Chapter Six: Spy Mode
(A/N: HOLY COW I GOT A LOT OF REVIEWS! O.o wow thanks all of you! This probably will be a very long chapter…but seeing how I have nothing to do I'm going to write! Now I'll leave you with a few words –cough-
Dirait-On
Bob: O.o -sweatdrop-
Heh…sorry…I've been singing choir songs all day…its French!
Bob: I'm going to kill that choir director…
NO! You can't kill Koz!
Bob: sure I can just watch me!
Why would you anyway?
Bob: Because he's the idiot who took you guys to Carnegie Hall and told you that you can sing!
Kill him and I'll start singing Dirait-On some more…and it's all about love and roses and stuff (I think…)
Bob: NOOO! .
Yeah that's right! –Turns back to a bewildered audience- Uh…I can explain…actually no I can't! But anyway hope you like this chapter! –Starts singing- If we listen to each others hearts…
Bob: …you really need to stop listening to soundtracks
NEVER!)
Disclaimer:
Albel: great more responsibilities…
Nel: But doesn't it feel good to do good for your country?
Albel: Bah…I suppose it is better then them making me marry you
Nel: ……-slaps him-
Albel: OW!
Nel: Moron…
"Welcome back to another exciting edition of Elicoorian radio!" Nel said over the microphone
"Um…why is this worm here?" Albel asked poking the sleeping form of Cliff
"…uh…he's kinda a danger to himself and everyone else around him…" Nel answered
"Who am i?" Cliff asked in a dreamy voice
Nel gave Albel an 'I told you so' look, "Your name is CLIFF" She said in calm babying voice
"Oh…" Cliff fell asleep again
"Caller number one, foxychangirl we're ready for questions!" Nel sat back ready to answer the questions of the many, MANY callers
"Depends who you're talking to," Albel muttered
"Ok my first question, did you two do anything on the Diplo? I remember that you two actually SHARED a room," she noted
"WHAT?" Albel exclaimed
"Um…no…he kept threatening to kill me though…" Nel remembered
"You short-sheeted my bed you maggot!" Albel justified his rage
"It was funny!" she protested
"…ooookkkk…next question, How old is that journal of yours Nel?" foxychangirl asked her second question
"Why?" Nel asked suspiciously
"Well it just seems like something a third grader would do, I mean doodling a boy's name over the cover…kinda immature
Nel blushed, "err…from 5th grade…" she trailed off
"Moron," Albel laughed
"Don't laugh yet Nox I have a question for you too,"
"Damn…"
"Why is it that in the manga you wear a scarf but in the game you don't wear one? Isn't it cold?"
"Bah…I never get cold," Albel proclaimed
"Really? Even though you're wearing a thong?"
"Right…wait who ever said I wear a thong!"
"Uh…lots of people?"
"I'll kill them all," He muttered
"Also is it true that you, Nel have tried to see his thong?"
"Eww…that's kinda creepy…in a stalker kind of way," Nel shuddered
"Next caller, Blue Persuasion, your on the air," Albel grumbled
"Hi again! Just one question for Albel, How did the whole ordeal with the toaster go?"
"I've told you maggots never to mention that again!" Albel exclaimed
"Heh…that was a great wedding reception," Nel reminisced, "do you still have some of that wedding cake?"
"Stop it now!" Albel was starting to get mad
"So…was it love at first sight, or just a fascination with shiny things?" Blue asked
"Damn it! It was all Peppita's fault in the first place!"
"…you haven't answered the question"
"I can answer for him!" Cliff had awoken again
"You…you actually remember something?"
"Pickles!" Nel sighed
"What does that have to do with anything?" she asked
"Albel DID have a fascination with shiny things, so when he said he loved the toaster, Peppita made him marry it," Cliff ignored Nel and told the story; he then proceeded to fall back asleep
"…Uh…well there you have it! The story of Albel and his lost love for the toaster!" Nel exclaimed
"Wait…"
"Next caller, lil-creator," Nel overlooked Albel's comment and turned her attention to the next caller
"Albel! If a whale was about to eat your future wife (cough) Nel (cough) would you kill it or just let her drown?"
"What kinda idiotic question is that?" Albel wondered
"A hypothetical question that you probably should answer you dolt," Nel answered
"Whatever…I suppose I'd save her" Albel answered the caller
"So…are you gonna stop wearing your skirt?" lil asked
"WHAT! #$$" Albel swore
"Jeezum language Nox!"
"IT'S NOT A SKIRT!"
"Wow…have a hissy fit!" lil murmured
"…why won't people ever stop teasing me about that?" Albel muttered
"Anyway my last question is for Nel, What if marrying Albel was a duty, would you marry him then?"
