Disclaimer: I own kaput. (the made up characters belong to Smackthedog) the plot is mine though…not that it counts or anything, right?

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CHAPTER TWO : TRIAL

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"Irvine Kinneas?" The judge asked, looking over the room. "Is it true that you robbed the Tri-store on Main Street?"

"Yes, well, actually, no." Irvine said. "You see, the gave it all to me WILLINGLY."

"You shoved a GUN in their faces."

"A TOY gun."

"Whatever. I just have one question, why did you do it at twelve o'clock? Wouldn't it have been easier to do it at night?"

Irvine was looking at his fingers. "Hey, Raymond," He turned to his friend. "Was that two questions?" Raymond nodded. "I thought so. I also thought that judges were suppose to be honest or something like that." Raymond shook his head. "Ah. Well that explains a lot." HE turned back to the judge. "Well, you see, it was my lunch break. I don't get much free time to myself other than that."

"Whatever."

"Huh? But you asked me—"

"Looking at your record, it says that you are insane, right?"

Irvine whispered to Raymond. "You're right. Here she goes again with more questions." Then he said to the judge. "Only halfway."

"Do you realize your suppose to call me 'Your Honor' or something like that?"

"Yes."

"Why don't you?"

"I'm half insane."

"Whatever."

"Would you quit—"

"Right. And you take medication…" Judge Whatever adjusted her glasses. "And you take medication that doesn't really work very well?"

"Yup. Yupyupyup!"

"There! See, that's the problem! Your medication—"

"Actually, I prefer the term 'meds'."

"Whatever. Your medication isn't working properly, so therefore you are unstable."

The court room fell silent waiting for Irvine's reply.

"Unstable?"

"It means you aren't in your right mind."

"Oh, I already knew that."

"So, we know of only one person who can possibly have a chance of making you stable."

Way in the back of the courtroom, Ward Zabac crouched down, trying not to be seen as he thought of an excuse. He knew where this conversation was going. And he didn't like it.

"Wimbleton Zabac!!" The judge announced.

"WHAT!?" Irvine jumped out of his chair and nearly choked on an atomic fireball. "WARD?!?"

"Yes. I believe you will have to live with him for one year…"

"NOOOOOOOOO—hey! I get to live with Chirese! I get to live with—"

"In another house about ten miles from his own."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Sh! Irvine, calm down!" Raymond grabbed Irvine's nose to keep him from hyperventilating. "This isn't the end, see? I got you a lawyer!"

"Really? You did? Thanks!—" Irvine looked up to see Laguna dressed in a suit complete with briefcase and dorky glasses walk into the room. "—But no thanks."

Irvine's mind raced. He had to find a way out of this! Howhowhow—

Howhowhow!? Ward thought in unison.

"Why can't he stay with me?" Raymond spoke up.

Yes! Go Raymond go! Irvine thought.

Nice save…but I'll still kill you given the chance…

"Because you are unstable too, and will be living with another person who should be able to make you stable in the form of a cat." The judge explained.

"I'm gonna' be living with a cat?"

"No, you are going to BE a cat." And before she could tell him more, the judge was interrupted by Irvine.

"NOONONONONONO! I WON'T GO WITH HIM, I WON'T!!" Irvine was climbing out a window. A couple of the guards grabbed him and drug him back into the room. "NO!"

"Irvine! I'll save you!" Raymond lunged for his friend, but some more body guards appeared from nowhere and held him in place as Irvine was dragged out of the room. "NO! BUT HE NEEDS ME!"

As the doors closed in slow motion behind him, Irvine cried out to Raymond one last time. "BEEEEEE GOOOOOOOOODD." Then the doors slammed shut. Irvine Kinneas, your fate is sealed.

"Mr. Zabac." The judge told Ward. "You will have to stay in that house with him and make him stable for exactly one year, maybe more. Understood?"

"Yes." Ward was going to kill that cowboy.

"And you can't kill him until this is over, which would be January 15th, next year. Okay?"

"Okay…" Ward turned and followed the guards who were still dragging Irvine and slow motion. "Oh, stop it you Drama Queens!"

"Now," the judge turned back to Raymond, who was morning over the loss of Irvine. "Back to your case. You will have to spend time with someone was well. Like I said before, in the form of a cat."

"And like I said before, am I going to live with a cat?"

"No," the judge said. "As I had said after you said before after what I said before after Irvine was dragged away with the dramatized malfunction of the doors, you are going to BE a cat."

"HUH?"

And with a wave of her wand and a little bit of magic, the judge had transformed Raymond into a small cat. He mewed sadly and tried to fight as one of the body guards stuffed him into a cage.

"But who does he get to live with?" Irvine thought. Just about anyone would be better than Ward.

Just then, Fujine walked in the doors and picked Raymond's cage up. "KITTY." She said in her one word monotone. She pulled a lighter out of no where and flicked it on. "Barbecue."

"MEOW?"

Fujine turned to a man beside her. "VET?"

"Yes?" He asked.

"FIX." She said as she handed her Raymond.

"MOW??" For some reason, he wished he were with Ward.