Title: The Ukette
Author: myinukoi
Pairings: SasuNaru, NejiNaru, GaaNaru, ShikaNaru, ChouNaru, KakaNaru, ShinoNaru, KibaNaru, ItaNaru, SaiNaru.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Malcolm in the Middle.
Dedication to: (Challenge winner:) bunnykitune, Kativa-chan, Jezzit, CherryShadowZ, MilitantAngel23, Lady of Reversing Time, the ice wolf alchemist
Answer: Malcolm in the Middle
Birthday: 678yui-julie-and-kiki-kitten (December 19)
(A/N: Don't feel hesitant to tell me your birthday in a review! I'll give you a dedication!)
Bold: Confessional Room
Italics: Flashback (There will be tons of flashbacks in this chapter! xD)
C h a p t e r 6: Cherries or Bananas? Part 1
Fist, swords, feet, opposite chakras, and equal killer intent clashed as the two nins fought ruthlessly. Rocks and debris descended down towards an unknown oblivion as their chakra-induced footsteps caused the narrow-pathed cliff to crumble.
The snake Sannin drove his sword through his opponent's chest. The other screamed in agony and unconsciously moved closer to the edge of the steep mountain.
"Naruto Uzamaki," the snake Sannin's voice caused a shiver of fear to volt down the blond boy's back. Naruto edged away from the man. "You do not yet realize your importance. You've only begun to discover the Kyuubi's power. Join me."
Naruto ignored the words of the ebony-haired manipulator and unknowingly reached the steep edge of the cliff.
"With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to all Shinobi Nations!"
"I'll never join you!" Naruto spat out in pure loathing.
"The Third had never told you what happened to your father..." Orochimaru's voice dripped with evil intent.
Naruto glared at him. "My father... I don't have a father!!"
"No, Naruto Uzamaki," Orochimaru grinned sickly, "I am your father!"
Orochimaru then pulled at his hair, and right before Naruto's eyes, the skin glided off -a mask!- to reveal a strong jawed, deeply tanned face; with dark blue eyes and sunshine blond hair.
"Yondaime!" Naruto gasped.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!"
beep!! beep!! beep!! beep!!
Naruto shot out of bed in a cold sweat. He observed his surroundings. Rich, expensive, plush furniture. He heard Chouji's snoring in the other room. The smell of breakfast being cooked by the servants, wafting through his door.
He was still in the masion. Still with ten hot guys. He was still with The Ukette.
(The dream sequence was weird, huh? I don't watch Star Wars, just copied a scene that I saw on Youtube. Hope it came out okay. I can see a twist like that happening during the last episodes of Naruto. xD)
The blond sighed and gazed wearily at his alarm clock after turning it off. '9:32? Time to wake up!'
Sleepiness drained away and his body became quickly flooded with pure adrenaline.
Naruto leaped out of bed and zipped through his bathroom, closet, and bedroom to prepare for the day. He looked like the Energizer Bunny. In a mere five minutes, at 9: 37, Naruto Uzamaki was out the door and ready to begin the day and greet his favorite bishounens.
"So are we all done with breakfast, now?" Naruto beamed at the Semes.
"Aa, Naru-chyaaan!!" The group of men chorused.
"Alright then! Get your ass upstairs, you should all know what is awaiting you by now, ne?" Naruto looked around at the guys.
Wait. Where are the guys?
Naruto turned hearing plenty of ruckus coming from the staircase leading to the Semes' dorms.
'Goddamit...'
"Fuck you! Get the hell offa me! I was the first one to read it, first one to recognize it! I should be the established official Ultimate Ukette-reader!" Sasuke screamed at Sai, who was wrestling him to the ground, refusing to let him read the mail.
"Shut up, Foolish Little Brother! Look at my face! Look at my face!! My Naruto wanted me to read that letter since the very beginning!! You and that cheap ol' bootleg version of you," (An interjected, "My name is Sai!"), "just got in my way! Fat ass get the fuck off before you cripple me!" Itachi yelled at Chouji, who was sitting on the eldest Uchiha's well-shaped legs in an attempt to keep him from getting any farther up the steps.
"Screw you! I'm not fat! I'm chubby! Chubby people can't read mail?! That's discrimination you prejudice sonuvabitch!!!"
"I'll kill you!! I'll kill all of you, goddamnit!" Gaara roared at them all. Particularly Shino, who was holding him back by the sash to his gourd with a death-grip.
"Waaahn! Stop it, Shikamaru! Not my hair! Kami!!" Neji cried, a few tears threatening to spill out, as his hair was pulled roughly by the shadow-user.
As all the men struggled to come up with a plan, our long-haired Hyuuga had an... over-due epiphany. "Well, golly Godaime...," he gasped at the sheer brilliance of his previous thought. "I have a Byakugan..."
All the men stopped their violent bickering.
"What..." Kiba breathed into the silence.
"I have a Byakugan, biiiitches!" Neji cried out in triumph. As the other Semes attempted to tackle him, the pale-eyed boy began reading the Ultimate Ukette mail from a distance.
"Dear Semes," Neji chocked out, seeing as Shikamaru decided to stop pulling his hair and instead use the ponytail to strangle the Hyuuga instead.
"How ya doin'? Been a while since we had a challenge, huh? Well, don't worry! I don't feel the need to put your loyalty and love to the test... for now. -insert evil grin here- But that doesn't mean eliminations are on hold! Instead I'll be spending the day getting to know you all. I haven't gotten much one-on-one time with you guys, so why not now? I'll be spending thirty minutes with each of you. Here's a list and in which order I'll be meeting you guys and where:"
Neji paused, drawing out the effect as the men held their breath -forgetting all their death threats aimed at the Hyuuga- to listen.
Neji continued, reading from a list.
"Name:-------: Place:------- Time:
Sai----- Main Living Room----- 3:00 PM
Kakashi---------Bedroom 5---------- 3:35 PM
Kiba------- Garden 1-------- 4:05 PM
Shino--------- Garden 4--------- 4:35 PM
Gaara----------- Main Fountain------------ 5:05 PM
Neji------- Semes' Dorm Loft---------- 5:35 PM
Itachi----- Elimination Room----- 6:05 PM
Shikamaru---------Garden 2---------- 6:35 PM
Sasuke------- Bedroom 3-------- 7:05 PM
Chouji--------- Dining Room--------- 7:35 PM
See ya later, alligators! (AN: God, I love that saying! It never gets old with me.)
-Naru-chan"
" 'See ya later, alligators?' It's just like Naruto to say something corny like th-" Kiba was cut off by a triumphant yell from Sai.
"Oh. My. God!!! He picked me first! Me. First. Me first! That's a sign! Watch out assholes, Sai's a threat." He sauntered off towards his room, Neji and Sasuke in grudging tow. "Oooh yeah! Me first! Check it!"
"Hehe...I get to meet Naruto-kun in my room? Hehehe..." Kakashi then erupted into an endless giggling fit.
Kakashi's Confessional: Oh wait... my room? -remembers how his room looks like (refer to chapter 4)- Well damn.
All the other semes watched as the silver-haired Jounin went from laughing and blushing, to calm and solemn, to frantic and wide-eyed. "Must...clean...quickly." And Kakashi was gone.
The men blinked, and left the loft, one by one. Only Shino was left.
'Hm...I don't talk much. I don't do much. No one has even seen my face. I leave no lasting impression on Naruto-kun. There's nothing that has kept me from being eliminated besides the simple fact that there is always someone worse than me. But once Chouji is gone (that's mean :P), I'll be at the bottom of this competition. This may be my only chance to prove to Naruto-kun that I care. I can't mess this up!'
