A/N: Well lot is bound to happen in this chapter. In all honesty I only expected the story to last roughly ten chapters. But what do you know… it is going to be longer… hopefully a lot longer! Thanks for the reviews.
DISCLAIMER: Only the plot.
Chapter Fourteen: Nightmares Return
The train whistle blew signalling it was time to board the train. Mrs Weasley gave her last minute hugs with supporting messages to each child.
"Behave Ron. Ginny, focus on your schoolwork. Harry, keep out of mischief. Hermione, don't let him get to you. Chin up, dear."
The four headed to the train not seeing the grey eyes solely focused on one person in particular. He moved towards the train keeping a safe distance between them both, but desperately wanting to get her on her own to beg for forgiveness or at least see how she was doing.
He slipped into the compartment across from them, sitting so they couldn't see him, but he could hear them – clearly.
Hermione thanked Ron for storing away her trunk and sat down with the Daily Prophet. She was her self again, almost. Her heart still ached from the hurt it had suffered and at night she would cry silently into her pillow wishing he were holding her in his arms as if nothing had happened at all. Her friends were wonderful though. They never spoke of it and tried to keep her laughing.
"So, the new year begins in four days," said Ron cheerfully, "Any resolutions?"
"To beat Slytherin in the final," replied Harry.
"To focus more in Potions," said Ginny, "I tend to fall asleep sometimes."
"Hermione?" said Ron looking at his friend curiously, "Any resolutions?"
"To make this year a better one then last year. And to steer clear of heartbreakers," came Hermione's bitter, yet confident reply, "What about you Ron?"
Ron smiled a little, "To not be a heartbreaker."
Draco clenched his fist tightly getting the underlying message of Ron's so called resolution.
Hermione smiled and looked down at the paper before checking her watch, "Oh I have to do a quick patrol and say hello to Pansy and Millie. I won't be long."
Now was his chance. He waited till she was well down the aisle when he slipped out following. A cold sweat was coming over him, his craving. He pushed it away and found an empty compartment. He waited impatiently for her to head back his way, knowing it would take a few minutes.
"Come on… come on," he pleaded thinking of the joint in his pocket and the silver flask.
He peered out and saw her heading back pulling her hair up into a ponytail as she walked. He counted to three and reached out, pulling her into the compartment and shutting the door behind him.
Hermione looked at him in surprise unsure of what to say or do. Her heart was begging her to hug him and breathe in his wonderful scent but her brain was telling her to slap him hard and warn him to never go near her again.
"I need you to listen to me," said Draco knowing his hands were clammy, "Without screaming or slapping me or anything at all, just listen to me."
Hermione crossed her arms and looked at the door pointedly behind him.
"I am a complete screw up. I know, I have been telling myself that for the past two days. But you need to understand why I have had a downfall."
"Nothing you say or do can fix what you did," snapped Hermione, "Open the door and let me out, or I will scream."
"Just hear me out, dammit!"
Hermione backed away from him recognising the symptom, "Your still drinking, and getting high! Oh my gosh, you truly expect me to listen to your pathetic sob story? Open the damn door now."
"You don't understand!"
"Open it!"
"Hermione! Please."
"Open the door now!" screamed Hermione yanking her wand out, "Do it now, Malfoy."
Draco's heart smashed into pieces at the sound of his surname coming from her mouth, the word sounded dirty and harsh like she never wished to say it again.
"I… I love you," said Draco opening the door, "And the reason why I turned back is because-"
"Don't," said Hermione quietly looking at him with eyes full of hurt, "Just don't say anything, please."
Hermione turned and headed down the corridor her heart beating. Everything around her drowned out as tears filled her eyes and her breathing became shallower. She stepped into the compartment and sat down with her three friends rushing over to her.
"Did you see Malfoy?" demanded Ron, his voice harsh despite the soft worrying look on his face.
Hermione nodded and took the tissue Ginny handed her.
"He doesn't know when to back off," growled Harry standing up right with Ron by his side, "Let's go."
Hermione paid no attention to them leaving as she tried to calm her breathing and stop the tears from falling. Ginny watched her brother and boyfriend leave and looked back at Hermione rubbing her back.
"It's going to be okay Hermione. In time," she said soothingly.
"No it won't… I have to live with him, Ginny… I-I have to see him e-everyday," sobbed Hermione looking up expecting to see Harry and Ron, "Where are they?"
"Ron and Harry?"
Hermione nodded, "Did they? No… no, they can't."
Hermione stood and hurried down the corridor with Ginny hot on her heels in pursuit of Harry and Ron.
