I Knew Him When chapter 3
Adam Kadmon
Disclaimer: I never thought I'd ever be writing a post EoE fic. I usually don't like them that much. Funny how life works out. I don't own Evangelion.
"Shinji? Yeah, I knew him. I was his friend."
Mana sat in Aida Kensuke's cramped apartment, taking notes, her shoulders pressed against twin stacks of computer hardware, most of which she was fairly sure were illegal.
She shifted, trying to find a comfortable position. Her seat was a burnt out monitor, the screen a dazzling shade of ash. Aida sat across from her on a cushioned chair, unapologetic.
"And I don't believe what you government people say. He was a hero. He risked his life time and again for everyone, even though he hated it." He shook his head. "I can't believe I ever wanted to be in the military."
Okay, so I'm not going to be his friend, Mana thought. That avenue's closed. Best to just be professional now.
"So you knew him. How did you first meet?"
"In school," he said, like talking to her was the worst form of torture imaginable. "Where else? He got suckered into admitting he was the pilot of Unit-01, and everybody pounced on him. My friend Touji, his sister was hurt during the first battle, against Sachiel."
How the hell did he know its name?
"She was crushed under some rubble. She was alive, but Touji took it hard. He called Shinji out and punched him. Just like that. Without a second thought." Kensuke frowned. "It wasn't like Shinji meant to hurt anybody. I mean, they threw him into that thing without any training, like he was supposed to just pick it up on the go." He scoffed. "Well, we both know how it ended."
Okay. Where was this guy getting his information? Mana nodded vaguely, suddenly fearing for her safety. Maybe coming here alone wasn't such a good idea.
"After that, during the next battle, Shamshel, I think, I snuck out with Touji and we saw Shinji fight. He got hammered pretty hard. Getting punched must have really messed him up, you know? So, the Angel flung him through the air and he landed right by us, almost killing us on the spot. Scared the bejeezus out of us. Then the Angel was right on him, but he couldn't move, cause' he'd crush us. Then, the back of the Eva opened up and this long tube sticks out, the entry plug. He calls us to climb in and we did."
Both he and Mana were leaning towards each other, caught up in the story. She already knew it, quite well, but hearing it from a first-hand witness was strangely exhilarating.
"We got inside and it was filled with this… goop. LCL. Link Connect Liquid. Or something like that. Smells like blood. Well, Shinji closes the plug up, and he shoves the Angel back, sending it careening into the city. Over the tac net major Katsuragi… wait, she wasn't major then… captain Katsuragi yells at him to retreat, but Shinji, he just keeps repeating this phrase. Something like 'I can't go away'. I don't know. He was whispering it. And over Touji's shouting, and Katsuragi's orders, I couldn't hear so well."
He stopped to lick his lips.
"So Shinji gets up, and draws out his Progressive Knife. He cups it low, about mid-waist, and charges at the Angel with a scream. And I mean, damn, that kid had a set of lungs on him. So he's charging, but the Angel shoots these two whips through his stomach. I swear I felt a twinge when they went through. But Shinji, he keeps going, jamming the knife into the core, still screaming. His umbilical cord was severed during the fight earlier, so the power's running down, everybody's yelling, crying, Shinji's losing it, and I swear on my life the damn Angel died just as the timer hit zero. I swear it."
He sat back, catching his breath, his eyes smiling behind his glasses. Mana retreated too, waiting to hear more.
"And then?" she asked.
"And then the entry plug went black. We were in silence. The only sound was Shinji crying. He kept his head down, so we couldn't see, but we heard. Damn," he said, shaking his head. "There was nothing we could do. I mean, we were only fourteen year olds. What could a kid say to that?"
Mana nodded.
"Well, after that we were picked up, chewed out, and sent home. Shinji… he didn't show up for school after that, so me and Touji went to see him. Heh, you know he was living with Katsuragi?" He laughed. "Anyway, turned out he ran away. That's right. How could I forget? I met him on the lam in a field. I was camping out, and he just stumbled onto my site. We ate, and like an idiot I said I envied him. I envied his chance to pilot. What a damn fool I was… anyway, he said… he said he wished he could look at it like I did. He seemed real sad. Again, what could I say?"
Kensuke blew out a breath, picking up a cold cup of coffee from the floor. He sipped it without conscious thought.
"NERV Section-2 picked him up in the morning. Then me and Touji met Katsuragi. Good looking woman. Heh. Can't believe Shinji was living with her. We talked, she said Shinji was leaving the city. I remember feeling… I don't know, a little ambivalent. I knew he had a hard time of it, piloting and all, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. I thought I envied him, his ability, his life. I was caught up in the drama, I guess."
He shook his head slowly.