Determined eyes were hidden behind dark, circled shades. Shino's hands were fisted in his pocket as he walked off towards his room that he shared with Gaara to prepare for four thirty five pm.
Sai----- Main Living Room----- 3:00 PM
Sai waited impatiently for his blond, loudly tapping his foot in annoyance and moaning his displeasure.
"Naruto-chan is laaaate!!"
"Sorry, Sai!" A blur of blond sped downstairs and through the great oak doors leading into the large, well-furnished room.
Naruto was out of breath, his cheeks were pink and his eyes sparkled. Sai smiled, "Don't worry about it, koi."
Naruto flushed pink at the nickname and began to explain his tardiness. "Well, I was on my way and then Moegi had to start some mess about me being uke, and I can't let something like that go, y'know? So I told her how I was gonna be Seme, cuz I am--tebayo!! And then...Sai? Why are you looking at me like that??"
Sai bit his lip and leered openly at the blond. When he realized Naruto was directing a question to him, he brushed off the blond's concern with a wave of his hand.
"Nothing, nothing. Please continue, Naruto-kun. I am listening." Sai sat down on a plush sofa, keeping eye contact with the blond.
Naruto smiled and nodded, continuing. "So, I said, 'I'mma be Seme! Look at how big and strong I am!' And she was all 'You look like a girl! Waaahn! What a uke!' And I wanted to slap her but you can't slap girls, especially little girls. Ne, Sai? W-What are you d-doing?"
Sai rested his chin on the smaller boy's shoulder after wrapping his arms around the thin waist and pulling the sunshine-haired boy down to his lap.
"Nuffin..." Sai's voice was muffled as he began to nuzzle the kitsune's neck.
"Well, okay. If you say so. I-I'll just c-continue with my st-story..." Blush. Blush. "A-And then Iruka-sensei came and told us to not fight and he said th-that I wasted n-nearly ten-- Sai, no! Don't do that, it's distracting!!" Sai continued to place small, pin-point kisses on the nape of Naruto's neck.
"Continue." Sai breathed out huskly as he turned his head to molest the other side of Naruto's neck. "Don't worry," he assured. "I won't leave any marks."
Naruto just gulped.
"Al-Alrighty then." Naruto was becoming very uncomfortable. "So he said I was a-about ten minutes late so then I got here as fast as I could. I'm sorry, Sai."
Sai smiled his signature cheery smile. "It's okay, Naruto. I understand. It's not your fault." But Sai didn't understand, because his attention wasn't with Naruto's words but rather his lithe body.
Naruto smiled, but a frown quickly returned. "I hope you know that our thirty minutes was cut short. I won't be able to spend as much time with you as I will the others. Please don't be mad at me." Naruto pouted and his eyes were downcast.
Sai unlatched himself from the blond's neck and spun him on his lap so they were now face to face, chest to chest, groin to groin. Sai smirked.
"Don't worry, Naruto. We'll just have to make good use of the little time we have." Sai grinned lecherously.
Naruto nodded, face still pink and eyes still clouded from Sai's foreplay. "Aa, Sai. You're right. We should make good use of-- Hey!! Are you thinking about something perverted!"
"Nooo..." Sai blinked in innocent confusion.
"Kyaa! Sai! I don't want to make out! I want to talk! Let's get to know eachother." Naruto slid off the other's lap, leaving a delicious tingling affect of after-friction on Sai's legs. He groaned miserably at the loss of contact.
"We already know each other!! We were on the same team for forever!"
"True. But I feel I could learn more...you are so mysterious Sai. What makes you tick?" Naruto lied down on the couch and rested his head on his propped up arms. He watched Sai diligently, waiting for an answer.
The answer came rather quickly.
"My penis." Sai answered without a hitch in his voice, a tinge on his cheeks, or a waver in his stare.
Naruto sweatdropped.
Naruto's Confessional: I should've known.
"And your penis." Sai added in a futile attempt to seem selfless.
Naruto sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Oh lord...
Sai: Yea, it's true we had little time, but I believe we made the best of it. ((evil snicker)) We definitely talked a lot. Well...we used our mouths a lot. Well...I used my mouth a lot. But I think we both enjoyed the experience all the same. ;D There's no way Naruto-kun will eliminate me after the wonderful time we spent together. ((grin))
Naruto: He MOLESTED me the whole time!! I told him 'lets talk' but it was like he couldn't hear me! He acted like a brainless idiot! No surprise though. With people like Sai, there probably isn't enough blood for them to use their brain and dick at the same time!! I hope the next one is a bit more talkative. Sai provided me with enough perversion to last me a week!! Who's the next guy...Kakashi? The Super Pervert, Kakashi (Excuse me, Ero-sennin. No offence. I just really wanted to get my point across.)?! Chances of not being molested... zero, you say? Well, fuck.
Kakashi---------Bedroom 5---------- 3:35PM
"Kakashi! Your room is sooo--" Naruto prepared to go on a full-fledged barrage of curse words and insults to fully describe his disgust at the porn-ridden room. You must admit, it would be an experience-worthy right to assume his irresponsible, mind-corrupting, unreliable, perverted, ex-sensei of turning his room into a one-person brothel as soon as his roommates were eliminated.
But Naruto was very surprised to see that the room was...ordinary. A few clothes about, open texts, messy bed, but the room was all-around...
...normal?!
To shock Naruto even more, Kakashi was resting on the bed, fully-clothed, not giggling, and reading...
...Broaden Your Shinobi Intellectual Horizon: '105 Differences Between Chakra and Chi'
The ex-ANBU's head snapped up in surprise as he felt the two resounding thuds of a kunai and shuriken embed in the headboard his head was resting against.
In a split second Naruto was behind 'Kakashi' with a second kunai at his throat. "Who the fuck are you and what have you done to Kakashi!?!"
"Aww...Naruto-kun! You're concerned over my well-being! I'm touched!" Kakashi dropped the book to let his hand slither up Naruto's inner thigh and brush against his groin.
"Gah!" Naruto jumped away, the kunai in his hand flew through the air and landed with a 'clink' on the hard-wood floor, making the blond jump a second time.
Kakashi watched the flustered, paranoid blond and smiled at how adorable his kitsune was.
So cute...
"Okay," Naruto ran a hand through his yellow locks and sighed, aggravated. "You are Kaka-sensei."
Naruto could see the outline of Kakashi's lips turn upward in a smile through his mask.
"So, ya ready to talk?" Kakashi asked putting his innocent book down, folding a page's corner to mark his place.
"Um, yeah..."
"Any questions?"
Naruto stood up and sat down on the bed. "Yeah, Kakashi. I was wondering since you were my sensei and all...when did...you know? You start to l-like me?"
Kakashi's one eye became intense with so much feeling that Naruto, for once in his life, became thankful that the Jounin had a mask to cover the rest of his face. For if not, the blond would have surely fainted from the intensity of the deep, undescribable, profound emotion that took refuge on his ex-sensei's face.
Hatake cupped the other's cheek. "Since the very moment I saw you, Uzamaki Naruto..."
"Really?" Naruto wondered aloud, face flushed. Could his sensei have really had feelings for him all this time? He always thought Sasuke was Kakashi-sensei's favorite. To think that Kakashi-sensei loved him for so--
"Naw, I'm just joshin' ya!" Kakashi laughed. "Haha! You should've seen the look on your face. You were all," And Kakashi made an over dramatic expression of Naruto when he revealed his false answer. He then slapped his thigh and hooted in laughter. "It was sooo funny!!"
