The girls were sitting excited and anticipating the wedding in Monica and Chandler's apartment. Unable to contain herself, Rachel burst out, "I'm getting married today," and the other girls expressed how happy they were for her.
Talking to herself, Phoebe thought about the day. "I'm so excited! Oh, what am I going to wear?"
Rachel looked at her questioningly and dryly told Phoebe that she would wear her bridesmaid's dress.
"My bridesmaid's dress?" Phoebe asked blankly.
Rachel tried to remain calm, but felt anger boiling up deep inside her as she explained that she and Joey were supposed to pick up the bridesmaids dresses the day before for herself and Monica. However, Phoebe was still confused. "We were?" Phoebe asked.
"Phoebe!" Rachel yelled exasperated.
"You mean you forgot!" Monica asked panicking. "I don't have a dress. I have nothing to wear!"
Phoebe didn't understand what the fuss was about. "Oh, calm down," she told Monica. "It's not a total loss. I'm sure Chandler will be very happy."
Monica however was not amused and ordered Phoebe to get Joey and the dresses at that very moment. However, Phoebe retorted, "You're not in charge; you're not the bride."
Rachel darted Phoebe an evil look and said, "Now Phoebe!"
Phoebe got the clue and said, "Okay, now I'm going." And as she ran off she could hear Rachel in the distance telling her to hurry.
Phoebe picked up Joey from across the hall, and the two of them took Phoebe's taxi to get the bridesmaid's dresses. They managed to pick up the dresses without a hitch and even had time to spare. Realizing this, Joey asked, "Can I get a meatball sub?" Phoebe didn't see the harm in making a quick pit stop to pick up the sandwich and dropped Joey off without hesitation. He quickly ran out of the taxi to go to the local pizzeria and came back equally as fast. "Thanks Pheebs," Joey said with his mouth full of his sandwich.
Phoebe continued to drive when she heard Joey say, "Uh oh." Phoebe glanced over to Joey while still trying to keep an eye on the road. "I got sauce on my tux!" Joey explained.
Remaining calm, Phoebe said, "Well, we'll get it off when we get…" Her voice trailed off. Defeated she said, "Oh no," and Joey looked at her questioningly. "Umm, yeah, I think we're stuck behind a parade."
"A parade? Cool!" Joey exclaimed as we rolled down the window and began to wave to the people watching the parade.
Meanwhile, Chandler was watching the parade on TV in a room at The Plaza. Monica came into the room and asked Chandler if he'd seen Joey and Phoebe. Monica was beginning to get worried. They should have been back by now. Never looking away from the TV, Chandler told Monica that he hadn't seen them yet, but he was sure that they were fine. Monica looked at the television and asked Chandler what he was watching.
"Some Gay and Lesbian Pride Parade," Chandler answered finally tearing his eyes away from the set to see Monica give him a weird look. "It's on all the channels!" Chandler defended.
Monica was about to interrupt Chandler's defense when she heard something familiar come from the TV. "And our next float is…a taxi? Oh wait, there's Joey Tribbiani waving. This must be the Days of Our Lives actor's way of coming out of the closet."
Monica stood for a minute dumbstruck. "Oh my god, what are they doing there?"
"I don't know, but at least I'm no longer the gay one," Chandler said amused.
Later that afternoon, Chandler and Monica were in the lobby anxiously waiting for Joey and Phoebe's arrival. In no time (but too much time for Monica), Joey and Phoebe came running in. Phoebe handed Monica's dress to her. "You guys are just in time," Monica said relieved.
Interrupting Monica, too amused by what had happened on TV earlier, Chandler added, "By the way Joe, the greater New York area now believes you're gay."
"Why would you say that?" Joey asked thinking Chandler was playing some sick prank.
"Because that parade you were in was about gay and lesbian pride." Chandler answered.
Joey began to panic. "But no one watches that, right?"
"They wouldn't if it weren't on EVERY channel!" Chandler emphasized.
"Oh my god! What am I going to do?" Joey asked upset.
