Chapter 21
Tori lay down properly on her back, pulling the blankets over her and fixing the pillows under her head. Her mother pulled a stool in front of the sofa and sat down so that she'd be able to keep an eye on her ill daughter. "So you two are going out?" she asked, a smile on her face.
Tori smiled and turned her head to the side a bit, "Where we that obvious?" she asked quietly.
"No. You're an excellent actress, you take a lot after me. He was the one that made it obvious."
That exceptionally made Tori smile though she turned back to staring at the ceiling for a second before closing her eyes again. "Yeah, when he worries bout someone and I mean really worries, he tends to forget about all he's hiding. I've learnt that."
"Is he the person you've been so worried about while here?"
"Yeah, he is."
"So have you two slept together?"
"Mom!"
"It's just a yes or no question." Maria laughed.
"The answer is no. Well, technically we didn't."
"Technically?" Tori's mother asked, raising a delicate eyebrow at the girl.
Tori sighed a bit in being questioned. "We share a bed, that's about it and whenever we actually get close enough to doing something, we get interrupted."
"Sharing a bed doesn't count." Maria told her.
"You asked, I just gave you an answer."
"I suppose that's fair."
The two sat in silence for a few minutes, Maria keeping a constant eye on her daughter to make sure she didn't fall asleep. "So what's dad doing?" Tori asked after a few minutes. It only dawning to her after so long that her father was missing from the scene.
"He's making dinner."
Tori visibly cheered up at the sound of that, seeming like she was already feeling a lot better. Then again with her childish side she thought it'd even be time for a joke, laughing a bit to herself. "Thank goodness…I thought that I'd be dieing with your cooking in my stomach."
"You're so kind to me. Then again you can't really blame me, I was a doctor before I was a mother and I was never much of a cook."
"You got that right."
---In The Meantime- With Kai---
Kai was on his way to the Dojo when he started feeling ill again. Who wouldn't? He had seen the one person he cared about so much lying on the ground, dead and then suddenly breathing again. A clinical death, as it'd been called. It was terrifying to see anyone in a state like that and just at the thought of it, just at seeing the image of the dead girl brought the same old stinging to his eyes again. A feeling in his eyes which he didn't miss in the least, one he wished never existed.
Kai arrived at the Dojo, his reddening eyes cast on the ground, not taking in that the other's had looked up at him so quickly. "Hey, Kai." Tyson greeted, walking up to him, as did the others.
"You guys need to come to see Tori." Kai answered. His voice remained strong, he managed to pull it off this time at least since the last thing he wanted was for them to hear him or even see him break down. He hadn't looked up at them, not being too sure whether any tears were visible in his eyes or if it showed that he'd cried sometime during the day.
"Kai…"
"What's wrong, Kai?" Max asked quietly, placing a hand on Kai's shoulder.
Kai didn't say a word but turned round the way he came, ready to start heading back to the apartment. Sadly, he didn't get very far because Ray pulled him back and Max and Tyson dragged him over to the porch. All three pushed Kai down and Kai stared up at them, nothing really to say.
"What happened?" Tyson asked, all settling down beside him to listen.
"I went out for a walk, I met up with Tori's parents while out and they said Tori wasn't answering her phone or the apartment door so I went back to the apartment…" Kai stopped. Why'd he have to go through this all over again? It should've been Tori here explaining to them not him.
"And?"
"She was dead."
"What?!"
"She's fine now. Turns out it was a clinical death, she's at the apartment resting but she has to stay awake. She wants to see you…just in case she doesn't have another month like she thought."
"We should get going then…" Tyson started.
"Yeah."
Kai had been staring at the ground again but nodded slightly, "I'll catch up with you guys soon." He told them. Tyson and Ray nodded and got off the porch and ran off out of anyone's sight. "You can go, Max." Kai told the other teenager.
"You saw…her dead didn't you?"
"Yeah."
"You can't possibly be ok with that."
"Go, Max."
"I'll walk with you to the apartment." Max said happily, pulling Kai off the porch. Kai pulled his hand out of Max's grip, shoving both hands in his pocket as he walked away from the Dojo, Max by his side the whole way. Kai's eyes where always fixed on the ground, never looking up at Max, whereas Max always looked at him and he felt it. "Don't worry Kai, it'll be alright." He told him after a while.