A vein bulged in Naruto's forehead and he picked up Kakashi's '105 Differences Between Chakra and Chi' and wacked him hard in the head with it.
Kakashi clutched his head. "Owww...Naruto-chan! Why?"
" 'Cuz you were being a ruddy asshole!!"
"You know I was just playing with you. I loooove you, Naru-kun..." Kakashi, who was now on the floor, propped himself on his knees and nuzzled his masked face into Naruto's closed lap.
Naruto pushed him away and glared at the floor, only to find Kakashi's supposedly ninja educational book on chakra and chi, to actually have wedged in it's center and deep in it's spine, 'Icha Icha Paradise: Volume 6'.
Kakashi followed Naruto's gaze to his porno literature and laughed nervously. "Well you see...what had happened was..." The silver-haired man had tried to explain.
Yet, he was cut off as Naruto raised a hand to his face. "Don't insult me with half-baked excuses and barefaced lies. Let's forget it and please answer my question, truthfully. No more games."
Kakashi frowned. "No more games?" He questioned with a pout.
"No more games, Kakashi." Naruto repeated.
"Okay, fine." He inwardly whined. "Here's how the story goes..."
--((Flashback))--
"Kakashi-sensei! Why did you bring me here? We should be training with Sasuke-teme and Sakura-chaaan!"
The two males stopped walking after a good fifteen minutes and Kakashi leaned on a tree's trunk and placed his Icha Icha away. One amused eye took the bitching blonde into regard.
"Sit." Kakashi pointed to the tree opposite him, and the blond sat down, still flustered at being ignored.
"What?"
"Iruka brought me here to teach you something. Something that his super-shy self couldn't teach you on his own, seeing as he might die of embarrassment-induced hyperventilation."
"Really?! Is it a new justsu?"
"No."
"A new shurkien technique?"
"No."
"A brand-spanking-new kunai combo?"
"No."
"Kaka-senseiiii!"
"I have no idea why Iruka-san would ask me to teach you about this, seeing as I'm the last person anyone else would ask."
"Eh? What are you talking about?"
Kakashi slid down his trunk so he was face to face with Naruto. "I am going to teach you about the birds and the bees."
"Huh?"
"Sex, Naruto. Sex."
-Three Painstakingly Long Hours Later-
"Eeew! Kakashi-sensei! You've raped my innocent mind! I don't want to learn anymore!"
"Naruto, stop over-reacting. And don't scream the word 'rape' so loud when you're with me again. I don't want Tsunade on my ass for pedophilism."
"Who knew what the banana inbetween my legs can do!?! And diseases that can cause discoloration and warts down there, too! And the sandwich bag I have to put over my banana when I pop a girls cherry!"
Kakashi snorted. "Like you'll ever pop a girl's cherry Naruto."
Naruto stopped screaming obscenities. "What?! I will too! I will pop Sakura's cherry."
"Eww."
"Kakashi-sen--!"
"Naruto let me teach you one more lesson."
"Gah! No! My thirteen year old mind can't take anymore!"
"Remember how I explained what an uke and a seme was?" Kakashi asked. Naruto nodded his head, but his tense body proved he wasn't entirely comfortable with the topic at hand.
"You are an uke."
"AM NOT!!"
"Now pay close attention. Ukes and semes are very different. In all actually, the only thing they have in common is that they are both boys and that they are both gay. But what I mean in different, is that they both have different tests in life. An uke's test in life is material. A seme's test in life is an uke. And when I say test, I mean these are the things that they desire. Understand?"
Naruto nodded, fascinated, and finally getting into the lecture.
"Semes have hot ruggad bodies, dark hair, brooding personalities, and an intense gaze. Now, Semes do not have hot ruggad bodies, dark hair, brooding personalities, and an intense gaze because they like them, but because they know that ukes like hot ruggad bodies, dark hair, brooding personalities, and an intense gazes. Got it?"
"But Kakashi-sensei! I don't have dark hair, brooding person--"
"That's because you're an uke, Naruto." He lifted a finger cutting off the blonds protest.
"Ukes like comfortable surroundings. Go to an uke's house, his house is comfortable as shit. (Naruto remembers Iruka's house and nods in agreement.) Uke's like comfortable surroundings, so semes get comfortable surroundings. Trust me, if a seme could fuck an uke in a cardboard box, he wouldn't buy a house."
Naruto 'oooh'ed and 'aaah'ed as he listened, fascinated as his sensei explain the differences between a Pitcher and a Catcher.
"Well, now I know what I have to do..."
The Jounin cocked an eyebrow that went unseen behind his headband. "What is that, Naruto?"
"I have to have train harder so I can have a hot ruggad body. Dye my hair. Study Sasuke so I can perfect an ideal brooding personality and an intense gaze, all so I can make Sakura swoon. I'll be the perfect Seme...if I were gay. But I'm not. So I guess I'll just have to settle for being a nice guy phoner. Is that what they are called, sensei?"
"No, no, no, Naruto-chan, you have me all wrong. First of all, it's called a gentleman caller, and second of all you are not meant to change yourself at all." He moved closer to the blond.
"You have the perfect body--lean and lithe." He traced his index finger down the blond's forearm, to his upper arm and then rested his palm on his shoulder.
"Beautiful sunshine hair." He racked his left hand through the other's golden locks.
"A explosive, bright, wonderful personality." He moved his right hand from the other's shoulder to cup his face and stroke the tanned, whiskered cheek gently. Naruto closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, but when he felt his sensei's warm breath on the tip of his nose, he opened his eyes once again.
Kakashi's was smiling underneath his mask. They locked gazes.
"And the bluest, most envy-worthy gaze in all of the Shinobi Nations."
Kakashi's face got dangerously close and Naruto was as red as a tomato. Scratch that. As red as Hinata!
"Naruto!! Kakashi-senseiiii!!! Where are you guys!??!" Sakura's loud voice boomed over the forest.
Kakashi, with all his natural grace, leaped away from Naruto and back to his tree trunk, signature book in hand and a bored expression in place.
"Ah, there they are." Sakura found the two men. "Sasuke! They are over here." Within a matter of seconds, Sasuke was right by Sakura's side, calmly observing the two members of Team Seven, with cold yet inquisitive regard.
Unfortunately, after such an encounter, Naruto was not able to pull himself together as quickly as Kakashi so his teammates concerned gazes rested on him.
Sakura growled. "Kakashi-sensei what did you do to Naruto?!" Kakashi looked up from his book and blinked in false surprise.
"Why Sakura-chan. Why do you accuse me of--"
"Naruto's blushing! You told him something perverted!!"
"Why I never!"
"Tch," Sasuke interjected, "we've been gone, training non-stop for three hours, while you were speaking to Naruto. Do you honestly expect us to believe that you said nothing to him. And Kami forbid--if you did something!!"
"Here are my precious students, falsely accusing me of such scandalous deeds while they have no proof -whatsoever!- that I even spoken with our beloved Naruto, and yet they--" Kakashi rambled on and the three Konoha ninja continued to argue while Naruto held a hand to his chest to slow down his beating heart and took deep, gulping breaths in an attempt to cool down his searing face. No one bothered to ask him what happened, all already having their own assumptions and to stubborn to believe anything else.