"Touji and me met Shinji at the train station, right as he was getting ready to leave. Touji, like an idiot, insisted Shinji punch him, to even the score. He just couldn't put his damn dick away for one second to say he was sorry. Well, Shinji punched him. He didn't hold back. Touji took it like a man; he didn't cry. His eyes were tearing up, but he didn't cry."
Kensuke shut his eyes.
"When… when the NERV guys were leading him away… Shinji, he forced his way back… he said he was the one who deserved to be hit. That he was cowardly and sneaky. But… I mean, there was no way that was true, right? I mean, he risked his life so many times. No coward could do that."
He sighed.
"Katsuragi came racing to the station after that, watching the train leave. She looked so sad. But… he didn't leave. Shinji stayed. I felt real glad. Like we were safer with him around. Well, after that whole thing me and Touji and him became friends, you know, in the way only stupid fourteen year old boys can be. We hung out, I'd pester him with questions about Eva and NERV. He was real patient with me. I knew… I knew he hated talking about it but I still kept…" He broke off, shaking his head again. "Damn."
"What… what was he like outside the Eva?" Mana asked a moment later.
"He was… quiet. Sort of sad. Just kind of went along without trying to make waves. It was cool for a time, you know? We hung out, shoot the shit, goofed off. It was great. But then… then that bitch arrived from Germany. Asuka," Kensuke said, his voice dripping with venom. "God damn it she made his life miserable. I mean an absolute hell. And the messed up part? He fucking wore a smile the entire time she treated him like shit. No, lower than shit. Like something she dug out of her ear. Like dirt. Like the ground she spit on. He smiled the whole time."
"I heard he liked Soryu-san."
Kensuke frowned.
"Maybe. I don't know. She was cute if you just looked at her, but every time she opened her mouth… damn it. Geez. Between her and Ayanami Shinji was on an emotional rollercoaster all the time. But the less said about her the better, right?"
It was Mana's turn to frown. Was he trying to get arrested?
"Man, and he had to live with her. Asuka." He shivered. "Geez."
"So he and Soryu-san didn't get along?"
"Hell no. Most of the time she was shouting at him, or calling him a pervert, which is absolutely ridiculous by the way. Shinji never cared about that stuff. I think she was the one thinking about it, but she could never admit she got off on him so she punished him for it. I don't know. He said she could be nice, but he'd say that about anyone. It's just the kind of guy he was."
"When was the last time you saw him?"
Kensuke sighed, letting his memories wash over him. He adjusted his glasses.
"It was… the day Touji was injured in Unit-03. We were eating lunch, and he got a call. He rushed off. The next thing I knew, Touji was in the hospital missing a leg, and Shinji was leaving town. I don't… really know what happened out there, but there's no way Shinji would ever hurt somebody intentionally. Never. He just didn't have it in him."
"He didn't leave the city, though," Mana said.
"No, he didn't. He came back. Beat Zeruel… he came back. Then everything… fell apart." He heaved a big sigh. "I never saw him again. I miss him, you know. Wish I could tell him I'm sorry I acted like such a moron back then. Sorry I didn't see how much he was suffering. I wonder if anybody did."
"What… what do you remember about the Impact?"
"I was at my cousin's house in… oh who cares. I was sitting on my bed, then…" He snapped his fingers. "Instant liquid. Came back in about four years, I think. Wished I could have come back sooner. Then I might have met up with Shinji again. Damn I'd love to talk with him again. Ask him…" He faded off, looking out the window. It was dark. "Well, I'm tired, so I'm going to have to kick you out, Dr. Kirishima."
"Oh, yes, I should be going. Thank you for your time, Aida-san."
"Yeah. Hey, if you see Shinji… I mean if he's alive… tell him… 'hi', would you?"
"I can't promise anything, Aida-san, sorry."
"Yeah. I understand." He nodded. "I understand."
Mana paused as she stepped out the door, glancing back over her shoulder.
"I thought you didn't like the military. Why were you so talkative?"
"Because you people need to know the truth. Shinji is a hero. Why we aren't all bowing down at his feet, begging forgiveness from him is beyond me. He saved the world so many fucking times and we treat him like a leper. We call him a monster, a devil, something not human, and you know what? He'd do it all again to save us. I'm sure of it. He'd go through hell again just to keep our stinking, ungrateful asses out of the fire. Because that's the kind of guy he is. He's a damn hero."
Aida Kensuke. Possible cult member. Look into finances. Possible computer hacker.
Mana closed her notepad and started her car. She started back the long road to her tiny home, fiddling with the radio tuner, hoping to find a good pop song to spend the trip with.
"H-hello?"
"Hello," Mana said. "I'm Dr. Kirishima. I'm here to see your brother?"
"Oh… yes," the girl said, slowly opening the door all the way. "The military doctor who wanted to see my brother. Please come in."
"Thank you." Mana entered, and nearly tripped over a pile of unopened mail.
"You can put your shoes wherever," the girl said, not quite looking at her.