"…I guess…curse my loyalty to my country" Nel cursed the unfairness of the world
"Worm…that's why I don't bother with petty things like that," Albel observed
"Shut it you skirt wearing braid boy,"
"THAT'S IT!"
"Caller, Deathblade Prime,"
"Hey, since its summer in Aquaria, what kind of swimsuits would you two be wearing?"
"…God these questions get more pointless by the call," Albel mumbled. Nel glared at him (being the nice person she is to the people…) and promptly whacked him on the back of the head, "OW!"
"Serves you right," Deathblade snickered
"Anyway…err…I think I'd be wearing a red two piece," Nel guessed out of the blue (A/N: Ha, ha! Red, blue, Get it? …ok never mind…)
"What about you Sarong Boy?" Deathblade asked
"…" Albel was silent, until Nel threatened him with a dagger, "Uh…swim trunks…?"
"What color?"
"……purple," He grumbled
"O.o" Nel gave her partner a funny look
"Ok…Multiple choice time! Out of these choices, what would you do on the beach?
A. Work on a tan
B. Scuba Dive and pretend to be a shark in order to scare away swimmers
C. Learn how to surf
D. Make sand castles"
"That's easy, learn how to surf and become king of the beach!" Albel exclaimed
"Always thinking of others aren't you," Nel said sarcastically
"Ha, ha very funny, what's your answer?" Albel muttered
"Pretend to be a shark duh, that way I can attack you and throw you onto the beach so you won't die," Nel answered
"Why would I die?
"Because your absorbent head is big enough already; adding anything more would cause it to burst!" Nel started laughing
"…Wretch…"
"Plot Hole Of No Return, you're on the air," Nel finished her maniacal laughter and put on the next caller
"Yeah, Albel,"
"Damn it why are these questions for me?" Albel muttered
"Because you're just so lovable," Nel answered in a sweet voice
"O.o"
"Ok…Well, Albel, Do you have an arm under your claw, or does the claw move by itself? Which would be weird because your countries technology is really weak," the caller seemed to be thinking about the question
"It's a movable claw…attached to my arm…" Albel had a funny look on his face
"You know she's right though…how did you get a mechanical arm if we don't even have the technology?" Nel asked
"…the Invention King gave it to me…" Suddenly the arm started spewing sparks all over the place and his claw rocketed out of the room, hovered in the sky then flew back to its owner,
"…O.o" Nel looked at the arm and then at Albel
"What?"
She sighed, "Anything else?"
"Yeah a question for both of you, why don't you guys just get married already? You'd make such a cute couple and the kids would be adorable!"
"…Because we won't?" Albel glared
"But…shouldn't you not have a problem with it? I mean you did say you aren't gay," Albel paled and Nel started giggling
"God damn it," He hung up the phone, "and you can just quit laughing maggot!" he glared at Nel who was rolling on the floor laughing
"Next…Next caller," she said breathlessly
"I'm back!" The caller exclaimed
"Aleu! How can we help you?" Nel asked
"Besides by throwing you out the window," Albel muttered
"Nel how many times have you beaten up Cliff?" Aleu ignored Albel
"Uh…only once…and I think it was enough…" Nel gestured to Cliff, who was awake and giggling to himself,
"Ok, So um…hi Albel…"
"…What?"
"Can I have some of your hair? PLEASE?"
"NO!"
"How about your left shoe?"
"Don't you mean left, purple, boot?" Nel asked
"Sure,"
"QUIT MAKING FUN OF MY CLOTHES! And you are not getting any of my stuff!"
"Darn…well see you guys later!" Aleu hung up
"Caller…Uh…kinda lost track…but Psychodog you're up next!"
"What's the meaning of life?" she asked
"What?" Albel sounded shocked
"Err…never mind…I have some dares for you though Albel,"
"Oh Lord," He muttered
"Wow a special! We go live to the scene of the challenges for Albel," Nel exclaimed. She snapped her fingers and suddenly Albel and she were standing in an arena.
"How did you do that?" Albel stared in wonder
"Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome! We have 6 different challenges for the buffoon here!"
"HEY!"
"First off: Beat up Fayt!"
"What?" Fayt had just randomly appeared and looked confused
"Die Blue-Boy!"
"AHHH!"
A few moments later Fayt was twitching on the ground And Albel was proclaimed the winner,
"Next Challenge: Dance with a chicken!"
"What are these callers' problems?" Albel wondered as he began slow-dancing with the poultry. Although he looked like he'd rather be elsewhere (and despite the fact that when the song ended, he power spiked the chicken…) he did finish the dare
"Onward! Jump rope with Peppita!"
