Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed nor do I own anything related to Linda Ronstadt's and Aaron Neville's song, "I Don't Know Much." I also don't own the itty bit of dialogue I borrowed from "Oh My Goddess Part 2" and "The Courtship of Wyatt's Father."
This takes place right after the end of the episode, "It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World Part 2."
The first italicized part is set during "Oh My Goddess Part Two," continuing the scene where Chris finds Leo mourning the Elders.
The second italicized part is set during "The Courtship of Wyatt's Father," continuing the scene where Piper finds out that Chris is her son.
Through the Years
Seventeen: I Don't Know Much
Look at these eyes they never see what matters.
Look at these dreams so beaten and so battered.
I don't know much but I know I love you.
That may be all I need to know.
So many questions still left unanswered.
So much I've never broken through.
And when I feel you near me, sometimes I see so clearly.
The only truth I'll ever know is me and you.
-Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville, "I Don't Know Much"
Piper, looking beautiful and exhausted all at once, cradled Chris in her arms and smiled up at Leo. With some effort, she began to sit up in the bed and Leo instinctively leaned in to help her. Once she was settled, she patted the room she had made beside herself on the bed. For a moment, Leo hesitated, but then he climbed in next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Finally, the last of his defenses collapsed. "Piper," he said, "I'm really sorry."
"For what?" asked Piper as though she couldn't imagine about what he had to be sorry. She leaned back into his shoulder as though it were the most natural thing in the world and sighed contentedly. Leo shut his eyes, feeling unworthy of the gesture. It made him slightly nauseous.
"For everything," he said. "For leaving. Both times. For not being here today." He swallowed hard. "For losing Chris."
"I'm no Elder," said Leo
Matter-of-factly, Chris responded, "Well you better start acting like one."
Leo eyed Chris suspiciously, able to spot a deeper meaning in Chris' words despite the younger man's casual attitude. "What do you mean by that?" he asked. "And don't lie to me."
Chris took a deep breath and his eyes flittered around. He was clearly nervous, but Leo wasn't sure why. Finally, Chris said, "It just means that your future is about to change drastically. In ways you never thought possible."
Piper leaned to her right and crooked her neck so she could look into his face. "What do you mean?"
"Gideon killed Chris," said Leo, and unwillingly tears sprung up in his eyes. "I was too late. I couldn't save him."
"What does that mean?" asked Leo. Chris shrugged, and Leo ran a hand over his face, frustrated. "Look, Chris," he said, "I understand that you can't tell me too much about the future. But you come up here and ask me to do something that breaks all the rules and then tell me that my future is about to change drastically. Do you think that after that I'm just going to blindly do what you tell me to? I need to know what you mean."
Several emotions crossed Chris' face in rapid succession and then it became a mask, devoid of any feeling. Clearly, this wasn't going the way Chris had thought it would and he was trying not to let it show. "You're going to become an Elder," he said finally.
Piper shook her head slowly and looked down at the baby in her arms. "I don't believe that's how Chris' life ends," she said. "I won't believe it." She looked back up at Leo. "The future has changed, hasn't it? So Chris' future has changed too."
"How do we know?" asked Leo. "We lost him. I lost him. He doesn't have a future."
Leo nearly burst out laughing—the Whitelighter in front of him was clearly delusional—but as soon as he saw Chris' face, he realized that Chris was entirely serious. He was telling what he believed to be the truth. Leo swallowed hard. "No," he said, shaking his head. "I'm not becoming an Elder. I'm going home right now. You turn the girls into goddesses." Leo began to orb out.
"NO!" said Chris, reaching out and clutching Leo's arm. His hand was shaking slightly, but he kept his grip on Leo. "You can't go. You have to do this."
"Why?" asked Leo. "I'm not giving up everything to become an Elder. I'm not giving up my family."
"It's for the greater good," said Chris, his blue eyes flashing dangerously. "And don't tell me that you don't believe in the greater good. I know you do. I also know that you'll do anything for your family. So if you want to keep them safe, you'll do this." The words came out more threatening that Leo thought Chris intended, because as soon as he said them, he let go of Leo and backed away a little.
"Keep them safe from what?" asked Leo.
"Leo," said Piper, "he's right here. This baby, right here, this is Chris. And we're not going to let anything happen to him. The Elders will deal with Gideon. Wyatt is safe. And you and I are going to give Chris the life he deserves."
