salut et quoi de neuf (hi and what's new)! here's ch. 9, and it's short because it will lead up to the final two chapters. i was listening to two songs of ai otsuka's - cherish and daisuki dayo - while writing this. i felt sad while writing this chapter (désolé). anyways, i actually included a whole original song this time (i was going to write a new one, but i found this one that i forgot about on my quizilla). it's called, I'm Without You, and i think it captures the mood of this chapter. read, review, and enjoy Like Snow ch. 9, s'il vous plait.
disclaimer: i do not own full moon wo sagashite, but all new songs mitsuki writes are mine
It's not that I love for the want of love
You gave me the courage to love straight-forward
Everywhere she went, Mitsuki felt lonely the morning after Eichi had died. Even though she distinctly remembered falling asleep in the operating room, she woke up under the warm blankets of her hotel room bed. For about an hour, she locked herself in the bathroom and asked Meroko and Takuto to leave her alone during that time. Her mind was filled with depressed thoughts swirling around and around in a violent storm, and she didn't care. She allowed the emptiness to spread and grow throughout her, and Ooshige-san considered canceling the performance, but Mitsuki refused.
"I will perform today," she stated, her voice distant.
"Mitsuki, I'm not sure that you want to do this-" Ooshige-san began, clearly worried about the serious change in Mitsuki's attitude.
"I have no choice…" Mitsuki sighed and brushed past Ooshige-san before she could say another word.
Takuto and Meroko observed their conversation, also having no success in communicating with Mitsuki.
"What are we going to do?" Meroko asked Takuto, and they followed Mitsuki as she prepared to go on stage. "If she continues like this-"
"We can't let her," Takuto finished for her, his determined eyes focused on every move Mitsuki made. "I'm not going to let her make the same mistake we did."
Meroko nodded silently, and wondered if Takuto knew about his past. He had seemed different since yesterday, especially in the fact that he was watching over Mitsuki as if he had made a promise earlier.
"I know…everything…" he said in disbelief, and was zoning out while they were floating above Mitsuki. "But I can't fade away - I need to fix things and make up for losing Eichi."
Meroko's eyes were wide in shock. Her guess was correct, and now she was certain that there was little time left. With Mitsuki's date of death coming up, and Takuto ready to become a ghost, she would be the only one left behind. Maybe existing alone wasn't so bad, but it was the fact that her friends would be gone that stung inside of her. Was there anything she could do to stop the world from spinning so fast?
"Eichi…this final song will be for you," Mitsuki said while staring up at the lights, hesitating to see if she would cry or not. "I spent this morning when I was alone to work on it…"
Takuto and Meroko watched silently as they waited for her to sing the song that she had poured every single feeling into. If she were about to keep living the way she felt at that moment, at least they would know why by her song.
"Reflecting back on all those old memories
You'd think I'd be sad
But I'm empty
I was truly alive
More than I am now
Can't this torture end?"
Eichi…it hurts too much to be without you. I did everything I was supposed to, and why are you gone? Did I do something wrong? The sparkle in Mitsuki's eyes was missing, probably extinguished when she saw that he was dead in the operating room. Her song had been written so quickly, but there was already a piano tune to it, and during the break she was supposed to come up with lyrics. She hated how the words were inspired by such an ugly experience.
"I want to be with you
And yet I'm without you
Wishing you could be here
And still I'm without you…"
Takuto could hear her voice tremble, and she was missing her notes, which reduced a potentially beautiful song to an aching and lonely melody. He wanted the song to stop, but Mitsuki's voice to continue. No matter how emotionally wounded she had gotten last night, he knew that if she would just listen to her own voice, she would return to her old self.
"Replaying everything again
It doesn't make sense
They think I need help
But I can do this alone
I was truly complete
More than I am now
Will my torture end?"
Meroko had no idea how to imagine what Mitsuki was going through. She could only be there for her, and try as much as she could to brighten her up. Like she had said before, they were too involved now, and leaving Mitsuki to fall into her own sadness wouldn't be the right thing to do. She gazed into the sky and hoped that Izumi felt guilty for what he had done.
"I want to be with you
And yet I'm without you
Wishing you could be here
And still I'm without you."
Izumi hid from Takuto and Meroko's vision to watch Mitsuki's concert. It began to bother him more and more that he had taken Eichi away from Mitsuki, but there was nothing else he could do. He glanced at his bracelet, the red color stained on the gold chain reminding him of how he had disappointed himself, and those that he loved. Meroko and Mitsuki were important to him now, even though he had never admitted it to them. Now that he had done his job, he was certain that both of them would absolutely hate him.
"I want it all to go back
To when you were alive
Make my suffering end
And be with you
No longer without you
Heal me once again
Can my torture end?"
Why are all of my emotions like snow? Mitsuki wondered while the lights dimmed. I keep feeling these emotions build up, and then melt…
The two swear to journey from now
That no matter what occurs, the two hands will never part
I guess I have to make things right, Izumi thought painfully as he waited outside of her hotel window that night. And, I think that I know the only way to make it right…but would she really do it? He took a quick look into the window, and saw Meroko and Takuto fast asleep on the couch, giving Mitsuki her space. He expected her to be asleep as well, but she lay in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling.
"What do I do now?" She asked the ceiling, not blinking once. "When your inspiration is gone, what else can you do?"
"I…can help," Izumi started, scaring her briefly. He had come in through the wall, his image casting a shadow on the couch where Meroko and Takuto were. "But only if you truly want it…"
She thought over her situation carefully, questioning if she could trust Izumi after all that he had done.
"I want to make up for what I did. I didn't know that it would make you lose your will to live," he admitted, floating down to stand on the floor.
"Will…to live?" she repeated, confused by his words.
"Well, do you want to die?" He hoped that using such blunt words would scare her out of her depression.
"Maybe…"
His eyes shot open after she spoke. Crap…that was not the way I wanted her to reply. What if she-
"Are you finally here to take me so I can be with him?" she completed the thought for him, obviously dreaming of her Eichi.
Great, now what do I do? He thought, glancing at Takuto and Meroko who were out cold. What truth or lie could he use to snap her out of it?
random babble...so, i haven't finished the manga of full moon wo sagashite (please don't hate me!). i didn't get a change to buy any manga or borrow it at the library (and i don't read manga online very often), so i've only gotten to book 5...so sad...i hope i'm not making this story too depressing (if it is, don't worry - the end will be sunny and happy!). merci for reading this far of my first fanfiction. a bientôt et au revoir (see you soon and good-bye)!