"…" Albel started jumping rope with the annoying little girl
"Hee hee…you fell!" Peppita giggled as Albel untangled himself from the rope
"What's next?" He prayed it wasn't horrible
"Tap dance with the tap dancing master: Adray!"
"But NO ONE can beat Adray!" He whined
"Stop being a baby and start dancing," Adray pulled him into the dance and soon Albel was dancing,
"Is that it?" Albel panted when it was over
"Two more challenges!"
"Oh my God," he murmured
"Go shopping with Sophia!"
"Oh no…" he groaned as Sophia skipped into the arena and pulled him out the door. A few hours later he returned carrying a purple hat that matched his skir-SARONG.
"What?" he got some funny looks
"And last but no least, Take a Runeology lesson with Lasselle,"
"What? NOOO!" Albel dropped to his knees. Runeology was soooo boring and he couldn't take sitting in the same room with the equally girly Lasselle.
"So…you give up?" Nel asked
"I can't take it!" Albel curled up into the fetal position
"Ok! Psychodog you win!"
Somewhere far away Psychodog was grinning because she just made Albel the Wicked cry like a girl.
"And we're back!" Nel snapped her fingers and they were both back in the studio.
"You still haven't told me how you do that" Albel got a blank look.
"Crazy Authoresses CAT and AMS you're on the air,"
"Hey Albel, since people have been making fun of the way you look, how about I give you a make over?" CAT asked
"Uh…how about no?" Albel glared
"Aww come on! I'll make you look cute…I mean manly! Manly! PENGUINS!" CAT yelled
"AYAHHHH!" Albel jumped out the window
Nel sighed, "I do hope you don't have another question for Albel,"
"Well…you can answer this one, what would you name two penguin chicks?"
"Why do you have penguins?" Nel asked suspiciously
"They're the start of my penguin army…" CAT said incoherently, "My zoo is having a contest!"
"Um…ooookkkk…." Nel didn't seem convinced
"I've got some names! How about Al and El?" Cliff had randomly popped into the conversation
"Err…thanks anyway Cliff," she said as Cliff fell into a forgetful sleep (again) speaking of which, do you know anything about the CliffxMirage pairing?" CAT gave a sneaky look
"Cliff…Cliff…WAKE UP YOU BUFFOON!" Nel poked the giant Klausian
"Wha…?" Cliff had a big dopey look on his face
"Before you got amnesia, do you remember anything about a girl named Mirage?" Nel asked
"She was purty…" Cliff mumbled and passed out again
"What's going on?" Albel had finally rejoined the party and looked at Cliff (who was snoring) and Nel (who was talking to the caller)
"Albel! If you had a choice between marrying a toaster, or having Peppita torture you what would you choose?"
"Well…uh..."
"Heh you gave him a Hobson's Choice!" Nel grinned
"Maggot," He glared at Nel, "Is the torment forever or just a short time?"
"Uh…forever,"
"I'll take the toaster," he muttered
"Hey you lovebirds!" another voice called out over the phone
"Adray?" Nel asked
"That's right! Albel you really want to marry Clair don't you? Of course you do! And Nel how about you? I'm sure that since the Apris is ok with polygamy he will approve of-"suddenly a smashing noise was heard. It seemed like CAT was bashing Adray over the head with the phone.
"Sorry about that, I've uh…gotta go…" a groan was heard in the background as the phone disconnected
"Uh…ok then…Epiclesis you're next,"
"Ok, if Albel was a bunny what would he look like?"
"Well…I'd have fangs…sharp blood drinking fangs…and claws…razor sharp claws…" Albel was thoughtful
"What about you Nel?"
"You mean I actually get a say in this?"
"Sure!"
"Ok…uh…he'd be purple and fuzzy…with a skirt!" Nel exclaimed
"Damn you woman!" Albel yelled
"Bring it on fluffy bunny boy!"
"Um…I have some more questions,"
"Oh…sorry,"
"Albel…have you ever considered anger management or reading about it?"
"…Already been…" Albel shuddered
"Woltar made you huh?" Nel asked
"………"
"Ooookkkk…Nel, how do manage to put up with Albel and his 'moods'?"
"I do not have MOODS!"
"Mostly I just ignore the little girl," Nel answered the question and waited…
"I'LL KILL YOU!"
"Bingo," Nel laughed
"Next caller…" Albel grumbled
"Hello again," the caller was Sorceress Myst, "Albel if you aren't a skirt wearing psycho, then why do you let Nel push you around? Shouldn't she be respecting YOU?"
