Chapter 9: And Albel Gets Some Support…
(A/N: uh…yeah…well…here's another addition of Ask Albel to soothe peoples souls….because I'm kinda afraid that they might kill me because of my long vacation from this story (wait…actually probably not since Lost has been on hold for AGES) but I hope you enjoy this!)
Disclaimer: LALALA! I CAN'T HEEEEAAAARRR YOUUUUU!
"And we're back with Levallia on the air. This is your radio station Elicoorian Radio!" Nel finished her speech grandly
"You just had to make a big show of it didn't you wretch?" Albel said disgruntled, still freaked and upset about being 'poisoned' with Truth potion and the whole visit of the last chapter.
"Shut it skirt boy" Nel glared at him before turning her attention to the caller
"Well first of all there is absolutely nothing wrong with your outfit Albel and your hair…well it's just AWSOME!" Levallia exclaimed
"FINALLY SOME MAGGOT AGREES WITH MY FASHION SENSE!" Albel yelled into the sky
"One maggot out of a million Nox" Nel answered rolling her eyes
"Anyway my first question, out of everyone you know, who do you hate the most?" Levallia asked
"That's easy…Lasselle" Albel answered
"Same question for Nel"
"That'd have to be Lasselle…amazing how many people hate him out there..." Nel trailed off
"Of course there's a close second…Vox" Albel shuddered
"So true…Vox was an arrogant jerkwad" Nel shook her head
"Anyone else?" Levallia asked
"Well let me just get out my 'Top Five People I Want to Run through with My Katana' list" Albel said pulling out the sheet of paper
"….You carry a piece of paper saying who you want to kill around with you?" Nel asked dumbfounded
"Don't you?"
"Uh…no"
"Oh…well I do because I am GREAT!" Albel grinned evilly
"JUST GET ON WITH IT!" Nel yelled
"1. Lasselle 2.Vox 3.Amanda…."
"Wait…you put your SISTER on you list of people to kill?"
"Yeah so what's your point?"
"Oh no point…just want the listeners at home to visualize the loving family relationship of the Nox's"
"…Whatever, 4. Luther,"
"He's already dead…"
"SHUT UP! And 5 Roger"
"Why Roger?"
"Bah that worm is so annoying….he deserves to die"
"And there you have it Albel's To Do list" Nel said sarcastically
"Ha ha very funny" Albel mocked
"Any other questions?"
"Yeah, Albel why do you let Nel push you around? Surely you can beat her! I'll even help,"
"Of course I can beat the wretch…but she doesn't play fair…she sneaks up on me!" Albel said bitterly
"Sure…we're in a 25 by 25 foot room…and I sneak up on you," Nel rolled her eyes yet again
"I'll maybe have to take you up on that offer…" Albel muttered to Levallia
"Sure anytime! And my last question for you…Do you talk to the Crimson Scourge often?"
"Of course not! It's a sword for cripes sakes!"
"Oh I beg to differ…" Nel trailed off into a flashback
"NOT ANOTHER ONE!" Albel said angstly
Flashback!
"Albel the others and I are worried about you," Fayt said in what he thought was a private conversation but really Nel was video taping from her comfy spot on the ceiling
"……" Albel glared at him
"We're just afraid that you spend too much time talking and listening to that sword of yours," Fayt continued
"……"
"Yes I know it talks and its one thing to talk to it occasionally but when you start to LISTEN to every word its saying then we get worried,"
"……"
"Kill him…kill him now!" a small voice was heard clearly throughout the room
"Uh…what?" Fayt said confused
"KILL HIM!" the small voice said yet again
"SHUT UP WORM HE HEARD YOU!" Albel pulled out the sword and yelled at it
"DON'T TELL ME TO SHUT UP! I HAVE POWERS YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE!"
"YEAH LIKE THE AMAZING POWER NEVER TO KEEP QUIET!"
"…. O.o …." Fayt edged his way out of the room in a freaked out zombie like mode
"I AM THE SOURCE OF YOUR POWER! YOU MUST OBEY!"
"OVER MY DEAD BODY!"
"THAT CAN BE ARRANGED!"
"SCREW YOU"
Suddenly there was a crashing noise as Nel fell from the ceiling in a laughing fit
"…That better not be a video camera Zelpher"
"You'll never know!" Nel sprinted out of the room, "until next years Christmas party that is…" she murmured
End of Flashback!