"Gideon's dead," said Leo, and Piper's eyes widened significantly.
"What do you mean?" asked Piper. "Who killed him?"
Leo averted his eyes, scared of seeing Piper's face after he told her. He wouldn't be able to take the disappointment. The disgust. Not that he didn't deserve it. "I did," he said quietly. "After Gideon killed Chris, I killed Gideon."
"Oh my God," said Piper. "Leo..."
"I had to, Piper," said Leo, looking down at her again. To his surprise, her eyes did not reflect the emotion he had expected, but instead seemed filled with shock. "For both of our sons."
Chris ran a hand through his hair. He looked to be close to tears; of frustration or of guilt or of sadness, Leo couldn't tell. "I know that you don't want to trust some stranger," said Chris. "But you need to. Everyone you know and love is in danger right now, and you're the only one who can do something about it. Please."
The words were so desperate, so genuine, that Leo felt fear run down his spine. He stepped towards Chris and took hold of his upper arms, forcing Chris to look at him. "Does something happen to Piper?" he asked, his voice low and dangerous. "Tell me."
A single tear spilled from Chris' eye, rolling down his cheek. "Yes," said Chris. "But you can stop it. I know you can."
Leo hung his head and released Chris, who stepped back and stared at Leo as though he had never seen him before. "How do you know?" whispered Leo. "How do you know for sure?"
"I just do," said Chris. "Trust me. If this goes the way I know that it will, everything will be okay in the end."
Leo took a shuddery breath. "Okay," he said. "Okay."
For several seconds, the tension between them seemed thick enough to cut with a knife, and then finally Piper said, "But what's going to happen to you?"
"What?" said Leo.
"You killed an Elder," she whispered. "What are the other Elders going to do?"
Leo furrowed his brow. He honestly hadn't spared a thought for the consequences of his actions. He also found that he didn't care. He was done with the Elders. He was through with playing by the rules. "I don't know," he said. "Demote me? Make me a mortal? I don't care anymore, Piper. I've been so stupid. So blind. I should have known that Gideon was behind this." He ran a hand through his hair, feeling jittery. "You and Wyatt and Chris are the most important things in my life," he said, "and I'm going to do whatever I have to do to protect you, consequences be damned.
Even after Chris had banished him to Valhalla and done one suspicious thing after another, Leo had not even considered going back on his word. He knew, despite all of the lies and odd behaviors, that Chris had told the truth when he had said that something happened to Piper in the future. Chris' actions that day Up There had been enough to convince Leo, but any time he might have doubted what he saw and heard that day, all he had to do was look at Chris' face when the young man looked at Piper. That look on Chris' face spoke volumes (now Leo wondered how in the world he had not figured out that Piper was Chris' mother simply from seeing that look; the pain in his expression was pure Piper). If being an Elder meant preventing harm from befalling Piper, then Leo wouldn't go back on his word for anything.
The night that he and Piper had been chased by the Darklighter only served to remind Leo of what he had promised. Being an Elder meant being Up There all the time, so that was what it would take to protect Piper. This was the reason he had finally left, though he still held out hope that somehow he and Piper would be reunited.
Tears were falling down Piper's cheeks and Leo felt a stab of regret that he had caused her any pain. Without thinking, he brushed them away with his hand and then kissed her softly. "Everything feels so screwed up right now," he said. "I feel so lost. And the only thing I know for sure is that I love you."
"I love you too," said Piper. She kissed him again and then curled up against him.
His heart had nearly broken when Piper had told him she'd finally given up on them. The months he had spent Up There he had been in a constant state of distraction thinking of Piper and Wyatt. Continually he reminded himself that he was Up There for them, that he was an Elder for them. But he had also held out hope that someday the threat would be over and they'd be a family again. Piper, apparently, had not felt the same. How could he blame her though? It was for the best. After all, what had he ever done to be worthy of her? She needed someone better. She deserved someone better.
"I don't know why you do," said Leo. "I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you, Piper. Especially since I left. No matter how well-intentioned my leaving was at the time."
Piper said nothing in response and Leo glanced down at her face. She had fallen asleep lying against him; Chris still curled up in her arms. Sighing, Leo kissed her on top of her head and then shut his eyes.
