Izzie sat up in the bed taking in everything that had just happened. Alex was serious, she really was going home. She felt a happiness that she hadn't felt before being to build inside of her. She'd been wanting this all day, she'd been longing for this all day but now that it was actually happening she didn't know how she should react. She was happy, and excited, but at the same time she was nervous and scared. All she knew, all she could remember was the hospital. She was about to enter into a whole new world. She wanted to see this world so bad but this was sudden, unexpected. Mentally she hadn't prepared herself.
Alex watched Izzie closely. She seemed happy, there was a hint of light in her eyes that he hadn't seen before but she wasn't saying anything. Behind the light she looked scared. "Izzie are you okay?" he asked her, hoping he'd made the right decision.
"Yeah." She said, trying to shake the fear from her mind. "It's just a little…I wasn't expecting this."
"Me either." Alex said squeezing her hand. "I didn't think Dr. Shepard would agree to it but he did." He lent forward and kissed her again. It was only a small kiss but it was a kiss none the less. "I have to go fill in some paper work and bring in some clothes for you to wear. I'll be back in a little bit." He let go of her hand, stepped back from the bed, and for the first time he left the room without her asking him to stay.
/\/\/\/\
Alex helped Izzie off the bed and into a wheelchair. It had taken ninety minutes to process the discharge and another thirty to prepare Izzie to leave. Inside Alex's bag were more forms, list, pills, and pamphlets than he could possibly need. He hadn't taken the time to read a lot of the forms he was signing so he'd simply taken copies of them. Dr. Shepard had written out for him everything he could possibly need to know. He had list of the medications Izzie was on, the dosages she needed to take and when she needed to take them. He also had suggested diet plans, recipes for meals he could make, lists of food Izzie needed to eat, should eat and couldn't eat. Contact phone numbers for every member of her rehabilitation team as well as half a dozen contact numbers for Dr. Shepard. He had pamphlets on support groups, social groups, and home help. He'd pushed those to the bottom of the bag he didn't intend to use any of their services.
Izzie griped hold of Alex's arm tightly as he lowered her into the wheelchair. She'd not wanted to use it; she'd thought if she was well enough to go home she was well enough to walk. She'd argued with Alex about it and he'd almost caved when a nurse intervened and said they should find something for her to wear home. It wasn't until they were going through the clothing Alex had brought in she realized how frail and weak she still was. It hurt to pull anything over her head and she'd lost so much weight all her clothes were too big. It was lucky Alex had brought in so many. In the end they settled on a pair of sweat pants with a draw string waist and a jacket that zipped up at the front.
She smiled and nodded at him when he asked her if she was ready to go. She was as ready as she was ever going to be. She'd managed to push the fear deep inside of her; on the outside she couldn't be happier.
/\/\/\/\
From the glass walk way Meredith, George and Christina, watched Alex leave the hospital with Izzie. He pushed her all the way to the door before he took her hand and helped her stand. She walked very slowly the last few steps to the taxi that was waiting for them outside. Alex looked back and waved at them but Izzie didn't even acknowledge their existence.
"Do you think she'll ever remember who we are?" George asked with a sigh.
"Maybe." Meredith said placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Probably not." Said Christina as her pager went off. She ran off leaving Meredith and George alone.
They stood in silence for a while staring at the space where Izzie had been minutes earlier.
"I miss her." George said lowering his head.
"I know." Meredith said putting her arm around his shoulder. "I miss her too."
/\/\/\/\
By the time they pulled up in front of Alex's apartment Izzie was going into sensory overload. Everywhere she turned she was seeing, hearing and smelling new things. Some of them seemed to trigger memories of some sought, like she knew it but she couldn't place it. She liked the feeling but it frustrated and exhausted her at the same time. That first night home she went straight to bed and slept for twelve hours.
Alex watched Izzie like a hawk. He'd been instructed to never leave her unsupervised but he took it a step further and never let her out of his sight. He was terrified that if he turned his back something would happen. Even during the night he found himself waking up every few hours to check if she was still breathing or make sure she wasn't running a fever. She was always breathing, and she was never running a fever but that didn't make him worry any less.
The first few days were hard. Alex forgot to tell Izzie she had to go back to the hospital every other day for four hours of rehabilitation sessions at an outpatient clinic. The news upset her a lot. She cried and begged Alex not to make her go; she was afraid they'd find something wrong and make her stay. She flat out refused to go unless Alex went with her. He had to hold her hand and promise her they'd go home after. It was a promise Alex knew he couldn't necessarily keep, if something was wrong she would have to stay. He kept telling himself it was an okay lie, there was nothing wrong and he kept telling Izzie to cooperate with everyone. She did cooperate; her fear of staying overrode any compulsion to be difficult.
After the first few days things got better. Being home seemed to help Izzie. She appeared happier, which made Alex happier. She smiled a lot more and even laughed but she still wasn't Izzie. She still wouldn't let Alex talk about the past, she still thought of herself more than others and she still had dramatic mood swings. One moment she'd be happy and the next she'd be crying or yelling. It worried Alex a lot but he kept telling himself she was making progress, he had to keep reminding himself that these things take time, baby steps were still steps.
