salut et quoi de neuf (hi and what's new)! i finally found time to write ch. 8, and i'm pleased with how it turned out. désolé, if you think i was being to mean to the characters (my conscience kept nagging me about it). now i used the english translations of the songs from the Full Moon wo Sagashite anime, so the translation is weird and i'm not really responsible for that (no, i have no clue what "cuddles togetherhana" means). read, review, and enjoy Like Snow ch. 8, s'il vous plait.
disclaimer: i do not own full moon wo sagashite, but all new songs mitsuki writes are mine
It's weird, the everyday landscape begin to seem special
The flowers, birds, and sea the wind, mountains, sweet sun
When everything shines and cuddles togetherhana
If he isn't alive…what will I do? What is left for me? Where will my desire go? Mitsuki's thoughts were filled with questions that burned through her heart as she pretended to be asleep. No one knew how much she was falling apart inside, and she wasn't sure how she would react to Eichi being alive or dead. Would she run? Would she cry? Would she sigh with relief? Nothing was clear at the moment, and she was curled up in her chair, hoping and praying that he would hold on at least until she said three simple words: "I love you".
She was sure that she would have enough courage to tell him this time. Now that she was older, everything began to make sense, and she was learning from her mistakes. If Eichi could see how much she had grown and smiled at her progress, she would ask for nothing else from Takuto and Meroko, who had helped her so much.
Meroko never took her eyes off of Mitsuki for one second. She knew that Mitsuki wasn't asleep - but didn't say a word to her anyways. Right now, Mitsuki needed to sort out what had happened by herself, and Meroko felt that it was best to watch from a distance. Takuto, please hurry. I'm…afraid that she won't be okay if she has to wait any longer. Meroko pulled the Shinigami handbook back out as she continued to wait for Takuto's return. The keyword had disappeared, and she sighed with relief. At least something is going right. She brought her attention back to Mitsuki and heard her mumbling random words quietly.
"Eichi…I-I'm…snow…" the clearness of the words dipped in and out of Meroko's hearing range.
If she's snow, I bet she's cold, Meroko thought with a chuckle as she dragged a blanket that covered Mitsuki, but had slid down to her lap, back over her shoulders. She shouldn't have to feel this way. I never want her to feel the way I did… She gazed out into the dark sky of America and wondered how their pleasant vacation had just become a painful waiting game.
I found the last piece to the unsolvable jigsaw puzzle
Your broad back protects me and I'll continue to follow you
For eternity
"No…" Takuto struggled with forcing his memories back and trying to get up from the floor, placing his hand against the ice-cold operating room walls to help support himself. "Don't make me choose." He glared at Izumi intensely, stubbornly trying to keep him from taking Eichi and buy time until Meroko would get involved. The annoying sound of the ticking clock resonated in his head, weakening his focus.
"I didn't want to do this, but since you're interfering with my job," Izumi began, knowing that he didn't want to be the bad guy in Mitsuki's eyes, but at the same time, determined to get his job done. "It's time you let those memories flood back to you…maybe with help from a soothing song by Route L called Eternal Snow." He grinned, catching Takuto's confused look. "I heard that the singer had a magnificent voice. Too bad he died two years ago…"
Takuto clapped his hands over his ears, the sound bouncing off of the walls of his skull and mixing with the feeling of pressure as his memories kept building up. "Izumi…you…are-"
"Not evil, that's for sure," he finished, taking Eichi's hand, ready to take off. "An evil person can't love someone as pure as her. Therefore, I'm not evil." He stuck his tongue out a Takuto, and began to hover slowly off the ground, Eichi following wordlessly behind him.
"No! Eichi don't leave!" Takuto slammed a fist against the wall, sending a huge vibration throughout the operating room, spooking the doctors. "If you leave, she'll lose her will to live!"
"Tell her…I love her," Eichi answered Takuto, a blank expression on his face, and he continued to follow Izumi.
"You can't!" Takuto yelled out in frustration, the memories ready to burst. "She'll never forgive me!"
"Maybe she won't, but at least I'll always be watching over her," Eichi hesitated as Izumi continued to float upwards. "Wait - I want to say goodbye to her."
Izumi nodded, and descended back to the ground, a light tap coming from his shoes as he touched the floor. "You only have a few minutes."
"That's all I need."