"Yes she should…but I'm afraid of those stupid daggers she's got…she's got two and I've only got my stupid katana to fight back with,"
"Don't you have your claw?"
"………oh just shut up………"
"Heh…you outsmarted Albel! You get a special, 'I annoyed the Wicked' Pin and a cookie that I wouldn't recommend eating because Albel made it," Nel exclaimed grinning
"Yay! Ok next question is very VERY important Nel; I visited Aquios recently and accidentally left my 'Male Mind Control' device in the castle. Could you please get it for me?"
"Sure…" Nel grinned evilly and held up the shiny helmet that she happened to find lying around the castle
"Oh crap," Albel stared fearful at Nel who was cackling evilly as she hid the device.
"I'll use it later…" Nel smiled
"Uh…next caller A Random Little Person," Albel stuttered
"Just another question about the outfit, why in the hell did you choose purple?" Random asked
"WHY WON'T YOU GUYS QUIT ASKING ABOUT MY GODDAMN OUTFIT?" Albel was really starting to get annoyed…
"Because it's a stupid outfit," they explained
"He chose purple because the store was out of pink," Nel snickered
"Damn you woman!" Albel finally snapped and threw Nel out of the window
"Holy cow you just took out Nel!"
"Yeah that's right…"
"Well I got some more questions for you anyway,"
"Crap"
"Why do you act like you have PMS?"
"I don't…I'm just surrounded by turkeys most of the time and it bugs the hell out of me,"
"TURKEYS! Gobble, Gobble!" Cliff woke up aimlessly again
"Shut it maggot!"
"Ok…is it true that you wear lacy dresses with lots of ruffles?"
"Uh…no"
"And my last question, why do you say that you're not gay when you wear girly ribbons in your hair?"
Albel's eye twitched "I don't want my hair getting messed up,"
"And I'm glad that you have those braids too," a familiar voice spoke up. It was Nel and she was standing in the door smiling evilly.
"What the heck did you do?" he asked suspiciously,
"Remember one of those things that Maria called, a 'car'?"
"Yeah…"
"Your braids are tied to one right now…" Sure enough the sound of an engine was heard and Albel was jerked out the window
"I'll kill you!" his screams were heard over the country
"Well that was entertaining," A Random Little Person was still on the line and ready to ask Nel some questions
"Fire away,"
"First of all, is it true you once gave Albel a private guided tour of the castle?"
"…Only when he came with Fayt and the rest of them"
"Next, you're the leader of the Secret Legion correct?"
"Yeah"
"So why the hell are you only a level 3 when we meet you?"
"………Because the Secret Legion is a group of spies and we try to stay out of fights,"
"And lastly, is it true that you wear a scarf to hide the hickeys that Albel gives you?"
"Hell no I wear one because the idiots over in Airyglyph don't know how to operate a goddamn heater and I spend most of my spy time there," Nel explained
"Ok thanks for answering the questions…" the caller hung up
"Hmm……I wonder where Albel went."
"I'm right here maggot," Albel snarled from the doorway. He looked like…a victim of road rage…
"Ouch…" Nel grimaced
"I will destroy you one of these days ninja worm" he muttered
"Last caller, LuvVincent!"
"Just one question for Albel," LuvVincent said
"…Does it have anything to do with my outfit?" Albel said suspiciously
"Nope,"
"How about the color?"
"Nope"
"Or anything about my hair?"
"Nope!"
"Ok what's the question?"
"Why are you a selfish, self-obsessed git?" she giggled when she heard the frenzied swearing on the other end
"#$! $! $# I AM NOT JUST BECAUSE THE REST OF THE WORLD HATES ME DOESN'T MEAN I'M A GIT!" Albel yelled
"Wow…that's the second time he's had a major freak out…congrats!" Nel grinned
"Do I get a prize or something?"
"Hmm…You get…a special 'I made Albel swear' coffee mug"
"Sweet!"
"Well that's all the time we have for today people! Please, we're happy to receive any questions so call in soon!"
"Says you…I hate 'em all" Albel grumbled
"Do you want to say 'bye-bye' Cliffy?" Nel asked the blond man who had a clueless look in his eyes. He nodded and waved like a little child
"Bye peoples!" he grinned
(A/N: ok…that took forever to write…but it was sure fun! all you people who reviewed get a special 'I love Elicoorian Radio' T-shirt, and a fresh baked cookie from Albel (CAUTION: may cause intestinal bleeding) so I hope you keep reviewing and I'll leave you with a few words Abandon d'abandon tendress touchant aux tendresses (not sure if i spelt all those words right...) Keep reviewing! Du Narisses exaunce…)