Naruto tried to stand, but when he was on his feet, he stumbled and that's when Sakura came to the rescue.
"Awww...my poor baaaby! That evil-Kaka man hurted you, eh? Don't worry, Saku-chan's here now." She pulled him to her breasts, and Naruto, with a grin that threatened to split his face in two, delightedly nuzzled her chest. That talk with Kakashi really opened his eyes!!
Yet, of course Sakura - still expecting her blond male friend to be inncoent and naive - paid no mind.
They begin to stumble back to the training ground, Naruto's face hidden in the pink-haired girl's bosom.
Sasuke finished his glaring contest with Kakashi (and obviously won how much can you do with one eye?), and looked at his surroundings.
"Where's Naruto?"
Kakashi shook his head, ridding himself of whatever temporary hypnosis Sasuke's glare put on him. "While you were brain raping me with your evil Uchiha glare, Naruto went back to the training grounds-- face fucking Sakura's tits all the way."
He smirked as he saw Sasuke's face pale, his Sharingan activate, his face go boiled lobster red, and his mouth open to scream: "GODDAMIT, SAKURAAA!!!"
And in an instant Sasuke was gone, a cloud of thick smoke, blurred footprints, and evil, killer chakra intent the only sign he'd ever been there.
-:-
When Kakashi returned to the training grounds, he was unsurprised to see a missing Sakura (whatever reason she was gone, was unknown), a jealous Uchiha, and a pouting blond -- both sitting at opposite sides of the training ground.
He sighed, as he heard Sasuke mutter a 'Dobe', Naruto utter a 'Teme', and within seconds they were sparring with new determination.
"Fuck you, Sasuke," he whispered as he saw the Uchiha pin the blond, gaze at him and smirk maliciously as if to say 'You can't beat me'.
And the Jounin was sure he couldn't. He wasn't exactly sure what they were battling over, but he had a good idea. He wanted to beat the Uchiha up so badly.
He gazed fondly at Naruto's flushed and frustrated face and sighed as dirty thoughts resurfaced in his mind.
'I can't think about him like this. It's wrong. I'm his sensei and he's my student. I'm too old. Tsunade will fire me.' His brain rattled off excuses.
He then saw Naruto, quick as lightening, use the Uchiha's distraction to his advantage as he kneed him in the stomach and flipped them over so their positions were switched. Naruto was now the one pinning Sasuke.
He sent a triumphant smile to Kakashi that made the latter man's heart melt.
'Fuck, being fired. Hmph. It's not like this job pays much anyway.'
He then put his arms behind his head after placing his Icha Icha bok away in the chest-pocket of his Jounin vest. He contented his perverted thoughts with mind-corrupting images of an uke!Naruto, his rational sense of mind was stomped away by the heavy shoe of pedophiliac fortification. He rested, cheeks tinted, yet brain free of worry.
-- ((End Flashback))--
"Oh. So that's how it started, eh Kaka-sensei?"
"Aa, Naruto-kun."
"Hehe. I thought it was a little strange that you had the bulge in your pants while you gave me the talk and that you kept shifting."
Kakashi's blush burned through his mask.
Naruto gracefully stood from the bed and pulled Kakashi to his chest, wrapping his arms around the taller man's waist.
"Thank you, Kakashi."
The Jounin's whole face was now crimson. "What for?" What is he thanking me for?
"For giving me The Talk... and not molesting me. Also for explaining your feelings to me. I really appreciate it."
The silver-haired man wrapped his strong arms around the blond as well and they silently cuddled until it was finally Naruto's time to go.
Kakashi: Gah! I hate sharing my feelings!! But if it keeps me in this competition...
Naruto: Ah, Kakashi was so sweet! I can't believe he discovered his feelings for me while giving me The Talk. It makes him seem as such a pervert, but it's better that I recieved all my sexual education from him rather than Jiraiya! (shudders) It was really sweet that he made me feel good about myself. I realized I don't need to have dark hair, be tall with huge biceps, and a emo bastard to be a seme! Naruto Uzamaki: First blond, blue-eyed, slightly (very, very, very slightly) feminine bodied, seme! Believe it!
Kiba------- Garden 1-------- 4:05 PM
"Hey Mutt-shit!! How's it going??"
Kiba's head snapped away from the game of fetch he was enjoying with Akamaru. Akmaru saw the blond and yipped happily, momentarily stopping after throwing the Naru-plushie to his master. Kiba quickly removed the blond toy from his mouth and hid it behind his back, that was just a while ago thrown to him to fetch by his pet.
"Hey Foxy! I'm fine, you? You still alive after being bored to death by those last two mind-numbing dipshits?"
Naruto blushed at the double meaning to 'Foxy' and then smirked. "Mind-numbing dipshits, ay? Are you promising me a good time?"
"Of course. You and me should go paint this village red!!"
"Ugh! Red? Why not orange??" Naruto's face turned up in a scowl.
Kiba looked at the blond weird, but finally shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever you want, baby!"
"Wahn! Kiba is so nice!!" The inu-boy was glomped.
"That I am, Naru-koi. That I am." He rubbed the small of the blond's back.
Naruto buried his head further into Kiba's neck, inhaling the wild, spontaneous, uncontrollable scent of the Inuzuka.
"Come with me behind those bushes and I'll show you how nice I am." Kiba winked and nipped the blond's ear.
Naruto jumped back and swatted at the other playfully, but his gaze was serious. "Uh-uh. I learned my lesson last time with that other baka. I may be a dumbass, but I never make the same mistake twice!-tebayo!"
Kiba frowned, unsure of the blond's meaning, but shrugged it off aside for later pondering as he asked the blond. "Then what do you want to do, eh?"
"Talk."
"Talk!!"
"Yes, Kiba. Did I stutter? Talk."
"Did you talk with Sai and Kakashi?"
"Aa." Naruto scratched the back of his head nervously. His false smile was sheepish.
Naruto's Confessional: It's not an entire lie. (Remembers meeting with Sai an hour ago) Perhaps what I should have said was that I intended to talk with them. Eh? (shrug) What can you do?
"Okay." Kiba shrugged, oblivious to Naruto's obvious discomfort. Oblivious? Maybe these two are more alike then we thought. "Let's talk."
"Come with me." Naruto smiled while holding the other's calloused hand, intertwining his fingers with the other's slightly clawed ones.
The blond led the brunette and his never-straying pet to a classic ivory bench, under a swaying-branched willow tree. The surroundings were made of flowers and buds that glistened from the shower one of the many gardeners had given them mere hours before. The grass was an over watered, nearly blue-green. The birds were chirping a merry tune in the high branches of trees and the little delicate butterfly wings danced before the warmness of a multi-colored rainbow...
But the two, so similar, decided the whole scene was too girlishly romantic for them, and chose to remove their attention from their surroundings and instead focus on each other.
"Kiba when did you realize that you had feelings for me?" Naruto questioned, his deep eyes serious as he gazed into Kiba's blask slittish irises.
The red markings of the Inuzuka's cheeks became invisible in the heat of his blush.
"I...I..-U-uh..er...wait. What?"
"When did you discover you had feelings for me, Kiba?"
Kiba twiddled his fingers together and looked down, his face a tomato--a habit he undoubtedly picked up from Hinata. "D-Do I really h-have to tell you?"
Naruto was shocked at this new Kiba he was seeing. He wouldn't believe it if he was told this from somebody else, but how can you deny such a fact when you're seeing the truth right in front of your eyes?
"Kiba?"
