Fandom: FMA
Title: Hiding From The Truth
Pairings: Elricest, Roy/Al
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Incest, hard yaoi, angst

Author's Notes: AU

Word Count: 2,550

Status: Incomplete
Disclaimer: When pigs fly.

Summary: The Elrics' quest has ended, they are restored, and find a sweet and forbidden love. But when Ed begins to fear society's wrath, he pushes Al away and into the arms of another man.

Hiding From the Truth

Chapter 3

Ed was tired when he finally got home. Tired and a little confused. After lunch, Mustang had behaved very strangely. The man kept looking at him oddly, as if wanting to say something, but he never did. And not once did the man tease him about anything. In fact, when Breda started in on him about his height, Mustang sharply reprimanded the man. Things felt very weird.

But when Ed came in the house and smelled the succulent roast his brother was preparing, he smiled in relief. Home at last. He was looking forward to a delicious meal, some tender kisses and caresses on the couch, and a good night's sleep. But in the bathroom, washing his hands, he belatedly remembered that he was leaving tomorrow morning and could be gone for a month or more and barely suppressed a groan of dismay. Al would never be satisfied with just a few kisses now. His emotional brother would definitely heat up quickly, and Ed would be forced to use his mouth to calm him down again. He just knew it.

How he wished he'd never, ever began kissing his little brother, and definitely wished he hadn't lost his head and made love to him that one time. Then he wouldn't have to be dealing with the ramifications of their long time love affair now, when it really mattered. Ed hated having to turn Al down, hated having to go back on his word because Al would get so hot and bothered now that he had a body again. He always felt angry and disgusted with himself afterwards. He was the one that started everything so long ago, not Al. And he was the one that continued it, even after Al had lost his body. He was the one that let it go on and become even more intense when Al got it back. It was all his fault.

Making love with Al, no matter how glorious and wonderful, was terribly risky now. If they came and took his little brother away from him, he wouldn't be able to bear it. Still being underaged himself was dangerous enough. Those that watched over the welfare of children were only held at bay by his certification. If news that he gave his little brother passionate kisses ever got out, much less what really went on between them now, they would snatch Al away from him so quickly his head would spin. They'd yank his watch, his certification, his title, everything, and send him to a boy's home for the next year. And he would lose the only thing that really mattered to him; Alphonse. Two more years… Just two more years and everything would be fine. As soon as Al turned seventeen, no one would be able to touch either of them, and he would give his brother so much passion and pleasure that the boy would drown in it. They just had to hold on until then. If only he could make Al understand that.

Al was very quiet during dinner. Ed kept expecting to hear his brother fuss over his imminent departure, but none came. And he did not miss that Al seemed to be having a hard time meeting his eyes.

"You okay, Al?" he asked, bracing himself for a grieving tirade about his mission tomorrow.

"I'm fine, Niisan," Al said softly, staring at his plate as he pushed his food around. "Just wondering what I should make for your goodie bag for tomorrow."

Here it comes.

"Do you have any preferences?" Al asked, now cutting his roast into tiny little bits and mixing it in with everything else.

"No, anything will be fine," Ed gold brows peaked. Now?

"Okay, I'll surprise you then." Al suddenly got up. "Well, your train leaves early tomorrow morning. I'd better get started." And without another word, Al picked up his plate and hastened into the kitchen.

Ed was left there, surprised and confused. He suddenly realized that Al hadn't eaten one single bite of his dinner. This was not really surprising in itself. Unlike Ed, whose voracious appetite didn't give a damn about emotional turmoil, his little brother never could eat when in distress. What was surprising was that there had been no forlorn looks, no teary eyes, no soft begging for Ed to stay or take Al with him. Nothing.

In fact, Al hadn't said much of anything at all, and had looked at him even less. This was rather foreboding. Al was no good at bottling things up. Ed had the sinking sensation that at some point in the very near future, either tonight or tomorrow morning, he would be treated to a rare but scarifying grief tantrum by Al. That depressed him. He hated to leave his brother in such a state. Why, oh why couldn't he have just kept his hands off his brother? Then he wouldn't have this to look forward to. With a sigh, he got up, and carried his empty plate into the kitchen, where he found Al mixing something sweet in a great big bowl.

