A/N: All I can say right now is brace yourself; not only is this chapter long, but it's really crazy. Enjoy.

Lily

December 17th

Dear Diary,

Lately, I've been feeling kind of guilty that I've been such a spoilsport whenever my friends try to take me out on a fun evening, so I decided that I would go out and do whatever they were doing earlier tonight. I had been so stupid; I had been determined to have a good time and be flexible, but of course, it didn't work like that. I should have expected that whatever could go wrong did during my big night. How can that be, you ask? Well, then allow me to explain the humiliating domino effect of events that displayed themselves today and you will have very little doubt in my ability to screw up by the end.

I brought up my plea with Leila at tea time, very casually, of course. "So, are you guys up for a bit of girls-night-out fun tonight?"

"Actually, Kyleigh, me, and a bunch of other people were going down to that new pub and dance place down in Hogsmeade – the Firehouse," Leila said. "They're known for legendary firewhiskey, and we thought we'd take a look. James arranged it, so I'm sure you could come along as well."

That changed things – I did not want to be with James at this place – but I was unyielding in my goal to enjoy myself. In what I hoped was a light and energetic tone, I chirped, "That's…that sounds lovely; I can't wait to go."

"I'll ask James and Sirius then," said Leila, obviously pleased that I was in a social mood. "You work so hard, Lils; I'm almost positive that they'll let you come too. Besides, James is completely addicted to you; he'd marry you on the spot if you let him."

"Leila, if you are going to use tonight as a matchmaker night, I'm going to be really pissed," I warned. "I am not coming if you want to obsess about Potter and me getting together."

"Sorry, but you two just look so cute together!" she squealed, her eyes brightening as she spoke. "And you have no idea how much he loves you."

"And how would you know all of this?" I asked, frowning.

"During the weekends and study hall periods when we hang out, you're all he talks about," she said. "I wish you'd give him a chance."

"I am really sick of people saying that," I said irately. "We are both human beings, not little dolls you can couple at your own leisure. I hate how all of you think you know how everything will work out between us when you don't actually know a thing! I don't know how I feel yet – how can you say that you do?"

"Sometimes other see you more clearly than you see yourself," she told me wisely. "But your intent was clear; you're right, but we can fantasize, can't we?"

"Honestly, I wish you couldn't sometimes, but I suppose…" I said doubtfully. "Stay out of my business."

"Yeah, yeah," Leila dismissed. "Now c'mon; we have to get you ready for tonight!"

"Wait, what do you mean?" I asked, bewildered; no one said that I had to get ready. I wouldn't have agreed to go if I had been told about that part of the plan.

Leila only smiled mischievously before dragging me off to her bathroom, where she spent two hours of my life getting me 'ready.' First, she made me try a seemingly endless supply of revealing dresses until she picked a turquoise one that considerably challenged my diaphragm.

"Leila, you know that this did not work out on Halloween, or at your stupid pool party," I said, gasping for breath once Leila had stuffed me into the dress.

"On both occasions, James and Chris looked about ready drop dead on the spot, which is what we want," she said patiently, fixing my shoulder straps. "We want to torment them by making you look as hot as we possibly can."

"No!" I wailed. "I don't want another episode like Halloween! Is Chris going to be coming?"

"Of course not," Leila said as though I was crazy. "James hates Chris; you would have to invite Chris to the party scene over James's dead, hacked-up body."

"Okay," I said, slightly reassured. "But there's no need for this bloody tight dress! Ouch! Damn it, it's cutting me!"

"It's not supposed to do that," Leila said, looking at my waist suspiciously.

"I'm too fat to wear this," I cried out. "Get me out of this, Leila."

"No, no, it looks good though," she said, looking me over. "And this is a pretty big night, Lily – we have to doll you up the best we can."

"No," I moaned. "This can't be good."

"Holy shit, Lily!" Kyleigh yelped, suddenly entering the bathroom and making Leila and me jump. "When we did you up at Halloween, you were presentable; what happened?"

"What do you mean?" I glanced at myself every morning in the mirror and knew I was ugly, but I didn't understand which specific not-presentable part Kyleigh was referring to.

"I mean that on Halloween, you were a model dressed as a normal schoolgirl," she explained. "Now you're a model who forgot to take care of herself and is still dressed as a normal schoolgirl."