"Okaylemmeexplainjustpleasedon'tbemadatmebecauseitwasn'tmyideaitwasKurenai-sensei's!! Okay? Okay?!"
"Um...okay? Alright...? Go ahead Kiba..."
Naruto, for once in his life, waited patiently for his friend to gather his courage and then he began to speak.
-(Flashback)-
"Kurenai-sensei, I don't think this is a good idea..."
The red eyes kunoichi smiled. "Of course it is, Kiba!! Would I ever steer you wrong? Actually...don't answer that."
"I really don't think this is a good revenge tactic...Maybe if we think this out a little more, we can come up with a better plan, y'know?"
Kurenai's triumphant smirk faded and a serious look came to her eyes. "Where is the Kiba I know that would jump at the chance of such revenge, huh? Where is the Kiba I know that would want to rip the blond's reputation apart for that cruel prank he played on you, eh?? Not only did Naruto-kun steal your woman, he embarrassed you, made you look like a fool in front of her!!"
She then started to giggle a bit. "Though I have to admit, that was pretty funny...who knew you wore Inuyasha boxers?"
He growled at his sensei and her girly giggles immediately ceased in fear. "Grr...That is right! How could he do that to me? Embarrass me for a good laugh?! We don't get along well, but we still have a stable friendship. He always breaks sweet Hinata's heart when he goes after Sakura," It always kinda hurts mine, too. "And he pretends he's all oblivious to her feelings and he knows that I like her and he did that in front of all the kunoichi and Hinata! Especially Hinata! Then he laughed! Why did he laugh, Kurenai sensei?? ("'Cuz it was funny." Another growl cut her off.) Kiba's blush returned and Akamaru rubbed his head affectionately against his best friend's leg in sympathy. "And for your information, Inuyasha is the best goddamn show ever!!"
He did a Nice Guy pose.
Kurenai sweatdropped.
-:-
"Okay, Akamaru, wait on this branch and be quiet." Kiba whispered to his canine friend as he sat in a tree by the window of his blond ex-friend's apartment. He smirked as he remembered the plan.
"Step 1: Get into the apartment."
He leaped to the outside ledge of the window, used a quick standard ninjutsu technique and within eight seconds was within the blond's small, shabby apartment. Step one, complete.
"Step 2: Find the bedroom."
Kiba looked at his surroundings and quickly realized he was in Naruto's tight-spaced bathroom. He squeezed himself to the door, opened it, and quickly found the single room connected to the others without a door. The room contained a small televison, video game stationary, comics, half-nude girl calender, empty ramen cups, ninjutsu/genjutsu scrolls, comics, and a small stained mattress on the floor with two thick blankets on it in disarray. The bedroom. Step two, complete.
"Step 3: Position the evidence."
'That isn't hard', the Inuzuka smirked. He unstrapped the duffel bag on his shoulder, pulling out all the dildos, gags, leather shorts, yaoi/shounen-ai comics, all sixty-three Icha Icha novels, gay movie tapes, and Grand Theft Auto San Andreas--storing it all under the blond's mattress. He smiled at the large lump pushing up the bed. 'That oughta draw some attention', he smirked.
Now to wait for Naruto and the four other kunoichis to arrive. Hinata or Sakura, being so perceptive, will find the evidence and Naruto's reputation will be ruined for life.
"Step 4: Wait. Patiently."
Kiba remembered how Kurenai stressed the last word. He can be patient. Very patient. Yes he could.
He leaped out the window next to Akamaru and waited.
-Two Minutes Later-
"Ugh! I'm so bored! Hinata, Sakura, Ino, Ten Ten and Naruto are taking too long. Auuurgh!"
-Five Minutes Later-
"When are they cooooming!!!"
Akamaru's ears were flat on his head and he whined. Kiba was so loud! He's gonna give their position away anytime now!
Kiba paid no mind and continued complaining.
-Twenty Minutes Later-
Kiba was asleep.
-Twenty two Minutes Later-
Kiba awoke.
-Twenty five Minutes Later-
Naruto and the girls arrive.
-:-
Akamaru barked in happiness.
"Okay, Akamaru. This is it! Let's go!"
The infamous duo changed their position to the other side of the apartment, and watched as Naruto carried the girl's loads and loads of shopping bags into his apartment. Hinata, the only one holding her own, blush as Naruto opened the door for them and she carried herself and her tiny, modest bag into the blond's apartment.
The other girl's came in, chatting and laughing. Hinata was quiet as she took in her surroundings, this was her first time in her crush's apartment. She inhaled deeply. Ignore the strong reek of stale ramen, and it smelled just like him...
She blushed.
"Maaa! Take your bags! My arms are jelly!!" The giggling girls quickly retrieved the newly-bought belongings from the suffering blond. He stretched out his arms.
"Never again are you guys taking me on another one of your mall-raving shopping sprees! My arms are soooo damaged! I'll need to see Baa-chan after this!! Damn you all!! And you don't even seem the least bit sorry after what you did to me!!! Fuck!" He cursed as he felt something pop in his shoulder.
"Aww...Naru-chan! You know how sorry we are. We never like to hurt you!" Ino cooed, petting his blond hair. They all took turns kissing him on the cheek. Hinata's pupil-less eyes narrowed in jealousy, not only because she was jealous of how they kissed her Naruto (yes, she admits she's only slightly possessive. Who isn't when it comes to someone like Naruto?), but also at how she could never find the courage those girls seemed to be born with and kiss her love on the cheek as well.
The blond's face went red and his anger and pain were soon forgotten.
-:-
Naruto made them all something to snack on. They talked about random things, until the subject of Naruto's latest prank came up.
Kiba, still outside the window, strained his sensitive ears to hear.
"Haha! Naruto that was so meeeean!! I can't believe you did that!" Ino laughed.
"Mean?" He questioned, honestly confused. How could it be mean?
"Yeah," Sakura chimed in. "You know how he feels about someone," he threw a significant glance at Hinata. "It wasn't very nice to do that to him in front of that person."
Ten Ten began to laugh to. "But you have to admit! It was hilarious!!"
Naruto, not understanding why Sakura looked at Hinata when she mentioned a 'someone' of Kiba's, chose not to dwell on it and instead turned towards the group of girls, a non-amused expression on his face.
Kiba and Akmaru watched silently.
"No, you guys have it all wrong! That prank, it wasn't meant to be mean! You see, you guys know how I pranked all of you." The girl's humorous expressions left in a flash and grimness was on their faces. How could Sakura forget the pickle incident? Or Ino the hair curling catastrophe? Ten Ten will forever remember that one day she was attempting to tie her signature buns up with 'ribbons'. And even Hinata's love-struck expression grew weary at the memory of her rock climbing expedition...
Naruto quickly continued as he felt the temprature in the room drop by several degrees. "I tricked everybody. Our sensei's, Hokage, Ero-sennin, Sasuke, Neji, Temari, Ayame (Ichiraku girl), and her dad, everybody
...Except Kiba. I never realized it until the week before the prank. You see, I prank people to show that I care. Why? Because over-all, it's the only non-violent thing I'm good at. I show you my affection and I make my other friends laugh. I thought you all realized this...! Anyways, as I was going over my most front-page worthy pranks, I realized that I never targeted Kiba. He was always the one helping me, y'know? But I thought that if I didn't prank him, he would feel left out. So I did. A really good one. To show I really care. But unfortunately, he took it the wrong way and hasn't spoken to me since."
He sighed.