"How can you be so calm? You were really close to her and…she became a part of this team after a while."
"I'm not calm Kai, I'm scared but we'll all get through it."
"That…doesn't help." Kai whispered after thinking about it.
Max sighed a bit and looked at Kai, still walking ahead of him. "At least you know you're not going to be alone through this."
"Shouldn't make a difference."
"You went through a lot alone, Kai. One thing I think Tori should have taught you by now is that you don't have to do it alone anymore."
Kai couldn't take that, what Max said at least. Tears gradually built in his eyes again and Kai's heart beat sped up ten times more than it usually would beat when he was actually his calm old self.
Max stopped and looked at his captain worriedly, "Kai?"
---Flashback---
"No more of those, 'I guess.' You've made it far Kai, don't forget that. You made it further than anyone had ever guessed and you did it by yourself. All I did was push you hard enough to realize that your time of doing it by yourself was up."
---EndFlashback---
Kai began to calm down, closing his eyes and resting against the wall till he could pick up everything he'd worked so hard to bottle up again. It seemed like he had no luck in bottling things up permanently anymore which was probably the thing that irritated him the most. "That's the last thing she had said to me before I left the apartment today."
"Kai…"
Kai ignored whatever Max was going to say next, pushing himself off the wall and walking past him. "We should keep walking." He said monotonously.
Max sighed and ran after Kai, quietly walking with him to the girl's apartment. Kai ran up the stairs to the apartment door, opening the door and walking into the living room, Max following close behind. On seeing Tori sitting up on the sofa, Max smiled and lunged forward, wrapping his arms around the girl. "Hey Tori!"
"Hey, Maxie. How've you been?"
"Worried about you. Are you alright?"
"I'm fine, I've eaten and I'm feeling a lot better now." Tori smiled happily, how'd she hide it so well? Was she really alright or was she just covering all this up? On each of the team's faces they all smiled at her, happy that she was feeling alright, happy that she was alright with what was happening around her. Each of them sat next to her on the sofa, each smiling so much that it made her smile, made her feel like nothing in the world really mattered.
Kai on the other hand was less cheerful and instead of joining the group, he walked out onto the balcony. He leaned against the railings, looking over, focusing on wherever his eyes set themselves. Someone walked up beside him and past him a mug filled with coffee. He looked up at the owner of the outstretched hand and saw Tori's father.
Kai took the coffee from his hand, whispering a quiet thank you. "Come inside." He told him.
"Need some air." Kai whispered, sipping the coffee after.
Theo older man looked down at his watch, sighing as he thought for a moment before speaking again. "It's already four-thirty, you've got no more than an hour." He told him, turning and walking back inside.
Kai took a deep breath, placing the mug onto the small table that was beside him. He rubbed his temples gently, trying to sooth the growing headache. He sat down at the table, running his hands along his arms where he could feel the scars he got through his own rage upon himself months before. Suddenly through so much pain he wished he could do the same as he used to but that would make situations worse. He'd tried so hard to stop, he wasn't about to let himself screw things up now. He'd tried for too long, so long that he'd only hate himself more if he messed up by starting again.
More to the point, he didn't want to disappoint Tori. They'd worked hard together to help him stop. He'd have to try his best to calm down every time something drove him to do stupid things like hurt himself. He'd get caught by Tori or Denzelle on his way to the bathroom with a blade and he'd be made to sit down and try to open up. It was all hard work, it took him ages to get through even the little things of talking to her about the little things that bothered him or hurt him.
It's not that he felt helpless without her because he didn't. It wasn't that he felt that he needed her all the time because he wasn't capable of doing things by himself. It was just that with her around he had a bit more control in his life. He just felt that he respected Tori a lot, so much that when it came to trying to please her than he wanted to and was all for it which in turn gave him more control in his life. It made some things harder but it made him feel like not everything in his life was out of control like he felt that he didn't always have to give into a temptation like self-harm to feel better. He had to admit that he was going to miss her when she was gone but he wanted to try get through it but he was going to need a lot of help. The problem to that was that he wasn't sure if he was capable of asking for help from his team, or from anyone else for that matter.