I gave her another bewildered look, and she began to take out her make-up and beautifying supplies. "Lils, your eyebrows don't match, your hair is a tangled mess, you are in desperate need of lip gloss, and your nails are enough to make me faint," Kyleigh said matter-of-factly. "It's all this studying you do though; you need to spend more time taking care of yourself, and then study."

"I do too take care of myself," I said with a pout. "I brush my hair every morning."

"Obviously not," said Leila, her nose wrinkling as it always did when she was disgusted. "It's alive or something."

After they tried fruitlessly to tame my hair, I was put into a chair and had to play victim to Kyleigh's make-up and hair products. For what felt like years, my eyebrows were pinched, my eyes were coated with eyeliner, and my hair was mercilessly straightened and styled. I was put through about twelve combinations of lipstick by Leila until "just the right mixture" was achieved, and I had many unidentifiable powders rubbed across my cheeks. The worst part was not the eyelash curling (I swear, the told used for it is a lethal weapon), but it was the fact that Leila refused to let me look in the mirror until she was done. I did complain about this – several times – but she insisted that I would love it.

"You have no idea how gorgeous you're looking right now," Leila said contentedly as she smoothed out my hair. "James is going to love this."

"So you're putting me through this hell for him?!" I asked, outraged.

"Well, of course," Kyleigh said easily, touching up my lipstick once more. "But every boy is going to drop whatever he's holding when you walk into the room. If they don't, they're blind."

"I'm really that ugly?" I fretted.

"Of course not, stupid," Leila said. "You're looking great; you're going to have a full calendar for the rest of the year after tonight."

"Will I?" I challenged.

"Yeah; here, look." Leila spun my chair to face the mirror at last and I gaped at the stranger looking back at me. She was…beautiful; there was no other word to describe it. Her hair was curled and set to perfection, her face was glowing under the make-up, and the dress complimented the shape of her body. I looked at myself in wonder – was this really me?

"I told you that we would get you ready," Leila said proudly, admiring the job she and Kyleigh had done on me. "Now just don't distract James too much – I bought a special dress for tonight that I want him to notice."

"He's all yours," I said. "I want nothing to do with him."

"Oh hush; you know you love him," Leila told me as she began to take out her own outfit.

"Yeah, yeah; whatever." I kept turning myself around to get different angles in the mirror; how could this stunning creature possible be me, Lily Evans? I just wasn't possible.

"Sorry Lils, but I'll need you to get lost for a bit so Kyleigh and I can change," Leila said, gesturing to her dress and make-up. "Go to the common room, find the boys, and wait for us, will you? When Kyleigh comes down, then they're all going to take you down to the Firehouse."

"What about you?" I asked.

"I want to come late – I can make more of an entrance that way," she clarified.

I was taken off guard; this was not the shy, conservative Leila that I had befriended first year. "Leila, you hate being the center of attention," I pointed out.

"Usually I don't like it," she agreed. "But I really want James to notice me tonight, and for his attention, I'm willing to make a few sacrifices."

I shook my head forlornly. "I don't know you anymore, and it's all bloody James Potter's fault."

"Don't blame him," Leila said. "It's not him, it's me; I'm just not good enough for him, but I'm dumb enough to keep trying anyway – I'm sorry."

"Well, I'm going to have some fun tonight, with or without James, so I think I'm going to start now," I declared exiting the dormitory. "I'll see you in a little while then."

Leila waved at my departure, but turned her attention back to her make-up almost at once. I smirked to myself, but continued to descend down the stairs to reach the common room. Like Leila had promised, the boys that were going to the Firehouse were all lounging around casually, waiting for me and my friends. Sirius was the first to catch sight of me, and his jaw dropped the moment my image registered in his head.

"Is that you, Lily Evans?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes," I confirmed shyly. "And I take your look of nearly insulting surprise as a praise to Leila's cosmetology skills then?"

"Damn Evans," he said, looking me up and down. "You were cute to begin with, but now…remind me to thank Leila later for turning you into a babe."

At these words, all the pairs of eyes that had not already been turned to me sought me out, and I was suddenly the center of attention – I couldn't help but think about Leila. James's mouth was open perhaps even longer than Sirius's, but to my astonishment, he said nothing. It was only then that I realized that there was an unexpected guest on the plan – Regina Masters was with us, pretty much latched to James's said.

Regina is one of those tall, blonde, model-built girls who made every girl around her feel thoroughly second rate. She used this silent ability as she surveyed me with cold interest. Her icy cerulean eyes locked into mine, and they told me very obviously that I was worthless vermin that should stay far away from James. She turned away once she was sure I had gotten the message, but just in case there was any confusion left, she began kissing James in front of all of us.

