Lily

October 31st

Dear Diary,

This has to have been the strangest Halloween I have ever encountered.

To begin the case for this declaration, allow me state my situation as I write this entry; I am in a skimpy black dress that is not mine, with makeup smeared all over my face, and my hair is in a knot atop my head. The neckline on the dress I am wearing is lower than anything I've ever seen, let alone bought, and I look incredibly fat, even though I'm supposed to look thin and wispy in it. James Potter and Chris Daniels were fighting over my attention just a few minutes before.

Now would you like to tell me that this was not the strangest Halloween ever?

Didn't think so.

Two simple words can sum up my entire night, because they were the cause of everything that went on – good and bad; Kyleigh and Leila. They have been planning this huge Halloween party for a while now. They wanted decorations around our common room, loud music, and lots of pumpkin juice. We were all supposed to dress up and dance the night away. Leila had made signs and put them up across the common room, explaining all of this, and told everyone to go shopping for black clothing; the main theme for the party would be black for Halloween, which, for some reason, Kyleigh found very sexy. Whatever.

I, of course, had no intention of going. I was too fat to go in a pretty dress made for skinny girls, and I hated dancing. Leila and Kyleigh knew about all of that. I thought that they would respect my wishes, but I was wrong; just before they were about to get ready for the party, Kyleigh grabbed my arm and pulled me into the bathroom.

"What do you need, Kyles?" I asked, confused.

"I need to get you ready," she said, looking me over with a wrinkle of her nose. "You are not in a condition to go to the party in that."

"I'm not going to the party," I reminded her. "And besides, what's wrong with my clothes?" There really wasn't anything wrong with them; I was wearing a pair of light blue jeans and a baggy green sweatshirt that my mother had given me, which, according to her, brought out the color of my eyes.

"They're nice for everyday wear, but not for parties, Lil," Kyleigh amended. "Come here; I picked this out as a second option for me, but it'll work beautifully on you."

"Kyleigh, I am not going to that party," I insisted, scooting away from her as she dug out a black dress from a shopping bag in her trunk. "I have homework to do."

"You're so boring," she complained. "All you do is work. Have some fun; if you don't, you'll end up alone and duller than you already are."

"I'm okay with that," I said, eyeing the dress with uncertainty. "Kyleigh, don't do this to me."

"Lils, you are a beautiful girl, and it's about time that you flaunt it," Kyleigh said, putting the dress up against my body. "Yes, I think that this will fit. Go put this on."

"No!" The dress was skin tight, and the neckline fell far below any other shirt I owned. "This is like wearing a bra with an extension."

"Oh, it'll look fine," she said dismissively. "Now go put that on. Leila and I will do your hair and make-up before we get dressed, and we'll take you downstairs."

I had no choice but to try wearing the dress. I took it grumpily into the bathroom and began pulling it on, hating how exposed I felt; I honestly wanted to ask Kyleigh if she was sure that there was nothing to put on top of it. I looked in the mirror, and what I saw was not a girl who was ready to go to a party.

The girl who looked back at me had my face and my hair, but her body looked lumpy and plump. Too much of me was exposed, and the purpose of the dress backfired – I looked a lot worse instead of better. My waist seemed to jut out of the thin material the dress was made out of, and my thighs looked like swollen, oversized salamis. I would have looked better walking into the party in my sweatshirt and jeans.

"Kyles, I look horrible," I moaned when she came in to inspect me. "There's too much of me showing and I look like I weigh three times what I really do."

"No you don't," she scoffed. "You look nice. LEILA! GET IN HERE AND LOOK AT LILY!"

"Yeah?" Leila bounced into the room at Kyleigh's shout. She took one look at me and stared, her expression indecipherable.

"Do I look that bad?" I fretted, trying to pull my dress up a little bit more.

"No Lils; you look gorgeous!" She hugged me. "Lily Evans, you have a body! I never knew that!"

"Haha," I said sardonically; it was a well-known fact that I wore clothes that were loose and apparently unflattering, so I could sort of see why Leila was so thrilled.