HD
"Leave her alone," snarled Ron slamming Draco against the corridor wall, "You've already hurt her enough! Don't make it any worse!"
Draco snorted and pushed Ron off him and dusted his robes down glaring at the two Gryffindor's, "Don't touch me again, Weasley. Or perhaps I shall make sure you don't play in the Quidditch final."
Harry yanked his wand out and pointed it at Draco glaring at him, "Is that so? Perhaps I will see too it that you are expelled. After all, it is obvious to everyone that Malfoy isn't exactly clean these days."
Draco shot Harry a glare, "I'll make a deal. I'll keep away from Hermione and no one needs to find out anything."
"Harry, Ron – are you both insane?" came Hermione's cry as she reached them and pushed Harry's wand down, obviously ignoring Draco looking at her longingly, "Let's just go."
"It's a deal Malfoy," said Ron as Hermione pulled him by the hand, "You better stick too it."
Draco watched Ron and Harry be lead away by Hermione and Ginny. He watched Hermione walk beside Ron, the Weasley's hand on the small of her back with Hermione waving her hands about as she scolded her two friends. Draco sighed and turned to head into his compartment only to be met with the stern faces of Pansy and Millicent.
"It's true then?" asked Pansy coldly.
"What do you think?" snapped Draco, "I fucked up."
Pansy stepped forward and reached into his pockets swiftly pulling out the silver flask and rolled joints, "I don't believe it… why Draco? You had everything going perfectly! Good grades, the girl of your dreams and your career all within reach! Why?"
"My parents died!" he shouted slamming his fist into the compartment door, "CHRISTMAS DAY! I GOT THE STUPID LETTER TELLING ME! I'M SO DAMN FUCKING SORRY!"
He turned and stormed down the corridor leaving Pansy and Millicent standing in the compartment doorway with Pansy holding the flask and joints.
Draco stormed past all the compartments including Hermione's banging everything within reach in a fury.
Hermione looked at him as he passed seeing the angry look with tears falling down his cheeks. She looked at her three friends unsure of what to do.
"Hermione, don't," said Harry, "Just let it go."
She nodded and looked out the window, not knowing it would be the one thing she'd regret.
HD
He slammed the toilet door shut behind him and sat on the closed toilet sobbing angrily into his hands. Everything was screwed up. He hated his life, where it had taken him. Three days ago everything was perfect. She was laughing with him, smiling, kissing him… loving him. He suddenly stood up and with a cry of rage slammed his fist into the mirror. The glass smashed all around him and shattered to the ground. Breathing deeply he looked at the sharp shard of glass still in the mirror.
Without thinking or considering what he was doing, he pulled it out of the frame. Sitting down, he rolled back his robe sleeve and pushed the sharp tip of the glass onto his skin and slid it up his arm for near ten centimetres. Blood spilled out instantly, rolling down the sides of his arms and dripping to the ground. He dropped the shard and looked at his piece of work.
He took a deep breath and rolled his sleeve down, feeling the stinging pain, moving the thoughts away from the ache deep inside of him. He slowly stood and exited the toilet ignoring the looks from the students who peered into the toilet and saw the smashed glass and drops of blood that were following him out.
HD
"Anything interesting?" asked Ginny as Hermione finished reading the rest of the Daily Prophet.
"No not really," sighed Hermione, "Just the normal."
A frantic knock came at the doorway and Hermione stood, opening it. Standing and looking at her in a panic was Neville.
"Neville? What is it?" asked Hermione.
"Malfoy's collapsed. He's bleeding."
Hermione glanced at her friends before following Neville down the corridor to the first set of compartments. A crowd was standing around thickly and Hermione pushed her way through them. Lying on the ground with his eyes closed was Draco. Above his head laid his arm where a flow of blood was coming from. Hermione dropped to her knees beside him and shook him.
"Draco?" she said loudly, "Draco, can you hear me? Someone get help! Now!"
A few students took off, most likely the Prefects. Hermione grabbed his hand and rolled back the sleeve taking in the cut.
"Oh Merlin… what have you done?" she said grabbing her wand and tapping it at her robe sleeve to rip off. She took it and bunched it, pressing it hard against the cut.
She looked around and saw Harry pushing through the crowd.
"Harry, rip a thick strip of material from the bottom of your robes," said Hermione, "Now."
Harry did so and handed the strip to Hermione who wrapped it around the wound. As she did so she heard a shocked gasp.
It was the food cart lady.
"I'll tell the driver to hurry up and send word to Hogwarts to have Madam Pomfrey waiting," she said before rushing away.
"Is he breathing?"