Unfortunately, sleep did not come.
Piper woke up to the sound of Leo's voice beckoning her. She opened her eyes groggily, feeling stiff and sore all over. To her surprise, Leo was still in the bed with her acting as her pillow. Nearby, a young nurse stood, holding Chris. At some point, someone must have come in and taken Chris from her arms as she slept.
"Sweetie," said Leo, "it's time to feed the baby."
Piper nodded, still disoriented, and Leo climbed off of the bed. "Don't leave," she said anxiously.
"I'm just giving you some room," said Leo. "I'm not going anywhere."
"'Kay," said Piper. The nurse came over with Chris and helped to get Piper situated. Fortunately, it didn't take long for Chris to latch on. Piper would have been content to stay in silence while Chris fed, but the nurse apparently liked chatter. She began to engage Leo in a conversation. Piper let the words flow over her like water, not paying attention, but relishing in the warmth of Leo's voice. Oh how she loved his voice.
"Is this a bad time?" asked Chris. Piper turned and looked at him, speechless. Her son. Her son. Her and Leo's son. Somehow, this fact still hadn't registered.
"Come in," said Phoebe forwardly. Chris stepped into the room looking anxious and Piper fought the urge to run away. "We'll just leave you alone," added Phoebe, and Piper could hear the grin in her voice. Had she been able to stop staring at Chris, she would have slapped her sister. As it was, Phoebe and Paige were gone and the door was closed before Piper could blink.
Chris laughed nervously, averting his—Leo's—blue eyes. "I take it they told you," he said.
"Yeah," said Piper, unable to stop gaping. Chris gave another self-conscious laugh and ran a hand through his hair the way she had seen Leo do a hundred times. How had she missed it? Here, confronted with the truth, every single thing about Chris seemed to scream that he was part of the family. His gestures a mix of Leo and her father. Her dark hair on his head. Prue's convictions. Paige's forthrightness, though with the expectation that no explanation was needed to follow his demands. Phoebe was the only one she couldn't see imprinted clearly, but perhaps that was why he had been able to go to her first. Because they weren't so much alike. Or maybe they were in ways Piper couldn't see yet.
And God, his determination to save the family. So like her. He had the same obvious marks of grief in his speech and looks and actions that she did. Who had he lost to cause that? And did he suffer from depression as she did? Had he gotten help for it—surely she had insisted that he must.
How had she missed it? He was half-witch, half-Whitelighter for heaven's sake; how many of those possibly existed?
When Chris was done feeding, the nurse took him from her and left her alone with Leo. Piper leaned back against her pillows, still exhausted, but unwilling to take her eyes off of the man she loved. She couldn't quite believe that Leo was still here. She had expected him to be gone by the time she woke up, but not for the same reason she would have thought that just twenty-four hours ago.
In the past year and a half, Leo had abandoned her more than once for reasons she still didn't know. As a result, she had been furious, insecure, depressed, bitter, hesitant and generally unhappy. At the moment, however, everything she had felt about her relationship with Leo since he had left flew out of the window. Yes, he had gone and she didn't know why. But she finally understood that whatever the reason, he felt that he had been doing what was right for the family. Everything had been for her and the kids. She knew that now without a doubt; Leo had proven that today.
"Are you okay?" asked Chris. "I can leave." He turned to do so, and Piper called out, "No! Wait!" Chris turned slowly and bit his lip.
"I'm sorry," said Piper. "I just… I'm trying to wrap my head around this. I can't believe I didn't realize." How did she not realize?
"I'm surprised too," said Chris. "I didn't mean to stay this long and the longer I stayed the more likely it was that I was going to be found out. But only Aunt Phoebe figured it out." Aunt Phoebe. Oh, Lord…
"Well, that's Phoebe for you," said Piper, echoing Chris' nervous laughter from before.
She had still expected Leo to disappear again today though. Mostly, she had been afraid that the Elders would snatch him away from her just as they had the first time she and Leo had tried to marry. He had killed an Elder—for which Piper could not blame him; Gideon had nearly cost Leo his entire family—and the other Elders were certain to be unforgiving. They always were. Since this obviously hadn't happened yet, she simply had to wait for the moment it would and prepare to fight. If they thought she would just let Leo go, they were sadly mistaken.