Not allowing Joey to be upset for long, Phoebe was still trying to remedy what had happened in the taxi. "There's no time for that now; Joey got sauce on his tux!"
"What?!" Monica yelled. The system was clearly falling apart. Joey and Phoebe couldn't do anything to save their lives.
Phoebe grabbed Joey's hand and began to run off with him. "Stall" she called back to Monica.
Joey and Phoebe left just in time. Rachel came in moments later asking if Joey and Phoebe had come yet. Monica had neglected to tell her that they had been trapped in the parade, but instead casually mentioned that they had hit some traffic (after all, it wasn't a complete lie). Monica could see the worry on Rachel's face, and didn't wish to make the situation any worse, but she always had trouble lying to her best friend. She also wasn't very good at being put on the spot. "Yeah! See, here's my dress" Monica fumbled as she held the dress up for Rachel to plainly see. "Right here! Everything's fine!" Monica said trying to prove her point a little too strongly.
"Umm, good," Rachel said hesitantly. She knew something was wrong with her friend, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Still, she couldn't let it bother her too much. She had much bigger things than Monica's strange behavior to worry about.
Phoebe led Joey into the hotel's laundry room and tried to clean Joey's tux. As he stripped down into his t-shirt and boxer shorts he couldn't stop dwelling over the news of the parade. "I can't believe that was the Gay & Lesbian Pride Parade. No girl is ever going to date me again."
"Sure they will," Phoebe consoled. "You're still hot."
Joey broke into a small smile. Yeah, he was hot! Still, he had some doubts about the female population's perception of him. "Thanks Pheebs," he said, "but I don't think that's going to make the girls believe I'm straight."
Phoebe thought about one of Joey's many interviews. "Well, didn't that reporter lady say you had a huge gay fan base? Maybe you can tell people you did it for your fans, but you're still straight."
Joey was beginning to like the way things were turning in his favor. "Hey, yeah, you're right." Joey said relieved. "Thanks Pheebs. That makes me feel much better." With that he gave Phoebe an intimate hug.
Still holding onto Joey, Phoebe said, "Anything to help. And I would date you in a minute. You know…to help prove you're straight and all."
"Really?" Joey asked touched at her loving gesture.
"Yeah," Phoebe said smiling back.
Monica continued to pace in the lobby anticipating Joey and Phoebe's re-arrival when the minister came up announcing it was time to start the wedding. Monica tried to delay saying that the maid of honor and the best man was still missing. Sympathetic, the minister told them that they couldn't wait any longer and that the wedding would just have to proceed without Phoebe and Joey.
"Well, can we not tell the bride and groom then?" Monica asked.
Sarcastically, Chandler reminded Monica, "Because they won't know themselves when they don't walk down the aisle."
The wedding ceremony began and Ben (the ring bearer) & flower girl walked down the aisle first. Following them were Monica and Chandler. "Do you think Ross knows Joey and Phoebe are missing?" Monica whispered to Chandler without turning her head or breaking a smile.
"I didn't think it would be possible for him not to know, but given that he's been standing up there with his eyes closed praying the whole time, I would guess he won't find out." Chandler responded. Sure enough, Ross was standing at the altar with his eyes closed and his lips mumbling a prayer to himself.
"What about Rachel?" Monica questioned.
"Let's just pray she's blind." Chandler said.
Monica and Chandler reached the altar and went to their respected sides. The wedding march started and Rachel appeared before the crowd. Rachel's eyes met Ross' and she walked down the aisle keeping her gaze completely on Ross knowing that this was the most perfect moment in her life. Noticing Ross and Rachel's attention were solely on each other; Monica's hopes were held high. Maybe the wedding could proceed without a maid of honor and best man and no one would be the wiser.
Meanwhile, Phoebe and Joey were in the laundry room still. Joey's tux was finally ready.
"Good, now we can finally get to the wedding and watch two of our best friends get married." Joey said with relief.
Looking at her watch, Phoebe said, "Oh, but it should have started by now."
