a/n: sorry this update has taken a while. I blame the holidays. Thanks to everyone who's been reviewing. Please keep it up, it means a lot to know there are people out there reading the story. And if you haven't reviewed and like to story why not start.
Alex feel asleep beside Izzie. He stayed in her room all night holding her. A few times during the night he'd wake up and not remember where he was. Then he'd see Izzie and everything would come back.
He was having flashes back to the shooting, vivid ones where some times he was sure he could still smell the gun powder. They'd leave him rattled and shaking. When that happened he'd pull Izzie closer to him. Holding her, keeping her safe seemed to be the only thing that calmed him down.
He stayed there all night, holding her, trying to sleep. At 5am an intern came barging into the room. He turned on the light and slammed the door waking them both up with a start. The noise set Alex off and he began shaking again. It wasn't until he realize that Izzie was laying beside him crying out that he was able to snap himself out of it. The intern had come around the other side of the bed and was trying to examine her. He was trying to life her gown to place a stethoscope on her back but she was fighting him. She didn't want him to touch her and she was doing everything she could to prevent him.
Alex sat up and glared at the intern "Can you give us a minute here?" he asked lifting the intern's hand off Izzie's back.
"I just need to give a quick exam. It won't take long." The intern said as he continued to try and examine her.
"I know." Alex climbed off the bed and walked around so he was on the same side as the intern. "I know it won't take long but we need a moment here." He pushed himself between the intern and Izzie and proceeded to try and calm her down.
She was crying and shaking again. He rubbed his hand over her back and crooned into her ear. "It's okay Izzie, it's okay. The doctor just needs to do a quick exam. He just needs to make sure you're doing okay. You need to let him do this. It won't take long and I'll be here the whole time." He kept rubbing her back and he felt her begin to relax. When he was sure she was relaxed he moved around the bed so he was facing her again and nodded for the doctor to come forward.
The doctor did his exam as quickly as possible but Izzie continued to fight him as much as possible. Alex had to prompt her to answer the doctor's questions and do the things he asked her to do.
When the doctor left Izzie curled up against Alex. He held her gently in his arms and within a few minutes she was asleep again.
Alex couldn't fall back asleep though. Every time he closed his eyes he was back at Joe's. He tried to shake the images from his mind but he couldn't. So instead he kept his eyes open, he forced himself to stay awake because he could handle sleep deprivation, he couldn't handle the other stuff. He focused all his attention on Izzie. It was his job to help her, it was his job to do everything he could to make her better, it was his job to be with her because if he'd been with her then this wouldn't have happened.
Izzie slept until the doctors returned for morning rounds. They were gentle with her but they still seemed to upset her. It was hard for Alex to witness, before she'd been too weak to react much to people but now everyone except for him seemed to upset her. It took five minutes for him to calm her down after they left. But she needed to be taken up for another CT, and then she had a physio session. He used bribery again to keep her calm, make her cooperate. He promised her he'd be there when she came back and he promised her that when she came back he'd stay with her through the physio and after that he'd do anything she wanted.
It kind of worked, she still reached out for him when they came to take her up to the CT but she didn't cry, not as much as before anyways.
While she was gone Alex sat alone in her room. He was afraid to leave, he didn't know how long they'd be gone and he had to be there when she came back. She trusted him and if he wasn't there when she came back he thought he might lose that trust and then he wasn't sure where that would leave them.
To pass the time he looked through the photo albums he'd brought over the day before. Everyone looked so happy; it was hard to believe things where like they were now. He was still flipping through the albums when they brought Izzie back an hour later. She was lying peacefully on the bed; they'd had to give her a sedative for the CT.
She still smiled at Alex when they wheeled her in. She reached out for him and he took her hands. She pulled him close to her and he climbed on her bed again. He put the photo album across both their laps and began going through the photos again.
Izzie listened to Alex explain the photos and the events surrounding them to her but she was too groggy for any of it stick. She was couldn't keep track of the people or the places and after a while she stopped trying. She didn't care about everything else anymore she just wanted to be with Alex.
/\/\/
For the rest of the morning Izzie alternated between sleeping and looking through the photo albums. The sedative they'd given her for the CT had meant her physio session had to be postponed till the afternoon.