Even when he asked Tori for help, it was never easy. He rarely ever came out and said he needed help, come to think of it, it probably only happened about twice. He remembered one time it happened, he'd woken up from a nightmare, he woke up feeling ill in every possible way, he'd grabbed the nearest sharp object he could find and was on his way to the bathroom when Tori called him from near her room and Denzelle stood in front of him. It wasn't that hard of a memory to remember. He remembered what happened after that so clearly, it wasn't hard to remember because…making himself say those words where so hard, taking a huge slice of his pride at the same time. You don't forget doing something that takes away what's left of your pride, he knew that. He'd been made to go to the living room, sit down, try to relax and while being calmed down he was trying to pull together every bit of courage he had to ask her for help.
He couldn't deny that he had needed some help. He didn't want to be pitied or anything, he didn't want her to do everything for him or anything, he just wanted to be able to get some help from someone, someone who'd understand that he didn't want to be treated like he wasn't able to do anything for himself and she didn't treat him that way. She just gave him enough time and strength so that he'd be able to lean against her for support till he was able to pull himself together and be strong enough to do deal with things. There was a difference between that and being completely helpless but that didn't lessen the blow of asking for help and injuring his pride.
"Kai? Kai, are you feeling alright?" The voice broke through his thoughts after a while. Kai looked up at the owner of the voice, seeing Tori kneeling on the ground beside him.
"What?" Kai asked. He hadn't heard what she'd said or even asked, he'd been to distracted, wrapped up in his own thoughts to realize what she'd been saying. Although, now he was able to see how he was shivering, mostly from the pain of his heavily beating heart and the headache that was overwhelming him.
"You're shaking, are you alright?" Tori needed to repeat herself and to be totally honest, she hated it because it either meant he wasn't paying any attention to her or he was wrapped up in so many thoughts at once that he lost track of what was going on in the world around him and neither of those where any good.
"I'm ok." Kai whispered. He put a hand on his chest, silently hoping his heart rate would go by unnoticed. "Where are the others?" he asked.
Tori noticed the change of subject, glaring at him a bit but answered him anyway, "Dad is giving them some dinner. You've been out here ever since you got back, what are you doing?"
"Just trying to relax."
Tori wrapped an arm around Kai, her hands gripping his shoulders, a sense of support washing over the boy. "Just calm down, take things easy but come inside, you're going to get sick out here." She whispered in his ear.
Kai shuddered a bit from having her so close, from feeling her hot breath against his skin. "Just a while longer, I'll be inside soon."
Tori nodded slightly, "Sure. Do you need anything? Painkillers maybe?"
"How about a big bottle of alcohol, whatever you've got round this place?"
"Somehow my parents wouldn't like it if they caught you drinking and I wouldn't like it either." Tori kissed him on the cheek but Kai turned his head away from her. She sighed a bit and stood up, "Be inside soon." She whispered, giving his shoulder another tight squeeze before stepping inside again and closing the sliding door.
Tori walked into the kitchen where her parents where, she picked up a box off the counter by the fridge. "So how is he?" Maria asked.
"I think he'll be ok." Tori answered her. Her voice remained low, just above a whisper actually, most likely to keep from the team hearing her. She took out to pills from the tray in the box and poured out a glass of water.
"It's not wise for you to be taking painkillers just yet." Tori's father said quietly.
"They're not for me." Tori informed as she walked back out. She passed by the others who were sitting on the sofa, plates filled with chicken curry in their hands where they hadn't seemed to notice her. She stepped back out onto the balcony, startling Kai this time. She placed the glass by the emptied mug of coffee and took his hand, placing the two painkillers in the open palm. "Just in case." She whispered to him.
"Thanks…" Kai whispered back, enclosing his fingers round the pills in hand. "Tori…" he started.
Tori had been on her way inside the apartment again when she'd been called, "Yeah?"
"Are you alright?" He looked up at her, the way he looked made her smile. He actually looked really…sensitive and even really caring.
"I'm feeling better, thanks." Tori smiled at him.