Hermione nodded, having taken in the rise and fall of his chest, though it was shallow. She called Harry over and had him help her roll Draco into recovery position.
"All of you go back to your compartments!" ordered Hermione, "Prefects, patrol the corridor's and keep everyone in order!"
Everyone left except for Harry, Ron, Ginny, Pansy, and Millicent. Hermione moved around to the front of Draco and sat beside him, one hand on his ribcage to make sure he kept breathing.
"Should we do something?" asked Pansy worriedly.
"We should arrive soon," said Hermione, "Stand by the nearest exit and signal Madam Pomfrey."
Pansy and Millicent hurried off. Ginny left to get a bottle of water and see if there was anymore bandages. Harry and Ron stood guard-keeping people away who tried to get a sneak peek.
Hermione kept her eyes solely on Draco and checked his mock bandage every few minutes. It was ten minutes late when he took a deep breath and opened his eyes, taking in the sight of Hermione sitting beside him looking worried.
"Mione?" he mumbled, "Is that really you?"
"Just rest," she said quietly.
"You found me?"
"No. Everyone else did. I just did the right thing as Headgirl should."
"But you took care of me… if you hated me you wouldn't."
"Just rest. Madam Pomfrey will be waiting at the station. You've lost a lot of," Hermione looked down at Draco and saw he had indeed passed out, "Blood."
"Here," said Ginny handing Hermione another bandage.
"Keep your hands on his ribs to make sure he is breathing," said Hermione moving to wrap the other bandage over the material from Harry's robes.
Finally, twenty minutes later they pulled into Hogsmeade Station. The prefects ordered the students to exit from the designated exits and keep clear of the one Pansy and Millicent stood at. Madam Pomfrey, Professor McGonagall, and Professor Slughorn all piled onto the train. Hermione and her friends were granted leave and Pomfrey took over with the aide from the two Professors.
Hermione kept looking back as Ron led her out with his arm around her waist. She loved him still. But what could possibly have pushed him to attempt suicide?
HD
Word spread like fire of Draco's suicide attempt. The next morning Hermione was questioned by numerous students of how the Headboy was. Hermione repeated over and over she didn't know. She hadn't seen him since she left the train. In the end she snapped loudly at them.
"We broke up, so I don't know how he is!"
People left her alone after that. Hermione took a deep breath and entered the Great Hall. She sat down beside Ginny and buttered some toast before smearing it with sweet honey.
"Sleep well?" asked Ginny pleasantly as she scooped some porridge into her bowl.
Hermione hadn't. All night she had been plagued with nightmares that hadn't haunted her for months. All about that night, so long ago. The blood, the shock, the pain. It was the sight of Draco's wound that had triggered the memory she'd locked away once more. But now it was back and doing what it did best: haunting her.
"Sort of," replied Hermione.
"The Malfoy thing keeping you up?"
Hermione nodded snagging onto the excuse as quickly as possible.
"You know, no one would blame you for going to see him. I'll go with you if you'd like. Or maybe Parkinson and Bulstrode will."
Hermione just nodded. She ate silently and stood up when she'd finished. She didn't need support to go see her ex-boyfriend. It was something she could handle on her own. She said bye, telling Ginny she'd be in the library.
Within minutes she was outside the two tall Hospital Wing doors. With a deep breath she walked into the quiet Hospital Wing. She walked down the middle of the row of beds and saw one bed with a curtain drawn closed around it. No other bed was occupied.
"Madam Pomfrey?" called Hermione looking around.
The curtain was pulled back and Madam Pomfrey stepped out. She gave Hermione a smile and beckoned her over.
"He's just woken up. You did a wonderful job yesterday," she said warmly, "Dear, you look exhausted."
"Bad dreams," said Hermione with a shrug.
Pomfrey nodded and left. Hermione looked over at the bed at a pale Draco whose wrist was wrapped in a clean bandage.
"Had to replenish my blood… and I am on a detox program," he said, "But I lost my Headboy spot."
"Sorry to hear that."
"It was probably for the best. Least you get space away from me."
"I guess."
The two fell into the silence. Hermione looked around awkwardly before glancing at her watch.
"I should probably go," she said adjusting her bag strap, "Just came to see if you were alright."
"Oh, right."
"Get well, Draco," said Hermione with a half smile. She turned and headed towards the door but Pomfrey calling to her stopped her.
"Here. I don't have any dreamless sleeping potion, but this is the next best thing."
Hermione looked down at the vial and took in the name: Clear Mind Day. She looked at Pomfrey with her mouth partly opened to protest.
"Dear you need sleep. Take a few drops a day. That is all you need."