"Damn you woman!" Albel threw his katana at Nel as she broke down in a fit of laughter
"And that should answer that question…any others?" Nel said still giggling
"Yes…why are you so mean to Albel?"
"Because he's just so much fun to tease…but we all still love him," Nel said
"Bah…" Albel muttered
"Next caller, Yuumei," Nel said, still chuckling
"Albel is it true that your hair was originally blonde but it became black in an unfortunate burning accident?" Yuumei asked
"No he just ran out of hair dye," Nel spoke up before Albel could even answer
"NO! Actually it's just a Nox family tradition that I try to uphold," Albel said proudly of his 'hair'-tige
"Oh yeah…the tradition for all the men to look like girls…" Nel remembered
"NO! And screw you!"
"…wow testy aren't we?"
"Any other questions?" Albel asked angrily
"Have you ever considered adding 'Caterpillar' to your vocabulary? I mean with words like worm and maggot caterpillar would fit right in!"
"Ha ha very funny," Albel said sarcastically
"Just doing my job!" Yuumei said gleefully
"What job would that be maggot?"
"To annoy the pants off of you!"
"He doesn't wear pants though," Nel pointed out
"True…then to annoy the skirt off of you!"
"………"
"Any other questions?" Nel asked
"Yeah, do you know what a MOOGLE is Albel?"
"No…why should I?"
"Darn…oh well…MOOGLE!" and Yuumei hung up
"Well that was weird…" Nel said
"……Reiko x 3 you're on the air
"Nel how can you have not snapped and killed Roger yet? I mean I would have a long time ago!" Reiko asked
"Because he's just a kid…I can't hurt him…I leave that to Peppita," Nel replied
"I'm with you on killing him though," Albel muttered
"Ok…well Albel, since Nel got a new set of daggers, would you like a new katana? I've got plenty, The Dragon Fang which encompasses itself in flames at the users command, Ultima Blade which absorbs magic, Dark Star which is capable of unleashing a mini apocalypse…."
"Did you say a katana that unleashes apocalypses?" Albel said eagerly
"Yep,"
"Send it right over!" Albel laughed manically
"……you do know what an apocalypse is right?" Nel asked
"Nope but it sounds dangerous and cool," Nel sweat dropped
"You don't know what you're getting into…" she warned
"I'll send that right over…" and Reiko let out an equally evil laugh (though that could have been the demon laughing….) and hung up
"Shit," Nel mumbled
"Deathblade Prime you're on the air!" Albel said in a sort of happy for him voice…forgetting that Deathblade was a frequent caller
"I'm giving you a break today Albel," Deathblade said
"YEAH! Today is a good day! All it needs now is some blood and guts and we'll be good…" Albel cackled
"Instead we're going to find out what Nel values more…"
"Damn…" Nel shuddered
"…her honor or her dignity. Nel I dare you to dance to the song 'I'm Too Sexy'"
"……"
"Oh this should be interesting," Albel smirked
Nel sighed and began dancing (I do my little turn on the catwalk yeah I'm too sexy for my shirt……(BTW: I don't know the song…hardly at all…sorry!) she was done moments later
"That was totally retarded" she muttered
"HA! That was the picture of humiliation maggot!" Albel cackled even more
"And now for Albel…" Deathblade began
"HEY! You said you were going easy on me!"
"This is easy…there a game called a Piñata, have you ever heard of it?"
"Uh…yeah," Albel said, remembering the game of hitting a paper statue thing…and candy flying out after hitting it
"Well what I want you to do…Go get Lasselle and a baseball bat…use him as the Piñata and do as much damage as possible,"
"SWEET!" Albel went running out of the room. Minutes later they could hear thudding and yelling. Albel came back with a flushed face…clutching a baseball bat that seemed to have blood on it
"That was most enjoyable," he said happily
"Shinigami656 you're on the air," Nel said
"Albel have you ever had a girlfriend before?" Shinigami asked
"No…women are weak," Albel replied
"Excuse me?" Nel said raising an eyebrow at the remark
"It's true,"
"Don't make me have to get the fan girl posse back here," Nel warned
"Bah…"
"Can I be your slave girl Albel?" Shinigami pleaded
"NO!"
"PLEASE?"
"I said NO WORM!"
"Fine, would you like some cookies then?"
"No"
"Why not? They're good!"
"I don't want cookies!"
"Jeez…you're no fun…oh well I only have one more question for you left…Why are you so sexy?"