"This is fabulous; absolutely perfect," she said happily, fluffing up my hair. "Time for make-up."

"No," I whimpered. "No, please, no – not makeup." Makeup was my enemy. Makeup was evil. Makeup was the thing that would get me attention from boys, and I didn't want that sort of attention; if a boy really loved me, he would notice me if I wasn't wearing makeup. Not only that, but it felt odd when you put it on, and was difficult to wipe off completely. I hated makeup almost as much as I hated the dress I was wearing, and Leila knew that too.

"Yes, makeup," Leila said soothingly, whipping out her makeup case. "You will look lovely. James will be after your life tonight."

"So will Chris," Kyleigh added, taking out her trusted hair-brush. "He likes you too. Remember what happened at Hogsmeade? Remember yesterday in class?"

I grimaced; Kyleigh had some theory about Chris liking me in addition to James after what happened in Hogsmeade. The other day in class only added "proof" to this theory; he had asked me to be his partner in a Potions activity, and when I refused, he looked quite hurt. Leila said that he had spent the rest of the period watching me, but Leila is pretty biased; I wasn't sure if I could trust her on a subject like this.

"Kyleigh, I am looking horrific in this dress," I told her. "No boy will think I'm pretty."

"Yes, they will," Leila said. "This is one of those dresses that only looks good if you have the right makeup. How lucky you are to have friends like us, who know what they're doing when it comes to getting ready for parties."

"Yeah," I said dryly. "Lucky me."

Roughly twenty minutes later, my hair was laden with gel and curled, mascara coated my eyelashes, blush smothered my cheeks, and lipstick covered my mouth. I did not look pretty at all; I looked like I'd tried too hard. When I pointed this out to Leila, she just laughed.

"Rubbish! You look perfect."

"No," I said firmly. "I am not going in public looking this way!"

It turned out that what I thought did not matter in the least; I was forced to go to the party anyway. I stumbled down the steps in Leila's largest black heels and surveyed the crowd, all of whom was dancing already. Everyone was dressed in black, of course, and some girls were wearing clothes even more revealing than mine; it made me shudder. The boys were wearing dark pants with dark shirts, and some of them looked quite nice for once.

I lingered by the punch bowl though, feeling self-conscious in my tiny dress. I kept trying to pull it up higher so that my chest wasn't so revealed, but the thing was so petite I couldn't get too far. Splendid. I poured myself some pumpkin juice, hoping to slip away as quickly as possible, but Chris Daniels strode right up to me, looking impressed.

"We meet again, Miss Evans," he said, sipping some pumpkin juice of his own. "It's nice to see you. Stunning dress, by the way."

"Nice to see you too," I mumbled, not knowing what else to say. "Thank you; Kyleigh forced me into it, actually. Leila did my makeup."

"Remind me to thank them for that later," Chris said, giving me a lopsided grin.

I couldn't do much besides blush, so Chris said, "I do apologize for embarrassing you. It was rude of me. Let me start again. How are you doing on this fine evening, Miss Evans?"

"Call me Lily," I said. "I hate this dress, and I want to go upstairs to finish my homework before I sleep. That's all I'm thinking about right now." Instantly, I wanted to smash my head against the wall; why had I told Chris Daniels that?! I probably looked like a humungous loser. I always lost my head when I talked to good-looking boys.

"Your dedication to your work is admirable," he said, making me blush even redder. I had the mental image of what Kyleigh would say if she had heard our conversation, and decided never to tell her. "Are you bored with the party?"

"I don't dance," I admitted. I wanted to hit my head on the wall for a second time; why did I tell him things like that?! Kyleigh and Leila were right; I was deficient when it came to having a social life.

"That's unfortunate," said Chris. "I was about to ask you to dance once with me."

He talked so formally! I loved that; I was a sucker for formal talk. Did he know that? It seemed so. I blushed even redder, if it was possible, and said, "Maybe I'll give you one dance."

