JessyJazz - Thanks for the help! You know how it is...:-p
This is a little long...I kind of had to make it that way since there were so many different answers to touch on...Enjoy!
If anyone wants to continue this for the Decepticons or for the other Autobots, just put a reference to this as the original and then have fun! It's a great concept because it highlights every character's indivuality.
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"Don't touch me, motor mouth! I can make it just fine! That last one was a freebie! I'm not a farkin' invalid!"
For the last nanocycle or so, everyone had been sitting in the spacious rec room at the former Harrison Airforce Base, energon mugs full, recapping the replies of one very infamous email that had made its way around to the entire Autobot crew and one extremely ill tempered Decepticon Seeker.
"And whose bright idea was it to invite him in here again?" The medic sighed, hearing the all too familiar testy tone pour out from somewhere farther on down the corridor.
"He'd better watch himself, Bee, that's all I have to say. Pain or no pain," Ironhide said gravely.
"C'mon guys! He did reply after all…even though everyone thought he wouldn't. It's only fair we invite him," Bumblebee said brightly.
"To which my solar cycle wouldn't have come to an abrupt halt if he didn't," Ironhide replied gruffly.
"Yes, Bee, he did reply…but did you even read it? That Con's so aggressive he could pick a fight with himself just to say he did something fun for the day," Ratchet replied.
"If we could even get that lucky…," Ironhide snorted.
"Bee's right," Jazz agreed. "Beside's TC's been sittin' in his quarters every night…let's cut him a little slack…it'll be good for him to sit among friends."
"Speak for yourself, Jazz," Ironhide smirked at the silver Autobot.
"Judging from the severe way he replied to that email, I would have to offer that TC doesn't exactly see us in the same light," Ratchet replied.
"He does with Blue," Bumblebee added.
Shaking his head at the scout's statement, Ironhide sighed. "Sometimes I think that kid just isn't wired tight all the way around."
Jazz waved a casual hand at him. "Aw, let him be, Hide'…Blue's probably the only one out of all of us TC's even remotely kewl with…ain't nuthin' wrong with that."
Bumblebee nodded. "I think you're right, Jazz. Blue told me TC actually accepted help from him not too long ago. I guess Blue helped him down the corridor. Sounds to me like TC's kinda coming around."
"TC does seem to be more receptive to Blue, I will agree on that," Ratchet nodded.
"That's cuz he knows better not to be," Jazz added simply, catching sight of the pain filled grey Seeker slowly making his way through the rec room entrance finally.
"Hey, Supreme Ruler of The Sky! Movin' a little slow today?" Bumblebee chuckled.
"No, yellow slag aft, I'm walking this way because my secret goal has always been to know how many steps I can take in a nanoclik….yes I'm moving slow today!" Thundercracker hissed back as he cautiously walked over to an open chair sitting across from Jazz.
"And what unpretentious sunshine you bring this evening," Ratchet commented as snickers arose from the table.
Thundercracker scowled a nasty sneer at the medic, too busy with looking at the chair in front of him to shoot off a jab in return. Knowing the shooting pain that would emerge from his body being scrunched into a sitting position, Thundercracker hesitated.
"Have a seat TC!" Jazz offered cheerfully.
"In a nanoclick!" Thundercracker spat back.
"I…I…can…help…if you want," Bluestreak offered meekly reading the Seeker's obvious trepidation at the action he was about to take.
Feeling heavy anticipating stares on him from Jazz and Bumblebee's careful unsaid warnings, Thundercracker sighed and nodded a tense silent approval to Bluestreak more or less for his own safety than anything else.
Happy to oblige, Bluestreak came up to the Seeker's side and helped him settle into the chair, hearing a slight painful gasp emit from the Decepticon.
"Energon?" Jazz offered.
"Yeah…alright," Thundercracker nodded, watching the silver Autobot pour some of the high grade into a container.
Taking a long swig of the brown liquid that went down smooth and quick, relishing the warming sensation it sent through him, Thundercracker sat back, a smug interested expression on him.
>> > > > > > > > > > > > > >
"So…what happened next?" Bluestreak asked intently.