"Just put it in the sink, Niisan. I'll do the dishes shortly. Why don't you take a nice hot relaxing bath and get ready for bed? You have to get up awful early tomorrow morning and you know you're not a morning person at all. I promise I'll have lots of coffee ready for you. Okay?" Al's voice was distant, and he kept his eyes on his task.

Ed did as he was bid, setting the plate in the sink, feeling torn by relief and dismay. On one hand, he did like to kiss and hold his brother, but just never could stop before Al got all worked up. On the other, it meant that he didn't have to deal with any sour discussions tonight. But tomorrow… with a resigned sigh he couldn't quite stanch, he gave Al a weak smile. "Okay, I'll do that. I'll see you in a bit."

"Yeah, sure, Niisan. Just as soon as I'm done here."

Ed went to his room, packed his suitcase, and took a nice long hot bath. Then he lay in his bed, warm and cozy and very sleepy. He tried to stay awake for Al, knowing his brother would want some sort of affection before retiring; he always did. He just hoped he wasn't too sleepy to let things get too out of hand. It would be very nice if he didn't have to suck Al off. Very nice indeed.

…………………

Before he knew it, Al was gently shaking his shoulder. "Time to get up, Niisan. Here, some coffee for you." Al kept up the gentle shaking until Ed finally stirred with a groan and sat up groggily. He reached blindly for the coffee and began to sip it carefully even before he was fully awake. He blinked drowsily, and realized dawn was just breaking outside the window, and that Al had left the room again. He lowered his cup in surprise. Glancing over at his brother's bed, it looked exactly as it had the night before. Had Al even slept in it at all? Of course, as neat as his brother was, it was entirely possible he'd tossed the covers about all night and made the bed as fresh as a daisy as soon as he got up. It's not like Ed ever heard the alarm clock unless Al wasn't around to turn it off eventually. But… Al had never come and woken him for their nightly kisses.

Ed got up, feeling no little relief. As nice as necking with his brother was, it brought too much trouble, forcing Ed to do things he'd rather not right now. He would remember to give Al a quick but thorough kiss before they left the house. At least Al respected his desire to keep their intimacy behind closed doors. If he waited until just before they left for the train station, there wouldn't be enough time for Al to get all hot and bothered and have to have Ed do what he'd rather not.

But the kiss never came. By the time Ed finally finished his coffee, got up and washed his face and brushed his hair and teeth, and got dressed for the coming day, when he came down the stairs with his suitcase, Al was already waiting out on the front doorstep, dressed in his coat and boots. And for the first time, Ed felt chagrin. No kisses at all? None? Suddenly, he became very uneasy.

"Al, are you alright?" He asked his brother as he locked the door and they began the journey to the train station less than two miles away.

"I'm fine, Niisan," Al said with a quiet smile. "I just got to sleep later than I expected last night." He handed Ed a well packed, sweet smelling goodie bag. "Here, for your trip."

Ed was not mollified. Something was very wrong with his brother. A long and tense silence fell between them as they walked quickly for the station. Finally, Ed couldn't take it anymore. "Are you feeling sick?"

"I'm fine, really. I… I… I just did a lot of thinking last night. And… and I owe you… god, I owe you so much, but an apology is all I can give you right now."

Ed slowed down, but Al didn't, forcing the older boy to trot to catch up. "An apology? For last night? Oh, that's okay, Al. We can have some kisses and cuddles just as soon as I get back. Really. It's fine."

Some imperceptible movement on Al's part made him think that he had really said the wrong thing.