"I'd love that," he said, smiling at me.

I bit my lip and smiled shyly back; maybe this dance wasn't so bad after all.

But, of course, since I was having a moment I was enjoying, James Potter had to come to wreck it; he bounded toward us, a steely look on his face as he took in Chris. Chris's own expression hardened at James's appearance, and I wanted to cry; leave us alone!

"Hello, Lily," he said, gentleman-like all of a sudden. "You look lovely, you know. Would you like a dance?"

"She was about to dance with me," Chris said in a tone of agitated, forced calm. "Please wait for a bit, would you, Potter?"

"I don't think so," James said back, his tone matching Chris's. "Lily, come along."

"No," I declined. "I would like to dance with Chris."

"Yes James; she would like to dance with me," Chris said, smiling angelically as he led me to the center to dance. James watched us with an obvious fury directed at Chris, and I felt a certain pleasure in making him angry. I directed my attention back at Chris's handsome face instead, however, and smiled again.

"I'm sorry about that," I said.

"Its fine," said Chris, shooting James a look of dislike. He turned back to me and his face eased up then, and he put his arm around my waist. The song they were playing was slow, and we didn't speak for a while, just looking at each other. I liked that; Chris had beautiful eyes, and I liked gazing at them. I almost forgot about my horrific dress as he twirled me around the room; I was lost in the moment, and nothing mattered except the warm weight of his hand on my back, and his fingers entwined with mine on his other hand. He looked like he was taking as much pleasure in this dance as I was; that was inspiring.

After the dance ended, he escorted me to the side to get me another drink. James pounced on me the moment I came over, and handed me a glass of juice before Chris could even touch the jug.

"Here you go, Lils," he said smoothly.

"Don't call me Lils," I snapped, accepting the drink anyway. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He gave me a wide grin after shooting a look of smugness to Chris. Chris took my arm and pulled me to the other side of the table the way one might pull a pet from a dangerous adversary.

James followed as I knew he would, and asked me to dance. I shook my head and said no; no matter how many drinks he gave me, I would never dance with James. An extremely delighted Chris took my hand and led me to the dance area where we danced another dance, but halfway through this one, James slickly pushed Chris away and grabbed my hand to continue the dance.

"Hello again, Lily," he said, smiling at me.

"James, can you please leave me alone?" I requested irately. "Chris had this dance."

"Chris already had one," James said, spinning me outwards and then bringing me back to him. "I want one now."

I had no choice but to let him dance with me, which was the intent, of course. Though I hated how he had gotten himself in the situation, and I hated him more than ever, I had to admit that James was a superb dancer. He was confident (obviously) and never let me get too near other dancers who may knock me over in my large heels. I kind of liked dancing with him, but I still thought that Chris was better.

After the song ended, Chris took no hesitation when he pulled me away to the drink table. He was saying something to me, but I couldn't really tell what it was; I wasn't paying him any attention anymore. I was still thinking about James; was he actually jealous of Chris because I was paying him more attention? It wasn't a normal characteristic of his, but I suspected that it was the reason he was extra crazy tonight. Maybe I felt a bit guilty about snubbing him like I was, but at the same time, he was not in charge of who I liked and who I didn't.

A few minutes later, however, I did not feel guilty at all; James had selected another method of showing off, and was using it – he could dance. He put on the fastest song that Kyleigh and Leila had chosen for the party music and began to dance a solo in the middle of the dancing area. Though I hated him, I had to admit that he was an insanely talented dancer; he twisted himself around in ways I had never dreamt were even possible. People were in a circle around him, cheering him on, and my own friends were among that crowd. After an astonishing number of dance moves, he called out to me, "That was for you, Lils."

"Don't call me Lils," was all I could think of to reply to something like that. He simply grinned at me, and continued to do so until Chris took me to the dormitory stairs.

