Watch Me While I Sleep

Lawrence, Kansas

December 1983

He honestly didn't know why he had ever gone back to the garage. The work, the friends, the light atmosphere, the pride in co-owning his own business…in providing for his own family, all of that was gone. There had been no light since November 2nd.

Since the fire.

Almost as bad as the fire was the aftermath. The pity and worried looks he always saw in people's eyes. And then that worry turning to alarm as he continued to peruse old archives, visit Missouri, and return to the house for answers. His business partner even suggested he see a psychologist…try to get some help.

But none of them understood.

They hadn't stared straight into the face of evil. Hadn't felt it, lived it…been haunted by it.

None of his friends had seen Mary. Stomach slashed, a look of pure fear on her face as she burst into flame on the ceiling. They all thought it had been an accident. No one listened to him when he said that something had killed Mary…something that was pure evil.

His world had gone up in flames along with his wife.

Because it wasn't just Mary's death. His sons had changed as well.

Dean.

The hyperactive little chatterbox had grown quiet and serious. He never smiled or laughed anymore…in fact he hardly ever talked at all. The caretakers at the daycare that he had been bringing the boys to had also intervened to suggest a counselor for Dean to see. He'd responded by pulling both of his boys from the daycare and asking Missouri to care for them during the day. It's not like he planned to stay in Lawrence for much longer.

A counselor couldn't help either him or Dean. One look into Dean's eyes and John knew that despite that fact that his son wasn't even five yet, the boy understood. Knew that evil had walked their supposedly safe house and taken his mother. A child psychologist couldn't help someone with that kind of knowledge. Because the illusion and innocence of childhood that said that adults could always keep you safe and have all the answers had been shattered.

Dean wasn't a child anymore.

And Sam.

The boy wasn't even a year old and he already felt so much. Was sensitive to all that went on around him.

Sam had always been a well behaved baby. He rarely cried and was always smiling. His sweet nature had always ensured that the Winchesters had volunteer babysitters despite the fact that babysitting Sam also meant having to keep up with a hyperactive four year old.

Now Sam always cried…actually screamed. Sensing that the most comforting presence in his life was gone and wasn't coming back.

Only sleep offered some respite for a soul that had lost his innocence entirely too early.

John broke himself out of his musings and got up from his seat, quietly slipping the papers into his desk where they would be found soon enough. He'd told no one about his plans. About the fact that he had just signed away his half of the garage to his partner, Eddie, for absolutely nothing. Money meant nothing. It couldn't help him in the years ahead.

"Eddie, I'm heading out," John yelled without looking over his shoulder.

"John," Eddie was trying to catch his attention to no avail, "Please speak with someone…everyone here is worried about you."

John ignored him and got in the car. He had to bite his lip to keep a retort from coming out. He wasn't ever coming back. He had to get out of Lawrence…tonight.

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John drove over to Missouri's, knocked on the door, said hello and other formalities all in a haze. He still managed to have these moments were he went completely numb to all that went on around him and appeared to be in a daze. Missouri understood this and always allowed John to speak first.

Almost an hour went by this time before John, now seated on the couch, became aware of his surroundings and the unusual quiet.

"Where are the boys?" he asked, suddenly sitting up in concern.

"Asleep," Missouri answered softly, and then added, "All the crying exhausted poor Sammy and he finally fell asleep just before you came home…Dean fell asleep a few minutes later. The boy wouldn't go to bed until he was sure his brother was okay."

John nodded. Dean had been protective of Sammy since the day his baby brother was born, and the fire had only served to increase Dean's dedication to Sam.

"John…have you noticed anything unusual about Sam," Missouri asked hesitantly.

John avoided her eye contact, "What do you mean by 'unusual'?"

Missouri sighed, not wanting to bring this up, but also feeling an obligation to tell John everything she knew. Most of the people who came to her for a reading wanted reassurance, regardless if it was the truth or not. Not John Winchester. He wanted, needed, the truth.

Well, she had another burden for his consideration.

"That child is powerful."

John looked up at her, "What do you mean?"

"I know he has certain abilities, but I couldn't quite make them out," she said, "In fact, I was barely even able to detect he has abilities…something has bound them."

John seemed to shake his head as if he couldn't deal with this information, but Missouri was a little suspicious of his behavior. Was that reluctance, or avoidance? Did he already know something about his son?

"None of this matters, Missouri," John said, as he stood up, "I need to get the boys out of Lawrence…there's just too many memories here."

"At least stay the night, and tomorrow…after all it's Christmas Eve, John," Missouri stated simply, "I think what those boys need is some reassurance…that they haven't lost both of their parents."

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Dean didn't know what time it was when he woke up, but he knew that it was the middle of the night, and Daddy and the Missouri lady were both asleep.

But Sammy wasn't.

Dean felt, more than heard, the start of whimpers coming from Sammy's crib next door. Sammy was always scared these days.

Not hesitating for one second, Dean scooted out of bed and padded out of his room to Sammy's temporary nursery next door. As Dean pushed open the door, Sam's little whimpers became full cries.

"It's okay, Sam," Dean whispered as he moved up to Sam's crib, but Dean's words were only rewarded by Sam's cries increasing in volume. Wasting no time, Dean started scrambling up the bars and into the crib itself, sensing that the reassurance that Sam needed would come from actions not words.

It never even occurred to Dean that a boy who was nearly 5 years old would look ridiculous sleeping in a crib…Sammy needed him.

Sam's cries had started to quiet as Dean came into the crib, and as Dean stretched out beside the baby, Sam quieted to simply whimpers.

"It's okay, Sammy," Dean repeated, "I'll always be here for you."

Sam had quieted down by that time, and it was the quiet that drew Dean's attention to the fact that someone was standing over the crib.

Slowly Dean's face twisted upward to stare at his father. Sammy was already staring upward.

"Daddy…Sammy needed…"

"It's okay, Dean…I know," John replied as he reached into the crib. Dean momentarily tensed, thinking that Daddy was going to pick up Sam and upset him again. But John scooped up both of his sons and headed out of the room with them.

Dean's confusion was lifted as he realized that his dad was taking them back to his bedroom.

"We're staying with you, Daddy?"

John smiled, "Sometimes adults need reassurance as well, Dean."

As they reached the room, John gently placed both of his sons down on the bed and then laid down as well, making sure to keep Sam in between him and Dean. With the presence of both his brother and his father around him, Sam started cooing quietly for the first time since his mother had died. He then quietly drifted off to sleep to the wonder of both John and Dean. After several moments had passed, John looked curiously at his eldest.

"Aren't you tired, Dean?"

"I'm afraid," Dean said quietly.

"Of what?" John asked with a hitch to his voice.

"That it will come back for Sammy."

John was startled. He hadn't actually come out and told Dean the whole story of what had happened to Mary. He'd barely managed to squeeze out the fact that Mommy had been taken by the fire and wasn't coming back.

But somehow…Dean knew.

"As long as I draw breath, Dean…it will never come near either of you."

Dean's eyes rose up to meet his father. His expression hopeful.

"Watch over me as I sleep, Daddy?"

John smiled, "I always will."

Reassured, the young boy drifted off to sleep alongside his baby brother. John continued to stay awake, simply content to watch his two sons…the light that Mary had left behind, "I'll keep them safe, Mary. They are my world."

That night, John needed his sons beside him to fall asleep, just as much as the boys needed him. As the damaged, but not completely broken, family started to heal and mend, Missouri quietly closed the door with a knowing smile on her face.

"Merry Christmas, boys."

END