"I'm glad."
Tori stepped in front of him, kneeling down on the ground. She ran her hands along his arms, feeling the muscles tense beneath her gentle touch. "Things will be alright in the end, Kai. I promise you that and like you…I don't go back on my promises." She was so quiet before closing the small gap between the two in a soft kiss.
In the time that happened, burning increased on both their faces. At the same time a tear slipped from Tori's eye, it could be the last kiss she'd ever had and if she were to die within the next ten minutes, she would have died happy. She would have died with the love of her friends and family surrounding her. When they parted for a second, Kai saw the tear slowly slipping down her cheek and kissed it off the skin. "Let's go inside." Tori whispered shakily, placing a hand out in front of him.
Kai picked up the glass of water and taking a gulp of it, he swallowed the two pills he'd been given. He picked up the empty mug and glass and took Tori's hand, standing up and following her inside. He left the things in the kitchen and sat next to Tori on the sofa, speaking to the others occasionally but otherwise just listening to the conversations that went on between his friends.
Kai kept an eye on all his friends throughout the conversation. He really was afraid of losing any of them and he had been for a really long time. Most likely why he could never bring himself to talk to them about what was wrong with him, thinking they'd get fed up of him or something and leave him alone. But now it was different, Tori was the one that was leaving him and the only mistake he made was getting close to her.
Well…it wasn't a mistake per say. It was just that if he hadn't gotten close to her than he wouldn't feel so bad about losing her. It would hurt but it wouldn't hurt this much. But then again, when thinking about it, he wouldn't have gotten any better, he wouldn't have overcame some things that he couldn't have done by himself. Needless to say, the whole situation was confusing and worrying. He needed to realize he couldn't have changed what he'd done but even after thinking about it for a while, he thought he wouldn't have changed anything. You can't really regret falling in love, especially when it ends up being one of the best relationships you've ever been in.
Kai pulled himself out of his own thoughts, hoping to avoid being called out of it or being even caught staring at the ground again. Tori was sitting in between Ray and Tyson, Kai had lost all sight of the conversation but whatever it was it was making Tori very happy because she was smiling the whole way through. Kai got off the sofa and left the room, the others hearing the bathroom door closing behind the team captain. Tori turned from looking down the hall to looking back at the others, a hint of worry in her eyes even though the smile on her face never ceased.
"Is he alright?" Tyson asked her.
"I'm not even sure at the moment." Tori answered quietly. "But give him some time, it'll get easier on him."
"What about…us?" Max asked, even quieter than Tori was, tears already in his own eyes.
Tori smiled, looking down at Max who sat on the ground in front of her. She ran a hand through his blonde hair, still smiling caringly like she always did. "You'll all be alright, you have each other and you'll get through it."
"It won't be easy." Ray pointed out, sadness in his own voice.
Tori smiled and nodded a bit, keeping her gaze fixed on the ground after that. "So I've heard but…you'll manage."
"It's not fair that we have to lose you like this." Max whispered, tears falling freely from his eyes.
Tori had tears of her own slipping from her eyes, moving forward and wrapping her arms around the youngest blader. "I'm sorry Maxie, it's not fair but you'll be fine, all of you will be, even if it doesn't look that way now." Ray and Tyson forced a smile on their own faces, wrapping their arms around the girl too in a quick hug.
From by the door Maria and her husband watched the group hug, enjoying the sound of their daughters laughter and happiness. "She's alright." Maria whispered.
"Yeah, she's just fine." The two adults turned and walked away, entering the Kai's room to leave the others alone.
---That Night---
Tori lay back on the sofa, exhaustion constantly pulling her under but she refused to sleep just yet. Tyson, Max and Ray had noticed that she was getting tired and Tori's dad had pointed out that she was allowed to sleep so they decided to leave her to it. Kai on the other hand, sat on the ground beside her, keeping a caring hold on her hand. Tori's eyes kept closing but shooting open again when she fought back the exhaustion. "You know…it's alright to fall asleep now." Kai told her quietly.
Tori closed her eyes for a moment and smiled, "I have company." She told him.
"It doesn't matter. Get some sleep."
"Will you get some?"
