Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing.

Author's Notes: My friend and I got to talking and we wondered what the pilots Christmas letters to Santa would look like and then VIOLA! This was born from the mayhem. Never mind the fact that they all probably don't believe in Santa. Let us fan girls have our moments, thank you..

Warnings: Major stupidity! Christmas cheer. Author probably drunk on eggnog but that's what makes things fun anyways.

'On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Nine Russian soap operas.'

Heero sat calmly on the living room couch, typing away on the laptop resting on his lap. It had been four days since he had reported to the Doctor and he had some serious work to do.

Across the room, Duo sat on the floor about a foot away from the T.V., flipping through the channels and Quatre sat on the chair closest to Duo. Every couple of seconds Duo would switch the channel again, causing a serious annoyance to Heero. Not to mention that Duo had been repeating this process for the last two hours! And they only had like 40 channels! Heero couldn't understand why both Duo and Quatre seemed to be so fixated on a television that only showed weird soap operas in Russian.

Every second Heero would hear:

Click.

Babble babble.

Collective groan from Duo and Quatre.

Click.

Russian chatter.

Sigh.

Click.

Sound of a woman sobbing and some more Russian babble.

Growl.

Click.

For two freaking hours! Even with Heero's focus and ability to tune out stuff, the background noise of Duo and Quatre was starting to get on his nerves.

Heero lifted his head as Trowa and Wufei entered the room, debating about something or another. Heero mentally shrugged and went back to his work since he couldn't hear what they were saying anyway over the noise of the television.

As Wufei entered the room, he carefully took in the scene in front of him, trying to make some sense of it. In the end he merely reached the conclusion that Duo's peculiar habits were contagious and Quatre had caught it, so now they both had an odd goal to watch all the Russian soap operas on their T.V. at the same time, and Wufei couldn't be certain if they were failing or succeeding. Judging by the discontented sounds coming from the pair, he did venture a guess that they were losing.

Wufei looked over at Trowa with a confused look on his face, as if to ask Trowa if he knew what was going on. Trowa simply shrugged in response and went to calmly sit down on the small sofa across from where Quatre sat to watch as Duo flipped through the channels.

Wufei paced over to stand behind Duo and look down at the television. "Whatever you're looking for, if you haven't found it yet, it probably isn't there." Wufei stated mildly, not looking away from the television screen, which was currently showing a voluptuous woman crying and clinging to the leg of a dark, handsome man, who was shouting something down at the girl in Russian. Wufei didn't even want to bother to mention that the shows only changed once every half hour, so flipping through them constantly was basically pointless.

Duo sighed and rolled his eyes. Without turning around to look at Wufei, he responded, "Yes, I realize that, but I'm going to keep trying to look anywa-"

"Oooh! Duo! Is that it!?" Quatre shouted, interrupting Duo. He had jumped up from his seat and was pointing to the television with a wide, hopeful grin on his face.

A wide smile broke across Duo's face and he suppressed the urge to start dancing around the room out of pure relief and the urge to shout, "See! I know what I'm doing!" in Wufei's face. He looked over at Quatre and smiled even wider. "Yep, that's exactly what we're looking for."

Both Heero and Trowa looked over at the television to see what Quatre and Duo were getting so excited about. On the screen it showed the opening credits to some show and a chubby snowman trudging around in snow. The only word of the credits that weren't in Russian was the word 'Rudolph', which might as well have been in Russian to Heero, Wufei and Trowa. Heero just shook his head and went back to typing. Honestly, he couldn't have cared less what Duo and Quatre watched, as long as Duo didn't start his insane channel surfing again.

Duo leaned back and smiled as the snowman started his little dance routine. He could still remember watching this movie at least 300 times back when he was younger. He had each line practically memorized.

Quatre sat back down and moved towards the end of his seat in order to see the screen better. Duo had spent the better part of the last two hours telling him how big a part the Christmas specials were to the holiday experience. And even if he couldn't understand what they were saying, he was looking forward to seeing the Rudolph movie. The movie looked extremely old. Judging by the movements and appearance of the snowman, who was still dancing around, the movie was made by just moving a figurine around a set and taking photos after each move until you had enough pictures to combine into making a moving scene. This movie was practically an antique, Quatre was surprised they even still showed it! Quatre looked over at Duo with a grin and said, "It looks as if it would be difficult to dance around for that poor snowman. I bet he wished he had legs."