"Please Gina, none of that," Sirius objected, shielding his eyes. "We don't want to have to watch the two of you play tonsil hockey, thanks."

"Then look at something else," Regina retorted, pausing briefly to snap at Sirius. "We're in the middle of something."

"No, we're not," James said, gently pushing Regina away from him. "Now, how about we go to the Firehouse?"

"I'm up for it," Regain said. "Potter, you and I will dominate the dance floor."

Maybe I was just imagining it, but James seemed almost unhappy as he said, "Sure; let's get going."

The walk there wasn't too bad; Kyleigh joined us at the very last second, but ignored me to flirt with Sirius. Unfortunately for her though, Sirius paid her no attention; he kept checking up on James and Regina, and after doing that about six times, walked up to me and began to talk to me. Kyleigh, seeing this, looked aggravated and flounced off to the front of the group; she didn't want to be near us, and I knew she wouldn't look in on or listen to us on the way.

"So Lils," he said. "Are you looking forward to going to the Firehouse?"

"I've told you a hundred times not to call me Lils, Sirius," I said irritably. "My name is four letters – get it right."

"You look…really divine tonight," Sirius complimented me formally, disregarding what I had just said.

"Flattered though I am, I can't help but question the eloquence of that remark," I said. "Who knew you had the ability to flatter me that way?"

"You know I'm unmatchable in my intelligence when I want to be," he said flirtatiously, batting his eyelashes. "Would you care for a drink and a dance when we get there?"

I glanced at James and Regina myself; they were looking ready to kiss again, and the sudden, impulsive urge to be wild filled me. "Yes, I'd like that," I said, smiling a hollow, pretty little smile. Then, when I knew that James would be watching, I gave into my cruel whim and kissed Sirius hard on his lips, stopping his walk as I pressed myself nearer to him. He immediately kissed me back – why wouldn't he? – and I counted to thirty before pulling away. I discovered at that moment that I liked kissing Sirius; there was a certain quality in him that I liked, and I knew why girls agreed to go to bed with him nearly every night. He grinned down at me, the pleasure in his midnight eyes obvious.

"My word, Lily Evans; such a good kisser you are," he commented. "I'm still dizzy."

I made my smile pretty and hollow again. "I suppose I should say thank you, but I'll wait until we get to the Firehouse." What I was saying truly did sicken me, but I had to set him up so that I could punish James even more soundly for bothering me all the time. Besides, I may as well get the most out of the situation; I had liked kissing Sirius after all.

We got to the Firehouse after a few more minutes, and I noticed that James was rather subdued; that was good – it meant that I was doing my job right. I smirked to myself, inspired by my success, as Regina dragged James out to start dancing. I let Sirius order me a butterbeer and I sipped it slowly, letting the pride of a job well done fill me in accompaniment to the drink. After I was finished, Sirius and I went to dance together. I had no idea how long we were out there, but it was an exhilarating experience. I had never given him any credit for it before, but Sirius was actually very amusing – he made me laugh quite a bit that night.

After an immeasurable amount of time, a slow song ended; I think it was the third we'd danced to. Sirius held me close and I breathed in the mysterious, rich, distinguished sort of scent that came off of his clothes.

"I liked being here with you tonight, Lils," he said softly.

"Don't call me that," I reminded him. "I don't care how long you dance with me; you can't call me that."

"Am I still allowed to kiss you?" he asked. "That first time was exquisite; I want to do it again."

"Well, since you used such a big word, I suppose you can," I teased. Inwardly, I marveled at how painless it was to make fun of Sirius; it wasn't awkward like I thought it would be. He smiled anyway, making my heart flutter in my chest – and put his lips on mine.

Last time, I had done it to make James upset, but this time, I did it because I wanted it; that meant that I could draw it out and enjoy it. I put my arms around his neck, and his arms were draped around my waist, and we stood there, lost in each other. That is, until I heard a screech of horror and pure fury behind me. I stopped kissing him and turned around to see Kyleigh standing there, seething. I could have shot myself; I had completely forgotten that she fancied him, and that she was there at the Firehouse.

"Kyles, I can explain," I began hastily.

"No!" she hollered, making everyone in the room quiet down and stare at us. "There's nothing to explain, Lily; I see it all very clearly. You kissed Sirius, knowing that I've liked him for ages."