"That's why I got him this." He opened up his single shopping bag to reveal a light brown puppy with red triangles on his cheeks and a feral grin, similar to the young Inuzuka's. He turned the plush-toy over to reveal the words 'To: Mutt-shit! From: Foxy' on it's backside in ravage script.
The girls 'ahh'ed and 'ooh'ed at the explanation and gift.
-:-
One month, two weeks and two days after Naruto pulled the prank.
Three weeks, four days after Kurenai and I devised our plan.
Five days, eight hours to obtain all the needed materials.
Twenty eight minutes to stealthily break into the apartment and plant the 'evidence'.
Yet, only eleven point two seconds to break into the apartment again, retrieve all 'evidence', and ruin many, many days of revenge-worthy work.
He can't hurt the blond afer witnessing such a heart warming confession and adorable gift as that.
Kurenai-sensei will be so disappointed.
-:-
Kurenai watched, snickering, as Kiba carried home a bag full of dangerous reputation-killing material.
Burn it, Kiba.
It took a lot of precious time to complete her self-given mission, but she was glad it was a success.
Now that Kiba was no longer drooling over Hinata, maybe training could be normal again.
She smiled, after the way she saw Kiba look at Naruto after he got him that present, such tenderness in his eyes, she believes the brunette realized that Hinata wasn't as important to him anymore.
-(End Flashback)-
Kiba looked at Naruto's eyes shyly, ashamed of his past actions.
Naruto was glaring at him!
"You were trying to trick me, King of Pranks!!" he dubbed himself.
Kiba felt anger flare to life. "I would've. Actually, I saved your life! You could've possibly died to all the blood that would've wound up in your head from blushing!"
"It wouldn't have worked." The blond said calmly, arms folded across his chest and head turned to the side.
"Yes, it would've." Kiba copied the other's bodily gesture and calm composure.
"Wait! So was it you that put that thing there??"
"Thing?" Kiba questioned.
"Yea, that same night when I was going to sleep, I felt something lumpy under my matress..."
'Uh-oh,' Kiba thought in worry, 'What if I accidently left something...?'
"Uh-huh, it's long and orange." He blushed. "It kinda resembles the banana between my legs."
"Oh God..."
"But it's okay. I really like it! I use it all the time..."
"Naruto, I am so sorr- Wait! What?!"
"I use it all the time!" he repeated. "It works so well. You hafta tell me where you got it! They come in different colors, right?"
"The di-dildo?"
"Dildo? That's what they're called? God, I love them. Bu to be honest, I still prefer the real things."
Noooooose bleeeeeeeeed.
"I gotta go!" Kiba left the garden in a flash. Akamaru, who was happily chasing a butterfly, stopped and looked at the blond as if to say, 'What did you do? 'Cuz if you dare hurt him...'
Naruto gulped then shrugged.
Akamaru quickly chased after Kiba, barking loudly all the way.
Naruto didn't bother going after them seeing as their conversation time was nearly over anyway. But why did Kiba freak out? He loved his dildo! Everyone should have one. There is even a special button that makes it vibrate! He uses his dildo to unclog his sink when he accidently throws his badly cooked ramen down the drain. When you put it on vibrate, it really gets the grime out!
Kiba: The meeting was very...very... ((nosebleed)) Oh no!
Naruto: He honestly thought he could trick me! What a laugh!
Shino--------- Garden 4--------- 4:35 PM
Naruto took his time to meet Shino, seeing as the gardens wern't that far apart. It was nice to relax and enjoy the scenery.
When he finally made it to the bug-user, he wasn't shocked to find out that he blended in perfectly with his surroundings.
"Shinoooo!!!" Naruto yelled to his current companion, disturbing the peace and tranquility of the scene.
"Naruto. You are too loud."
Shino was ignored and instead pulled by a tanned hand to a Sakura tree. They sat under it's cooling branches.
"So..." Naruto tried to start conversation, but his attempts were in vain.
"There is something you want to ask me, Naruto-kun?"
Naruto was shocked. "Wow. You're good. Okay..." he closed his eyes, previously told that his blue depths give himself away. "What number am I thinking of?"
"I'm not psychic, Naruto-kun."
Naruto blinked, confused. "Then how di--"
"I don't need your words to know what you are thinking."
"The psychic thing...you did it again!" Naruto felt flustered.
"You're question?" Shino reminded him.
"Ah! Right! Well I was just w-wondering..." Even though he had asked this question to other competitors, it wasn't getting easier to blurt out.
Naruto's Confessional: Why did Iruka-sensei make me ask them such personal questions? Gah!
"When I fell in love with you?" Shino interjected helpfully.
Naruto's eyes rivaled saucers. "How...Are you sure you're no--"
"Aa, Naruto. I'm sure I'm not psychic."
Naruto shook his head, dazed, and then motioned for Shino to explain.
"Well, do you remember that mission that we had together when we we're Genins??" (AN: Episode 186: Laughing Shino. Lovely filler.)
-(Flashback)-
"Haha! Shino, that was such a great mission, eh?"
"..."
"Let's hurry back to Konoha! I'm craving Ichiraku's!"
"..."
"Will you buy me Ichihraku's, Shino?!"
"...Maybe. If you behave. Quiet, before you attract rouge ninja."
Under the promise of his favorite ramen, Naruto stayed quiet for two more hours. Yet, he jumped around excitedly as a way to exert pent up energy.
"Let's camp here for the night."
"But Shinoooo! Konoha is only ten miles away."
"We discussed you questioning my authority, Naruto. It's eleven pm. We stayed out late enough as it is. Set up the tents. I'll get dinner."
"I'm not eating no nasty-ass bugs, Shino! Get meat!"
Shino glared at him for even presuming that he would dear hurt one of nature's precious insects to temporarily satisfy the idiot's blackhole of a stomach.
"Fuck off." Shino spat at the blond.
Naruto gasped but Shino was gone.
When Shino returned with a dead gopher, Naruto was already in their tent. When Shino began cooking the gopher, Naruto didn't drift out on his toes, nose in the air, at the smell of meat. When Shino finished eating his share of the gopher, he saved the rest for Naruto, assuming he was asleep.
When the brunette came into his tent to sleep after cleaning up after a lonesome dinner, he was shocked (but didn't show it) that Naruto was wide awake, his blue eyes rimmed red only leaving the suspicion that he was crying.
Naruto was looking at him with such heartbroken eyes.
Shino turned away from the sight and said nothing, knowing that if he was caught in such a vulnerable position (though if that happened, the world would stop spinning on it's axis.), he wouldn't want to be spoken to.
He got into his sleeping bag and rested for bed.
Thirty minutes later, he felt a pressure of another presence on his sleeping bag. The presence showed no malice intent, only curiosity. He didn't move a muscle except to stealthily grab a kunai under his pillow, for protective purposes.
He felt two calloused fingers gently remove his round dark shades and heard the mysterious visitor place them beside his 'sleeping' form.
Fingers traced his eyelids and brushed against his brows and lashes. It smoothed out tension-induced wrinkles on his forehead, and softened the adult lines on the corners of his twelve year old lips.
Shino became stone-still, and could easily be assumed as dead.
He then felt this male, he presumed, to then began unbutton his high-collar jacket quickly, with suddenly cold, trembling fingers.
'Oh..Oh Kami! Is this man t-trying t-t-to rape me??' For the first time in Shino's life, he felt truly, honestly, get-ready-to-piss-your-pants, scared.
And flattered. But only a bit.