Duo just laughed and swung a pillow at Quatre. "Sadly, we all know first hand why he doesn't and should never have legs. Better to be dancing around on a stubby, buttish-thing than to have two broken twigs for legs." Duo said laughing.

Wufei walked over to a couch and sat next to Heero, across from the T.V. and leaned forward as the snowman's song seemed as if it was coming to an end. There was nothing better to do, he had already read and finished all his books, but just watching the snowman, he could already feel his braincells dying the most slow and painful death imaginable, one by one. He sat silently on the couch listening as their cries of anguish almost drowned out the song. Just as Wufei accepted the fate of his poor, defenseless IQ, the snowman finally stopped singing and the mindless Christmas show...shut off.

Wufei sat there for a few seconds, trying to grasp what had just happened. Not only had the television shut off, but everything had shut off. The only light came from the dying fire in the fireplace, and in the darkness, Wufei could hear Duo shout, "Hey, what gives!?" and the sound of him pushing the power button of the television several times.

The five pilots sat in the darkness silently for a few seconds, with Duo still trying to push the power button, as if hitting it a couple dozen more times might magically yield a different result than the first dozen times. The silence was then broken by Heero, who growled, "Maxwell, what did you do?"

In the dim light of the fire, Duo turned to make a face at Heero. "I didn't do anything, but I'm missing the movie is what I'm doing right now." Duo cried.

"Probably just a short circuit." Quatre reasoned, trying to stop a fight before it started. He then got to his feet and started walking towards the door. "I'll go and check the fuse box." He stated before reaching the door.

It was just about the same time that Quatre finished his statement that he realized that there was a major wrench in his plan. He realized that he wouldn't be able to get to the fuse box just as he stretched out his arm towards the lock key pad. The electronic lock key pad. He stood there for a few seconds, just looking at the key pad as if any second, the screen on the pad would light up again as long as he just stood still long enough.

"Heero?" Quatre said meekly.

"Huh?

"Your locks are a fire hazard."

"Oh." was Heero's only reply as he remembered the locks he had installed to keep out the elves.

Quatre silently went back to his spot and sat down, leaning forward and resting his chin in his hands, feeling a sense of what could only be described as 'tranquil panic' creep over him. Unlike the last time he had been trapped in a room by Heero's locks, this time it was actually real and there was no on around to let them out.

Trowa sighed and leaned back in his seat, stretching out his legs. "So, do you think OZ is behind this?"

Heero shook his head. "No. I honestly don't. OZ would have screwed something up and made it obvious it was them."

The calm, almost numb feeling, in the room was suddenly broken by a growl of frustration from Duo. "I'm missing the movie all because of your stupid elf phobia Heero!" Duo shouted, pointing a finger in Heero's direction accusingly.

Wufei huffed and growled, "Don't you think we have more to worry about right now than that pointless movie of your's?"

Duo pulled his glare away from Heero and redirected it at Wufei instead. "I searched for that thing for two hours! I deserve to see more than the opening credits." He growled in aggravation.

Wufei rolled his eyes at Duo's priorities. "You're being childish Maxwell." Wufei sighed.

"No, you're being childish!" Duo shot back. He realized that that was quite possibly the single most stupid thing that had ever come out of his mouth, or anyone's mouth for that matter, but at that current moment in time, he really felt like being slightly less smart and difficult, it was just his way of venting. He was trapped in a small, cold room with four wacked-out killers, each of which should have been placed in a psychiatric facility for their multiple problems. Heero needed some help with his obsessive compulsiveness, not to mention the 'elf thing'. Quatre should probably ask a doctor about that whole 'no spine' thing, that probably wasn't healthy. Trowa, well actually Duo wasn't sure about him, maybe a new voice box because his old one didn't seem to be working, or maybe that was just Trowa's personality. And someone seriously needed to remove that stick from Wufei's ass.

Oh, and most importantly, Duo was missing his movie! In Duo's opinion, he deserved to let his genius IQ and maturity drop to that of a four year-old.

In all honesty, Wufei couldn't figure out how to reply to Duo's comment. He couldn't tell if Duo had been joking or if that had actually been his come back. To cover his confusion, he merely rolled his eyes and settled back into his chair.

Quatre looked between Duo and Wufei to make sure the argument was over. He then turned towards Heero and cleared his throat causing Heero to look up. "So, now what?" He asked.

Heero stared at the ground silently for a few moments before lifting his head to look over at Quatre. "Well, we try to figure out some sort of solution to our little dilemma." He responded solemnly.