"Kyleigh –"

"No!" she repeated, growing more furious by the second, if it was possible. "Don't even try defending yourself. I don't want to hear it. If you told me before that you liked him, then I wouldn't have cared, but no – you chose to stab me in the back instead. You probably wouldn't have told me about this either, if I hadn't found out. But you know what really bugs me, what's really getting to me up the wall right now?"

"What?" I whispered, afraid of the answer though I didn't have the foggiest idea what it might be.

"That you're a goddamn hypocrite!" she bellowed, completely losing it. "You tell me how you think you're ugly, stupid, boring, and whatever else to gain my sympathy and you use all your charms to take my crush. Then you will still have the audacity to tell me that you're ugly, stupid, and boring, even though you're fully aware that you are the exact opposite of all those things!" If you had just told me, yeah, I love myself, I think I'm better than you, and I want to steal Sirius, then though I would have kicked your arse, I would have respected that you told the truth. But you can't do that, can you? No; you like being underhand and feeling sly so that you can add that to your list of talents."

I was frozen with shock; how could Kyleigh, my best friend, tell me something like that? I deserved it, but I still couldn't believe it was coming out of her mouth. But, to my astonishment, she still wasn't done yet.

"And even then, taking my feelings and shattering them isn't enough for you," she continued in the same spiteful, loud voice. "You have to go and break James's heart as well. He's liked you for ages, and you've known that one too. Of course, I could never ask you to respect his feelings because they're too insignificant to your greatness, but you could have at least stayed away from his best friend, who he's probably mad at now because of you. You are such a whore, Lil, and you know what I say to that? I say to hell with you – go jump in a ditch and die there for all I care."

The room was dead silent after the last, pitiless word came out of Kyleigh's mouth. She couldn't even bear to look at me – she stormed out of the building without another glance back. Leila stepped forward at that moment, surprising me; I hadn't seen her make her big entrance. But she was there too, and she was looking at me with the most detached disappointment I'd ever seen her with.

"That was really low of you, Lily," she said. "After all we did for you – tonight and otherwise – it's pretty sad how you decided to repay us. I'm taking Kyleigh's side on this one." Then she left too, leaving me there with Sirius. But even Sirius edged away uncomfortably, and with a small gesture on his part, everyone from Hogwarts walked down, keeping their heads bent down so that they couldn't see me. The tears welled up in my eyes as I ran out as well.

Blindly, I rushed back to the castle and to my bathroom; I began washing away the make-up as fast as I could, hating it to pieces. I pulled out all the hairpins Leila had laboriously put on just hours before, and I nearly ripped the dress in my haste to remove it. I pulled on some night clothes and tossed the dress into a corner of my trunk – I would deal with it another day. I fell on my bed and cried into my pillow for what felt like days. Kyleigh's hate-filled words kept replaying in my head, tearing me up inside, and I cried even harder. I hugged my pillow and blanket tightly as I continued to cry, wanting nothing more than for this nightmare to end. How had it all gone so wrong? I hadn't wanted to ruin my life in one night. I did want to die at that moment though – to just die in my sleep and not have to worry about any of this anymore. That would be nice – they don't make you take O. W. L.'s in hell either.

I've finished crying and thinking about suicide as I write this now, but Kyleigh's words really hurt me tonight. She had called me a hypocrite and had told me to do some very unpleasant things, but one reference in particular made my heart stand still for a moment, however – it was when she mentioned my hurting James. Why was she suddenly on his side? When did she even care what he thought of me? She and Leila had made it a hobby to tell me we were a cute couple, sure, but after that, she didn't care much about James. I think she just wanted another thing to throw at me, but that doesn't stop it from bothering me.

Right now though, I'm just really exhausted and I don't want to have to think about this – I want to sleep, and I'll tell the next tale of woe and misery at lunch tomorrow.

James

December 17th

Dear Diary,

I know that I said I would never write in this thing again, but this time, it's an emergency. I can't really talk to anyone around me right now, because of what happened. No one would really understand how I'm feeling, and I just need to get this all out. I suppose Remus was right; you, a stupid diary, have become more of a friend to me than the other people in Gryffindor Tower. More cursing about that later though; right now, I have to start off by saying a truth that I have learned this evening:

The Firehouse is a cursed place.