"Alright."
The two left the front hall and sat in a small kitchen. Mana was given the only chair. The girl sat on a crate.
"Forgive the mess," she said. "We don't get a lot of visitors. You're the first in a long time. For awhile, it seemed they came everyday. It was easier to keep the place clean back then. But times change, I guess." The girl blinked. "Oh, forgive me. My name is Azumi."
She had a slow way of talking, like she was constantly trying to fight off sleep. Her eyes were half-closed. No, only one was. The skin above her left eye flapped down, partially obscuring the dull eye. It was malformed, scarred.
"Pleased to meet you, Azumi-san." Mana waited. "Um, is your brother in?"
"Oh, yes, he's always in." She smiled at that, squinting. "Yes, he's in, but he's asleep. It's very important he gets enough sleep, you know. Very important."
"I see." Mana looked around the room, searching for anything to keep her mind off that eye. It was too bad, really. She was a pretty girl, a nice figure. Except that eye…
"Should I wake him?" Azumi asked.
"Oh, I don't want to be a bother…"
"No bother. We have a visitor. He should be up." She stood from the crate and padded off to a side room, banging on the door. "Brother, wake up! We have a visitor."
There was a sizable groan from behind the door, followed by a rough shout.
"Who is it?"
"A doctor from the military, brother. Don't make her wait." Azumi looked back at Mana, grinning. "He's always like this." She turned back to the door. "Touji, get up!"
"Alright, alright! I'm up, I'm up!" A tall man stumbled out of the bedroom, leaning on a cane, somehow forgetting his shirt in the process of waking up. He peered at Mana. "Who're you?"
"I'm Dr. Kirishima, from the military. I'd like to ask you some questions, if you don't mind. I believe you were telephoned about this…"
"Yeah, yeah. I remember. Just forgot, that's all." Touji frowned when he saw Mana sitting on the chair. He slumped down on the crate. His false leg hung out at an odd angle. "So, what do you want to know?"
"Um… well, do you mind if your sister listens? I don't want to seem rude…"
"Oh, no," Azumi said. "It's time for me to go to work, anyway." She put on an overcoat. "Be sure to answer all her questions, brother. I'll be back for supper, okay? I left you your lunch in the fridge. Have a nice day." The door to the apartment closed with a bang, and the two were left alone.
"So? What do you want?" He scratched his nose to cover his once over of her body.
"I wanted to talk to you about Ikari Shinji. You knew him, right?"
Touji bent over, laughing.
"Of course it's about him. It always was. Sure! I'll talk about old Shin-chan. What do you want to know? His shoe size? His favorite ice cream? How about the music he always listened to on that player of his? Or something more personal? How about the time I found him cryin' late at night one time he stayed over? He cried like a baby, snifflin' for his mama. What else do you want to know?"
Mana smoothed the wrinkles on her dress, feeling rather stifled sitting across from this shirtless man. She tried an indirect approach.
"What do you know about his family life?"
"Oh, God! You're not goin' for the meaty questions, huh? Fine, fine. Sure. His home life. Lived with a gorgeous babe, Misato. What a goddess. He always acted like he didn't see her, but I knew he did. I knew. He wasn't foolin' anyone. And Asuka. God, what a bitch. What a God damn bitch. Rode his ass everyday, like she was getting rich off it. Slapped him around real good." Touji breathed in. "Let everybody ride him. They all had a grand old time on Shinji."
Mana nodded, wondering if she could just leave.
"You know he never wanted to pilot?" Touji asked. "Serious. I never wanted to either. But some blonde bitch said I could get better care for my sister if I did." He crooked his finger over his eye. "Yeah, they did wonders. And all it cost me was a leg. What a bargain. I should have signed up for the Eva gravy train a long time ago."
"You hold a grudge against NERV?"
"Me and everyone else on earth. Don't you?"
"Do you hold a grudge against Ikari Shinji?" Mana asked.
Touji sputtered.
"I don't know. God, I want to hate him so bad. So bad. I hear the rumors. Like how he caused all this shit. The Impact. All us comin' back to a dead world." He snorted. "My grandpa came back, just to get cancer. What a fuckin' joke, right? His medical bills ate up all our cash. The government was frontin' it for awhile, but then the UN came in and fucked us over. I can't fuckin' do anythin', and the only job Azumi could get was a waitress at some dive. It barely keeps us alive. God, we had to watch grandpa die cause' we couldn't pay anymore."
"I'm sorry."
"Uh huh. So what. Can you climb in an Eva and make the world right again? Turn everythin' back to the way it's supposed to be? No way. Not even Shinji could do that. Like that pussy would even if he had the chance."
"When did you begin to hate him?"
"When I came back. Everybody said he did it. I have no fuckin' idea how he did. I mean, sure, the Eva could do some crazy shit, but kill the whole world? Man… it's all like a bad dream, you know?"