"Alright then…"
Takuto was about to launch himself forward to stop Eichi from leaving for sure. As he pushed off from the wall, he heard a familiar voice - his voice - and collapsed to the floor as soon as he was in the air. Unconscious and fighting through lost memories he lay motionless on the floor. Izumi hopped over him and muttered an apology as he followed Eichi to the emergency room waiting room.
Until now, I've took the longer way around but
I'm finally able to love straight-forward
"She looks…so peaceful," Eichi said softly as he watched Mitsuki, fast asleep in her chair. Meroko was out cold beside her and Izumi observed her as Eichi was saying good-bye.
Eichi? Mitsuki was certain that she had heard his voice, and she could feel herself being gradually pulled out of her sleep. Will I finally be able to tell him?
"Mitsuki, I'm sorry," he whispered in her ear, and she flinched as the reality of his words sank into her heart.
She shot up at once from her chair, only to find that almost everyone else around her was asleep. The first thing she noticed that was different about the waiting room was that Eichi was there - right in front of her.
"Mitsuki…" Eichi started, and Izumi floated up behind him, seeing that Mitsuki had woken up.
"No, y-you can't be…" Her eyes were overflowing with tears, the bright glow surrounding Eichi proving to her that he was dead. She turned her gaze to Izumi. "Why?" she asked, her red eyes, questioning him. "Why…couldn't you wait?"
"Death can't just wait for people. It happens." He turned away from her, glad that Meroko wasn't awake to join in their conversation. "You should be lucky - I let him visit you."
"It's not enough! Now he'll never know!" Mitsuki sobbed into her hands, and felt a light touch on her shoulders. She looked up, feeling instantly calmer after meeting Eichi's kind eyes.
"I'll know - actually, I always knew. Even if you couldn't say it, I know you felt it." He lifted her chin up, and her face in his hands, his fingers gently wiping away each tear streaming down her cheek.
"I…love you," she admitted, her words strong, but embarrassment clearly showing on her face. "And I have reached my dreams…but I'll be without you-"
"Do think that I would want to leave you all alone?" He checked the clock of the waiting room, his time almost up. "That cat guy - I don't know his name - he'll look after you."
"Takuto?" She thought back to all of the times that Takuto had saved her, and realized that Eichi was right.
"He loves you, maybe more than I do." Eichi caught one final tear with his finger, and gave Mitsuki a kiss on the cheek, surprising her. "I've got to go…"
Izumi, who was waiting nearby, extended his hand to Eichi. He took it, while looking back at Mitsuki. Her tears were dry now, with the redness of her eyes beginning to fade away. Before they left, Izumi snapped his fingers, and Mitsuki fell back asleep. Now, she would believe that everything she had just experienced was a dream.
"Please, Mitsuki…continue to live…"
The two will head to the dream of tomorrow
No matter what occurs, the gaze won't be shifted
Takuto regained consciousness after the buzz of the medical staff cleaning up the operating room and preparing to tell the friends and family the news. He had remembered everything, and even though his memories were muddled and unclear, he knew the important facts - his identity, how he died, and most importantly, the people he knew.
"We better tell them," the surgeon suggested to the nurse beside him, and they left the operating room.
Ugh, my head feels terrible…Takuto thought as he struggled to get up, his head probably hitting the floor harder than he thought when he blacked out. What happened? He searched around the room to figure out what had happened. His eyes spotted a white sheet on the operating table, and at once, he realized that he had lost to Izumi.
"It never gets any easier - watching these difficult operations end badly," an assistant surgeon said to another nurse as they scrubbed their operating tools clean at a sink. "I would have had a perfect night if he would have survived."
"Crap - now I've got to get to Mitsuki before the doctor does." Takuto took off, flying through the halls at an extremely quick speed, and arrived just as the doctor was about to give everyone the news. Mitsuki had spotted him, her eyes swollen, and a distant expression on her face - almost as if she already knew.
"Takuto, what happened?" Meroko asked, yawning and stretching beside Mitsuki.
"Takuto…" Mitsuki added weakly, her appearance breaking Takuto's heart.
He hesitated, and tried to sort out the best way to tell them what had happened. Unable to come up with a way that would soften the pain, he stared at the ground, and avoided Meroko and Mitsuki's stares. "I'm so sorry…I lost him…" He heard Mitsuki jump out of her chair and watched speechlessly as she ran desperately to the room where Eichi was.
