A/N: So… will Hermione be moody in this chapter or will she manage to keep her temper in check? We will just have to read ahead to see… oh and thanks for the reviews you darling people… yes I am tired myself. I was up till 3:30am this morning at a friend's party for their 19th. And I drank… more then enough.
DISCLAIMER: Refer to previous chapter please. Ta.
Chapter Five: The Real Truth
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Hermione gave an agonizing groan and rolled onto her back and looked at the clock with sleepy eyes. Slowly she reached out and hit the snooze button and rolled back over, closing her eyes to catch an extra ten minutes sleep.
BANG!
Hermione opened her eyes glaring at the wall as if it were responsible for the noise when she knew the bang came from behind her in the common room.
BANG!
"Stupid, death sentence wishing, Slytherin, cockroach, bouncing friggin ferret," grumbled Hermione turning her alarm off and stumbling out of bed.
She grabbed her uniform and swung open her bedroom door, yanked out her wand and blasted a clear whole through the ball as Draco threw it at the wall again.
"If I were you," warned Hermione, "I would try doing minimal things that aim to piss me off because all you really need to do is look at me to have me snap."
"Lack of sleep?" he asked innocently as he sat slumped on the lounge.
"Don't even go there."
Hermione walked into the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind her. She stripped off and hopped into the warm shower wondering why she took on the task of helping Draco. There were so many reasons against taking on the task and then there was the factor that every once and awhile a person needs a second chance to prove themselves.
After she showered and dressed, done her hair and every other morning necessary, she walked out to find Draco slipping something into his pocket hurriedly. Hermione looked at him quietly before walking over and glaring at him.
"Give it too me."
"Give what to you?" replied Draco with mock annoyance.
"Dammit Malfoy… do not piss me off! Give me the flask!"
Draco glared at Hermione and didn't move to hand it over.
"You know what?" snapped Hermione storming over to her bedroom grabbing her book bag and shoving in that days needed books and storming back out of the room, "Screw it. You want to remain an alcoholic, drug addicted BASTARD all your life, FINE!"
Hermione ran down the staircase and out the door scowling angry words under her breath, leaving a stunned and guilty Draco behind.
HD
Harry and Ginny looked up at Hermione in surprise as she slammed her bag down beside her and angrily grabbed a bit of toast and ripped it in half before taking a angry bite.
"Is everything okay?" ventured Harry.
"Fine," snapped Hermione her eyes following someone walking into the hall, "Mongrel."
Harry and Ginny whirled their heads around to see whom Hermione was calling a mongrel. When they spotted Draco sitting down both turned back to Hermione looking at her with concern.
"It's nothing," sighed Hermione, "Malfoy is simply being Malfoy."
"What did he do this time?" asked Ginny with concern, "Did he keep you up all night? You literally look dead on your feet."
Hermione gave a tight-lipped smile and a cold chuckle, "Till 3am. Bouncing a ball on the wall above my door. I blew a hole into once and then again this morning when he started up again at 6am. Never mind. You all know how I am with lack of sleep."
Her two friends nodded in agreement as Ron walked in and sat with a groan.
"Homework… kept me up till midnight," he moaned, "Who knew seventh year would be so busy?"
"Try being me," replied Hermione keeping her cool.
At that moment the owls flew in with the morning post. She looked up at them seeing a grey school one with a letter of reply from her parents, a tawny owl with a letter from Viktor and a black one with a grey patch on his chest she didn't recognise. She read her parents reply first smiling about a little tale of her cousin's mischief. She placed Viktor's letter aside before looking at the other owl.
"Who owns that owl?" asked Harry frowning at it.
"I have no idea," murmured Hermione before she took the letter and opened it with the owl waiting for a reply as it nibbled on a slice of toast.
Granger,
I apologise for last night and this morning. I am admitting first that I was rude and arrogant. I assume you are mad at me not handing over the flask. I was having a moment of… shall we assume weakness? If you are still willing to help me I will be waiting for you in the library half an hour before classes.
D. Malfoy.
Hermione sighed and glanced at her watch. She yanked a quill out from her bag and quickly wrote her reply and handed it to the owl before standing.
"Where are you going?" asked Ron curiously.
"I have to see a Professor about an assignment of mine. Just a quick query over one of my facts," said Hermione smoothly before hurrying off.
"But," frowned Ron, "We have only handed in Potion's work… and Hermione got all O's for it."
"Arithmancy maybe? Ancient Runes?" suggested Ginny.
"But the teachers use the school owls," said Harry, "And that was not a school barn owl by far… plus, all the teachers are at the table."
"Hermione's lying and hiding something from us."
"And she looked aggravated at whatever the letter said," added Ron, "Really aggravated."
"Who aggravates her the most?" asked Ginny with a knowing look.
"Malfoy," answered Ron and Harry in unison.
HD
"So I came," said Hermione startling Draco as she found him down a rarely used isle with books by Gilderoy Lockhart, "You better have a good argument to make me stay."
Draco gave Hermione a tense look and sighed, "I have been having nightmare's and even when I am awake I still watch the same scene play over and over in my head."
"So you got your hands on alcohol?"