"Soon."
Tori nodded slightly, a smile on her face as she closed her eyes and fell asleep, the sweet smile never leaving her face. Kai placed a kiss on her cheek before sitting back a bit and resting his head on his arms, his eyes holding a firm gaze on the girl's face in case something happened. He stayed that way till he fell asleep, peacefully for someone who had been worried for so long.
Maria stepped into the room, smiling just slightly when she saw the two teenagers sleeping. "Peter, come in here." With her words her husband came up behind her, looking into the room where his wife had been looking. "Think we should wake him?" she asked, looking up at him.
"Nah, leave him alone. This is probably the most sleep he's going to be getting for a while so we'll leave him alone." He answered. "Besides…he's already had to deal with the orders of our daughter, let's not make things worse by being like her." He smirked.
Maria laughed at that, leaning back against her husband. "Yeah that's true but we've got to look after him, you know that right?"
"Yes, that's for certain but we don't know much about him so we have to lay off, leave the guy alone unless it's life threatening or concerning his health. His personal emotional problems are things he solves with his friends."
"I've been through this before, you remember that right?"
"Of course I do." Peter kissed his wife on the cheek and left, going back to the bedroom.
Maria smiled a bit while looking back at him. She turned back to the couple in the living room, she walked over to the two, pulling the blanket higher over Tori and putting another one over Kai's shoulders. She watched Kai shiver for a second, turning and leaving the room once she saw he was alright.
Tori slowly began to wake up though, eyes fluttering open. She looked down a bit at Kai, she closed her eyes again, smiling happily, tracing her fingers through Kai's soft two toned hair. In seconds she fell asleep again, the movement of her fingers in Kai's hair stopping but waking Kai. He looked around tiredly and a bit confusedly, he felt Tori's hand falling at the back of his neck making him smile.
Kai leaned in, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek before he got off the ground. He stroked Tori's hair for a moment, watching her even breathing was somewhat comforting to him. He quietly stepped out onto the balcony, closing the door and sitting down on the chair he was on earlier that day. "It'll be fine." He tried to tell himself.
"Kai?" A voice called quietly.
Kai turned a bit and saw Maria standing behind him. He turned away from her again and answered monotonously as always, "Yeah?"
"It's late, go get some sleep, you can take Tori's room."
"I'll be in a little later."
"No, Kai. You're going to get very sick if you keep this up."
"I'm fine."
Maria sighed and sat on the other chair at the table, resting her arms on the table. "I didn't see you eat today though."
"What part of 'I'm fine' do you not understand?!" Kai asked rudely.
"I know what that means but I don't believe you when you say that you're fine. You aren't and anyone can see it." Maria tried to sound as wise as she could, hoping that something would get through to him. Kai didn't say a word to that, just kept staring out over the balcony at the streets below. "So how'd she help you?" Maria asked after a while.
"What?"
"She helped you with something, what did she help you with?"
"I don't see how that's any of your business." Kai replied harshly.
"Hey, what's going on out here?" Peter asked, walking out. It looked like Maria had forgotten to close the door behind her, making it easier for her husband to hear them.
Kai turned away from him, getting up and leaning against the railings.
The two adults looked at Kai before Maria turned to her husband, "Nothing, we were just talking." She answered.
Peter nodded slightly and went back into the apartment, being sure to close the door behind him this time. "You can go back inside, I'll be inside soon." Kai told Maria after a few minutes of silence.
"It's best if you go in now, get something to eat and go to sleep."
"I want to stay outside, I don't need to eat and I'll sleep later." Kai sighed. He hated having to argue with someone even though he tended to do it a lot. Worst of all, he wasn't arguing with a team mate or anything, he was arguing with his girlfriend's mother.
"You do need to eat and you should be sleeping Kai."
"Leave me alone." Kai turned his head to the side and broke his words down as he said that, making it extra clear for her to hear him.
Maria stood up and stood next to Kai, leaning against the railings like he was. "You're really going to miss her…aren't you?"
"What the hell do you think?" Kai lashed out. More than anything you could see the pain and sadness shining through in his eyes, being far too ill and tired to try to hide it from her.