"It's… That's what I need to apologize for, Niisan. Like I said, I've been thinking, and I… well… I realize… Damn." Al coughed, his sudden use of the swear word filling Ed with greater unease. "I'm so sorry, Niisan," Al's voice was low and soft and filled with… shame? "I never realized what I was doing. You tried to tell me again and again, but I didn't listen. And I realized I've been doing something terrible. I've been…" A loud swallow. "I've been forcing myself on you. God, Niisan, forgive me. I never thought…. I just didn't realize… Well, I do now. I know you don't want me that way. I'm sorry for m… m… making you touch me like that. Making you k… kiss me. Sorry f… for everything. Forgive me, please. I swear… I swear it won't happen again." Al gave an angry gasp and raked the back of his hand across his welling eyes. He'd sworn he wouldn't cry. Sworn he would be strong and steady and true, like Ed was.

Ed stopped dead in his tracks, appalled by his brother's words. "What the hell…" But Al didn't. He kept going, red eyes on the ground as his footsteps rapidly ate up the short distance between them and the station. "Al… wait…" He ran to catch up, grabbing his brother's arm and forcing him to stop, to turn towards him, but Al never looked up. "Al, look at me. Where is this all coming from?" Ed was stunned and bewildered, and more than a little shaken. Less than twenty four hours ago, Al couldn't wait to jump into his arms, kiss his lips, and sigh with pleasure. Now he was swearing he wouldn't do any of that any more? "What happened?"

"I've just been thinking, that's all, Niisan." Now that Al had gotten the worst, his confession, out of the way, he began to recover a little of his composure. "Come on, you'll miss your train."

"Fuck the train. Al, look at me. Why now?"

Finally, Al looked up at him. "Why not now? It's about time I realized what I've been doing to you all this time. And after everything you've done for me too. I'm so sorry, Niisan."

"But, Al," Ed floundered for a moment. "It's not been like that. You haven't been forcing yourself on me. Really."

Al looked away, over the snow covered hills. "Then you're saying you like it when I get all excited and you have to… to… That you want to do it more? That you're glad we're lovers? Do you mean that you don't wish you'd never kissed and touched me in the first place? That you don't regret having sex with me that one night? That you like having to suck my dick when I get too high and begin to burn for you? Is that what you're trying to tell me?" Al's voice was low, filled with shame and regret.

Ed swallowed painfully, hearing his own thoughts echoed uncannily by his little brother. What, was Al a mind reader now? "No," he whispered reluctantly. Al deserved the truth from him, no matter what. And perhaps as painful as this was now, it was a good thing. In two years, he could reclaim his brother's body and heart once more. Nothing would stop him then. But for now, since Al was so easily excitable, it was better they completely stopped their little affair. "But you never forced me, Al. Never ever." Despite his reassurance, his words rang false. They both knew that if Al could control himself better, Ed wouldn't feel such regret and dismay at what he felt he had to do for his little brother to ease his fevered body. "And it would only be just for now, Al. When you're seventeen…"

Al patted Ed's hand awkwardly. "Let time take care of itself, okay, Niisan? Now we're gonna have to run if you don't want to miss your train." Seizing Ed's suitcase, Al began to sprint the last few meters. Ed was, perforce, forced to follow him quickly. And found they'd barely made it in time. Ed grabbed his waiting ticket at the counter, and turned at the stairs, strangers flowing around them like water around a boulder in the river. Their eyes met for a moment, and Ed suddenly had a terrible feeling. He felt as if something precious was slipping through his fingers like quick silver. But before he could say anything, Al threw his arms around his neck, hugging him tightly, and Ed felt his brother shivering almost violently.

"Be careful. Please be careful, Niisan. You know I love you and can't live without you. Come back safe. I love you. Goodbye." And then with a soft gasp, Al released him, and before Ed could respond, his brother sank back into the flow and eddy of embarking travelers.

"Al... wait… Al…" But Al was being carried further away, and the sheer press of the people where pushing him up onto the train. It seemed the more he struggled against the flow, the quicker it carried him away from his brother. Then he was stumbling, the stairs to the train suddenly underfoot. Grimly he handed the conductor his ticked to be punched. There was nothing he could do right now. But he had the strongest urge to run back off the train, and as it pulled away, he felt that feeling grow stronger; that with every mile the train put between him and Al, something was irretrievably being lost, forever.