Not wanting to disturb the wedding but also wanting to witness their friends blessed union, Joey and Phoebe decided that they would watch the ceremony from the side so that they wouldn't ruin their moment.
Rachel and Ross were at the altar staring lovingly into each other's eyes. The minister performed the sacred rite. "Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union of Ross and Rachel. May the happiness we share with them today be with them always. Now Rachel, repeat after me. I, Rachel..." Rachel slowly repeated the words the minister spoke never letting her gaze waver from Ross. When the minister finished with Rachel he moved onto Ross. "Now Ross, repeat after me. I Ross…"
"I Ross…" Ross repeated.
"Take thee Rachel," the minister stated the next line.
"Take thee…Phoebe?" Ross said as something caught his eye.
"What?!" Rachel said outraged. This was not happening. Not only was Ross saying the wrong name at his wedding again, but this time it was Phoebe. He never even dated Phoebe! Was he not allowed to have any females in attendance of his wedding? He couldn't possibly love them all.
"No, look…" Ross said trying to calm Rachel down. He didn't say the wrong name this time because he truly loved someone else. He just couldn't believe the sight set before him. "Isn't that Phoebe kissing…Joey?!" Ross said as he got a clearer look.
Everyone turned to see Joey and Phoebe kissing off to the side. Feeling watched Phoebe broke the kiss. "Hi, umm, did we miss anything important?" she asked.
Slightly perturbed Rachel responded. "Well, we were kinda in the middle of giving our vows." "But continue," she added sarcastically. Joey was about to take the words to heart when Rachel immediately took it back.
The minister didn't know what to make of the disturbance but was eager to get back on track. "Now, if there will be no more interruptions, we'll continue," the minister said. He continued to perform the ceremony as Ross recited his vows without any further mistakes. When the minister asked for the rings Ben handed them to him and Ross and Rachel placed the rings on each others fingers. Finally, the minister spoke the words that Ross waited for his entire life. "You may kiss the bride." Ross took Rachel in his arms as they shared a romantic kiss. When the receding march began, Ross immediately broke the kiss and Ross and Rachel joyfully ran out the door together.
At the reception, the wedding guests were looking at Joey as he stood to make a toast. "We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Ross and Rachel share. It is a love based on giving and receiving. As well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving. We too can share and love and have and receive…"
Chandler couldn't believe he was enduring this speech again. He stood up and whispered something in Joey's ear. "Ok, um scratch that," Joey began. "Ross, Rachel, we have been by your side through thick and thin. And it's good to see you two are finally together after all that has happened. And I can only hope that my current relationship," he said looking at Phoebe, "will be smoother than the one you two have shared." The comment received a nasty look from Ross and Rachel. Joey quickly rebounded, "But also comes with the love you two have." Forgiving Joey's earlier comment they smiled at him and then each other. "And now I believe Phoebe has a song for the couple's first dance as man and wife."
"I'm afraid," Rachel whispered to Ross, expecting Phoebe to sing "Smelly Cat" or one of her other weird songs.
"So am I," Ross whispered back.
Not able to avoid dancing any longer, Ross and Rachel stepped out onto the dance floor and Phoebe sang, "And I Love You So."
"Did you know Phoebe could sing like this?" Rachel asked Ross.
"No, it surprised me too." Ross said smiling at his new bride.
Phoebe continued to sing for her best friends. In the middle of the dance, Rachel started to whisper to Ross again, "Umm, Ross?" she asked slightly panicked.
Ross however didn't notice the urgency in her voice. "Yeah?" he asked dreamily.
"I think the baby's coming…" Rachel said seriously.
Author's Note: Imagine What If: First I gotta say, you're really perceptive. Usually people don't pick up on my little foreshadowing (or maybe they just don't say anything). Secondly, you were right about the invitations and the three days thing. I never thought of that. But for arguments sake, Phoebe isn't that bright, so maybe Ross and Rachel were just giving her something to do. And in this case, well, I know you'd never clean a tux in the regular wash, but I needed to get them somewhere and a reason for it, so tux in the wash it was.