"Nox family secret," Albel said proudly
"Like I've said before…PLASTIC SURGERY," Nel laughed
"Witch…" Albel muttered
"Nel why do you always tease Albel…its mean!" Shinigami asked
"Because he's just so fun to make fun of!" Nel exclaimed, "But like I said we all love him…"
"Ok…did you know that you and Albel are role models to many people? What do you think of that?"
"We are?" Albel said stunned
"It's flattering…even if Albel doesn't know what's going on," Nel replied as the conversation ended, "Blue Persuasion you're on the air
"Haven't you tormented me ENOUGH?" Albel said exasperatedly
"Nope, but you guys do get a break today…all I want to know is what are the most embarrassing things you've caught the others doing?" Blue asked…somewhere poised with a notebook for easy blackmail
"Well Fayt paints his toenails…." Albel began
"Oh come on EVERYONE knows that!"
"Well I caught that maggot Peppita reading some Fan fiction smut…and Adray has to shave his back…that's all I know," Albel said thinking
"I caught Mirage and Cliff making out in a closet once…" Nel said reminiscing
"Uh…didn't she make you promise to not say anything about that?" Albel asked
"Shit…" Nel said, grimacing as she heard a loud shout and frenzied swearing
"They are going to kill you," Albel warned her
"You think I don't know that?" Nel said rolling her eyes
"Well thanks for the blackmail….I mean info! INFO!" and Blue quickly hung up
"Aleu the Lunar Wolf, you're on the air," Albel said
"Albel…did you know that your voice actor voices for Kouichi from Digimon, Tsume from Wolf's Rain and Rude from Final Fantasy VII Advent Children?" Aleu asked
"Uh…no I did not know that…nor do I know any of that stuff that you just said," Albel said confused a bit…as loud thudding was heard outside the door
"Oh…well Nel could you let Amaya in? I think I hear banging on the door,"
"No what gave you that idea?" Albel said sarcastically as the pounding got louder…and a voice was heard,
"Albel when I get in there you are so dead!"
"Damn…" Albel muttered and ran and hid as the door finally gave way
"Where is he?" Amaya growled. Nel shrugged, "I'll get him one of these days…and you'll know when!" and with that she stalked out
"That was close," Albel said as soon as the coast was clear
"Wimp," Nel muttered
"What was that?"
"Nothing!" she said in a sing-song voice, "ThrogmortenMimic you're on the air."
"Albel, how come you let those girls just push you around? You've got to fight back man! Better to die a man then to be tortured and humiliated by girls…and guys probably too…."
"And yet another is sympathetic to The Wicked," Nel narrated
"Tell you what…I'll bring my katana and we'll go down as men together!"
"Huzzah! Together we'll fight!" Albel yelled triumphantly
"First I need directions…"
"Right…I'll send them to you and we'll meet here sometime!" Albel cackled gleefully
"You're really weird," Nel said giving him a funny look
"Lil creator you're on the air!" Albel said, ignoring Nel
"Albel, if you took ballet lessons then you must have taken ice skating then too, right?" lil said
"Why would you want to know maggot?" Albel sneered
"Aw please! I'm curious like that!" all was quiet for a moment until, "Ow!"
"What happened?" Nel asked
"Well…uh…I tried to poke Albel," lil said sheepishly
"Through the phone?"
"Yep!"
"Ooookkkk then…."
"So did you take ice skating then?" lil asked again
"Yeah he did," Nel finally said when Albel wouldn't say anything
"Damn you!" Albel glared at her
"Let me guess…you were there too weren't you Nel," lil laughed a little
"Yep…" Nel started
"She was 2nd best though!" Albel cackled
"…You were the first?" lil said shocked
"That's right!
"No way! Why haven't you gotten out into the world? I mean you could be famous!"
"Fame isn't important I'll have you know," Albel said wisely
"Ooo wise words from 'Albel the Wicked, Best Swordsman in Airyglyph,' yeah fame REALLY wasn't important to you," Nel said sarcastically as Albel's eye started twitching
"Bah….screw you all," Albel muttered
"Yes this has been another exciting addition to Elicoorian Radio…now I've got to run…'cause Mirage is going to kill me. This is Nel Zelpher…." Nel said hastily as a furious cloud of dust issued from the east
"And Albel Nox," Albel muttered
"…Signing off of Elicoorian Radio!" And Nel tore off in another cloud of dust…to escape the wrath of two furious Kluasians
(A/N: ha! This chapter was kinda fun to write…Well hope you enjoyed it and please send in those questions!)