A bunch of my friends, including Kyleigh and Leila, had made a plan to head out there tonight for a bit of Saturday night fun. Actually, Sirius came up with it because he found out about the Firehouse, which is a new place, first; he told us and I spread it around. Kyleigh hangs around us all the time and Leila was one of her best friends – we were kind of obligated to ask them along.

"Do we have to ask Leila?" Sirius grumbled when I pointed this out to him. "I was going to ask Kyleigh anyway, but do we have to keep Leila too? She's weird."

"She is very weird, but she's Kyleigh's best friend," I reasoned. "Besides, if we invite both of those too, maybe they'll drag Lily along."

"I should have known you only wanted both of them along so that you could have Lily," Sirius said with a chuckle. "Give it up, mate. She doesn't like you. You annoy her, and she's a bitch back to you."

"She isn't a bitch," I said indignantly. "Lily Evans is perfect in every way; I just don't deserve her. She's so confident, charming, clever, and down-to-earth; I'm none of those. Well, I am confident, charming, and clever, but I wouldn't say I'm too down-to-earth."

Sirius laughed. "Lily Evans? Perfect? No way. She just acts it in class; otherwise, she's been toying with three guys in our year – you, Chris, and Snivelly."

"Four," I said gloomily. "Moony likes her too, and she's always sort of fancied him."

Sirius looked at me blankly for a moment, and then burst into hysterical laughter again. "Moony? Evans? No; Lily would never fall in love with Remus. Remus knows better than to fall in love with her."

"Well, they do spend an awful lot of time together for prefect duties," I told him. "Lily is very easy to fall in love with, and it's bound to happen."

"But Remus?" Sirius asked incredulously. "I mean, okay, so maybe him falling in love with her is predictable. But her falling in love with him? No!"

"Remus is the nicest out of us four," I reminded him. "Lily has always said that, and she's made it clear that she has always valued that in a guy."

"No, they can't be in love," Sirius said, shaking his head. "There's just no way on earth it's going to happen."

"You never know," I said. "But I hope not either."

"You've got a ton of competition now, don't you?" Sirius teased, grinning. "Lily's in love with two guys, apparently, and there are four in total that are in love with her."

"We'll worry about that later," I said hastily, not wanting to talk about it. "Shall we ask people to go with us to the Firehouse then?"

"Sure." Sirius got off the topic immediately and began to chatter about who he planned on inviting. I tuned that part out though, because I had Lily on the brain again. Actually, a painful wave of longing for her hit the pit of my stomach and seemed to fracture it, and I was astonished by the intensity of the feeling; I loved Lily more than any other stupid boy ever could, and the fact that she loved them over me made me want to curl up and cry, which was something I had not done since the age of four.

Later that afternoon, after tea, Leila told me that Lily wanted to come with us too, just like I had hoped. She said that Lily had been working way too hard lately, and wanted to have a bit of a break; could she join the group? I said yes heartily; Regina had been hinting heavily that she wanted to go with me as a date when I told her about the plan, and if Lily went, she could save me, and I could be with the girl I loved. Leila beamed, thanked me, and bounced off. I wanted to bounce off as well, snog Lily, and then bounce with her around the school, but of course, I couldn't do that; instead, I bounced off by myself to my dormitory to convince Peter to go to Madam Pomfrey. His cold was still there, and he could hardly talk without sneezing; it was really gross, and I wanted to relieve him of the pain, but he insisted that he would be fine. I shrugged, and went to find Sirius and Remus; Sirius and I still had to finish an essay for Charms, and Remus was the only one that would be able to help us finish it before we were supposed to go.

Leila and I had arranged that when Lily and Kyleigh came downstairs to the common room that night, we were to leave and she'd catch up later. I waited there on the sofa, like I was supposed to, with Regina next to me, nagging relentlessly.

"James, I don't want to wait for Lily and Kyleigh," she said. "They should join us later at the Firehouse. I want to go and have some fun."

"They're coming, Regina," I assured her. "Just wait a few more minutes."

"They're not punctual, like you and me," said Regina, coming closer to me and moving her fingers up my thighs. "We should go ahead and have our own little party. What do you say?"

"I say that I'm still a proud virgin," I muttered, lifting her hand and placing it back on her own lap.

Regina giggled. "You're so funny, Potter. You're a great boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?" I had to have misheard her; I didn't want a girlfriend unless her name was Lily Evans.

"Yes," she said, smiling. "You're my boyfriend, aren't you?" She was talking politely and her voice was light, but there was just something in it that frightened me, something that made me say yes automatically.