The room was silent for a second while each of the five boys tried to think up a way to either get the power back on or how to get out of the house.

Finally, Duo broke the silence and asked, "Does anyone have something with a charge to it? Like your laptop Heero?"

Heero looked over at Duo. "Why? What would you use it for?" He asked, clutching his laptop tightly as if to protect it from whatever torture Duo was planning for it.

"To get a charge into the key pad long enough to get the door open." Duo responded.

Already the other three pilots were getting out their cellphones and other miscellaneous electronic devices.

"But there's a lock on every door Duo. Even if we could get enough of a charge into that lock, we wouldn't have nearly enough electricity to get through all the locks between here and the fuse box." Heero said.

"Ah, but you see, this is just a short circuit." Duo said with a sly grin. "That means that the power is only out in this room. So all we really have to do is get through this door and we're home free!"

"How're we going to get the power from any of the appliances into the key pad? And the power will have to supply energy to both the key pad and the lock, do you think that we'll have a sufficient supply to power them both?" Trowa asked from the couch, still staring down at his feet while thinking.

"Well maybe we can use some of the wires from some of the stuff and the rest is basically a leap of faith. We can't even be sure that it was just a short circuit or blown fuse. The entire house may be out of commission." Duo said with a shrug.

"So basically, you're plan is full of holes and guess work and may actually land us in an even worse situation than the one we're already in." Wufei commented mildly from his spot, with the regular anal retentive, I-know-best tone to his voice and body language.

"Well I don't see the oh-so-wise scholar coming up with any better ideas." Duo shot back defensively.

Wufei grinned and nodded towards the window. "We simply break through the window. And in case it isn't a short circuit, it would be a simple matter of climbing back in through the window to get back into the room." He explained smugly.

Duo rolled his eyes at Wufei's plan. "And what makes you think that you would be able to break the window?" He asked dryly.

Wufei flushed red in anger and glared darkly at Duo. "And what makes you think that I would be so weak that I would be unable to break something as fragile as glass?" He growled menacingly.

Duo chuckled and smirked, "Weellll, there is the fact that you're small, that Plato stuff that you read, and not to mention the fact that I could totally kick your Asian ass up into your shoulder blades if we ever fought." Duo commented casually with a sly grin. He started laughing as Wufei lept to his feet, growling threats in his native language, and giving Duo his I-wish-you-would-just-shrivel-up-and-die glare. Duo put up his hands defensively and grinned, "Kidding, kidding! But my point was that I didn't think that you could break the windows because they're reinforced. They wouldn't reinforce the doors and do nothing about the windows, that would just make the work they did on the doors pointless." Duo stated a bit more seriously.

Wufei just growled and sat back in his seat, deciding that starting a fight would be pointless, if not slightly redundant. He sat tight-lipped, sulking that his idea and part of his dignity had been shot down in one fell swoop.

"We could just call someone." Quatre suggested timidly.

Heero huffed and crossed his arms. "And call whom might I ask? We're thousands of miles away from anyone who could possibly help, and by the time they would get here, we would have starved to death."

Quatre frowned, realizing that Heero was right. He slouched low in his chair and looked around the room to see if anyone else had anymore ideas.

It went on like that for another hour. One of the five boys would suggest something and then someone else would debunk it.

By the end of the first five minutes, everyone was about to go insane. Both Duo and Quatre had skipped breakfast to channel surf, Trowa really needed to find a restroom, Heero was just incredibly bored, and Wufei was about to kill Duo just to shut him up about the stupid movie he was missing.

Duo sighed, leaning against the back of his seat and closed his eyes to shut out Wufei's most recent escape idea. They had used up all the plausible ideas within the first ten minutes and now any time one of them voiced a suggestion, it was mainly just because they felt obligated to do so. It was like their civic duty to tell everyone about their ideas in a crisis, no matter how stupid, illogical, or impossible they may be...even if that idea did happen to involve an albino snow man, a high intesity power drill, or holes in the space time continum.