He grabbed the wandering hands with an ice cold grip and opened his coal black eyes to regard... Naruto?
Naruto was stunned into submission as he, for the first time in his long time of knowing the other boy, looked into Shino's eyes.
"Wow."
Shino growled. "Naruto. What are you doing?"
"Why are you mad at me?"
"Mad at you? I'm not mad at you."
"You told me to fuck off."
"Cuz I was mad... but not at you." He rushed the last part.
"B-But you cu--"
"So, just because I'm quiet I'm not allowed to let loose a bit of profanity here and there. Anyone else would have been able to, Kiba, Sasuke, even Sakura, without the threat of being violated in the middle of the night."
"Sorry, I was just curious." Naruto blushed.
"About..." Shino pressed.
"You. What you look like. Why you hide. What you're hiding from. How those bugs feel beneath your skin. Why you don't let others touch you. How come--"
"Enough. You now know what I look like, right?"
Naruto nodded. All in all, Shino looked normal. Granted, he's no Sasuke or Neji. But, he is no Candyman, with countless insects crawling out of every orifice.
"I hide from nothing. I wear these clothes simply because it is what I like. Sunglasses are cool."
Naruto was shocked. Who knew Shino cared about his appearance? He learned today that the boy's reputation was very important after being threatened not to tell anyone about how he was so 'entertaining' at the funeral.
"The bugs underneath my skin feel comforting. Like a constant massage."
"C-Can I touch..."
"My face? You already did."
"I held back because I didn't want to wake you. If I press in the right spots, can I feel the bugs?"
Shino took Naruto's hand and pressed it into certain points on his face. Naruto giggled, laughing that the insects tickled the tips of his fingers beneath the thick skin.
Shino sighed, content. Holding Naruto's warm hand in his own, pressing tanned fingertips to his face--touching someone after so long. It felt very refreshing.
He looked at Naruto's face as it was scrunched up in awe. He knew his bloodline limit was nothing to be jealous of. Even though people shied away from him, even his Genin team being uncomfortable with him during their first meeting, Shino never wished to live without his bugs. They were both a part of each other and he cherished them with his life.
He's never been kissed, girls afraid that with the touch of open lips, swarms upon swarms of bugs will invade their bodies and eat their organs. He heard some crazy rumors about his clan and the Aburame bugs. But dammit...
...HE WAS NOT THE CANDYMAN!!
Even his mother, born without the bloodline limit and as female as ever, believed their clan was disgusting. To truly live life with bugs infested beneath their skin was not living at all. Yet, she never left the clan. He never forgot the disappointment that shined though her tears as he proudly discovered his bloodline limit.
After that, his mother refrained from hugging him, much less making any physical contact with him or his father.
Needless to say, Shino is an only child.
When they returned to Konoha the next day, Shino treated Naruto to Ichiraku ramen.
-(End Flashback)-
"I wrote you a poem." Shino said.
Naruto smiled. "Your a poet, Shino?"
The bug boy shrugged shyly. He quickly shoved the floded paper into tan hands.
Naruto handed it back. "Can you read it to me?"
Shino took back the creased paper with trembling hands.
He opened up the paper and cleared his throat.
Here we go Naruto. Notice me.
"Um... It's called, 'Fleas Interest Me So Much'."
Naruto nodded smiling, yet internally wondering how such a poem could relate to him.
"Fleas interest me so much
that I let them bite me for hours.
They are perfect, ancient, Sanskrit,
machines that admit of no appeal.They do not bite to eat,
they bite only to jump;
they are the dancers of the celestial sphere,
delicate acrobats in the softest and most profound circus;
let them gallop on my skin,
divulge their emotions,
amuse themselves with my blood,
but someone should introduce them to me.
I want to know them closely,
I want to know what to rely on."
(AN: Poem by Pablo Neruda.Wonderful poet. I hoped you all didn't think I was capable of writing poetry!)
Naruto clapped his hands in glee. "Can I keep it?"
Shino handed the paper back to him. "Of course. It's yours."
Naruto grinned, having no idea what the poem meant, but promising himself to have Iruka explain it to him later.
"Thank you so much! How nice!"
They both stood up and brushed imaginary (or not so imaginary considiring where they were sitting) dirt off their pants.
"Time for me to meet Gaara! Bye Shino!"
Shino kissed the blond on the cheek, smiling inwardly that the smaller boy didn't even flinch.
"Bye, Naruto-kun."
Naruto blushed and then hugged the insect-user. His tanned fingers pressed into his back and he giggled softly at how he could still feel the bugs beneath the other's skin.
He then raced out of the garden as to not be late for his next meeting.
Shino smiled.
He's still so warm.
Shino: ...
Naruto: I didn't know that mission meant so much to Shino. And that poem was so sweet! Iruka will explain it to me. Or maybe Moegi? Girls are smart with the poetry, symbolism, metaphor crap, right?? ((sweatdrop))
Gaara----------- Main Fountain------------ 5:05 PM
Gaara waited patiently leaning against the fountain. He smiled at the blond that strolled towards him up the brick pathway.
"Hi, Gaara." Naruto smiled.
Gaara twitched his lips upward, his rendition of a smile. "Good evening, Naruto."
"How have you been?? Competition going well for you?"
"I'm very confident." The red head smirked.
Gaara's Confessional: Understatement.
The blue-eyed boy blushed.
"How were your other dates?" Gaara asked suddenly, his voice dangerously calm.
"Um...Gaara? These aren't dates. I'm just getting to know you all better..."
"You've known us for years, why do you need to get to know us better??"
"Hey, Gaara! If you have better things to do than talk to me you could've just said so! You're not forced to be here, y'know?!" Naruto yelled out angered, oblivious (-scoff- like this is a suprise!) to Gaara's badly-concealed jealousy.
"No, Naruto. You have it all wrong! I don't want you to talk, or in any way be, with them." Sabuku hurriedly tried to explain, in hopes to calm down the blond's easily-ignitable anger.
Naruto blinked and cocked his head to the side. "Why?"
"Because."
Blink. "Because...?"
"..."
Pause.
"Because I don't want anyone else to touch you!!"
Readers, can you hear the metaphorical crickets in the background?
"Um... okay, Mr. Possessive. Well, actually that's Teme's title, so why don't I call you Jelly-chan?"
"What the fuck? Jelly-chan?! He gets Mr. Possessive, but I get Jelly-chan? ...the hell?!"
Naruto scowled, eyes narrowed. So cute! "Jelly-chan as in Jealous-chan?! I thought it was cuter than Mr. Possessive, but if you don't like it, I'll just call you Gaara."
Gaara blinked, a finger to his chin, nose to the sky: a contemplative moment.
Gaara's Confessional: Jelly-chan is cuter than Mr. Possessive! Now that you think of it, Gaara is such an ugly name. What was mother thinking? How come there wasn't someone like Naruto around to tell her I wanted to be named Jelly-chan? This new epiphany has brightened my life, opened my eyes, revealed new doors of endless hopes and--
"Gaara?"
"Jelly-chan?! Jelly-chan it is!"
Naruto beamed. It took three point two seconds for Gaara's heart to recover.
"Come on, let's talk."
The demon-vessel couple walked and sat at the edge of the gushing fountain. A silencing-jutsu was placed on the water so the two could hear each other comfortably.
"So, Gaara. When did you realize you..." Naruto searched for the right word. Could he really use a word like love around a person like Gaara? I mean, the red-head is his friends and all, but let's get on the real note. He's scary. Plain and simple. He said he only loved himself.
