Alex wasn't okay, he was far from okay. On the outside he looked okay, to everyone else he seemed to be holding himself together but inside he was slowly falling apart. Alex felt alone, isolated, depressed and he blamed Izzie for it. She'd been on the general ward now for four weeks. Physically she was coming along in leaps and bounds, her strength and coordination were slowly returning. She could sit and walk short distances with minimal assistance. But congenitally she was making very slow progress. She'd yet to recover any of her memory and now she's stopped trying to, she wouldn't let Alex show her and of the photo albums or mention anything about the past. Emotionally she was unstable and fragile. She'd experience rapid mood swings and cling to Alex like a security blanket. She was demanding, extremely self-centered. She wasn't the Izzie he'd fallen in love.

Inside he knew it wasn't her fault, he knew she didn't mean to be that way, she was recovering from a traumatic brain injury but still, sometimes it all just became too much. In the four weeks since she'd been on the general ward she'd succeeded in pushing everyone else who cared about her away. Meredith, George and Christina didn't bother trying to visit anymore. After repeated outbursts and being told to go away it had become all too much for them to handle. Meredith got updates on Izzie's condition from Derek and passed the information on to everyone else. George took it pretty hard, a few times Alex saw him sitting in the corridor holding flowers or stuffed animals but he never ventured to the door. As doctors they could all understand on a medical level why Izzie was acting the way she was but it didn't make living it any easier.

Alex had hardly left the hospital in four weeks. He couldn't leave, Izzie wouldn't let him leave. The few times he did leave, when he returned Izzie was hysterical. She needed him to be with her and she made sure he knew it. He wasn't sure if she did on purpose or if it was a subconscious thing but Izzie couldn't function without him by her side.

After four weeks of this things were beginning to take their toll. When Shepard had told him the hard stuff was still to come, he hadn't realized how hard it would be. He hadn't prepared himself for how different Izzie would be. He'd never expected himself to end up so alone. Everyone kept telling him they were there for him, and they probably still were but he had no way of getting to them. Izzie needed him to be with her, she could sense when he wasn't there, and when he wasn't there bad things seemed to always happen.

/\/\/\

"Alex?" Dr. Shepard whispered opening the door to Izzie's room. Alex looked up from the magazine he was reading. It was a little after 6pm, Izzie was sound asleep. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Alex nodded and began walking slowly out the room. He walked backward, keeping his eyes fixed on Izzie, hoping she wouldn't wake up. He closed the door behind him as quietly as he could and then checked through the glass to make sure she was still asleep.

"What is it?" he asked Shepard, learning against the door in a way that allowed him to still see Izzie through glass.

"I've been reviewing Izzie's condition with her rehabilitation team. We think she'll be ready for discharge by the end of the week, maybe sooner."

"Discharge? As in go home?"

Shepard kept talking but Alex wasn't really listening anymore. His mind was turning over what discharge meant for him, meant for the situation he was in. He was smart enough to know that discharge didn't necessarily mean things were going to be better. Things would most certainty be different but better he wasn't sure.

"…of course this is all dependent on her continuing to improve over the next few days and someone will have to go over to your apartment to make sure its facilities are adequate to cater for her needs."

"Yeah. Okay." Alex nodded, still not completely listening to what Shepard was saying to him. "Is there anything else?" Through the glass Alex could see Izzie beginning to stir and he wanted to get back inside before she realized he was gone.

"No that's it. I just wanted to give you the good news in person."

"Yeah, great news." Alex didn't sound convinced though. He grasped the handle to Izzie's room and carefully opened the door.

"Alex." Shepard called out just as Alex was shutting the door. "This is good news. Smile."

"Yeah great news." Alex said closing the door. But he didn't sound convinced.

/\/\/\

Discharged, as in go home. This was good news Alex kept trying to tell himself but the thought of it terrified him. At home he'd truly be isolated, at the hospital at least there were doctors and nurses around everywhere. If something happened there really would be no one but him around to deal with it. He wasn't sure if he was ready for this, if this was something that he could handle.

He tried to tell himself that he'd be okay with it, that they wouldn't be suggesting it if he weren't. But he hadn't told anyone how he was feeling, they had no idea how he was coping, or not coping. This decision had everything to do with Izzie and nothing to do with him.

For the hundredth time this month Alex reminded himself that he loved Izzie that he'd go to the end of the world for her, he'd do anything for her if it would make her better. She was the reason he was putting himself through all of this. She was the reason he hadn't worked in over a month, she was the reason he couldn't eat, she was the reason he couldn't sleep, she was the reason behind everything he'd done over the last month. She was his world, his everything, she was the woman he loved, but she wasn't that woman anymore. And he didn't know how to deal with this. He kept hoping that she'd wake up one morning and everything would be normal, that the kind, caring Izzie he loved would return but so far nothing. It was that hope and the obligation he felt to take care of her that kept pushing him forward and let her control everything.

/\/\/\/\/\

"I don't want to." Izzie declared turning away from Alex.

"Izzie come on this is a good thing. I promise you'll like it."

"No."

Alex had just told her about her impending discharge and like always her reaction hadn't been what he'd hoped.

"I want to stay here."

"You can't."

"Why?"

"Because hospitals are for sick people and you're not sick anymore."

"I'm not well either. Look at me."

"Izzie."

"Maybe I should just get sicker." And then she did the only thing she could think of. She held her breath.

"Izzie, don't do that. Stop." She didn't stop though. She stared right back at him daring him to do something. He watched as her stats began to fall. "Izzie, please don't do this. Talk to me. Tell me why you don't want to go home." He tried to shake her out of it, reason with her, but reason wasn't something Izzie possessed anymore. "Izzie come on." He'd reached a point where he was about to physically open her mouth and force her to breath but then she stopped. Tears were welling up in her eyes.

"I want to stay here." She spoke quietly.

"Why?" Alex reached for her; he tried to be soothing this time. "Why don't you want to go home?"

She looked up; tears were just starting to fall down her face. "I don't know what home is."