"You said you wanted to go upstairs, and I think that this is a good time to do so," he whispered in my ear. "I'm sorry that Potter ruined your evening, and I thank you for honoring me with a dance. I'll see you tomorrow." He then pushed me towards the stairs, which I gratefully ran up after thanking him. He just nodded and I escaped into the sanctuary that was my dormitory.

The first thing I did was try to wash off the makeup and untie the elaborate hairstyle Leila had made. All I could do was make a colossal knot out of my hair; I'd have to wrestle with it later. The makeup was mostly off, but there was still quite a bit of it on. The shoes, at least, were easy to take off, and I threw them into Leila's trunk. She could deal with them later.

Then, I sat on my bed to write everything down here.

I still can't believe it all happened though – it's just outrageous. James Potter and Chris Daniels? Fighting over me? That can't be right – there was nothing worth fighting over. I was just a girl in an overly tight dress that was there against her will; why would they care so much? I'll have to ask Kyleigh and Leila when they came back upstairs; they're much more experienced than I am in such matters.

I suppose there had been something in that pumpkin juice they had been drinking.

James

October 31st

Dear Diary,

What a Halloween.

I seriously can't get my mind to wrap around the facts, even though I was there and knew that they were real! Lily Evans and Chris Daniels; I never thought I'd see the day, yet the day was here, and I was there to see everything unfold. All I can say on that matter is Chris should be thanking his stars that he's still alive; I don't take kindly to people trying to take Lily away from me from under my nose.

Everything had started off innocently enough; I had been discussing the party turn-out with Sirius, Remus, and Peter. We were rating each of the girls there on a scale from one to ten, and so far, we only had three girls who were nines, and no girls who were tens. Sirius was quite disappointed as he scanned the crowd of people, trying to find a girl who was a ten.

"This is sad," he said, looking disappointed. "No tens tonight! Who am I supposed to dance with?"

"So you're saying that you'll only dance with a girl who's rated ten on your bizarre scale?" Remus asked, eyebrows raised.

"Of course," said Sirius, as though this was the most obvious principle devised by man. "Who else would I dance with? A nine?" He snickered at the mere thought of it.

Remus rolled his eyes, but Peter nodded vigorously in agreement. "He's right; we need pretty girls, not girls who are less than standard."

"You two will never get married," Remus said woefully.

"Neither will you!" Sirius said, apparently stung. "You're a…a…you know! And you're so damn boring, Remus; associate with women! Do you even have a crush?"

"Gee, thanks," Remus said sarcastically. "I just don't work well with women. When the right one comes, I'll know; she just hasn't come yet."

"You want the number for my cousin, Tonks?" Sirius joked, laughing. "She was making eyes at you when she saw you this summer."

Remus snorted. "Tonks would never want to be alone with me, Sirius; you know that."

"Maybe," said Sirius, shrugging. "But that's why you need to associate with girls more, like I've said! Get yourself out there and flirt your arse off."

"I'd rather not," Remus muttered, looking frightened at the thought.

"Bloody hell, look! It's Evans!" I shouted all of a sudden, pointing at Lily. She was attempting to walk over to the drink table in enormous heels, and was wearing a tiny black dress I was almost certain belonged to Kyleigh; Kyleigh liked flirty dresses like that. Sirius looked at her too, and gaped.

"Bloody hell is right," he said. "She's a definite ten. Damn, she's sexy in that dress!"

"Stay away," I warned. "She's the girl of my dreams, not yours."

"She's looking good," Peter said, looking her over. "I like this new style."

"Don't you get any ideas," I said, looking murderous. "Lily Evans has been my crush since I was eleven, and just because she looks particularly sexy tonight, doesn't mean that you can make a move on her."

"Ease up," Sirius said. "I just said she was a ten. I'm not going to make a move on her, I promise."

"She looks uncomfortable," Remus said, looking at Lily with a concern I had never seen him use much before. "She doesn't want to be here, let alone here in that dress."

"Who cares?" Peter asked, laughing. "She looks amazing in it."

"The way she looks in a dress is irrelevant to her feelings," Remus snapped. "I think that Kyleigh and Leila forced her here."