"...were attracted to me."
"Well, I was attracted to you ever since I first saw you. But if you mean to say as of when I began to have feelings for you...?" He trailed off in question.
"Um...yeah that." Naruto trailed off, blushing for the thousandth time that day. So many men, and not even counting all of them, liking him to this degree?!
Sweet. :D
Gaara caught the hesitance in the other's tone as soon as the blond asked the question.
"Naruto, when I was twelve, I was insane. Ignore what I said back then." He grabbed tan hands in his own and leaned over close to look deep within cerulean eyes. "When I met you and I fought you as Shukaku, you made me realize their was so much more to my existence than killing and bloodshed. Darkness and despair. You saved me from me, Naruto. From the darkness that was threa--"
His epic-speech of gratitude towards Naruto was cut short. The shorter teen pointed to the wristwatch on his left wrist.
"Um... not to be mean, Gaara, really, but we don't have much time so I'd really like you to answer the question. Besides the whole 'Thank you, Naruto for saving me from my eternal darkness!' is kinda cliche. I've heard it from everybody!! The villagers, people I was protecting on missions, Sasuke, Neji, Kakashi, Hinata, Shino, Sai, damn even Chouji! CHOUJI!!"
Gaara shrugged sympathetically. "Yeah. I see what you mean."
"The question?"
"Oh yes. Well you see, it all truly started..."
-(Flashback)-
"So we go to this orphanage, spend three hours with these kids, and make tons of cash?! Isn't hard for me to figure out! You, Gaara?"
"..."
"Yeah, me too." Naruto smiled.
"..."
"You think so?" The blond beamed again.
"..."
"I'll ask her."
"Baa-chan! Why'd you bring Gaara all the way from Sand to go on a mission with me?"
"Because like you, Naruto, Gaara holds a demon within him."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"The children that you are going to meet have lost everything. You two are here to help them realize that no matter how bad their lives are," she gestured to both of them, "it could always be worse."
"Wow." Naruto muttered with sarcasm. "Thanks."
"Gaara. Try to be a little less--oh! What is it that you are always calling that Uchiha, gaki?- emo? please?"
"I'm not emo."
"Of course you aren't, dear. I'm just a liar." Tsunade rolled her eyes and Naruto chuckled. "Try to be a bit more...sunny. Cheerful. If they see you acting the way you are, they might turn out...like, well, a twelve year old version of you."
It was Gaara's turn to roll his eyes.
"How is this mission helping Suna?"
"..." Silence from both Tsunade and, surprisingly enough, Naruto.
"I thought so."
"Well off you go!" Tsunade waved them away after throwing them their detailed mission scroll.
---
"Haha! Naru-nichan!! That's so cool! I want to become a ninja too so I can do that." The boys and girls clapped appreciatively as they watched Naruto do another balance trick on the water. And then climb up a wall using his two pinkies. And then do an olympic gymnastic routine with his clones. He was the obvious favorite among the children. Gaara watched it all from the shadows, quietly amused.
A shy boy in the corner, with normal brown hair and eyes, ignored the excited chatter and applause.
He fumbled with a worn, tattered sneaker on his left foot. His tiny hands fumbled with the strings, and they tangled, like confused snakes, around his fingers and palms. His tounge poked out of the corner of his lips, his eyes were narrowed in concentration, a droplet of sweat drizzled slowly down his temple.
Gaara chuckled. The boy looked so much like Naruto while practicing his chakra.
He went over to the quiet kid and silently helped him untangle his hands from their stringy trap.
"Thank you." The boy smiled in gratitude.
"What are you trying to do here?" Gaara asked, already knowing the answer, yet trying to start up conversation with this timid child.
"T-T-Tie my shoes."
"Really?"
The boy nodded his head. "Aa. N-Naruto said he could do anything. And anyone can do anything if they try. No matter what. He said when he becomes Hokage, he'll find us all good homes. I want to be like Naruto-nisan and make him proud. Daddy was teaching me how to tie my shoelaces before he and mom...d-d-d-"
"That's okay," Gaara rested a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to say it."
"Thank you, Gaara-san. Well, ever since then I haven't tried and so I had to wear sneakers with straps since none of the care-takers had time to teach me. But I still want to learn how to tie my shoelaces so I can finally wear the shoes that my mom bought for me before she...d-di-..um, left."
"Here," Gaara picked up the shoelaces, a lace in each hand. "I don't wear sneakers anymore," he showed the kid his ninja regulated foot gear, " But I'll show you how I learned from long ago. It may not be the same as how your father was planning on teaching you, but do your best to try and understand."
The kid nodded.
"Name?" Gaara asked before he began.
"Hiashu."
"Okay, Hi-chan, here we go. Watch carefully."
"The rabbit come out of his hole," (Two loops, remember this!), "and runs around the tree." (Loop around other loop, got it!), "But he won't stop laughing at you," (Um...okay?), "so you grab it by the tail," (Is this right? Whatever! Then, pull...), "and it rips off your hand! You follow the trail of blood, back to it's hole!!!" (Um...Gaara-san is getting a little violent with this...Should I stop him?) "So then you reach in...pull the rabbit out, and then you strangle him!!!!" (P-P-Pull!!! Gah!)
By this time, Hiashu had his eyes covered in fear but when he opened them tentatively to look at his shoe, he was surprised to see that his shoelaces were in a perfect bow.
Gaara, unfazed by the boy's fear, smiled (as much as he can). "See? Perfect! And now you're ready to walk around."
"Do you mind showing me that a few more times, Gaara?"
The red-head shrugged. "Sure. Let's go again." He was ready to untie the strings but Hiashu stopped him.
"Wait!" Hiashu held his hand up in warning.
"What?"
"Lemme go change my pants." And the brown-eyed boy tottered off.
-(End Flashback)-
"Um...wow, Gaara."
"Yeah. Wow."
"What does that have to do with me?"
"You see, I realized it was you out on the side watching the entire thing." The blond gasped. "You planned that entire thing with Hiashu so I'll be able to connect more with humans. Thank you. It worked. It was then I realized how much you cared about me. How much everyone cared about me all along when I thought I was so alone. Thank you, Naruto."
Naruto's Confessional: Um... (scratches back of head nervously) That's r-right! I planned that whole thing!
"Good job on figuring it out, Gaara!" Naruto lied between his teeth with a sheepish smile.
Gaara 'smiled' back.
"Unfortunately, our time is up. Time for me to go meet up with..." Naruto checked his schedule. "Neji!"
Gaara grumbled. "Fine."
The blond waved as he jogged away. "Bye Gaaaara!"
"Bye, my baka."
Gaara: Naruto...
Naruto: Half way through this thing and I'm already tired! Gah, all the emotion! Maybe this more stoic side of the competition will let me relax a bit, right? Huh...right?!
AN: Sweet merciful heavens above, I finished it. Not completely, because there is a part two, but damn! My wrists are cracking and my finger tips are numb. Let's see, thirty three pages of pure shounen-ai goodness! I'm pooped. Longest so far! I'm scared. These chapters are getting longer and longer...
Don't be mad with the late update. The chapter made up for it, no? In length though. Humor--I'm not sure. Yet, you tell me what was funny. I'm too tired to laugh right now.
Apologizing for mistakes now.
Challenge: When Naruto was having the talk with Kakashi, where did the whole 'a test in life for an uke and a seme' come from.
Hint: Naturally, it wasn't really an uke and a seme in the original version.