/\/\/\/\
Izzie loved being home. She hated having to go back to the hospital every other day for treatment but she still loved home. On the days she didn't have treatment Alex took her places and did things with her. They went shopping a few times, she needed new clothes. She liked the shopping but it wore her out, after only an hour she'd be exhausted and need to go home and sleep. They did other things too, they went for walks, short walks. There was a tiny park at the end of Alex's street and they'd walk down there and have little picnics. Sometimes they'd go for drives. Alex would take her to this lookout overlooking the water and they'd watch the ferry boats come and go. It was a peaceful, beautiful, almost perfect but things never stay perfect forever.
/\/\/\/\
Two weeks went by without incident. They both settled into a routine and were just staring to relax a little. Alex could sleep through the night without waking up and to check if Izzie was breathing. Izzie was becoming stronger and more confident in her abilities. But she kept over estimating them. She'd push herself until she couldn't go any further and Alex literally had to catch her as she'd fall. It scared him a little seeing how far she was willing to push herself but it was nice to see her with a positive spark. Things were going good.
/\/\/\/\
Alex opened the fridge and pulled out the milk. Today was going to be a long day, he needed the caffeine to help him through it. He'd promised Izzie they'd go for a drive and then a hike. She'd seen a commercial on television about this lookout and she desperately wanted to go there. Alex knew she wasn't ready for it. He knew she'd be exhausted before they were even half way. He knew he'd probably have to carry her off the hill but that's what she wanted to do.
He tipped the milk and realized it was empty. Who puts empty milk cartons back in the fridge? He swore quietly under his breath, he really needed that coffee.
He looked over at Izzie and began assessing his options. She was laying on the sofa sipping the tea he'd made her earlier. She looked quite content and she still had her pajamas on. He wasn't supposed to leave her alone or unsupervised but it would take twenty minutes to get her changed and ready to go. He thought about forgetting about the coffee but he really wanted it and they did need more milk.
"Izzie," he said walking over to her. "We've got to go to the shop and get some more milk." She looked back at him blankly. "Come on." He said holding out his hand. "I'll help you get changed."
She didn't make a move to take his hand, she didn't move at all. "I don't want to go." She said taking anther sip of her tea. "You get the milk. I'll stay here."
She looked back at him, daring him to say something, daring him to order her to shops but Alex didn't say anything. He was thinking things through again. "Come on Iz." He finally said. "You know I can't do that."
"Why not?" Izzie knew exactly why. The doctors had told him she couldn't be left alone but it was only five minutes.
"You know why." Alex didn't want to say the words out loud. He didn't want to tell Izzie she had to go to the shop with him because she couldn't be left alone. He knew she knew it but he didn't want to say it.
"It's only five minutes." She didn't want to move, she was comfortable where she was and she didn't understand what the big deal was.
"I know but still." He could see her point, kind of, but he'd promised her doctors he'd watch her. "I can't…" he began before Izzie cut him off.
"Why not?" she was getting a little annoyed, frustrated and angry. "I'll be okay for five minutes. It's not like anything has happened before while you've been here."
"Please Iz." He understood what she was saying but… "I worry about you."
Worry, one emotion everyone would be a lot better without.
"You don't need to worry about me. I'll be fine. If you'd just gone instead of arguing with me you'd be back by now." Izzie picked up the TV remote and began channel surfing. She didn't actually want to watch anything but she needed to do something to show that the argument was over, she was finished.
"Izzie." Alex tried to reason with her again but she wasn't interested. He sat on the sofa with her for a while mulling over what to do. This was an argument he couldn't win, he couldn't physically drag her to the shop. If he didn't go he wouldn't get any coffee, if he went he'd have to leave her behind. He began trying to reason with himself. He really wanted that coffee and it was only five minutes. After careful consideration he stood up and walked out the apartment.
/\/\/\/\
Izzie watch Alex walk out the apartment. She couldn't believe he'd actually left. She was alone, completely alone. She didn't think it would bother her but she instantly felt scared. She looked at the clock. He'd be back in five minutes she told herself. She'd be okay, she had to be okay.
/\/\/\/\
Alex walked as fast as he could to the corner store. As he walked he kept telling himself he was doing the right thing, that he wasn't doing anything wrong. He grabbed the first carton of milk he saw and waited in line for the cashier. The woman in front of him only had a few items. It wouldn't take long he told himself then she pulled out a bag full of nickels and dimes.
It took the lady five minutes to count out the money and another five for the cashier to re count it. "Come on." Alex muttered under his breath. This was taking too long. He kept checking his watch every ten seconds. He needed to get back. He was almost ready to place five on the table to be done with it when the woman picked up her things and left. He handed the cashier more than enough money to cover the bill and began running back to the apartment.
/\/\/\/\
Izzie looked at the clock. It had been ten minutes and Alex still wasn't back. She felt her heart begin to race a little. She told herself not to panic, she told herself he'd be back, it was just taking a little longer than expected. She didn't want to be scared, she'd said she'd be okay but she couldn't help it. There were thing about her body she couldn't control yet. She tried to focus on her breathing but she'd past the point of no return.
"Alex!" She began crying out. "Alex!"
/\/\/\/\
Alex heard Izzie call out his name as he came up the stairs. When he reached the door though everything was silent. "Izzie, I'm right here." He called out as he fumbled his keys. But she didn't call back. Inside he heard something smash, followed by a dull thump.
a/n: Please keep the reviews up I really appreciate them.