She shoved the bottle into Hermione's hand and scurried off. Hermione looked up from the vial and over at a watching Draco.
He knew what it was and what must have been racing through Hermione's mind. Hermione turned away as the memory of her attack flooded her mind. She shoved the vial into her bag and left. She wouldn't touch it. Giving it back would've meant explaining to Pomfrey about her old addiction. She made it to Potions before the bell sounded and sat beside Ron.
"Where is Harry?" asked Hermione quietly.
"Seeing McGonagall about something. She asked him to see her. Have you seen Malfoy yet?"
"No," lied Hermione pulling out her parchment and quills, "All I did was my duty as Headgirl."
Ron nodded in agreement and gave her a small smile before Slughorn began the lesson.
HD
"That's wonderful!" cried Hermione hugging Harry happily, "You… Headboy. It should have been that way from the start."
Harry smiled looking down at the badge pinned to his robes, "Yeah well…better late then never I guess."
"Yes, I suppose," grinned Hermione as they stood in the Common Room of the head tower, "Well that's your room over there."
"With the gold handle, nearest to the bookcase?"
Hermione frowned and looked at the handle. It was no longer silver, but now gold like her own, "Ah, yeah."
Harry walked over and opened the door up revealing a white walled room with golden coloured skirtings. Hermione raised her eyebrows at the change but said nothing as she headed over to the table to begin her homework. She emptied her bag and looked at the vial. Her hands shook at the temptation pumping through her. She grabbed it and headed to her room, placing it in the desk draw before heading back out to the common room. She sat at the table and looked over at Draco's old lounge. Normally he would be reading his own work or the paper, or begging her to join him on the lounge.
A lump formed in her throat but Hermione looked down at her work and focused her entire mind, not even seeing Harry sit across from her with his own work. Harry looked at her curiously but said nothing. He knew his friend was dealing with a lot and that space was something she would need.
HD
Hermione screamed in agony as the pain spread through her leg. Blood seeped out instantly and her body gave way to the pain as explosions sounded around her. She was going to die for sure. This was the end of it all-
Hermione jumped awake crying with sweat covering her body. Her body was trembling with fear all over. She threw the blankets of her and looked at the time. Ten to six. She stood and changed into her uniform before brushing her hair into a ponytail. She opened her desk drawer to find another inkbottle and saw the vial of Clear Mind Day. Slowly her fingers touched the cool glass. Her heart pounded at the temptation. Not only to feel the rush it gave her, but to be free of her nightmares day and night. Forget all her fear, pain. Everything. A touch of the cool blue liquid and she would be free.
She swallowed a lump in her throat and grabbed the inkbottle before shutting the draw with a slam. No, she wouldn't do it.
She packed her bag and left her room, heading to the lake to take her morning walk and at least free her mind. The cool breeze tickled her neck as she walked around the lake slowly. But nothing was working. The thoughts haunted her, the pain, and the noises of her scream mingling with the others. She stood still by a group of rocks and let her tears fall silently down her cheeks.
"Tempting, isn't it?"
Hermione looked up in surprise at the sight of Draco dressed in his uniform, "When did you get released?"
"Dinner time last night. You'd left the Great Hall before I arrived. I heard Potter got Headboy."
Hermione just nodded, "I had homework and I was tired."
"You look it. I obviously guess its not thoughts of me keeping you awake."
Hermione rolled her eyes and turned away to the lake.
"I saw you take the vial."
"I haven't touched it, if that is what you are asking."
"But you took it. The threat is going to be there now."
"I'm not like you!" snapped Hermione, "I don't give into temptation!"
Draco just nodded and said nothing.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that," muttered Hermione.
"It's fine. I deserve it anyway."
Hermione kept quiet looking at the cool, calm water.
"Look, I just want to say sorry again. I don't expect you to understand an-"
"Why'd you do it?" asked Hermione suddenly, "I know I said I didn't want to know why, but now I do. Why?"
"I got a letter from Azkaban that morning. While you were having a bath I read it… my parents are dead."
Hermione looked at Draco with her mouth partly open, "You didn't say anything. You should have told me!"
"I didn't want to ruin your day."
"Draco…" Hermione was speechless with disbelief that he had turned to drugs and alcohol instead of telling her, "I don't know what to say at the moment… obviously you didn't trust me… you just should've told me."
Hermione looked down not knowing what to do or say. Now that she knew the reason she didn't know whether to forgive him or not.
"I should go," said Draco quietly, "I'm sorry… again."
A/N: Will Hermione forgive him? Will she turn back to her own addiction to escape her nightmares? Well review and I will update!
Until next time…
Love yas…
Love Coz!