Jazz sighed longingly. "Ah…ya know…I left…I was dumb…young and dumb…,"
"Wow, Jazz, I never knew a femme who got to you that much," Bumblebee commented. "I thought you were a 'one cycle stand' kind of mech," The yellow scout said with a casual wink.
"I ain't denyin' it, Bee. I've been 'round. That's how I roll…ya'll know that…ain't nuthin' wrong with a lil' variety…life would be boring otherwise…but man, oh man…she was a keeper…a real keeper…,"
Ironhide gave off a smart aft smirk as he leaned back in his chair, arms folded across his black armor.
"A keeper, huh?" The weapons specialist repeated. "If she was such a keeper, then how come you couldn't slaggin' remember her name? Seems to me like you only remembered what she could do to you."
"Man, Hide' that was a million ions ago! You know me, I ain't ever been good with names anyway…and her…I guess I kinda just pushed it out of my CPU but right after I sent that email out, I remembered it."
"So, what was her name?" Bluestreak inquired.
"Jada."
"Jada?" Ratchet repeated, his one optic raised. "Was that the one who could produce those green colored force fields? I seem to vaguely remember her. Primus! That was forever a millennium ago!"
Jazz nodded. "Sho' was...Primus she could throw down!"
"How'd you meet her?" Bluestreak asked, taking a quick sip of his energon mug.
"At one of the energon drinking holes in Iacon. I saw her and she saw me…we jus' hit it off…we hung out all the time…we jus' clicked…we talked about everything…I ain't never met a femme I was that in tune with…she could finish my sentences for me…and then one night she asked if I wanted to get right with her…hell, I couldn't say no."
Sighing again at the trip down memory lane, Jazz finished, "But when the war started…I had other priorities…I never told her how I felt, nuthin'…I jus' let it go. I shouldn't have…but I did. Like I said, young and dumb."
"Well she must've been something else for you to still remember her…even though you couldn't recall her name," Ratchet concluded, giving off a slight grin.
Taking a long drink from his mug, Jazz put it down and then looked across the way at Thundercracker who had remained silent.
"But enough bout' me," the silver Autobot said. "TC, I didn't know you had such a poetic way when it came to femmes. Was it the 'here' that made em' beg or the 'now'? It's such a moving, insightful line. Cuz if I was a femme, I know that's what I'd want to hear," Jazz laughed.
"What? Peeved cuz you aren't the only kewl bot? Unlike you, I never had to work for it," Thundercracker replied. "I had them all wantin' to 'get right' with me."
"Oh believe me, TC….I never worked for it, bro," Jazz said.
"Hey, you know what they say, right TC?" Bumblebee piped up.
"Please make my whole solar cycle and tell me. I won't be able to function normally until you do," Thundercracker replied, sarcasm dripping heavy.
"Quick words equal quicker connectin," Bumblebee finished.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Thundercracker spat out.
Bluestreak spoke up then. "I think Bee means that you're a 3 astroclik kind of mech…you know…that…,"
"How the fark would you even know what a 3 atroclik mech was? You couldn't even make it to 1 astroclik! Spot on Oily Digits!" Thundercracker shot back.
"I…I…did get the connector out…"
"And what a wonderful discovery it is to know you have the amazing ability to locate something that's connected directly on you. Why any femme would avoid getting with that, I will never know," Thundercracker replied, rolling his optics.
"It's alright, Blue…we've all had our fair share of bad experiences," Jazz reassured the flustered gunner.
Bumblebee nodded. "Yeah, Blue…it can't always go well…right Hide?" The scout said, grinning mischievously at the black mech.
"Bee, I'm warnin' you…," The weapons specialist threatened, his tone severe.
"What?" Bumblebee said innocently. "I was just going to say all of us here know what Jazz means…some more than others…,"
"That alt mode you so enjoy? It'll all be a distant, mournful memory if you don't shut it! I've already gave in once and played your little email game. Don't press your luck at havin' me humor you again!" Ironhide growled out.
"C'mon, Hide! Chill man! We all forgot about that incident until you brought it up," Jazz said.
"And now all of you can just go ahead and bury it in your CPU's again," Ironhide snapped back.
