My anger was shortlived. In the murky, dark waters I saw a human swim towards me before I smelt them, when I did see them my thirst took over, I hadn't fed in a week and was weak because of my recent experiences. I took my 1001 human that day, I'll never forget it, when the remorse took over I was paralysed with grief. I let my granite body sink slowly underwater, I sank, sobbing for what seemed like days. My senses told me I'd been sinking for 3 days. I hadn't been above water for 10 days. I kept sinking until I hit the oceans dark bed, my vision was so strained I closed my eyes and stopped seeing with them, I decided to use my gift instead. I stayed aware for another month under water. Only aware to sense a possible threat or meal, I tried to kill myself with starvation. I knew it wouldn't work, I knew the primal instincts I felt would take over completely near the end. But I played a new sick game and pushed myself to the limit. Using my pain as a way to feel, I just needed to feel something. It was on my 43rd day underwater that I felt a large mammal coming my way. It was something immense, no threat to me but king of the ocean, an animal that lived so far in the deep that it had still not been discovered by humans or vampirekind. I feasted that night on the equivalent of 100 lions. No remorse hit me, for it wasn't human. I wondered at the cullens lifestyle for the millionth time, thinking if only I could try it again, but remembered with a shiver the last time I tried and quickly shook away the silly idea. I began to surface feeling satiated, when my head broke the ocean I froze…ALICE E.B. screamed out…. My gifts had been working higher than they ever had in the ocean deep, they were on so high that I didn't even need to think to get answers, everything hit me at once. Alice had seen me at the Volturi, her first vision of me in 26 years. They all came to italy with Edward who had been called. Alice saw me under the ocean lifeless, and ran to the place where Edward had lost my trail. Everybody was with them, including Rosalie. I scowled and E.B. screamed in pain, Jasper and Alice who were the nearest to me at the time heard. Their heads whipped around, and my gift told me it would be futile to attempt to run. So I waded in the water for the longest seconds of my life as Alice reached me. She looked like she always had. So graceful and loving, Jasper looked confused, my gift told me he felt so many emotions coming from me, ones even he didn't have words to describe. I snarled at E.B. and put her away, checking on Jasper with my senses and learned that now all he felt coming from me was hunger, the only emotion I couldn't keep away. He looked up at me confused, his blond eyes full of concern and worry. He kept his distance as Alice swam to me and hugged me, my first contact with a nother being that I was not going to kill in over two decades. If I could cry I would have, but I didn't put my arms around Alice like I wanted to, I reasoned with myself for the shortest of seconds before I put E.B. away one last time, They left me. Who cares, I don't love them. We loved Alice and Jasper and Emmet! I did so much. They only left cuz of Edward. I don't love them. Then why are you letting her hug you for so long? I stiffened and snarled, pushing alice off of me, and closing up myself to my emotions.

"Alice, Jasper" I acknowledged them non chalantly, Hurt and despair flying off Alice in missles, I looked at Jasper, now knowing how it feels to be perceptive to others feelings, I felt bad for him because he had to feel them as well. "Its nice to see you. Now when will you be leaving this time?" I bit my tongue after saying these words. You don't have to be so heartless E.B. let me know. Why couldn't I control her today!?? I wondered…my gift told me its because even I couldn't handle all the feelings I'm experiencing right now. I settled with closing them off from Jaspers awareness, using my gift to manipulate anothers perceptibility.

"Bella-" Alice stuttered stupidly, I stil love Alice, E.B realized for us both. I automatically felt remorse at making her feel as awful as she did now, it was close to the pain Edward had caused me as a human. I hugged her as hard as I could, and tried to convey how much I needed them in my eyes while at the same time, asking them to leave. I was afraid of not being to control E.B. again, it had been so long since I was forced to feel any emotion.

"Please leave now" I asked, not being able to look into her eyes, I turned as fast as I could and dived to go back into the deep when a pair of large, strong hands grabbed me and pulled me back up. Why didn't I sense Emmet? I asked with irritation at my gift. Because you werent paying attention. I turned my gift back onto high and pushed Emmet off me. He was still the same teddy bear he always was, feeling excitement and happiness at seeing me again, Honestly, is this guy ever sad? I wondered to myself and became irritated as I realized he meant to hug me again, As he grabbed me in his arms one more time however, I surprised even myself as I smiled, laughed a bit when he threw me up. I sensed Alice wonder if that meant everything was going be okay. I growled at the thought. I looked at her when I landed back into the water and snarled,

"Never think that, that will never happen for me" I shocked myself with my hostility and quickly continued when I felt the remorse overtake her again. "I love you Alice, I love you all but just know, this is all there is for me," and I plunged back into the deep, only very aware that Edward was watching the whole interaction from a cliff in the distance. I reached the bottom in only 2 days. I used my gift to make sure the Cullens had all left, when I was sure they would not be bothering me, I turned off all my senses and my gift, not caring anymore what happened to me. Turning my gift off, however allowed me to become Bella again. Not part Bella, not E.B just one Bella, and all the pain I had kept from myself for the past decade hit me at once. I let loose and cried such louds tearless sobs, any animal within leagues of me ran even further away; I knew they could hear me on the shore but as long as the Cullens couldn't, I no longer cared. After day 3 of crying I sat up straight and took a meditation like pose. I used my gift to block even my instinctive senses, of smell and touch. A boulder could be thrown past me right now and I would have no idea. I kept my eyes closed and meditated until my thirst could no longer be blocked. Thankfully, that large mammal I had ate from before was there again. I fed then allowed myself to meditate again. Turning on my gift only every once in a while to learn how much time had passed. After the third week, I learned more than what day it was, I had visitors.

