"Alex." Shepard said opening the door to Izzie room early on the third day. "Can I talk to you outside for a minute?"
"Sure." Alex said putting the newspaper he'd been reading down and standing up. "I'll be back soon." He told Izzie and he walked out the door before she had time to react.
In the corridor Shepard told Alex. "I think I've found what triggers the seizures. I think you, or your absence might have something to do with it. In both instances you weren't there when the seizure started. She hasn't had another seizure since she's been in the hospital but you haven't left her side either."
"You think my no being there triggers the seizures?" The thought scared Alex, if that was the case this really was his entire fault.
"Yes. No. Not exactly." Shepard wasn't exactly sure what he wanted to say. "I want to try something. I want you to go back in there and tell Izzie that you have to do something and you won't be back until 6pm. Then I want you to leave and not come back."
"What? You want me to leave her alone all day?" Izzie had serious separation issues; she didn't like Alex leaving the room for a few minutes let alone the whole day.
"Yes. If what I'm thinking is right you might be able to take her home soon."
"Okay." If doing this meant he'd be able to take her home it would be worth it. He took a deep breath and walked back into Izzie's room. He wasn't sure what he was going to say to her. What lie could he possibly come up with that would excuse him from her side all day.
"Iz," He said walking up to her bed. She was sitting up flicking through channels on the TV. "Something has come up. I have to go." She stopped flicking through the channels and looked at him.
"What's happened?" she asked.
"Nothing's happened." He couldn't lie to her.
"Why do you have to go then?" She didn't understand. She was stuck in this hospital bed, she couldn't go anywhere. If nothing had happened why did he have to leave?
"I just have to." He bent down and kissed her cheek. "I'll be back by six I promise." And then he walked out the room before she had time to stop him, had time to make him feel guilty for leaving her. He was doing this for her he told himself as he walked down the corridor.
/\/\/\/\
Alex walked away from Izzie's room. It felt a little weird leaving her without a reason. Well he had a reason, Shepard had told him to but it didn't seem right. He had a whole day to himself, a whole day without Izzie and absolutely nothing he had to do.
He wondered the corridors of the hospital wondering what he should do. He didn't want to leave the hospital, he wanted to be close by incase something happened. He found himself walking towards to gallery. They were between surgeries so it was completely empty.
He sat down in the dark and stared down at the empty operating room. He missed it. He missed the adrenalin rush, he missed thinking fast, he missed the unexpected, he missed helping people, he missed saving lives. He loved Izzie but being with her didn't complete him, without her he felt like a big part of him missing, but just her didn't make him feel whole.
The door to the gallery crept open and someone turned on the light. Alex blinked as his eyes adjusted. Addison stood in the doorway holding a large pile of files.
"Karev what are you doing here?" she asked surprised that anyone was in the room.
"Dr. Montgomery." Alex stammered. "I was just…I wasn't doing anything."
"Oh." She sat down next to him and placed the files on the seat between them. "Why aren't you with…"
"Dr. Shepard is doing a test. He told me to leave."
"Oh." A silence fell between them, they both sat staring down at the empty OR and Alex started talking again.
"Izzie's had some seizures." He wasn't really sure why he was telling Addison this. It wasn't really any of her business but for some reason he felt like confiding in her "He thinks my absence might have something to do with it."
"Really?" Addison raised her glasses. "Do you think that's what it is?"
"I don't know." That was the truth, Alex really had no idea. "I don't know what to think anymore. Everything has just been so…I just don't know."
"I understand." She nodded without really looking at him. "How's Izzie been doing, other than the seizures?"
How's Izzie been doing? He didn't know where to start.
"She's getting better. I think." He began. "Sometimes she has good days where she's almost like her old self but then there are bad days where it's like dealing with a three year old." His voice began to trail off. "Most of the time she's somewhere in the middle."
"That's good." Silence fell between them again. Alex thought about leaving, he needed to keep moving all this thinking wasn't good, but he had no where to go, so he stayed. "Alex," Addison began after a while. "How are you doing?"
"I'm good." He said it without so much as a second thought. It was the type of answer you give when you want everyone to think you're okay but really you're not. The truth was Alex was tired and depressed but he was having difficulty admitting that to himself let alone anyone else. After a moment he continued. "Izzie means everything to me but some days I just…I just don't know what to do with her. She exhausts me and I just want to yell at her but I can't because I know it's not her fault, she can't help it." Alex stopped to take a breath. Silence hung for a second but Addison didn't try to say anything. "I miss surgery." Alex continued. "I miss the challenge; the diversity of it, everything with Izzie is so monotonous. I love her but…" He let his voice trail off. He'd suddenly realized how personal this conversation was getting. He hadn't told anyone this, he'd barely admitted it to himself, he shouldn't be telling Addison. "I should get going." He said standing up.
He was almost at the door before Addison said anything. "Alex," she called to him. "What are you doing today? I have a woman delivering triplets. Do you want to help?"
/\/\/\/\
Alex stood in the NICU staring down at the tiniest of the triplets, Chloe. She was only a few hours old and already she was fighting for her life. It seemed so unfair but Alex had learnt a long time ago that life wasn't meant to be fair. Some people have it easy, while for others everything is an uphill battle. He heard the door open and Addison walk up behind him.
"How is she doing?" she asked reaching into the crib.
"Her vitals are stable." He replied without taking his eyes off the baby.
She wrapped her fingers around Addison's finger. "She's got a strong grip." Addison whispered.
"Yeah." Alex had been holding her hand earlier. "That she does."
They both stood staring down at her, she was so small, so innocent, she didn't deserve what was happening to her, but then when bad things happen rarely do people deserve them.
"Do you think she'll be okay?" Alex asked quietly.
"We'll know more after the surgery tomorrow." This was Addison's way of answering the question without actually answering the question.
Alex looked over and checked his watch. It was getting late.
"You can go and see her if you want." Addison offered referring to Izzie. "I've got it from here."
"Thanks." He began to leave. He really did want to see Izzie; he wanted to know if Shepard's test had proven anything.
"I really appreciated your help today." Addison began before he could walk out the door. "If you're around tomorrow I could use your help on Chloe's surgery."
Alex nodded but he didn't say anything. He didn't know how he should respond to that. He needed to see Izzie, he couldn't think about tomorrow just yet.
a/n: Thanks for the reviews please keep it up I really appreciate them.