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Chapter 3: Nostalgia- - - - - - - - -
The silence within the four corners of the Hokage's office was nothing more compared to the eerie silence of a graveyard. Not even the silent sobs and neither cries of the women nor the soft pitter-patter of the rain on the cold earth could break through the grim ambiance that lingered within the air.
Not even a single soul moved nor uttered a single word to cut through the deafening silence of the room. The occupants of the room were mourning for a loss that never was.
Even when the ANBU that Godaime Hokage-sama sent to search for Naruto returned to deliver their report, the peculiar graveness lingered on. The ANBU had returned empty handed, not even a sign or clue of Naruto was left behind.
Naruto had indeed left them. He had left Konoha with the unspoken words of never to return and stay.
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One by one, the people who occupied the room left with a heavy heart. Despair was the only thing that was left hanging in the air. In the midst of all the chaos and darkness, one heart was left breaking into pieces.
Kakashi returned to the solitary confines of his so-called home. What was the thing called 'home' anyway? A home was not a house that you return to after a long day's work. A home is something that you look forward to return to… But in his, it was just a piece of roof over his head. Lost in a sea of thoughts, he wondered vaguely of 'what if' and 'what could have been'. True, he wouldn't deny that he deliberately ignored Naruto thinking that it was for the best, but really…was it?
The jounin then remembered the small box that came along with his letter. Recalling where he placed it, he quickly searched for it and found it sitting on top of the side table near the door… As he opened the parcel and saw what it kept, he fell down on his knees as tears fell down uncontrollably from his eyes. For the first time in his life, he wept like he never did in his life.
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Four years had passed since Naruto had left Konohagakure no Sato. Four years time was spent looking for signs of Naruto's whereabouts and still none. Just like Naruto had said, looking for him would be fruitless.
Godaime Hokage-sama was clinging to what little hope that was left in her heart. Bitterness as it seems was seeping through her heart, tainting it. Even though she knew that it was entirely wrong for her, especially in her position as leader of the village, she was beginning to despise and loathe Konoha as a whole.
Konoha, the village she once loved, the village where the dreams and hopes of those she kept dear to her was starting to become her own reason to turn her back against it. She remembered the day when Naruto had left the village. The team of ANBU she had sent to look for Naruto came back empty handed.
Ever since then, rookie 9, the jounin teachers and a few shinobis who were close to the boy volunteered to search for him.
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"Has it been four years?" A man with silver locks sat at the Hokage Monument facing the village, thinking of how long has it been. Of how many days he had searched, on how many sleepless nights he had spent thinking about the blonde shinobi who had left their village.
Every single day, the said man hoped and prayed endlessly, if possible, every minute of the day, every hour of the week. He hoped and prayed that he would see the blonde shinobi again and hold him in his arms and never let him go. Not ever.
"Captain," a man in ANBU mask appeared before him. "Godaime Hokage-sama wishes to see you in her office."
The silver haired man nodded at his subordinate, "I shall be right in." And with that, the subordinate disappeared in a blink of an eye.
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"Tsunade-hime, it's foolish that you continue searching for that reckless boy!" one of the lords of the Fire country spoke.
"I agree. It's like ridding ourselves of the pebble in our shoes." One of the village representatives spoke up.
"It will be better, Tsunade-Hokage-sama, if you stop looking for that monster of a-"
"SILENCE!" Tsunade snapped upon hearing the word 'monster' to describe Naruto. The shrill sound of her voice seemed to have echoed throughout the building and beyond. Those who knew the tone of that voice instantly knew that there was no way in all seven hells could they escape the slug sannin's wrath if they as push further.
"YOU! ALL OF YOU! ALL OF YOU HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO CALL THAT BOY A MONSTER!" Everyone looked at her in shock. None of them had ever imagined such words coming out of a Hokage. Only Shizune and a handful of people who were present in that room that knew Naruto by heart can't blame her for her sudden outburst. In fact, they couldn't agree more on what Tsunade said.
"If not for that boy, this village would have been nothing but ash being blown away by the wind 17 years ago!" Tsunade fixed a defiant stare at each one of them.
"He may have the nine-tailed demon inside of him but that doesn't make him a monster itself. He's only a vessel! A container! What is so vague about that! If you people see him, as is – a monster, then you have no right to even be alive right now! All of you are insolent fools if you think of him that way! In fact, all of you, this village, and the people who mistreated the boy are the ones that should be called a monster!"
The nobles, the village elders, including some of the village representatives looked scandalized.
"Godaime Hokage-sama! You have no right to call us –"
"What? A monster?" Tsunade huffed as she stood from her chair. The burning repugnance in her eyes and the solemn look on her face was enough for those who were present to hold their tongues and send them cowering back to the safety of their homes.
"You people might as well consider looking for a new Hokage if you insist that my decisions are insignificant and not worth the effort for the welfare of Konoha."
"Why do you insist Hokage-sama? It has been four years since his disappearance." One of the council members asked in defiance.
The Hokage remained silent. Words were not enough to explain the importance of that blonde brat. In fact, no one can. It took more than words to express what the blonde meant and those who have encountered the blonde in a more personal experience could only agree.
The Hokage stared at the blank space of the table as one of the most understanding and reliable of the council spoke for her—Hyuuga Hiashi.
"Some of you may not know and may never will understand how important that boy is. He is a treasure that this village has ignorantly scorned and hated. Have you not even given it a thought that Uzumaki Naruto never had a choice right from the very beginning? Have you not given it even the slightest consideration that Uzumaki Naruto is only human? I have seen what the boy has gone through and I myself feel ashamed deep down to the core that I have done nothing in my power to help the poor soul.