"How is that a bad thing? Maybe tonight, she'll discover that she likes me." That was a bit too hopeful, and I knew that, but hey; you never knew until the party was over.

"I doubt that, mate," said Sirius. "Look; Chris Daniels is going over to talk to her, and she looks happy."

"No!" That couldn't be happening; Chris Daniels was capable of taking advantage of Lily, and I didn't want that to occur – not in the least bit. Chris was another athlete; he and I played Chaser together, but lately, he'd been on the big-headed side about his playing. He tried to provoke me a lot by saying that he was the best chaser, and that I was no match for him. Of course I tried to kick his arse; I did, and it scared him into hating me. He tried competing with me in everything after that – including girls. He had never succeeded, but I knew that he was probably trying to flirt with Lily because I knew that I liked her. That was why I wanted to explode as I watched him talk to her and make her blush; this was the worst thing to happen besides the time I got my only pimple!

"Hello, earth to James?" Sirius's voice broke through my horrified stupor as he waved an arm in my face. "What are you going to do about this? Chris is trying to flirt with Lily."

"I'm going to go over there, and I am going to ask Lily to dance with me," I said. "I will push Chris away and keep her in my care for the rest of the night. I don't want him to use her to make me jealous; I'm going to put a stop to this."

Remus shook his head, gesturing to the two of them. "James, don't be rash. He's just talking to her; there's no harm in talking."

"And she's blushing and smiling at him," I said. "I know that look; she likes him."

"How would you know that look?" Sirius inquired. "She never liked you."

"While that is regrettably true, but I know the boys that she's had crushes on," I explained. "She always looked at them like she's looking at Chris. But not if I have anything to say about it; I'm not going to put her in his incapable hands."

With this, I marched over to Chris and Lily, glaring at Chris. I could almost feel his blood curdle as I came over; Chris was still afraid of me, and that was the way I liked it.

"Hello Lily," I said. "You look incredible, you know. Would you like to dance?"

"She was about to dance with me," Chris said, his eyes hostile. "Wait your turn."

"I don't think so," I said. "Come with me, Lily."

"No," she said. "I want to dance with Chris."

"Yes James; she wants to dance with me," Chris said, smirking as he led her away to the dance floor. I was beyond furious; how could this be happening to me?! I was good-looking, hilarious, athletic, charming – in short, everything he was not – but she was still going for him?! No! That couldn't be! An anger I had never had before began to churn in my stomach; I wanted to rip Chris apart and throw his remains into Snivelly's porridge. I loved Lily! I had loved her since we had been in first year! How could she go for my enemy?!

I wanted to die when I saw Chris snake his arm around Lily's waist. I had wanted to put my arm around her waist! She smiled at him in a way I had longed for her to do to me, and that was when I knew I had to take action – fast. She was so beautiful and innocent, and I could not let a foul creature like Chris Daniels ruin that for her. But, as I watched, I decided that since I loved her, I would grace Chris with one dance. Just one. Then I would take Lily away, and there would be no more playing around; she would not like Chris at all, and I would continue my never-ending quest to make her fall in love with me.

When the song was about to end, I filled a glass with pumpkin juice and waited for Lily and Chris to walk over to the table. The moment they did, I strode over and gave Lily the drink coolly. "Here you go, Lils."

"Don't call me that," she said crossly. "But thank you."

"You're welcome." I grinned at her and gave Chris a look of self-satisfaction; ha – you can't take her away from me. There was something in Chris's eyes that looked suspiciously like dread for a moment, but I couldn't examine it, because he took Lily's arm and dragged her to the other side of the table.

Obviously I followed, and asked her to dance again. She didn't let me, as I had predicted, but I had a plan in mind; I had asked to appear polite before I did what I had actually planned to do. Chris took Lily to the dance floor again as if she was some type of rag doll, and they began to dance together again. I waited for about thirty seconds before weaving through the crowd of couples, locating Chris and Lily, pushing Chris away, and stepping into his place. At long last, I slipped my arm around Lily's waist and took her hand in my free one, adoring the feel of it.