"You have your friends for help Kai, and now you have me and Peter for help. We're all going to go through the same thing, so we can help each other."
Kai grew angry but more than angry he was struck with pain for having to go through this conversation again, "You don't know me! Don't you get that? No one knows me, only she does and now I'm losing her." He barely had time to realize what he was saying but in the end it made sense. All he really wanted was to be cared for and for someone to know what went on in his life and he had that, for a while anyway. "She did help me, I'll admit that much and she has changed me too much!"
"Some change is good, Kai." Maria said quietly.
"This isn't! I went through pain for the past eighteen years and for fourteen years I wasn't allowed to cry but today was a wake up call, giving me a taste of what's going to happen to me when she's gone and I don't like feeling that way. I don't want to act like that again. Ever."
"You're human though, Kai and I'm really sorry you went through so much but you're still human, like everyone else and sooner or later you were going to break down anyway."
"Well I broke down, now I want this to stop." Kai turned round, leaning his back against the railings, crossing his arms over his chest, feeling how fast his heart beat was.
"Kai…" Maria started quietly. She placed a hand on his arm, trying to find the right words to say, she just didn't know what to tell him anymore.
Kai shrugged her off, "Good night." He said monotonously. He walked inside and Maria followed him but remained in the living room. Kai in the meantime went to the kitchen, got a glass of water and walked to Tori's bedroom.
Maria sighed and followed him, opening the door again after he'd slammed it shut. "Kai…"
"Don't you knock?" Kai asked bitterly. The whole thing faltered when Kai was forced to sit back on his bed, eyes becoming unfocused before he broke into a coughing fit. Maria gasped and stepped closer to him but Kai put a hand out in front of him, stopping her from moving closer to him. Kai closed his eyes and his coughing slowly subsided but the shaking of his shoulders didn't end completely.
"Kai! How can you see this as right?"
"Go…" Kai breathed.
"You're not ok."
"Whatever but either way, you're not helping." Kai told her. "Look…I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just trying…well I don't even know what I'm trying to do at the moment but I working on this."
"But Kai, you don't look well."
"I'm fine, it's nothing some sleep can't solve." Kai lay down, resting his head back on the pillow, exhaustion dragging at him every second.
"Look at yourself, how long has it been since you've eaten something?"
"This morning, I took an apple."
Maria looked on at him, shocked would be putting things lightly, "That's it?!"
"Yeah."
Maria raised her hand to her forehead, feeling a headache coming on. "Alright, just get some sleep but tomorrow I'm making breakfast and you're eating something."
"Sure. Now, could you possibly lower your voice?"
Maria nodded and pushed Kai's hair away from his face. "Good night, Kai." She whispered and quickly and quietly left.
Kai opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling, his vision still a bit unfocused. Tears stung his eyes a bit, 'Dranzer…' He called out.
'Yes Master?'
'Do I really look that unhealthy?'
'Master…'
'Just answer me…please.'
'Master, you just don't look like you're feeling well. That's all it is.'
'That's it?' Kai asked worriedly.
'Yes Master.'
Kai went quiet, sat up a bit and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it to the ground beside the bed and kicked off his shoes. He lay back in bed, wincing a bit as his neck hurt from being so tense but got the strength to pull the blankets over his still slightly shaking body. He turned onto his side, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes to sleep. Unknowingly, his fingers traced along his shoulders and stomach, feeling how thin he'd actually gotten with time, even though all his muscle was still there. After a few minutes of fighting the exhaustion off, Kai failed and fell asleep.
A/N: Another chapter that's a day early. I was getting tired and so since it's already a long chapter I thought I'd post it a day early rather than leave it waiting on my computer. So what did you think of this chapter? I tried to get through Kai's thoughts in this chapter since in some other chapters I got more of Tori's thoughts and maybe even the team's thoughts but never really a chapter that focused more on him. Well please review this chapter and I'll get working on next chapter as soon as I get some sleep and food in me.
By the way, I'm sorry if Kai seems out of character in these few chapters but I'm trying to get what is planned out but still trying to keep him in his character but I think I'm failing quite a bit. Anyway, give me your opinion on that too. Please review everyone!