Around 11am a nurse stuck her head into the room and told Alex he had a phone call. He climbed off the bed and again Izzie grab hold of him arm.
"I'll be back in a minute. I promise." He assured her and he released her grip from his arm.
Alex walked into the corridor and over to the nurses station where the phone was waiting for him.
"Hello." He said picking it up.
"Alex." It was Meredith on the other end of the line. "How's Izzie? Is she awake?"
"Yeah she's awake. We were just going though some photo albums."
"Fantastic. We were just about to go to lunch; we'll be up there in about ten minutes to say hi. Do you want me to bring you something to eat?"
"Yeah…umm…whatever you're eating."
"Alright. I'll see you shortly." And then the line went dead.
Alex stood for a minute at the nurses' station just holding the phone. He was a little unsure about what was about to happen. The last time Meredith and George and Christina had visited had not gone well. But Izzie had been really tired and only just woken up. He handed the phone back to the nurse and walked back to the room.
When he came back Izzie was turning the pages in the photo album, she didn't seem to really be looking at the photo though, just turning pages.
"That was Meredith." He said sitting next to her again. "She's coming up with George and Christina to say hi."
Izzie didn't respond. She kept turning pages in the album until Alex took hold of her hand. "Izzie, is that okay?" he asked.
She didn't make eye contact with him; she looked down at her hands in his. "Make them go away." She whispered so quietly Alex wasn't even sure he'd heard her.
"What did you say?" he asked her.
"Make them go away." She paused for a second and then she continued. "I don't want them here."
"Izzie." Alex pulled his hands out of her grasp. "They're your friends. They care about you. They want to see you." He reached over to her head. He tilted it so she was looking at him. She tried to pull away but he didn't let her.
"I don't want to see them." She said louder this time.
"Izzie."
"No!" she was almost yelling now. "I don't want to see them. I don't want them in here."
"Izzie." She pulled away from him as he tried make her look at him again. "Why don't you want to see them?"
"Make them go away." She wouldn't look at him, she wouldn't give him eye contact but he could see she was getting worked up. Her heart rate was increasing, she was getting stressed. And then there was a knock at the door.
He caught a glimpse of Meredith and George through the glass and jumped up before they could enter. He stepped into the corridor with them and closed the door.
"I don't think it's a good idea for you to come in right now." He said leading them down the corridor a little. "She's pretty upset, she doesn't want any visitors."
"I thought you said she was good."
"She was, but she's not now."
"Are you sure?" George was the one asking the questions now. He looked like he was about to cry, he genuinely looked like his feelings had been hurt. "I just want to see her."
"Yeah. I think it's better if you don't go in."
"Okay." George turned and began to walk away.
Meredith and Christina stayed standing in the corridor with Alex a second longer. Meredith handed Alex his lunch and told him to tell Izzie that they're all thinking of her and that they send their love.
Alex nodded his thanks and watched as Meredith and Christina walked away. As they did he heard Christina say to Meredith "Don't worry about it Izzie's just being a bitch."
A part of Alex wanted to lash out at Christina for that comment but a small part of him understood where she was coming from. Izzie wasn't being nice. She was being unreasonable and demanding. All they'd wanted to do was see her, spend some time with her and she didn't even want them in the room. And Alex didn't understand why. He'd been going through albums with her all morning; she had to know who they were now even if she couldn't remember them properly. He took a deep sigh and walked back into the room.
Izzie was lying on her side facing the far wall. Alex heard her sobbing gently to herself. He walked over to her bed and sat down in the chair next to it. He didn't try to touch her this time he just sat there. And after a while when she didn't turn to face him he asked her. "Izzie, what just happened there?"
It took her a minute to answer; when she spoke her voice was shaky. "They're not my friends. I don't know them."
And then just as Alex was about to try and explain to her that they were her friends and she did know them she continued.
"I just want you."
And then she rolled over to face him. Her face was wet with tears and her eyes were red. She held out her arms for him to hold her and as much as he wanted to pull away from her, punish her for pulling away from everyone else he couldn't. He wrapped his arms around her and they cried into each others shoulders but for completely different reasons.