but his confused brain hadn't registered her words and he had learned the hard way.
After she'd cleaned the mess up she'd put an arm around him and carefully she'd helped him to eat. She didn't give him much, but after a while his body got used to eating again.
His behaviour was unpredictable at the time, and looking back he felt ashamed of his continues mood-swings. Rowena sometimes lost hope, after one of his outbursts he would find her back in the kitchen, crying. One time even she'd screamed at him: "Do you want me to leave you to yourself, do you want me to take you to a hospital? I'm very sure that they won't be nice to a werewolf who's having a depression!" She'd flung her arms around his neck and they'd both cried.
But she'd had stayed strong. For both of them. And after Remus had gotten better and was able to live by himself again, she made a sacrifice that Remus would always be thankful for. By that time two years had passed and the pain of Sirius' betrayal had been slowly lulled into sleep. It was still there, but it didn't overshadow Remus' life any more.
Or so they thought, because one night Remus found himself back in their seventh year, facing the same nightmare that had haunted him al those years ago. But this time no-one was there to wake him (Rowena had gone home for the night, she wouldn't be back until the next morning), and so, the dream went on.
---
The hooded person was holding the knife close to Remus' chest. "Die. Because you want to. I know it." Slowly the hood was lowered, and Remus screamed. Sirius was staring back at him and then screamed just as lout. "Remus?" "Sirius?" "What on earth? Did I just tell you you wanted to die? Did I actually tell that to you of all people?" "I suppose you did..." Sirius reached out his hand and Remus grabbed it and was pulled up by the other. Before either of them could speak they were hugging, both of them almost crushing the other. "Don't let go, hold me, just don't let me go." "You've said that before, and you already know my answer." "But back then I'd had actually committed a crime. A crime that compared to this supposed crime is almost nothing. Can you still love me after al this?" "I told you, I'd love you forever."
They were holding onto each other, just like back then. Remus felt the pain coming back, but just before it could completely take over, it occurred to him."Hang on. Did you say 'supposed crime' did you say 'I'd actually committed a crime' do you mean what I think you're saying?" But Sirius didn't answer. "Goodbye Remus..." "Wait! I need to know. Tell me!" He tried to grab Sirius' wrist, but all his fingers found was air.
---
When Rowena arrived the next morning she found Remus in bed with the curtains still closed. For the first time in weeks she felt the fear of losing him crawl back into her mind. She attempted to open the curtains but Remus claimed to have a headache and said the light bothered him to much. It wasn't until lunch though she started to feel uncertain.
Remus' depressed mood seemed to have found his way up again. He wouldn't eat or sleep and she started to feel desperate. "Remus, please. You've come so far, don't let go now." She pleaded him, but he didn't react and she cried, for she thought that finally, he'd given up the fight and she'd failed to save him. "Remus, tell me, tell me what's wrong. Everything went so well, I thought you'd make it, what changed?"
"I saw him." Remus' voice trembled. "In a dream. He was the one who told me to die, he said I wanted to..." She interrupted him. "You mean the person from your nightmares it actually was Sirius?" She couldn't believe it, but Remus nodded. "His face was pale, and his eyes where empty. He's suffering Rowena, and I can't stand it. I love him. If he's in pain, so am I. You're trying to safe the wrong person, if you can't cure him, you can't cure me." "Oh, Remus, you know I'd want to safe both of you. But I don't know if I did. Remember what Sirius did... Oh, I'm so sorry to say this to you." She shook her head, how could she say this to him? He loved Sirius for goodness sake. "That's just it. He says he hasn't done it."
"What?" She felt like she was drunk, yet she knew she hadn't touched any drink all morning. "Remus, do you have a fever? You're babbling, you have to be. Did you lose your mind, or did I just go crazy? That must be it, I'm going crazy. I thought you just said that Sirius claims to not have committed that terrible crime." "You're not going crazy, that's what I just said." "Remus, how can you say that? I know you loved him, and I know you'll always will, but all the evidence..." She heard her voice break. "I can't say this, not to you."
Remus grabbed her hand and forced her to look at him. "Please, I know it hurts, I feel the pain every day. But I saw Sirius, I have to know for certain. Surely you must understand that." "I know Remus, I'd like to know for certain to, but I suppose we'll never know, not unless..." She trailed off. "Not unless someone goes to Azkaban to find out..." She bit her lip. "Forget it Remus, that's just one of my crazy thoughts, let it go." "I can't. If I let go, I'll die." "I know..."
---
She was holding his hand. By the time it grew dark a fever entered his body and wouldn't let go. Rowena had stopped trying to cool his forehead. Both of them knew it was no use. "You're dying." Her voice was nothing more than a whisper, a sigh of the wind. He didn't have the power to react. "Oh, if only I could help you. I wish the war didn't exist, I wish non of this had happened. I can't safe you, and I'm sure that by now I can't even save myself from darkness." Then she fel silent again, or maybe he just doze of into sleep, he didn't know.
The night went by. Both of them watched it pas, sometimes both wide awake, sometimes barely concious. When the early morning light came Rowena suddenly let go of his hand. "I don't know if this i going to work, but I'll try. If I go to Azkaban and try to talk to Sirius, will you find peace? Will you live if you have certainty about the whole matter?" Remus managed to find enough strength to argue with her. "Are you sure you are willing to go to that place? Would you take the risk of getting caught with a dangerous prisoner talking about him being not guilty?" She shot a question right back at him. "Do you believe your dream? Do you believe Sirius?" "Yes I do." "Than will you trust me, and let me take this risk? I want to know for certain I tried everything to save you, or I can't let you die."
Well, that's it... Next chapter coming soon... I'm going to have to write more :S. Oh well, we'll see, I'll try. Please leave a review, I'll reply to everyone of them (puppy eyes)