"I actually always had this one… I kept it hidden in the Slytherin Common Room."
Hermione gave an angry huff and crossed her arms glaring at Draco, "I want to help you Malfoy. I do because I believe everybody deserves a second chance at some stage in their life. But if you keep doing this sneaky crap, how can I assist you in anyway?"
"I don't know."
"Neither do I. You need to work out if you are going to be completely honest with me, because until you do, there is no way that I can help you."
Hermione turned and left leaving Draco behind with a lot on his mind. He looked at the time and saw he had to get a move on to Herbology. As he walked across the grounds his thirst for alcohol hit him. He reached into his pocket but paused as his hand rested on the smooth cool surface. He pulled it out and looked at it longingly before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. With all his strength he hurled it across the school grounds and into a group of bushes. He could do this. He knew he could. He had to find a way to be completely honest with the one person willing to help him.
Never in his wildest dreams did he see him self in confusion over telling a Gryffindor, let alone a muggleborn one, something about him self. No EVERYTHING about himself.
As Professor Sprout rambled on about the Spitting Cactus Draco looked down at his blank parchment, which he should've been writing notes down on.
He picked up his quill and dipped it in the ink and began writing everything down. To her.
HD
"It's got nothing to do with you, Ronald, as too who writes to me and who annoys me with a letter," snapped Hermione leaving their class, "Now, if you will excuse me I have Ancient Runes to get too."
Hermione turned on her heel and stormed down the corridor trying to keep her cool. All through the lesson Ron hounded her about the strange owl that delivered her a letter that morning.
"Granger!"
Hermione glanced over her shoulder as she kept walking to see Draco running towards her in a hurry. He looked pale and clammy showing he was going through another craving attack of some sort.
"Malfoy," answered Hermione curtly as they kept walking, "What is it?"
"This," he said handing her a folded up bit of parchment, "Everything you need to know is written on this. Everything."
Draco turned and headed back in the opposite direction as Hermione looked down at the folded parchment. She glanced at her watch and saw she was running late and hurried up, slipping it into her pocket.
In the classroom she was in luck to find a note that the Professor would be five minutes late due to a medical emergency of one of the students in the previous lesson. Hermione pulled Draco's letter out and unfolded it to read, wondering what he could possibly have to say to her this time around.
Granger,
You want to know everything and I am willing to tell you what you need to know. Most of what I am about to say I have never told another. Everyone assumes that they know me, but that alone is a lie. No one fully knows who I am and no one ever will, unless I let them. So I guess, this would be a first because I am finally letting someone know everything about me. Strangely enough, it is you I am choosing out of the entire school's population.
The world has this distorted vision in their head that I am a twisted, abused, young man. And it is a warped look into my life. I was never hit, never starved, never harmed in any manner. Yes, I was punished for my wrong doings like any normal child but not to the extent people seem to think. My parents loved me and they let me know it. I loved them, though being the boy I was I never fully admitted it – in any boys eyes that is 'unmanly' and 'weak'.
But my life wasn't completely sane. My father did have two sides to him. Spilt personalities I guess you could call it. To my mother and I, he was a loving family man. To everyone else he was power hungry, the dark lord supporter, and death eater till the end. He let everyone know it without fully admitting he was a dark lord supporter or a death eater. Naturally a life like this subjected me to plenty of disturbing sights. I've seen humans tortured for no reasons. I have seen people get murdered and I have witnessed rapes, home burnings, and many other things no one wishes to witness in their life.
My mother. Well she tried to keep me away from it all like any mother would do. But she wasn't always around. She had her social life to live as well and I never expected her to be around me every single minute of the day. She always showered me with her affection and was constantly praising me on being a handsome boy, a smart child, a brave child… in fact she always called me her brave boy. It was like she was telling me that there would come a day when I would have to be brave. And she was right.
When my father was taken to Azkaban I had to be brave. Angry- yes. I am sure you heard about my encounter with Potter at school with that. So I will skip all of that. That summer was the one that began the biggest change in my life. The dark lord came for a visit, as you know. It started as a formal dinner – after all we had to treat him like he was damn royalty or you would actually be dancing on my grave. As dessert is served the dinner becomes more of a business meeting. Voldemort mentions that it is time I stepped up into the manlier role of things. He says he is in need of an insider – another one other than Snape. He tells me I need to discover a way to get his death eater's into Hogwarts so he can begin his first big world take over step. Conquer Hogwarts and he has numerous powers at his hands. But I also am given yet another task – eliminate Dumbledore.
Finding a way to get death eaters into the school was simple. I got that done in no time. Eliminating Dumbledore was the hardest. The man was smart. He would know a trap when he saw one. For months I stayed awake for days just trying to work out a way to find a way to get Dumbledore killed. I couldn't and I was running out of time. I knew deep down what I was doing was wrong. That is honestly the time I turned to alcohol. I know I told you another answer but I am being honest now. Alcohol came first. I never wanted to do all these things but my parent's lives were at stake and I wasn't about to take a gamble. That was until Dumbledore offered protection. Only I never had a chance to accept. Snape killed him before my eyes and Potter's.
