A/n: Thank you all so much for the reviews. I'm glad you enjoyed the previous chapter and that the new title works.

Like season four, I did not devote a lot of fiction in this work to season five. However, I've been considering for awhile writing a work that deals primarily with Piper and Leo during season five. If I do write that piece it will not be for awhile, though.

This was one of the first songs I found for this project. It's also one of my favorite picks in the entire project.

Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed nor do I own anything related to No Doubt's song, "Don't Speak." This chapter takes place during "Oh My Goddess," right after Piper vanquishes the Titans up through when she goes Up There to talk to Leo.

Through the Years

Thirteen: Don't Speak

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are.
You and me: I can see us dying. Are we?

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts


Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts

-No Doubt, "Don't Speak"

It hurts.

The pain is in the pit of her stomach; a tight, fiery ball that burns so intensely that it's spreading through her entire body. She can feel it radiating down her legs, curling the tips of her toes in agony. She can feel it spreading up through her chest and down her arms, culminating in the uncontrollable use of these powers that aren't hers but feel as though they are. She can feel it surge up into her head; right into her brain where it causes her thoughts to come sporadically and without cohesion.

It hurts, hurts, hurts so badly she can scarcely breath.

She wants to destroy everything.

Everything.

Because she hurts, hurts, hurts so badly that everything and everybody else in the world needs to hurt as much as she does.

Mostly she wants to find IT and rip off ITs face. Spit on IT and mash her foot into IT and blow IT up. Destroy IT so utterly that nothing will remain. So IT will suffer, just as she is now.

The problem is that IT is incomprehensible. She can't rip ITs face off because IT doesn't have a face. She can't destroy IT because she has no idea how to find IT. But oh if she could. If she only could…

She chokes on a scream that just won't release from her body because she hurts, hurts, hurts so badly that the scream can't escape. It's trapped in her lungs somewhere; a vise gripping it and holding it there.

This pain has been building as a tight, fiery ball for so long that it has finally taken over her body and she has lost all control. She felt it form that day she woke up heard I can't heal the dead and turned and saw her sister's body on the floor. She felt it grow and grow and grow as the year went on. She felt it catch fire the day her other sister chose evil over family. And it never went away. It just stayed forever present, refusing to go, just waiting for the day when…

Oh, she hurts…

She thinks that if she can destroy IT, the faceless, horrible thing that has been slowly ruining her life, then maybe the pain will finally, finally, finally go away.

If she can only figure out where IT is hiding…what IT looks like…

IT can't be fate or destiny. She can't believe that her sister was destined to die or that her husband was destined to leave and that any of this is fucking destiny anymore because she's forgotten when the hell that's even supposed to mean. Because before anything happened fucking destiny was marrying Leo and loving him forever and never losing him. So IT can't be destiny. IT can't.

But what is IT?

She has to know. She has to destroy IT before IT destroys her.

Because the pain, it hurts, hurts, hurts so badly that it's killing her from the inside out.

Why would he leave? Why would he leave? Why would he leave? Why would he leave? She asks herself this again and again. The question continually plays through her head and if she can only find the answer then maybe she can discover what IT is. There has to be a reason. He wouldn't just chose to leave. He wouldn't, he wouldn't. Because he's never chosen to leave. He's always picked her. Always, always, always…

All she has to do is find the answer.

She wants to find him. She wants to ask him, why would you leave? and hear his answer and know that it's not a choice and it's not destiny. No. He's leaving because IT is forcing him to and once he tells her what IT is she can destroy IT with her own two hands and bring him home.

But what if he doesn't know?

No, that doesn't make sense. Of course he knows. He has to know because he's the one who is leaving and you don't just leave without knowing why you're leaving, right? There's a reason. There is something other than him because he has never hurt her like she hurts, hurts, hurts right now. IT is the only thing that has caused this pain before so IT is what is causing the pain now.

And then, somewhere in her mind the unbidden though comes: but what if he did choose to leave?

She can't hear that. She can't hear him say that it was his choice because then there's nothing left. She won't be able to destroy the pain because the pain is him and she can't destroy him because she loves him. She'll be trapped in a paradox while the pain slowly kills her and there will be nothing she can do to stop it.

It's not a choice. It's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not…

It is. The words are coming out of his mouth and it is a choice and the pain is so intense that it claws into her heart and destroys it so completely that she knows it will never be whole again.

She's dead.

And it still hurts.

A/n: This chapter veers away from the style of the previous chapters of this story for a few reasons. It took me a long time to come up with a concept for this chapter because my instinct was to do something after "Oh My Goddess." Since the writers forced Piper into that painless bubble at the end of the season, though, I didn't think I could get into the true feelings of the character. So it took me quite awhile to think of a moment in the series that I could place a story about Piper's pain.

Once I solved the setting problem I had to figure out a way to have Piper express herself believably. Since she is so distraught during the last few scenes of "Oh My Goddess," I thought that her thoughts would make more sense if they weren't completely coherent. When I began writing in this manner I attempted to keep up the past tense usage from the previous chapters, but I kept inadvertently slipping into present tense. So I went back and changed the entire chapter into present tense. I hope that this chapter isn't so out there that it doesn't fit with the rest of the story.

IT can be whatever you like. I personally think of IT as the writers since they caused this whole mess, but feel free to apply whatever idea you'd like.

I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. Reviews are cherished keepsakes.

Katie