"If memory serves me right and if the story's correct, didn't she steal half of your arsenal…after she stripped your front armor off?" Bumblebee quipped up, not even fazed by the weapon specialist's threats.
Thundercracker smirked, amused at what he was hearing.
"That's what you get for exchanging credits for a piece of femme aft," The grey Seeker snickered.
"Do you hear me laughing, Seeker?" Ironhide growled out. "Don't think just because you can barely walk I won't hesitate to make it so you can't speak either!"
"Is that before or after you remember where you put that steel can of whoop aft? Or do you want me to find it for you?" Thundercracker replied.
Ironhide stood up from his chair, bringing his one arm cannon around, pointing it square at the Seeker, the low whooshing vibration coming off it.
"I've got all the whoop aft I need right here."
"You really ought to sit your big, bad, black aft down before you give your spark a lightening attack…that kind of unfortunate event happens when a mech reaches antiquity and we wouldn't want that," Thundercracker smirked back calmly, the pain running through him having slightly let up from the joy in seeing the weapon specialist get so fired up.
"For the love of Primus! Can't you two pretend to get along for half a nanoclick?! You two are worse than babysitting those slag headed twins!" Ratchet burst out.
Pointing at the chair, Ratchet said firmly, "Hide, just have a seat and let it roll off you."
Pointing at Thundercracker next, the medic glared at him. "TC, either you can sit here and try to be a part of the conversation or you can leave because if I have to get up from this table, I'm going to open my own can of whoop aft on both your exteriors!"
Bumblebee nudged Jazz in the side suddenly. "Ratchet's about to pull a Hound. Think they'll get far enough down the corridor before he breaks out that hacksaw?"
Jazz laughed then. "Hide might…TC doesn't stand a fightin' chance, though."
Suddenly then, heavy footsteps could be heard coming from the corridor. Seeing Optimus appear in the entranceway finally, everyone looked at the Autobot leader with surprise, including Thundercracker.
"Come to join us for a little R&R, Optimus? We were just discussing the little email Bee sent out…Hide and TC just got done conversing about the wonders of femme charms," Ratchet asked, shooting a "behave yourself" glance at the two warring mechs.
"I see," Optimus said. "I seem to remember Thundercracker being curious about my getting some 'femme aft'…have I reached this conclusion in error, TC?" The Autobot leader asked, turning to the healing mech.
Thundercracker stirred somewhat in his chair uncomfortably.
"Yeah, Prime…I think I wrote something like that…can't really remember though…it was late…," The Seeker replied uneasily.
"To answer your question, my experiences were all extremely satisfying. Thank you for asking. I can only imagine it probably doesn't compare to the experiences you've had with the eloquent and refined way you wrote about how to approach a femme," Optimus replied lightly, smiling.
The entire Autobot crew roared with uncontrollable guffaws from hearing the normally serious Autobot commander give off such a subtle sarcastic remark. Lightening up some from the comment, Thundercracker's lip components spread into a halfway grin.
"Here's what I want to know," Ironhide spoke up then. "When have any of us left you outside when you were overcharged, Blue?"
"That time when Sunny made his homemade brew right before we left for earth for the first time…I couldn't get up…so I just laid there…and when I woke up, I was still outside and then Hound finally came and got me," Bluestreak said.
Optimus shot an interested glance at his comrades. "Is this true?"
Jazz shrugged casually. "Can't say Optimus…I don't remember a thing from that night…sorry Blue Boy…ya know we didn't do it on purpose!"
"Sunny's concoctions always did knock a Bot on their afts!" Bumblebee agreed.
"Alright, Bee…since you're the one who started all this…a speed boat? You want to be a water craft?" Ratchet asked the scout in disbelief.
"Sure! Why not? I could glide all around the earth with no prob! Since 70 percent of this planet is covered in water, I think it would be a good trade!"
Thundercracker snorted disdainfully. "Piffle. The sky is still better. You aren't trapped."
Jazz nodded in agreement. "You do have a point there, TC."