That summer… you saw what I saw. Death Eater's over taking everything in the name of the Dark Lord. We never expected the Order to rise up against us so soon. But your people did. And I am secretly grateful. I don't know how much longer I could have gone on without breaking down from the stress. So, during the war along came the drugs. Yes, I lied again about when the drugs came into the picture Granger. Sorry I guess.
Your people over powered us and throughout the war I saw my best friend's die at the Order's hands. I saw Blaise fall. I saw Vincent and Gregory die protecting Pansy from being harmed. She was like a sister to them. Too all of us and she still is to me. I was lost. I still am. Then I had to face the biggest blow after being placed before the court and granted freedom. I was forced, against my own will, to watch my parents be given the kiss. The both of them at once. I listened to my mother scream and I watched my father literally die with the dignity he could muster.
Too everyone else my parents are bad people. But to me they never were. They were my mother and my father. They loved me, they took care of me and now I have to learn to live without them guiding me. I have to go on without my friends as well. I couldn't handle it so, one night while I was drugged up and drunk I had sex. Loveless, meaningless sex with some hooker. I don't even remember it. It is just one massive blur of sex.
There you go. Everything about me. No more secrets, no more sneaking around. I want your help Granger. It will mean the world to me. Please help me.
Draco Malfoy.
Hermione swallowed the lump in her throat and wiped away her tears as she folded the letter up and slipped it into her bag. A few people gave her concerned looks but said nothing as the Professor walked in to begin the lesson.
HD
Draco looked at the entry portrait showing an image of the quidditch field. Gryffindor was holding their tryouts early as Harry wanted to get his team fit before the season began.
"Slythindor," he said before walking in and up the steps.
In the common room he dumped his bag and ran into the bathroom too the sink. He splashed the cold water on his face and gave a groan. He tensed his arms up and his body craved the high of his drugs or the relaxation of alcohol.
SEX.
It would calm him down, but he couldn't do that. He needed to be clean. He needed to let sex go until he could fully mean the act and not just do it for the need.
He stumbled out of the bathroom and sat on the lounge yanking his robe and shirt off. He closed his eyes praying the craving would pass and he could at least have maybe five minutes of normalcy.
"Malfoy?"
Draco sat up as Hermione stepped up the last few steps holding his letter. She gave him a small smile and ventured over to sit on the spare lounge.
"This letter… you really told me everything… didn't you?"
"Granger, I poured my soul into what I wrote to you," replied Draco, "I threw the flask away as well. I swear too keep clean."
Hermione nodded, "I believe you. So, I got you something."
Hermione rummaged through her bag and pulled out a calendar and a long corked vial of light blue liquid.
"The calendar is so you can mark off the days you are clean. And this is similar to the Dreamless Sleeping Potion, only it is called Clear Mind Day. One drop will keep away bad memories all day and night. No more nightmares, just a simple, peaceful sleep. This is a three-month supply. I think afterwards we can see how you go."
"Okay."
"But just so you know, this will let you think of those thoughts only if you want too. They won't come too you if you don't want them too… do you understand what I mean?"
Draco nodded, "Thanks."
"Your welcome. And… and if you ever want to talk about anything you know I am all ears and advice."
Draco nodded and they both sat in an awkward silence before Hermione stood and headed to her room. Draco looked down at the bottle and calendar and gave a slow nod, "Granger might actually be… nice."
HD
"So do you plan on explaining the letter?" asked Ron at dinner.
Hermione gave a sigh and shook her head, "No. But I do have a peaceful night ahead of me, which I plan on using for sleep."
"How did you manage that?" frowned Ginny.
"Just a matter of smart thinking."
Her friends frowned at the answer but said nothing too her in reply.
"So they are opening a memorial park in Hogsmeade next weekend," said Ginny, "For those lost in the war… on both sides."
"Both sides?" spat Ron, "That's ridiculous."
"How is it?" asked Hermione.
"Well they were the ones who chose to fight on that side."
"Not necessarily. Some people were forced to fight… like a lot of the Slytherin's from our year."
"Who? Malfoy?" frowned Harry, "You actually believe what the court decided?"
"Maybe. I mean no one knows why he fought."
"Because his father was a Death Eater. That would be why."
"I know very well that Lucius Malfoy was a Death Eater, Harry. I am simply saying it doesn't mean that, that is why Malfoy chose to fight in the war. We don't know why Zabini fought or Crabbe and Goyle. Everyone had a reason, we can't just assume them."
"Well they still shouldn't get their name put on the memorial."
"They should. Because they have innocent family missing them," snapped Hermione, "Stop being so one sided for once in your life Harry and you too Ron. Think about others for a change and those who were affected by losses – on both sides."
Hermione stood and stormed out of the hall leaving her three friends in upmost confusion.
"Have we missed something?" frowned Harry, "Or did Hermione really defend Malfoy just then?"
"Oh no… she defended him alright. Something is seriously going on with her," said Ginny looking at the doors in which Hermione had just stormed out of.
A/N: Oh yes she defended him. Anyway… it don't mean she likes him – she understands him and his side of things. Please review my lovelies!
Until next time…
Love yas!
Love Coz!