I turned around to an expectant Alice and Jasper. I gave them a death glare I doubt they could see underwater than turned my gift on high to learn everything. They had been here for three days, Alice planned on never leaving again until I said things were gunna be okay. Even then she would only be miles away at a time. Jasper cared about me too, but refused to leave Alice alone. I felt so much love radiating from them in the second it took for them to realize I was 'awake' that I couldn't help myself and grabbed Alice Cullen into a hug and dry sobbed until I had nothing left in me. To my surprise, it wasn't the nothing I was used to after a good cry, it was the nothing that signified no more hurt was inside me but I still felt other things. I felt regret, and happiness. The latter one I haven't truly experienced since the little pixie in my arms first left. I righted myself and sensed a herd of the delectable mammals 100 miles away. I grabbed Alice;s hand in my right hand and grabbed Jasper's with my left and led them to the herd. After we were all satiated we returned to my new spot and sat in a circle. I was so emotional that day I don't remember many details. I could if I consulted my gift but I'm afraid of regretting it so I keep the details hidden from myself. That night however, I told Alice and Jasper everything about my life, leaving out only who had Changed me and How it happened. They only knew that I had to leave home at 25 years old, 16 years ago, and I had been alone ever since. I told them of my gift, my two Bellas and I learned about their lives for the past 26 years. Alice and Jasper had been searching for me for the past 6 years. If I was happy, they would leave me be, but if there was anything wrong with my life they would help me all they could. I hugged them both longer than I've ever hugged a soul, even in my human life and we all swam to shore together.

"Alice, why did you leave?" I asked, I knew the answer but I had to hear it from her. That SHE still loved me, that Jasper never hated me.

"Edward" She snarled "He thought it best for you"

Not the answer I wanted it…

"So you don't hate me?" I looked at her, my eyes filled with tears that would never fall

"Bella Marie Swan" Jasper was now speaking. I never spoke to him much in my human years but after the days events, I felt as close to him as I was to Alice, I looked at him waiting for his answer. "We never have and never will hate you. You are our sister for godsakes" He pulled me into a hug and for the fourth time in 24 hours I cried. " this is so frustrating" I looked at Jasper waiting to hear what was wrong. "I see your emotions clearly on your face but I can't sense them!" He put his pale hands in his face with frustration, his blond hair fallen through the cracks of his fingers. I laughed

"Its cuz I closed my feelings off. I do that a lot, when I can't handle them" I slowly lifted the ban on my feelings to him and regretted it almost instantaneously. In that moment, Jasper received such an intimate look at who I was that I felt vulnerable and he looked like he was in pain. He doubled over and I quickly closed my feelings again..

"I'm sorry" I whispered my voice terrifyied. Alice ran to her mate and held him on her lap. His eyes were still closed as he fought to forget the pain that was my existence. Alice turned to me, pity in her eyes. My perfect day was ruined. I hated being pityed and I hated that I had hurt Jasper. IDIOT! I screamed at myself You couldn't handle your own feelings half the time, you tried to and you became this monster of monsters. How dare you give them to Jasper. Leave them now go back to your lonely existence…leech. My gift stopped me from running however, Jasper wasn't mad and despite the look in her eyes Alice wasn't pitying me. Jasper didn't feel the anger and pity that he should have. Instead he was promising himself he'd never let me get hurt again, and a wave of brotherly affection hit me from his direction. Alice was blaming herself, pitying Edward for being such a fool for leaving me. I wasn't worried about Edward now, my day was still perfect The first happy day I have had in 26 years. I knelt down to my brother and sister and thanked them for their kindness. I gave jasper a kiss on the cheek and a hug than turned to do the same for Alice. I turned to begin running but was stopped by a hand on my arm. I looked down and saw a fairly like Alice holding me with a strength I was surprised she could manage.

"Alice, don't think I can go home with you. Jasper knows what I feel, that's how I am 24/7. Today was a fluke, I cant be around people or other vampires. I feed from people alice did you know that? I'm a monster. I murder for fun, I play sick games in order to feel something. Alice I'm not the Bella I once was. I miss that Bella as much as you do. I wish I could be happy, but I don't deserve to be. I don't deserve your kindness. " What Alice did next was so unexpected even my gift didn't give me warning. She slapped me. She slapped me out of my self-pity and my guilt and came and hugged me tight.

"Silly, your coming home with me and Jasper. We have a home down the way that is currently empty."

"but alice…"

She seemed to know what I was worried about.

"Its empty of everybody. We'll be the only ones there, and don't lie silly you're eyes are as topaz as mine and jaspers." I smiled at that. It had been almost two months that I ate from a human, my eyes must reflect that. Jasper stood up and took my right hand, Alice took my left and we ran to their home, my new home.

AHHH> WILL EDWARD AND BELLA GET bACK TOGETHER!?!?? WHY HASN'T EDWARD TALKED TO BELLA? REVIEW BEFORE I POST CHAPTER 4!! Thnk you all so much, I really appreciate your reviews hahah all three <3