"No…it was a dream," she told herself, her tears clouding her vision, but it didn't matter - somehow, where he was seemed to be calling to her. Her breathing became heavy and she heard the continuous rhythm of her shoes against the hard floor. I will not lose someone else I care about, she thought as she felt her pulse rapidly speed up and a feeling of hopelessness started to set in. Finally, she stopped outside of the room that she was drawn to. She could hear Takuto and Meroko calling after her and she knew that they were probably flying to her as well. Ignoring their voices, she opened the door carefully, hoping with all of her heart that he was still alive.
It's not that I love for the want of love
You gave me the courage to love straight-forward
"It's all over…" She held the door wide open, the remaining doctors in the room staring at her.
"Um, excuse me, but you can't be in here-" a nurse said kindly to her, and tried to lead Mitsuki out the door.
"I can be in here." Mitsuki pushed past the nurse forcefully, and took a seat by the wall farthest from where the medical staff continued to clean up. She kept her eyes on the table, and barely noticed when Takuto and Meroko came into the room.
"Mitsuki," Meroko began, taking a seat next to her. "Takuto tried…"
"He tried, but I'm still here without him." Her expression was faint, and she leaned her cheek against the wall, wishing that the same absence of heat would spread over her body. "All I wanted was one single word with him. I guess it was too much to ask for."
Takuto kept his distance from Meroko and Mitsuki. He had failed Mitsuki, the one person he loved more than anything else in the world. Now, he had no idea how she would feel about him. He could tell that she was broken, and at the moment, he deeply wanted to help her pick up the pieces - but would she let him?
"Being a Shinigami…it's difficult," Meroko said, watching Takuto, who was all the way across the room. "You can't save everyone, and if you can, what are you supposed to do?" She paused as Ooshige-san entered the room cautiously, the doctor right behind her.
"Why do you two want to help me?" Mitsuki closed her eyes, and placed a hand against the wall, her fingers tingling at the touch of the frozen wall. "Everything I lived for is gone."
"Not everything." Takuto floated over after hearing the emptiness in her last sentence, and looked her straight in the eye. "Eichi's not your throat, your mind, or your heart. He was the one you loved, and those people change. If you're still able to live you should."
"No…" she protested faintly, averting his gaze. "My dreams were for him, and you can't decide how long I live."
"I'm not going to let you be the new Shinigami-in-training." Takuto's determination was fierce, and as he saw her color draining from her face, he pulled her into his arms, and could hear her heartbeat slowing down. "I decided to look after you, and I'm going to do it until the end."
Meroko's eyes glimmered with tears. She had to tell him know, or her feelings would fade away without him ever knowing. If him and Mitsuki were going to move forward, at least she could be left behind knowing that she didn't have any regrets. "Takuto, I love you…and if you don't listen this time-"
"Meroko, I loved you." He held Mitsuki tighter and he could sense that she had blacked out. "But I know that someone else loves you more than I do." They remained silent, lost in their own thoughts as they watched Mitsuki sleep, sorting through the reasons why she needed to live or die.
The two will head to the dream of tomorrow
No matter what occurs, the gaze won't be shifted
If I'm left here all alone…what is left? Why should I move on without him? Was my prayer not enough? The questions in Mitsuki's mind would have kept her awake, but she stayed asleep, too exhausted to fight with the world. Giving in wasn't that hard, and she had realized that when it was her time to die, maybe she should just give up.
"You've touched my mind
Now you've taken over my heart
Every time I saw you
I would get such a rush
But I know I'll be noticed soon enough."
That's a lie, Mitsuki thought with the pain piercing her heart as she heard her own words and feelings replay over in her head. How can I feel that way about someone who isn't here anymore?
"Someday I will be braver
I will not be frozen with your words of love
Looking back again
It still hurts inside
But I'm trying to tell you those words."
Her memories showed her the last moments she saw of Eichi. If only I had been stronger back then…he'll never see how much progress I've made…
"And my little prayer
I hope it reaches the sun
But if it gets to you
That's a start
And everyday I wish to see you
I hope with all of my heart
But if I still love you
It's enough…"
It wasn't enough, Mitsuki reminded herself harshly while she felt herself slipping into a deeper sleep. Now I am truly alone.
random babble...there's this gigantic blizzard where i live (i really think it's only snow sprinkle, so people should stop whining). anyways, i just get to spend the entire day with my evil computer (oh joy...), but at least i get some writing done. i can't let myself look outside the window when it's snowing or raining - i always get sleepy, hypnotized, or my eyes hurt. why does the weather hate me (just kidding)? a bientôt et au revoir (see you soon and good-bye)!