Lily sat by a desk in the girls' dorm, surfing on the internet.
She had found the computer earlier outside on the grounds under the Gryffindor tower, just like it had been thrown out from the boys' dorm.
She didn't know where it had come from, but didn't care much of that because she had so much fun taking tests at Quizilla.
"What is your inner vegetable?" she read and clicked the link. "Favourite colour? Hm…I do like green…"
The door opened and Lily closed the window and turned to see who had entered.
"What are you doing?" Dorcas asked, winding her scarf off her neck.
"What is that?" Marlene asked, looking at the computer. Dorcas came to observe it too.
"It's a computer. I found it, strolling over the grounds. I strolled. Not the computer"
The two other girls pulled up a chair and sat down next to Lily. Dorcas clicked on a blue e and a window popped up.
"What does google mean?"
"Sirius says it's hip hop lingo for smelly" said Marlene. "Apparently he and his friends came across something like this too earlier"
Lily rolled her eyes. "It does not mean smelly"
"So you know what it means?"
"No! But it does not mean smelly!"
"Well you can't be sure, now can you?"
"I am very sure! Anything Black or Potter says is lies! Anyway…let's search for something…l i l y e v a n s…" Lily typed and clicked. A list of links popped up, but the first one particularly drew their attention.
"Lily Evans Begs James For A Date" Marlene read. "This I want to check out!"
It seemed to be some kind of novel. The girls read it and it became clearer and clearer by each line that it really was the James, Sirius and Remus who had written it. By the time they had finished, they were speechless and smoke literally hissed from Marlene's ears.
"You know…They could have had the decency not to put this story out here for everyone to read!" Marlene muttered.
"I can't believe it, they think I'm hot! I am so happy!" Dorcas giggled.
Lily looked like a ticking bomb. The others tried to get as far from her as possible.
"I'm ok…I'm fine…I can play this game too! This, ladies, means war!"
James Potter begs Lily Evans for mercy!
Potter and his stupid friend Black and his other much smarter and cuter friend Remus (Whom at the moment was wondering why the hell he was hanging out with the two royal assholes to begin with) were walking around zapping everyone who crossed their way into orange squids when all of a sudden Lily Evans popped up out of nowhere and disarmed them Oh wait, not Remus, he got to keep his wand.
"Yo Evans I hate you bla bla bla me me me…" said Black dully and tripped on the banana peal Snape had dropped there earlier. A pretty girl passed.
"Hey pretty girl, go out with me because I think I am really hot!"
"Well you're not! You're super ugly!" the girl replied and zapped Black into an orange squid. Then he started crying.
"Nooo what happened to my beautiful self?" he cried in despair and went to live in the lake for the rest of his life in complete celibacy.
"Lily, that was so cool what you just did!" said Remus impressed. "I can't believe I've never noticed your awesomeness before. Wanna go out sometime?"
"Why yes I'd love to!"
But then Potter had to meddle in the romantic scene and shoot a cage charm at Lily.
"Oh no, I'm trapped!"
"Mo haha now you shall be mine forever!"
"I'll save you!" Remus shouted heroically and-
"Hm…then what happens?" Lily asked her friends.
Marlene read through the fic.
"How are you gonna get to the part when James begs you for mercy?" she asked.
"I don't know, I thought that maybe he'd beg Remus for mercy instead. He's gonna save me! Isn't that romantic?"
"Yes that is what fics are for. Living out your unreachable fantasies" said Dorcas. "I'm gonna write one where Sirius saves my life…"
"Get out, I was gonna do that!" said Marlene.
"Girls, I need help! How is he gonna save me?" said Lily.
"Oh right. Hm, well, why doesn't he just disarm him and threat to AK him? And unlock the cage? It's as simple as that" said Dorcas.
"Sure, but where's the drama…"
"Too bad Sirius is a squid now…because two against one…that would have been more dramatic…And it would be like: 'So you changed side, eh? Well, I guess we'll have to punish you for that' and you would be all like 'No take me instead!'. Get it?"
Lily (actually) pondered that.
"I don't know…"
- unlocked the cage.
"No, this is not good at all"
"Move over, let me write some" said Marlene and switched seat with Lily.
Lily cried tears of joy as she happily gambolled towards her beloved, but alas, they were not safe yet because all of a sudden the Norwegian Sneezing Fern that stood on the window sill dissolved into a flame and out of it roused Sirius of Many Colours.
"That is so lame, Marlene" said Dorcas.
"Shush, I'm writing!"
No one believed their eyes when the boy with the rainbow- robe calmly walked towards them with a smirk on his face.
"I am now almighty" he said, pointing his wand at Remus. There was a flash of green light.
"N o o o!" Lily cried a ran towards Remus' lifeless body. "No…this is not funny…don't tease me like this-"
"Gosh, if this isn't the cheesiest thing ever written, I don't know what is" said Dorcas.
"Fine, if you think you can do better, go right ahead!"
"Ok, but don't kill off people I mean I don't wish them dead" said Lily.
"Ok no more killing"
Dorcas took the seat before the computer.
Suddenly, it was like Sirius woke up from a trance.
"W-where am I" she said, looking around. "What's going on?"
"What's going on?! You just killed Remus!" James barely whispered, his voice trembling.
"Uhm. What?"
James pointed at the dead body. Calmly, he went over to him and sank down on the floor.
Remus looked so peaceful, like he was just asleep.
"It's time to wake up now" Sirius spoke softly and leaned over to ki-"
"NO! No PG13 YAOI business!" Lily nearly shouted.
"There's nothing pg13 about that!" Dorcas argued.
"Yeah! And it was getting exciting too! That is giving the crowd what they want" Marlene agreed.
Lily rolled her eyes and took the seat before the computer.
Remus looked so peaceful, like he was asleep. Which he was. He woke up and took Lily to Three Broomsticks. Black went back to being a squid, Potter suffered some and learned a valuable lesson and stayed away from Lily from the rest of his life.
The end.
Then Lily threw the computer out of the window.
(A/N: Was in uploading mood...maybe after this I'll have Snape and his friends writing a fic)