"Hello again, Lily," I said, grinning.

She was not as amused. "James, can you please leave me alone? Chris had been dancing with me – not you."

"Chris has already danced with you," I said, twirling her around. "I want to have my turn too."

She sighed, presumably because she knew that I would not leave her alone, and began to dance with me. I could have gone to heaven right then; she was so wonderfully soft, and easy to lead. She was right in front of me, and was so beautiful – it was enough to drive me crazy. I wanted to kiss her, but I knew that she would never let me. It would only ruin what I had forced her into so far, which was, of course, bad. Still, I loved our dance, and was sorry to see it end.

The moment the song finished, Chris whisked her away, something I had not expected. He took her to the drink table and was trying (and succeeding) to engage her in conversation, which I could not let happen. Chris was not right for her! I was! I had to put a stop to their little romance before he hurt her – I had to get her to notice me. But how?

In desperation, I looked to the music player. I knew how to dance, and I danced well; would that impress her? She had never seen me dance alone before. I had nothing to lose – I had to win her over somehow, didn't I? I ran over to the player, picked a song I knew moves to, and I began to dance.

I danced harder than ever, trying out the most extreme movements I could think of, and people were excited. That was always my drug – approval. I could feel myself sweat, which was pretty gross, but I imagined Lily cheering with the rest of the Gryffindors; that kept me going for the whole song. When I was done, I shouted to her, "That was for you, Lils." I wasn't sure why I had said that, but I had, and I hoped that she heard me.

"Don't call me Lils," Lily told me.

I could have cried.

I had done that entire routine for her, and all she could do was say was not to call her Lils.

I couldn't let her know how much it hurt though; that was why I let myself grin stupidly for a few minutes until she turned away. Then I collapsed on the ground and demanded to have some pumpkin juice sprayed into my mouth. Leila was one of those eager girls that obliged, which I did notice, but I didn't think much about it; it was Lily I wanted, and Lily I couldn't have.

The last I saw of her, she was fleeing into her dormitory with Chris helping her. I was exhausted, so I couldn't slaughter him at that exact second like I wanted to, but I made sure he was at the top of my kill list when I stood up and went to find Sirius, Remus, and Peter again.

Sirius was weeping with laughter when I found him. "You poor, desperate thing," he said with a snort. "What a dance routine! And for what? For Lily to tell you not to call her Lils. I loved that."

"Shut up," I murmured moodily. "I feel bad enough."

"Why do you feel bad?" Peter asked. "That was bloody brilliant!"

"I don't feel brilliant," I said. "Lily likes Chris, and I made a fool out of myself for nothing."

"You should stop trying to show off so much," Remus advised me. "It's not good for you, and Lily doesn't respond to it."

"I can't help it," I said. "I need her to notice me, but I can't think how to make it happen." A wave of inexplicable sorrow hit me as I said this, and I had to fight to hold onto a howl of aggravation; it was most unlike me, but it was how I felt.

"Bad luck, James," Sirius said sympathetically. "She'll come around eventually."

"Just act normally around her and she'll see that you're not a bad person," Remus said. "She's an understanding person; she'll see the light eventually."

"I hope so," I said with a sigh. "I'm really not in the party mood anymore though, so I'll be upstairs. See you guys later."

"Why are you depriving yourself of a good time just because of Evans?" Peter inquired. "Stay; have some pumpkin juice, flirt a bit, and you'll forget about her."

"No," I said. "I don't want to be here right now."

I ran up to my dormitory, and since I could think of nothing better to do, I wrote about everything in this goddamn diary. I feel a little bit better, now that I have everything out, but I still feel awful about Lily. I love her with everything I have, but she just won't see it. There's nothing worse than allowing your heart to get stolen away from a girl who doesn't even care, and I know that firsthand.

I know that I'll be okay again tomorrow, but for tonight, I feel like absolute crap.