"When did you return?" Mana asked.
"Let me think… about five years ago. Give or take. Azumi was already back before that. It was a miracle I even found her. Now we're together, just like old times." Touji grinned, filling with self-pity. "She takes care of me, you know. Like I'm a cripple. Like I can't take a shit by myself. I hate it when she acts that way, but God, she's all I have. I ain't got nothin' left in this world."
"Have you contacted the military about your situation? Perhaps they could—"
"What? Do what? They don't need me. They don't give a shit. I ain't important like Shinji or even Asuka or what's her face. Ayanami. All they need are those three. Hell, all they need is Shinji. The boy wonder. What… what did Asuka call him? The invincible Shinji-sama. That's it. That's all they need."
Mana restrained her frown, trying to stay as neutral in front of this man as possible.
"When was the last time you saw Ikari-san?" she asked.
"I can't remember. Probably at school or somethin'. My memory ain't so good. Heh. You know there's a cult that worships him? Worships the pilots like they're messengers from God. And the Evas. They're like Gods, too. What a joke. Shinji wasn't no God. He was barely a man." He shook his head. "I heard there were like, tons of Evas when people first came back. All crucified out in the sea of blood. That's pretty messed up, ain't it?"
"I wouldn't know, Suzahara-san."
"Really? No? I thought since, you know, you're in the military, you might know about that. No, huh? Too bad." He sniffed. "Why you wanna' know 'bout Shinji, anyway? You one of those freaky chicks that wants to have his baby?"
"Ex…excuse me?"
"What? You don't know? Go down to the subway sometime, or the kitchens. You'll find one of them there, running 'round half naked, screaming to the sky for Shinji to drop his seed in her." Touji chuckled. "If Shinji ever heard them, he'd blush like a kid, you know? Look away, sayin' he was nothing special. God damn. I bet he's still a virgin. He'd be so damn nervous he'd pass out or some shit." He glanced at Mana. "So? You want him?"
"Maybe I should leave," she said, collecting her things. "Thank you for your time, Suzahara-san. I'll see what I can do about your situation. You may not believe it, but everyone involved with NERV is an invaluable resource."
Touji stared at her.
"Don't fuckin' kid yourself. Do whatever you want, but don't think you're doin' me no favors. Every time one of you military dogs comes lookin' me up, you say the same old shit." He shook his head. "I ain't nothing to nobody. I was in the wrong damn place at the worst possible time. I never even set foot in NERV. I don't even know why I survived. It's a God damn joke, you know. I come back still missin' a leg, my sister comes back still all fucked up. And Shinji… he's the new fuckin' God on this world."
"He's only a man," she said.
"He made this!" he shouted at her. "You've got to know more than me. You know he made this shit! Him and that fuckin' demon that fucked me over." Touji frowned, shaking with frustration. "You should just do us all a favor and kill that son of a bitch."
Mana left. The wisdom of the military whispered in her ears. Why…? Why were the pilots still alive? This was a world nearly devoid of human rights. A few quiet executions wouldn't be strange at all.
This was a broken planet, filled with broken people. All living broken lives. It was easy for Mana, cushioned within the disconnect of the military, to distance herself from the harsh reality of the post-Impact world. True, she listened to them, saw their dying souls, witnessed their pitiful lives, but she could always stay remote, filtering the information she received through a carefully constructed system that had kept her sane all these years. But every so often she'd admit to herself that she was just like everyone else, existing on the edge of sanity. Now and then a gust of hate, or an obsessive wind made her teeter, but she had become a kind of acrobat, able to balance, tip-toe, upon the razor.
Mana had to see herself in times like this. A woman propelled by relentless forces, keeping her eyes forward the whole time, not willing to cast her gaze to her feet, and all those she tread upon. All those she passed. She realized she was not an exceptionally compassionate person, nor did her thoughts stray to the deep and philosophical.
She was a failed spy, tainted by the knowledge of her failure, the entire damned earth spread out before her, between a bloody sky and a bloody sea.
She looked up. The halo was strong tonight. Bright, like a shallow cut. She waited until the moon dipped behind the sparkling crimson banner. She waited until Azumi returned to her decrepit home. She waited in the deep dark, in the dead city, on the broken world. She waited, and wondered why.
End of chapter 3
Author's notes: Kensuke's a bit obsessed, isn't he? I liked how he turned out. Sort of bitter, in denial, looking for something to believe in. I think it's very possible he's a cult member. Sorry about the Asuka bashing. I like her, really! And next chapter, we get to meet her…
Suzahara Azumi? I have no idea what Touji's sister is called. I read a couple fics where she's named Mari, one where she's even called Rei. I don't know. I just liked the way it sounded. Cute.
I know some of you might find Touji's portrayal offensive, but all I can say to that is "suck it."