Shooting meaningful glances toward Ironhide and Ratchet who were seated across from him and then over to Optimus who was still standing next to Ratchet, Jazz commented lightly, "Ya'll were that broken up over me being taken offline, huh? Man, I feel so loved! Is it jus' me or is it time for a group hug?"
"Okay!" Bluestreak said excitedly.
Pointing at the mechs sitting around him, Thundercracker sneered, "Get near me and I….,"
"Yeah, yeah, TC, we know," Bumblebee said breezily, waving a hand at the Seeker. "Adjusting screws and an exhaust pipe…yada, yada…,"
Ironhide rolled his optics, letting out a stiff sigh. "Here we go…I was wonderin' when you'd bring this up, Jazz…yes, we felt that way…wha'd ya expect? We ain't fraggin' Decepticons!"
Narrowing his optics on the weapon specialist, Thundercracker sneered, "I resemble that remark!"
Grudgingly, Ironhide managed to spat out, "Oh fine! If you're gonna pitch a slaggin' fit about it…present company excluded."
Taking a swig of his mug, Thundercracker mumbled back, "Yeah…whatever...I'm still NOT getting near you."
"Then I guess you'll just be a slaggin' poker lovin, wind intake squeezin' Con, huh TC?" Bumblebee piped up cheerfully, cutting off any kind of smart remark Ironhide's logic circuits were contemplating, trying to keep peace between the two mechs.
"Well one thing's for sure about all of us…Screamer definitely won the pick as the most hated," Jazz said.
"Big surprise there," Ironhide huffed.
"Yes, I did notice that was a consistent answer among everyone as well," Optimus commented. "That and TC not answering," The Autobot leader smiled.
Thundercracker shrugged his aching shoulder joints off handedly. "I was bored…you do stupid aft things when you're bored out of your frickin' logic circuits…it's not like I did it to bring any of you amusement."
"Oh but you did, TC!" Bumblebee chuckled.
"Okay, I think I speak for everyone, TC when I ask…being glued to the wall for a solar cycle…what the slag was that?" Jazz asked.
Shooting a heated glance at Bluestreak, Thundercracker spat out, "Do you and yellow I have no aft have some kind of secret gossip cult going on?
Bluestreak giggled at the Seeker. "No…I just wrote what you told me…I'm…I'm…sorry. I just thought it was kinda funny…that's all…I couldn't see you glued to the wall…I didn't think you would be bothered by it because you're always talking about how you played all those pranks on Screamer and…,"
"Alright, alright!" Thundercracker exclaimed interrupting the gunner's nervous rambling as his optics spanned the Autobot group in amazement.
"Does it ever stop? Please tell me there's an end!" Thundercracker begged.
Ratchet chuckled a bit. "It's one of the perks of coming over to the 'light side'."
"This is the 'light side'? Primus, I'm farked," Thundercracker muttered.
"So c'mon TC! Tell us! The glue…you being stuck," Bumblebee rushed impatiently, his circuits twitching with anticipation of being told something so juicy.
Grinning somewhat, Thundercracker began, "Screamer accidently left the door to his quarters partly open one night…I don't know how or why…but he did…he was usually so paranoid about Warp and I coming in there to pull a fast one on him, he changed access codes regularly to make sure we wouldn't find them out."
"Screamer paranoid? I could never imagine why that would be," Bumblebee said. "He's such a lovable type of mech…you just wanna hug and squeeze him."
"Or cut his fluid intake hose, right Jazz?" Ratchet added.
"Fo' sure! Ain't no two ways bout' that one!" Jazz laughed.
"Screw cuttin' his fluid intake…that whiney aft vocal processor of his would be the first to go! How much more joyous it would be dismantling him without hearin' that slag in your auditory circuits!" Ironhide declared.
"Hey it might've been the Autobot Stupidity Show before but right now the channel's on the Thundercracker show! Want to hear the farkin' story or not?" Thundercracker spat out, irritated.
"Sorry, TC…," Bumblebee said.
"We're listenin', TC…Screamer…paranoid…Warp and you always wantin' to put the hurtin' on him…," Jazz said.
