A/n: For me the truly obvious choice at this point in the story would be to delve into the stuff that happened after Prue died. Honestly, though, I don't think a one shot would do it justice, so I'm going to write a longer story about the effect of Prue's death on the family after I finish this story. Instead I chose one episode in season four to focus on for this chapter, even though this part of the story technically covers all of the episodes in season four.
On another note, I am changing the name of this story. I've never liked the title; it was something I came up with on the spur of the moment. After a year and a half, I'm changing it to "Through the Years." I'll make this change when I post chapter twelve; this is simply a note that it's going to happen.
Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed nor do I own anything related to Oasis' song, "Stop Crying Your Heart Out." This takes place during "The Fifth Halliwell" after Piper and Leo have their tryst in P3.
Through the Years
Eleven: Stop Crying Your Heart Out
'Cause all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
'Cause all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Get up... Come on... why you scared
You'll never change what been and gone
-Oasis, "Stop Crying Your Heart Out"
As far as first years of marriage went, Leo was pretty sure that his and Piper's had faced more obstacles than the status quo. He'd expected some trouble from the Elders, conflict about his work (both with the Charmed Ones and otherwise), maybe some tension as far as their living situation went. Piper, he thought, had been thinking along the same lines.
Those problems seemed so petty compared to what they had actually faced.
Now, in light of Prue's death, Piper's still ongoing depression, fighting the Source, and restructuring the family, he thought anything else would be easy. Almost inconsequential. Truthfully, he thought that all those so called petty problems would dissolve easily.
Apparently he was wrong.
Here he was, sitting on the floor of P3, having just had sex with the most beautiful woman in the world, and he felt like crap. The day had not been shaping up well to begin with; he'd woken up in a bad mood and it had only gotten worse as the day progressed. And it was all because of his stupid insecurities. They'd flooded back like demons from his past and possessed him again. He couldn't imagine a more inopportune time: things were finally getting back to normal; he and Piper were trying to conceive. He knew he should be ecstatic, but somehow he couldn't help letting these dark thoughts consume him.
He swallowed and looked over at Piper, who was in the process of pulling her shirt over her head. She was completely unaware of the battle raging inside of him, and part of him wanted her to remain ignorant. What right did he have to spoil her rare good mood? Before he could stop himself, though, the words tumbled out of his mouth. "Piper," he said, "do you ever wish I was more?"
"What are you talking about?" asked Piper, pulling her hair out from beneath her shirt. "Have you seen my belt?"
Leo ignored the latter question and answered the first instead. "I don't know," he said, somewhat aware that Piper was only half-listening as she hunted around for her missing belt. "Just, today, when Cole pulled up in that car...and those roses..." Leo sighed. "Sometimes I feel like I'm not...enough."
Piper halted in her search and turned her head, giving him such a worried, curious look that it made him slightly uncomfortable. Troubled, he averted his eyes towards the floor.
"How can you possibly think that?" she said. "Why would you think that?"
He shrugged and looked skyward for a moment before turning his gaze back to his wife. "I've never been able to afford things like that. Presents like that. I can't even give you a decent bouquet of flowers. And you deserve it, Piper. More than anyone I know, you deserve that kind of treatment. And I'll never be able to provide it."
"This is all because of Cole?" said Piper. She sounded incredulous, and Leo couldn't help but be slightly annoyed by her tone.
"Yes—no…I don't know. God, Piper. He's paying for our honeymoon. Doesn't that bother you?"
Piper shook her head, looking more concerned than she had before, and started to crawl towards him. When she was finally right in front of him, she took his face in both of her hands and said in a somewhat shaky voice, "Listen to me. Roses are beautiful, and Portias are flashy, and Cole may be raking in the big bucks now, enough to shower Phoebe with everything she's ever desired, but who cares? You are the most amazing, caring man I've ever known, and you love me, which is more than I deserve, Leo. Trust me."
"Piper..."
"No," she said. "If I wanted big, expensive presents, I'd be with someone else. That's not what I want. I'm not sure I've ever wanted that. What I do want is someone who isn't afraid to bare his soul to me in a Valentine's Day card. Someone who doesn't give up on our relationship, no matter what happens. Someone who will be there to hold me through whatever is going on in my life. You're my rock, Leo. There is no way I could have survived this year without you. And I don't want to spend my life with anyone but you. Period."
Leo nodded, slowly. He knew, he could feel with every fiber of his being, that she meant every word she said. And he knew that at the end of the day the things he could provide her were really what would let their relationship survive. But at the same time, he still wished he could show her how much he loved her in other ways. Just once, he wanted to be able to buy her dinner or flowers or jewelry. That wasn't going to happen as long as he remained a Whitelighter, though. Of course, knowing the reality of the situation didn't mean that it still wouldn't bother him once in awhile.
But he couldn't let Piper see it again. She had enough problems without him harping on something he couldn't change about himself.
"I love you," he said quietly. Piper smiled.
"I love you too," she said. She leaned in and kissed him, long and softly. "Now," she said. "Help me find my belt."