Minerva wandered down the corridor, stumbling drunkenly, with a bottle of Sherry in hand that she had borrowed from Professor Trelawny. "Bitch! I want more Sherry!" she said as she whipped the bottle at the portrait of the fat lady.
"Oh you whore!!! If I wasn't stuck in this painting I would come down there and give you an ass whoppin'!"
Minerva wrenched open her robe and flashed the Fat Lady, making her curl back in horror.
"You sick woman, why are you allowing that small furry animal to suckle from you?" exclaimed the Fat Lady.
McGonagall continued to stroll down the hallway, wearing nothing but a frilly negligee.
"Argus you sexy beast, where are you?" She opened the door to his office and found Argus chained to the table, only wearing the sorting hat, Snape was standing over top of him in a maid uniform, bull whip in hand.
"Oh there you are Argus. I'm in a bit of a pickle, I seem to have misplaced my virginity."
"Oh Minerave, you kidder, if I had a galleon every time you lost your virginity to some goblin, I'd be a rich man…but then again I already am. I have a feeling you've crawled here on your underbelly to ask me for some of my money. But, like I told you last time, FUCK OFF!!"
"Argikins, I'm sure you don't mean that. Remember how I repaid you last time? wink wink I could do that again."
"Sorry baby, but I don't think you can satisfy me anymore. Once you go Snape, you never go back."
"Damn straight," said Snape, "Now Argus, where did you put that hot wax?"
"It's in the cupboard Sexerus, right beside the handcuffs," replied Filch.
"Oh Argus, I love your Filchy mind, ahaha…" Snape said, reaching for the bottle.
"Getting back to my life or death situation," began Minerva, "I only have 7 days to repay Dumbledore in full, after all those favours he did me and that Potter boy."
"Minerva, I won't say it again, get out of my love dungeon!"
"Yes Minerva, I really should get a start on mixing up that… "size potion" for Argus, time's a tickin'" said Snape.
"Oh fine, I guess I will just have to please myself," Minerva said desolately. "May I borrow some hot fudge?"
TBC