Morgain: Look, look! It's an update. (goes into shock) I don't believe this. I actually managed to finish it. I never though I'd write a proper ending for this story, anything I tried just didn't seem right. Well, now I have an end. I don't know about it. Tell me, what do you think? Enjoy reading anyway.
Disclaimer: I'm very, very glad for Remus that I don't (see, DON'T) own Harry Potter.
"Remus. Please wake up." Her voice was ragged and she was breathing hard. It was clear she'd run up the stairs without taking a pause to catch her breath. Slowly Remus opened his eyes. When Rowena had left the sun hadn't been up yet, by now, it was getting dark again. He just got a glimpse of the fading light before her arms locked him in a tight embrace. "You were right... He didn't do it."
She let go of him, so that he could breath and he was surprised to see tears in her eyes. "What's wrong? Aren't you happy, just like me?" "Yes, I am. I'm glad he's innocent. But even now that we know, we can't do anything to help him. No-one would believe us. Don't you understand, he's doomed to stay there, forever. We can't get him out."
For a moment he'd felt great joy. Now, he was faling again. Faling into the black pit he'd fallen into so many times during his depression. Then a little voice came up to his head. 'This isn't happening again. You'll survive. Snap out of this. Don't let al of Rowena's work be in vain.' And slowly the realisation the little voice was right crept into his mind. "I know we can't help him, but we already did." She gave him a confused look. "Don't talk nonsense Remus, how can we've helped him?"
"He's still in that place. It's terrible over there. Al my happy thoughts went away, just like they tell you they will. Even when he told me your dream was true I couldn't smile. Al I felt was this deep sadness, and he's feeling it every day. The only thing keeping him sane is the thought he's innocent, he told me. How can we ever have helped him is he's still in there?" Remus shook his head. "Ah, but we did. He now knows he's not alone, he knows we know. That must be helping. And don't argue with me, I know him so much better than you do. I don't want to hurt you, but its true." She nodded. "I know."
"But how can you be so strong?" Her look was one of confusion. "Yesterday evening I didn't think you'd survive... Now, while I'm at the brink of despair, you sit here, telling me to be strong. For that's what you're doing, aren't you?" Remus nodded at her. "Yes, that's what I'm doing. You should be strong." He took her hand. "I know what you mean. I thought about it too. But then I thought that maybe, one day, we will be able to do something for him. Maybe, when people look different on the war we can get him out of there. Just maybe we shouldn't lose all our hope. If Sirius had lost hope he wouldn't try to survive. He would give himself over to the darkness. But he doesn't, it would be so easy for him to let go, to become mad, but he's trying to stay sane."
She squeezed his hand. Maybe he was right. Maybe they would be able to help Sirius. Everything Remus said did make sense. Now that she thought of it. Sirius would have had so many opportunities to let go of everything, yet, she'd been there, she had talked to him. "Maybe you're right Remus. Maybe it's just still the effect of spending some time with those dementors around. God, I can't think about bearing that for year after year."
---
A bit later, they walked downstairs. Rowena took of her coat and in the meantime checked her pockets for things she might had left in there. Reaching inside her last pocket she felt the little note, neatly folded. Sirius eyes came back into her mind, the look he'd given her when he'd asked her to give the note to Remus was not easy to forget.
His eyes had burned with something that had looked like the glow that the old Sirius could have in his eyes. "Promise you'll give it to him Rowena. Promise me!" "I promise. Of course. But what does it say? Why is it so important?" "I can't tell you. You wouldn't give it to him if I told you. Just believe me Rowena, he'll understand. You will understand too, but later, much later." "Sirius, please... It won't hurt him, will it?" He'd avoided her gaze, and she knew enough. Yet, she'd given him her word, and so, she had to give the note to Remus.
"Remus, Sirius asked me to give you this. He said you'd understand..." Remus had just picked up a book and looked up from it. "What is it?" She gave him the note. "Here, he wouldn't tell me what it says, but, maybe... You could be shocked by it. I figured that much." Remus just nodded and continued opening the note, then reading it.