Thundercracker let out another snort. "Yeah…well anyway, before I was rudely interrupted…so Warp and I snuck into his quarters that night with these handmade toys that hold water…the fleshies call them super soakers…so we get in there and see Screamer in a deep recharge…Warp and I, we let it loose. I mean, we drown his worthless aft! Screamer shoots up, shrieking like a femme, this crazy freaked out expression on him like he thought the base was being attacked…Primus it was hilarious…and then he starts yelling about how he's gonna shove his foot so far up our afts that we'll forever be pulling shards of metal out.
But you all know Screamer…he's lucky to have his own internal sensors listen to him so Warp and I just laughed at his so called 'threats'…after hearing every solar cycle how he was going to take over as leader, it tends to get a little farkin' old, so no one ever really took him seriously whenever he said anything else….and then I forgot about the whole thing…until about three earth weeks later…Screamer comes up to me in the main corridor and he's being really nice…if you haven't already picked up on it, Screamer being nice is like saying Megatron wanted to be an Autobot…the two don't mix…so I'm standing there knowing something's firing inside his logic circuits…and he says to me, "Oh here, TC…I almost forgot…forgive me…," and before I know it, he whips out this open container of this yellowish liquid, throws it onto me, and shoves me into the wall…I thought it was just lubricating grease because that's what it smelled like but as I was going to take his aft down, I couldn't move! So he says to me, "Payback's a riot, huh TC?" and then started on down the corridor laughing his ugly head off."
Laughter arose all around as thoughts of the grey Decepticon stuck to a wall painted an entertaining sight, being enough to emit a chuckle from Optimus as well.
"That bonding agent is impenetrable. How in the pit did you manage to get unstuck with your limbs still attached to your body?" Ratchet asked.
"That's why I was stuck there all solar cycle. Soundwave and Hook had to create this special solvent that would dissolve the bonding agent's chemical makeup but still remain mild enough so it didn't melt my entire arm off."
"And how successful were they in creating that balance?" Optimus spoke up.
"Let's just say I was missing color here and there for a long time," Thundercracker replied.
"Wha'd Megs say about it all?" Bumblebee asked suddenly.
"He came down the corridor a little after Screamer left and said to me, 'I see Starscream has put you into a slightly sticky predicament, Thundercracker. How simply amusing. Please know I will not accept any type of pathetic excuse for getting out of duty patrol, so you'd better be unstuck from that wall by sunrise, is this in any way unclear?'"
"Yep, that's good ole Megs alright!" Jazz laughed.
"Now isn't everyone glad I sent that email out? We all learned something new about each other!" Bumblebee said.
"Yeah…alright kid…we learned TC's a real femme charmer, Blue wishes he were a femme charmer, Jazz had been charmed by a femme, and you wanna charm yourself by gliding around the earth as a speedboat…wonderful…my goal for signing on for this mission has now been met," Ironhide smirked.
"It was an interesting experiment, Bumblebee. I will say that," Optimus said.
"How bout' we send the email to Screamer, whaddya think Optimus?" Jazz winked at the Autobot commander.
"I do not feel that Starscream would find it as amusing as we did, Jazz," Optimus replied.
"That's because he's not cool like TC!" Bluestreak said cheerfully.
"You think, I'm cool motor mouth?" Thundercracker asked slowly.
"Yeah, I do! Or do you like 'kickin' better? I know you like that word…but you did reply to the email…even though some parts were a little not nice…well actually a lot of parts were not nice…but that's okay…we all know how you are…,"
"Besides, TC…you liked causing Screamer grief…that in itself is cool!" Bumblebee said.
"Uh…thanks…I guess," Thundercracker said unevenly.
Jazz grabbed his mug, holding it in the air. "Let's do a toast! To everyone agreeing that Screamer is a royal pain in our afts!"
Everyone raised their mugs up except Thundercracker.
"TC?" Jazz asked.
"If anyone here hasn't figured out how much I hate Screamer, then they need a new CPU installed," The grey Seeker replied sullenly.
"C'mon, just do it, TC!" Bumblebee said smiling.
"Yeah TC!" Bluestreak added.
Why the slag not? Thundercracker sighed to himself as he picked up his mug and put it in the air, toasting with mechs that were once his sworn enemy, secretly glad he had replied to that senseless email after all.