As we ran farther and farther away from my ocean paradise, we reached a forest filled with tall trees. I began to feel what I should have felt when I first saw Alice and Jasper Cullen. Pain. Pain like no vampire has ever experienced before. The second it hit me, Jasper doubled over. Alice ran back to help him, and I scolded myself for not closing off my feelings properly. I looked over at Jasper apologetically, and muttered that he must have tripped on a rock. Jasper locked eyes with me and understood that noone else must know how much pain I'm in. He nodded to me and I briefly made the excuse that I'd leave them some private time and ran up a tree three miles away. I sat on one of the higher branches and turned my power on. I let a portion of emotional Bella out and listened to her rant.

"Idiot. Even I agree to close me off when Jaspers around. What the hell are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking you're the only reason why I feel that way"

"We both know you would never close me off if it weren't for that ass hole. How could he leave me? Alice let him hurt me. Jasper let him hurt me. No matter what I say about how much I love them, no matter how true that might be. I cannot let them hurt me again."

"I don't want to be hurt like that. But I can't run now. That would hurt Alice."

"Oh dear god, don't let us hurt Alice" I winced. Not because of the sarcasm, but because there was no sarcasm. As much as they let me hurt, I still shuddered to think about hurting them. I decided I'd protect myself against all hurt and concocted a plan.

"Do it. Do it now. I'll see you again when the time is right."

I closed E.B. off as tightly as I could. Knowing only the amount of confusion and despair going on within me could drive me to actually given my psyche two personas. I then turned my power on high and sighed. As much as I loved my power I hated its limitations. Alice knew where a persons decisions would lead. I only knew what their decisions were, He used to read others thoughts. I could only gauge what they were thinking about and their opinions. My power was more meant for somebody who fought wars, who reveled in knowing everything about a situation before they were told. For the past 26 years I only truly needed it twice, when I wanted to know how I became a vampire and when I first sensed why the Cullens were in my haven. I could also sense a persons feelings at the time, and whether they were true or not. But only as long as the person themselves believed it. I knew Alice and Jasper believed they really loved me, but did Alice not love me last time they left?

"Shes around here somewhere" It was Alice. I turned silently in my tree and realized they didn't know where I was. My scent was all over the place. Alice stopped walking and looked at Jasper, she spoke too fast and low for me to hear at a distance. I knew what she was saying though. She was asking Jasper when Edward would show up. Jasper was answering 'soon'. I threw myself from my tree and unwillingly let out a cry of anguish.

"NO! I WILL NOT BE ANYWHERE AROUND HIM! YOU LIED TO ME ALICE AND JASPER CULLEN! HOW DARE YOU!" I was now growling at them. "You let him hurt me once Alice, and you say you loved me. Would you let him hurt me again?"

I didn't wait for an answer. I turned on my feet and ran deeper into the forest. I ran as fast as I can. I tried to get away from Alice and Jasper but it was futile. I could sense where they were going to try and ambush me, but Alice could See where I was turning. I gave up after a while and turned to face them. Alice stopped running only to have Jaspers tall frame hit hers and Jasper was thrown back by his momentum. Alice might only be 2/3 of Jaspers height but she really was formidable. I growled

"What"

"Bella, don't run. We won't let him come. I really can't lose you again. You have the luxury of hiding from your feelings. If you leave me again I'll have to face my own 24/7. So will Jasper."

"WHAT!?" My voice high pitched and frantic. I did something I've never done before. I knew I couldn't risk getting hurt or hurting Alice so I closed off everyone of my damn feelings. I was officially feelingless. I never done it before because of a fear that I'd be so cold and nonfeeling that I would never let my emotions back out. I didn't care now, to say what I wanted to say next non-feeling was exactly what I needed,

"Alice Cullen. You seem to be utterly mistaken." Even Jasper was shocked at the lack of emotion in my voice. "Alice, you left me. I was abandoned not only by my boyfriend but by my best friend. Don't you dare call what I do a luxury. It's a last resort. My feelings are a part of me. How could you not understand that? Your mate is an empath and you don't fully grasp the importance of emotions to ones soul? My first year as a vampire I killed 200 humans. My gift allowed me to understand their fear, their concern for their loved ones. Yet I allowed myself to become a monster because my instinct closed off my emotions for them. My worst kill made me try to be like you… you… cullens" I spat their name like an insult. "I killed a foster mother, who was raising 6 toddlers at once. She was on her way home from her 4th job when I killed her. All she could think about was who would take care of her babies. Even as my teeth sunk into her, all she could think about was her family. I didn't even know people that beautiful existed yet I killed her regardless. I am stuck alone to face my conscience every single time. After that poor woman I tried to resist humans. I lasted three weeks until killing another. I tried to starve myself, I was almost successful in killing shocking my body into a Vampire comatose. My gift told me it was coming, no vampire has ever accomplished it before. I was without a single meal for 7 months, 3 weeks and 2 days. A young couple drove by the abandoned farm I was in, and I had no control. I was stuck alone because of you Alice. Alone, and hating myself. Nobody was there for me, your family made me what I am. Edward was right, we are all monsters. I used to believe your family was different, but you're no better than the monsters like me and James who kill innocents because you did worse than kill an innocent. You're actions have denied her the peace that comes with death. Even though I've excepted an eternity of emotionless pain. I refuse to accept any help from those who've condemned me to it. I'm sorry I thought I could handle being around you two. But I'm glad I realized my mistake before you brought him back into my life". At that I turned and ran, I knew they wouldn't follow me. I rationalized that if I had any emotions in me I'd feel guilty. But I didn't feel a single thing as I heard Alice explode into sobs behind me and Jasper cry out in the pain that his little wife was experiencing.