His face went pale and slowly, to her it seemed like in slow motion, he let himself drop upon the couch. His hand, holding the note, was trembling, in fact, trembling so much that he dropped the piece of paper. His tears filled with tears and she felt her own heart break. She could guess what the note said. Sirius had scribbled it on the small piece of paper she'd found in one of her pockets. His eyes had been filled with tears when he wrote it, so she knew enough.
Instead of picking the note up she sat down next to Remus and laid an arm around him. "Why?" Remus' his voice was shaking. "Why does he ask this of me? How can I ever forget him?" So her thoughts were right, was the only thing she could think within a few seconds. Sirius had asked Remus to bring this sacrifice. Why she did not know, but she guessed it was because Sirius wanted Remus to be free. She wondered whether of not she should tell her thought to the man next to her, and decided against it. "I don't know Remus. I just don't know."
---
His eyes were red from all the crying he'd done since that night. He still didn't think of Sirius' request. It was just to much to bear. Looking back, it seemed that it would have been so much easier if he'd died, that one night, when Rowena had almost let go of him. If only she'd let go, Remus found himself thinking. Then he wouldn't have to feel this strange feeling. This not caring. The emptiness he had felt before was nothing compared to this feeling of emptiness in not only his heart but also his life.
He would have to learn to live with this feeling. He wouldn't be granted an other way to escape this empty life, he knew that much. He hadn't obeyed Sirius request. He hadn't tried to forget everything that had been between them in the past. Nor had he allowed himself to think about said request. If he tried he broke down in sobs and Rowena had to calm him down.
And so he lived on. Day in, day out, watching the days go by. Not allowing himself to think. Making sure he didn't have to think about anything. Living today, and not a day ahead. Not making any plans. Just survive each day. Don't read, it will upset you, don't listen, you'll get scared, don't do anything, you might lose yourself on the way. Live your life, play this game.
He helped Rowena around the house. The neighbours thought they were a couple. Neither of them cared. They lived in the same house by now, because Remus still didn't wanted to be left alone, and Rowena didn't dare leave him to himself. Sirius' name had never been uttered after that night, a month ago now.
Still, the subject was always lingering in the air. It was never said out loud, but they both knew perfectly well. Sirius was still a part of their lives. Don't go there, Remus told himself as he was sprinkling some water on the vegetables. And for the first time he allowed himself to think. Maybe Sirius was right, maybe he should try to forget him?
---
That night te dream returned, but in a different way. The hooded person reached out his hand and pulled him to his feet. "You should enjoy life. Even without me." Sirius' voice was shaking. They embraced eachother clinging onto the other as if the world would end if they'd let go. It all weemed so real, but they both knew it was a dream. They hold eachother, kissed eachother with a strange honger. "I need you. I can't live when you're in that place." "Remus, you have to, you have to live for both of us. I want you to. THere will be a day when we'll be together again. But for now, we have to learn to live with memories. Now sleep. I'll stay with you."
When Remus woke the next morning he couldn't remember the dream that had been so real right away. However, he felt that there was something strange. His bed was soft and warm, and next to him it looked as if someone had rested his head upon the cushion. Something lay in the deepest point of the print, it glittered. His fingers closed around it and the memories came back again. "Now sleep. I'll stay with you." It was a frozen tear, it had rolled down Sirius' cheek and Remus had catched it. He heared Sirius voice. "I love you, love you, love you, love you, you, you, you..." The words echoed in his head, but they gave him strength.
"I'll live with memories. We'll be together again. I love you. Forever." The mantra continued without Remus saying it over and over again. I floated through the air, it streamed with the water, it drove itself into the earth. It moved until it reached a small island. And on the island, in a ceel, a man transformed into a dog.
So, well, this was the last chapter. I hope you liked it. Please tell me what you think, and see you around.