Finally an awkward silence settled over the room, leaving each of the boys to their thoughts for a few moments. Quatre was thinking back to a book he had read about a year ago. It had been about a group of nine mountain climbers who had gotten trapped in a icy cave for a week. First, they had all acted nice to each other to try and keep spirits up. Then they had started arguing and blaming each other for what was happening. Then the hunger had set in and the stronger people of the group had overpowered and ate the weaker people. Quatre stared at the blank T.V. screen thinking of this. Well, since he had inside knowledge of how things were probably going to go down, he felt reasonably confident that he could be in that over powering half...now the only question was who was going to be the canibalistic food source...Heero and Wufei were not an option because they were probably high in MSG and that caused cancer. Duo wasn't an option because he was probably high in cholesterol and added chemicals. It would have to be Trowa, he concluded solemnly. It was sad but it would have to be done if worse came to worse.

"Well it seems the heat is out too." Trowa commented.

"Yeah. That means the whole house is out of power." Heero responded with a sigh of aggrivation.

"Maybe we should do something to pass the time. You know, to help us think better. I heard that if you can't think of any ideas for something just do something totally different and it will come to you. We should play "I Spy" or something." Duo commented from his spot on the floor.

"No!" Heero growled, "No "I Spy". Not after last time." He hissed with a shudder at the memory.

Duo frowned and muttered about how just because Heero couldn't play right, didn't mean it wasn't a good way to pass time. He was bored out of his frickin' mind. It was cold, he was hungry, and he was still missing his movie. Duo let out a sigh and started humming 'Up on the Rooftop'.

Heero's head snapped to the side and his glare zero'ed in on Duo. "Would you quit making so much noise! I'm trying to think of something." He growled angrily.

Duo stopped humming and looked over at Heero. "Well maybe I wouldn't need to make noise if you hadn't gotten us locked in this room in the first place." Duo commented.

"It was your stupid channel flipping that made the power go out Maxwell!" Heero said defensively.

Quatre, just tried to make himself seem as small as possible as the two argued. This was the second stage! They had already started blaming each other for what happened. Next came the hunger. Quatre almost whimpered but managed to stop himself in order to save what little masculinity he still had left.

In the background Quatre could hear Duo humming 'Up on the Rooftop' even louder, just to be difficult when suddenly the jackpot of ideas hit him smack in the face with the inspiration mallet. After getting the idea to stop swinging its mallet and to shut up and sit in the corner so he could tell everyone, Quatre cleared his throat loudly to get the others' attentions. Only Trowa and Wufei looked over at Quatre and Duo and Heero just kept arguing. Quatre growled under his breath and then sucked in a lung full of air and put two fingers in his mouth and blew, creating an extremely high pitched whistle which immediately caught the attention of both Duo and Heero. "Alright, now that you two are done," Quatre stated calmly, as both Duo and Heero sat down, surprised that Quatre had actually done anything to stop their bickering. "I think that I've thought up a way out of here."

This instantly got the other pilots up and listening. They all sat up straighter and leaned forward so that they could hear better. Noticing that he had all the other pilots attention, Quatre continued talking. "Duo, how was it you said that Santa got into houses?"

"Through the chim- Ohhhh, now I get where you're going with this!" Duo said with a laugh, surprised that no one else had thought of it yet.

"Exactly, no matter how well the safe house needs to be protected the chimney still needs to be left open so that the smoke can get out." Quatre said with a smile. "And we just need someone to climb up the chimney with a rope and tie it to the top so that the rest of us can climb the rope to get out."'

"I volunteer Wufei to be the one to climb the chimney!" Duo shouted out with a wide smile.

"You what Max-!?"

"Wufei it is!" Quatre said, clapping his hands together as if symbolically closing the matter, ignoring all protests from Wufei himself.

"What!" Wufei sputtered.

"Now let's just make a rope." Heero said, tying three blankets together.

Once all the blankets were tied together and Trowa had put out the last of the embers that might still be hot, Wufei was pushed towards the chimney. "Now do remember to be careful, but if you do fall we got some nice soft logs, ash and maybe some coals that you can land on." Duo said with a grin, finally pushing Wufei all the way to the fireplace.

Wufei just said a few choice curse words in both English and his Mandarin, before finally stepping into the fireplace, grabbing the sheets in one hand. His white clothes would be ruined after all this, Wufei thought bitterly to himself, pushing himself up into the dusty chimney. He pushed his back up against one wall of the chimney and pushed against the other wall with his feet, sliding up the chimney inch by incredibly small inch and Wufei grumbling the whole way up.