"Have you not given it any thought he could have been any person's child? Have you not considered yourselves lucky enough that it wasn't one of your children chosen to become the vessel to contain the rampaging Kyuubi no Kitsune 17 years ago? The vessel could have been anyone's child. But no, Uzumaki Naruto became the jinchuuriki. And he had no say it in whatsoever, yet you openly scorn and despise him as if he was some sort of plague. If you continue to think that way, then you have no right to live. You have no right to be alive at this very moment as you try to justify your twisted and selfish reasons because of your guilt, sorrow and hate, by which all is blinded by the shadows of the past."
Everyone fell completely silent. None of them had realized before about the truth in the words of what Hyuuga Hiashi had said.
"The search for Uzumaki Naruto shall continue and that is final." Tsunade said, leaving no more room for any argument as she stood up and left the room.
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"Kakashi, tomorrow before dawn, four more teams together with yours shall depart. Your objective is to search and scout for any clue on Naruto's whereabouts. If by any chance that you see him, bring him back Kakashi. Bring him back, drag his ass back here to Konoha whether he likes it or not. Bind him, tie him to a log or something, anything just as long that you bring him back here alive, you have my permission." Kakashi nodded in understanding. He was waiting to be dismissed by the Hokage when he noticed how stressed she looked.
"Hokage-sama, allow me to be frank, but you should take it easy. You look like you haven't slept in days."
"I could say the same to you Kakashi. The only thing that may be visible from your face is that right eye of your but the fatigue in your body is quite evident as well."
"What do you mean Hokage-sama?" The copycat stiffened, trying hard to hide his unease under those penetrating gaze.
"Stop lying to yourself Kakashi, you know very well what I mean." Tsunade sighed as she leaned back to her chair and turned to look out the window. "You haven't been getting any decent sleep yourself." Tsunade took a sip of her sake and sighed yet again. "Everyone who knew Naruto has been carrying so much guilt around their shoulders. Most especially you Kakashi, somehow, deep down inside you have more than enough regrets that you want to make up to Naruto. There's no denying that fact since you have been wearing yourself out much to my dislike."
Upon hearing those words, Kakashi relaxed a little, his eyes downcast as he continued to listen to the Hokage.
"Be honest with me Kakashi, what drives you?" Tsunade asked as she eyed the silver-haired jounin in front of her. Kakashi was silent for a moment, trying to identify with himself with the Hokage's words, yet still, he could not bring himself to speak what was on his mind.
"Kakashi, have a seat."
And the jounin sat down in one of the chairs in front of the Hokage.
"Just what is Naruto to you anyway?" Tsunade asked. She knew that the jounin in front of her favored the Uchiha but seeing Kakashi in such a state made her think that there was something more than meets the eye. Something was there yet she couldn't quite place a finger on it.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she collected her thoughts.
"It's ironic how we remember the most precious of moments, every whispered word as if it was yesterday. We struggle as hard as we can while we try to hold on to it, yet it slips through our fingers like the sands of time. Every physical contact, the touch of the skin somehow stirs life from its deepest slumber within our souls, like a love song that has been never heard.
"When I look back at every memory that has helped mold the way I am today, I must say that most of it were downright painful. Yet what hurts me the most is that even with my power as the Hokage, I could not even save and help the one I have grown so fond of and considered my own kin."
Kakashi can relate to the Godaime. He too has lost those was important in his life.
"So ask you this again Kakashi. What drives you? What pushes you to such extent that you even volunteered beforehand to search for Naruto." It was more than just a questioning statement thrown at Kakashi's court. Still eyes downcast, he absentmindedly brought a hand to his left wrist and felt his heart skip a beat.
"Naruto," Kakashi thought as he closed his eyes. He pushed back the cloth that covered his wrist as he undid something. "Tsunade-sama has all the right to know. It will be no use just keeping it to myself."
Kakashi looked up and handed Tsunade what he considered the most delicate part of his heart—the only memory he had of Naruto before he left Konoha...
"That is what drives me Tsunade-sama. Naruto gave that to me along with the letter on the day that he left. I cannot afford to lose again the person who gave that to me. If I lose him, I lose myself. I will never forgive myself if I never find him."
Tsunade looked at Kakashi intently before looking what he had handed to show her.
It was a platinum ID bracelet. She studied on her palm, taking into mind the intricate interwoven design of the chain that linked it to another, it was only then when her eyes widened as her breath hitched when she turned over the band that held something which made her truly understand the feelings that Kakashi harbored.
"I love him Hokage-sama and I never got the chance to tell him. I love him so much that it hurts. It hurts not to be able to tell him, especially now that he's missing. It hurts so much that I was so foolish not to fuck the consequences and tell Naruto before what I felt." Kakashi held back the tears but he could not bring the shaking of his body to stop as his fingers dug into the soft flesh of his palm drawing out small drops of blood, proving the pain and turmoil that plagued him for four years.
Tsunade could only give so much empathy and sympathy. Everything was so clear to her now, both loved each other but life was too cruel. Both were not given a chance to tell each other in much better circumstances, what they felt for each other. She eyed the bracelet once again and took in to mind the delicate cursive engraving before standing up and placing it into Kakashi's cold and trembling hand…
- Kakashi x Naruto -
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- TBC -
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Authoress' Note:
Thanks for reading the lengthy chapter 2; I know it was kind of dragging and redundant… (I think…)
It's difficult to make this chapter; I had to rekindle that sad and nostalgic feeling from before in order to make this connect this one with the previous chapters. Do you think I should end it there? Because that could make a good ending don't you think?
As much as I want to make it longer, I can't. My muse has taken a liking in sleeping. And I might make two versions for the ending for this story for those Kakashi/Naruto and Itachi/Naruto lovers out there. Until then!