Before Regina could flash her startlingly white teeth and say something else, however, I heard Sirius say, "Damn Evans; you were cute to begin with, but now…remind me to thank Leila later for turning you into a babe." This made me turn around at once and I saw Lily standing there, smiling timidly at Sirius.

I couldn't say anything. She was looking absolutely and unfairly sexy, and Sirius was trying to flirt with her! I wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked, and how much I wanted her to hang around with me, but I couldn't; Regina was scrutinizing every inch of her, obviously trying to see if she was worth talking to, but for whatever reason, Lily was rather uncomfortable under her gaze. Regina kissed me then, and it was the worst kiss I had ever shared with another girl; I wasn't ready for it, nor did I want it. She tried to do it again, but I stopped her, and we were finally on our way to Hogsmeade.

I tried edging towards Lily to walk with her, but Regina wouldn't have that; she pulled me back to her and began to talk to me.

"James, this is no way to treat your girlfriend," she said. "You can not associate with that Evans girl again."

"What?" She had to be joking; no one could keep me away from Lily – surely she knew that.

"You heard me," said Regina. "Stay away from her. Don't flirt with her. Don't talk to her unless you must."

"Regina, everyone knows that I've liked Lily since I was in first year," I said. "You can't make me stay away from her."

"Well, you're going to have to," Regina said with a sigh. "You are going out with me now, and if you go out with me, Lily Evans cannot be in the way."

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I can't go out with you if you try to keep me away from Lily."

"I'm afraid that's not how things work with me, James," Regina said, her voice friendly, yet dangerous. "You see, if I have decided that you are going to be my boyfriend, you will be. You listen to me, and you do not make a fuss. That means that Lily is off-limits to you now. But, now that I really think about it, she has always made herself off-limits to you; this shouldn't be too hard to go through with."

"No Regina," I repeated. "I will do what I want, and you can't do anything about it. I'm sorry."

"Oh, if you mean that, then you will be very sorry," Regina said sweetly. "So let's just assume that you've agreed with me and are not going to talk to Lily again. All right? And you are one hell of a kisser; do it again."

She leaned towards me, her over-glossed mouth inches from mine, but at the very last second, I turned my face away and picked up my pace a little bit. Regina caught up to me, but didn't speak or try to kiss me again; she was sulking, trying for my pity, but I knew that she didn't have it then and she never would have it.

I glanced over at Lily one last time though, even though Regina didn't want me to, and I couldn't believe my eyes; Lily was bloody kissing Sirius! My stomach just about fell out of my systems when I saw it, and I felt sick; my best friend, betraying me when he thought I wasn't watching – it couldn't be happening. I tried my very best to dismiss it from my mind, but it wasn't easy; it had always been a fantasy for Lily to kiss me like that, and she was doing it to my best friend, who believed in kissing pretty much every girl with a mouth.

Once at the Firehouse, though I was feeling horrible, I was apparently forgiven in Regina's book, and Regina danced with me for several songs. I hated every second of it; I wanted to dance with Lily. I hadn't even seen her since I reached the place; I wanted to see her, buy her a drink, and then dance with her. I wanted to spend every second with her, feel her weight in my arms, and kiss her until the end of all time. Of course though, fate had to be a bitch and keep Lily away from me while giving me Regina. I didn't want bloody Regina, and she, unfortunately, didn't want to see that.

Some time in the middle of my misery, Leila interrupted our dance. Eagerly, I left Regina and said, "Hey! What took so long?"

"You missed me?" Leila asked me, batting her eyelashes in a fair imitation of Sirius.

"No," I said at once. Then, realizing that I sounded rude, I said, "Erm, yes, but no. Just…where is Lily?"

"I don't know," said Leila. "I only just got here. Do you want to dance?"

"No, he doesn't," Regina answered for me, somehow appearing by my side and gripping my arm. "He's here with me, Patterson. Back off."

"Fine, Master Bitch," Leila said, glaring at her, but walking off all the same. "I'll see you later, James."

I was then dragged off by my wrist to dance with Regina again. Hooray. At that point in the evening, I'd had enough of her; I would even take Leila over Regina, which was saying something, since I was a bit scared of Leila.

Regina went on dancing with me after Leila left, unperturbed, until we heard everything go silent around us. I could hear only one voice, and it was very angry; I recognized it to be Kyleigh's. She was shouting at the top of her lungs like a madwoman, glaring at Sirius and Lily. Lily was looking thunderstruck, and Sirius looked mightily embarrassed – they had to have been caught kissing. Now I had even more reason to murder Sirius, but Kyleigh was more pissed at Lily, and not at him.