Suddenly a loud screeching noise exploded in Wufei's face and a small black object fluttered madly in his face. Wufei let out a yell of surprise and for an instant forgot to keep pushing against the walls causing him to fall back downwards towards the ground. Wufei managed to stop himself about ΒΌ of the way down by spreading his legs out and having a leg against each wall and also caught the sheets in his teeth. Wufei hung upside-down for a few seconds just catching his breath as the bat that he had just woken up flew out from the top of the chimney. Wufei cursed once one and got himself upright again, starting to once again climb the chimney.

About ten minutes later, which had seemed like the longest ten minutes of Wufei's life, Wufei finally reached the top of the chimney and pushed off the metal top which for some odd reason, had already been loosened, Wufei guessed this was probably how the OZ soldiers from before had gotten in.

Wufei tied the sheets around the base of the chimney and yelled down for the other pilots. One by one, each of the pilots climbed to the top, with Duo being the last one to emerge.

Duo looked around at all the other boys and almost collapsed from laughing so hard at each of the others. Each of them was covered in a thick layer of black ash, Wufei having the thickest layer and there were small spots of white from where ever something clean had touched their skin after they had emerged from the chimney.

All the others just rolled their eyes, each of them also trying to stifle their own laughter. They walked over to the ladder that Heero had left up from when he had been rigging the chimney with explosives (which he was now thankful had not worked).

"Come on Duo, let's get inside and get something to eat." Quatre called up the ladder to Duo who was still laughing up on the roof.

Finally Duo managed to gain control of his laughter, and walked over to a tree that hung over the roof and hopped onto its branch, and then down to the ground, with a light thud. "Coming Quat. You might want to check a mirror when we get inside by the way." He commented with a smile.

"Same to you." Quatre shot back.

They both walked to the front door where Heero was holding it open for them so that they wouldn't have to re-enter the key number. "It was just in that room." Heero commented with a slight smile. "And I call the shower in the third bathroom first." He then turned down the hallway with the bedrooms, towards the nice warm shower he already had running.

"Hey no fair! The locks were your fault anyway! I should get the first shower and you should spend that time dismantling those God-forsaken things!" Duo shouted after Heero, even though he realized that it was probably useless. "Oh well." he sighed with a shrug. Then Duo noticed that the power was back on in the living room and the T.V. was once again making noise. Duo cheered and raced into the living room.

Quatre followed curiously, arriving in the room just in time to see Duo dramatically fall to his knees, and shout, "Noo! It's not fair!"

Duo shook the television angrily as the ending credits for Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer rolled up the screen. Life wasn't fair, Duo concluded. And Lady Luck didn't love him anymore. Duo growled and just out of spite trudged into the bathroom right across from where Heero was taking his shower and began flushing the toilet a few good times until he could hear Heero yelp as the water changed from scolding hot to freezing cold rapidly each time Duo flushed the toilet.

"Maxwell!" Heero shouted from inside the other bathroom, hitting the wall once for good measure to get his point across. Duo just stuck his tongue out in the direction of Heero's bathroom and then marched into he living room where he grabbed a sheet of paper and a pen. He scribbled "Duo's Christmas List" in big bold letters at the top of the paper and then the word "coal" underneath it. He mumbled something about reverse psychology as he shoved his new revised Christmas list under the tree. Finally, he marched over to the couch where he plopped down in his usual spot and proceeded to sulk. It was Christmas time and Duo deemed it OK if this little episode was just his Christmas present to himself because every 16 year old boy deserved to be a bit childish every now and again. Duo knew he was being stupid and childish, but he missed his movie. In Duo's opinion, he deserved to let his IQ and maturity drop a bit.

And now a word from our sponsors...

OMG! I couldn't figure out how to start or end this one! All I had was that one paragraph where Quatre is thinking out who he would eat if he had to resort to canibalism. I wasted a lot of paper trying to start this one. It was really annoying, but then I finally got it going and it was like MIND EXPLOSION! I ended up getting all three of the final chapters written up! I just have to type them up and all done. Wow. I have never finished any one of my projects ever before. This will be my very first one. And did you know that 2500 people have read this! That is like a heck of a lot of people! And I actually got favorited! 9 times! Amazing! I couldn't believe it either.

But this was my longest chapter ever though I'm not exactly proud of it, but I don't dislike it either. I think I'm running out of funny (you know, regardless of the fact that I wasn't really funny in the first place). But the next chapter's my favorite! I already wrote it up and I absolutely love it.

Also, Mandarin is Wufei's language right?

EDIT: xD Ah! Man I really messed up that one sentence. Thank you so much to Kurotsuki Shie for pointing it out to me.

Please leave a review and I'll love you forever!