It was truly dreadful; Kyleigh shouted about how Lily was a hypocrite and a whore (among other things) for everyone to hear. She said that Lily tried to gain sympathy from her friends so that she could feel better about herself, and that she was breaking my heart by kissing my best friend. While that was true, it was only upsetting her more; I could keep my despair on a low profile if it made Lily feel better, but I knew that Kyleigh didn't operate that way. She reduced her best friend to absolutely nothing before walking out, and Sirius got all of us to follow her out; was there any point in staying after such an episode?

I would have expected Leila to take Lily's side and try to help her out – Lily had been a mess – but I was surprised; Leila snapped at her too, and I could only guess how many lakes Lily cried when she got back to her dormitory. I did feel awfully sorry for her, but at the same time, I could see where Kyleigh was coming from, judging from what I heard from the lecture. I didn't see Lily again, but I knew that no matter how correct Kyleigh was, I would still comfort Lily, because seeing her cry was too much to bear, in my opinion.

As I went to the dormitory, I did see Kyleigh and Leila; Leila was escorting a sobbing Kyleigh to Gryffindor Tower, and seeing tough-as-nails Kyleigh cry made me feel sorry for her too – this girl was unrecognizable to the preening, bouncy girl on my Quidditch team. I decided to talk to her, even though it probably wasn't smart, considering what side I was taking.

"I'm really sorry about tonight," I offered gently. "I'm going to have a word with Sirius about it tomorrow." I didn't mention that this word would have absolutely nothing to do with her, however.

She sniffed. "That's really kind of you, but it's Lily that I need to be upset with. Sirius didn't really know I liked him, but I had told Lily about it many times."

"Being the bearer of bad news is definitely not a hobby of mine, but I must tell you that Sirius did know," I said. "He told me that he liked you, but was just waiting to tell you later."

"Did he say anything about liking Lily before?" she asked.

"No," I admitted. "I think it was a spur of the moment thing; you know Sirius – Lily was looking beautiful tonight, and he couldn't have been able to resist flirting with her. I know that I was really surprised by how well she can clean herself up."

"Don't be thick, James," Leila said impatiently. "Kyleigh and I did her up tonight, not her. And I am aware that we did a good job; that's part of the reason tonight went all screwy."

"No, the reason is that my best friend is a back-stabbing bitch," Kyleigh growled.

"Don't call her that," I said reproachfully. "She probably feels bad enough as it is. We know Lily; she isn't that type of person. She just made a mistake, that's all. We all do."

"Oh, she made an enormous mistake," Leila said. "We know that. It's just that the mistake was avoidable, but Lily went ahead anyway."

"Every mistake is avoidable, Leila, but all of us still make them anyway," I pointed out.

"Just because you love her, that doesn't mean that she's cleared, James," Kyleigh said. "And besides, I saw the way she smiled at him at that place; Sirius stole your girl."

"I told you that I would have a word with him," I said. "But don't be angry with Lily; she isn't as guilty as she seems to be."

"She's the guiltiest," Kyleigh said at once. "I hate her; I'm never speaking her again."

"I wish that you would forgive her," I said. "She's a good person; she's just prone to being in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"She kissed Sirius, not the other way around," Kyleigh reminded me. "She never liked you to begin with, and now she likes Sirius. Sounds pretty bitchy, wouldn't you say? Reject one, crush on his best friend."

That fist hit what was left of my stomach again, full force, as the truth of this statement began to process in my head. I cleared my throat, trying to find my voice again.

"I'm off to bed," I declared hoarsely. "I-I had fun tonight."

With that, I rushed off to my dormitory and into my dormitory and into my bed, where I am now. It has been years since I have cried, but I could feel those unused tears begin to come within my reach. Kyleigh was right; Lily never liked me, and now she's in love with two of my best friends. The way I feel about it isn't translatable in words, unfortunately, so I can't really say how it's affecting me, but know that it is; it's hurting much more than anything else would.

It seems that the only thing I can do now is try to get over Lily Evans, however impossible it may seem. I know that I have chosen Lily out of all of the Hogwarts girls, but I also know that she has not chosen me – what am I supposed to feel towards her after that?

A/N: You know this drill; put your shocked feelings into a review so that I can update faster. :D