Another smaller part of her thought that Leo might not have been here when she awoke because he had been acting so insecure. He seemed to be questioning everything: his faith in the Elders; his belief in sixty-some years of work; even his worthiness to be allowed back into the family. She knew already, just looking at him, that this was not something that was going to go away easily. Leo was teetering on the edge of something dangerous. Something with the potential to destroy him.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," said Chris. He looked genuinely guilty about this fact and Piper felt a surge of anger at herself. Every horrible thing she had said to Chris, every nasty thing she had done came flooding back into memory. What kind of mother was she? Even if she hadn't know—hadn't trusted him—she should have somehow felt that connection.
"Don't apologize," said Piper. "I'm sure you had your reasons."
Chris shrugged and looked at the floor for a moment. "I feel like I've made a mess of everything," he said. "And I can't explain to you why I feel that way because I'll give away too much of the future, but I want you to know that I really tried my best. And I'm sorry for screwing up."
"You don't have to apologize," said Piper again. "You're trying to help the family. Obviously. I should be apologizing to you. I've been… I've done…some terrible things to you over the past ten months. And I'm really, really sorry for that."
"You didn't know," said Chris. "And I probably deserved it half of the time anyway. I should have known…" He trailed off and Piper wondered what it was that he should have known. Chris didn't elaborate, though.
"Leo?" said Piper.
"Hmm?" said Leo. He leaned forward in his seat and took her hand. "What is it?" he asked.
"Will you come home?" she asked.
Leo averted his eyes and Piper ran a thumb over his palm, in no hurry for him to answer. She would wait an eternity for this.
"I shouldn't, Piper," said Leo. "You're better off without me."
"No I'm not," said Piper. She was surprised at the calm that seemed to have temporarily settled over her. She was so very rarely calm. "Leo, I don't know how to prove to you that I need you. That the kids need you. You saved all of our lives today. You've saved me a hundred times over. I wouldn't have survived Prue's death without you. You know that."
"I know that you've only known that you're my mom for about fifteen minutes now," said Chris. "But do you think… It's been so long, and I just…" He sighed. "Nevermind."
Chris turned to leave again and Piper stepped forward, reaching out a hand towards him and then pulling it back, hesitant. "Wait," she said. "What is it?"
Chris shut his eyes, clearly unsure, and then said, "Could I have a hug?"
"I don't know much of anything anymore, Piper. I couldn't even save Chris. He came back to save the family. He shouldn't have had to do that at all. I should have been able to protect the family from whatever happened."
"You've got to forgive yourself, Leo," said Piper. "I love you too much to watch you self-destruct this way."
"Maybe I'm just seeing things clearly for the first time."
Piper's eyes went wide and for a moment she stood frozen. Chris opened his eyes and saw her clearly indecisive face and his own face crumpled in pain. "Nevermind," he said. "It's stupid—"
No, thought Piper, she was the one being stupid. Without another thought, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her son. For a moment, he didn't respond, but then he returned the embrace. The hug lasted several minutes; Chris seemed unable to let go. When he finally stepped back, Piper could see that he was crying.
"Thanks," said Chris. "I've missed that." He smiled and then turned and left the room without another word.
"Leo Wyatt," said Piper, "stop thinking that way right now. You're going to get through this. You're going to get past this. I'll help you in any way I can."
"I'll just bring you down with me, Piper. Can't you see that?"
Piper shook her head. "I gave up on you once, Leo. It's a mistake I'll never make again. So one way or another, whether you like it or not, you're stuck with me. I'm going to help you through this, just like you've helped me so many times before. So even if you feel like you can't come home right now, I want you to know that the door is always open. I'm always here and I'm always willing to help. Because I love you, so much."
"I love you too," said Leo.
Piper smiled. "And that's enough," she said. "That's everything."
A/n: This chapter went through major cosmetic surgery. It was originally about two and a half pages long and entirely from Leo's point of view. And actually, a lot less heavy. But after I wrote chapters fifteen (which was originally to be from Leo's point of view) and sixteen, I knew I had to change this one. I figured that since the song is a duet that it made sense to have the chapter from two points of view. I also decided to run with the theme of Piper giving up that I began in ch. fifteen, primarily because there is such a change in her behavior with Leo between season six and season seven. I wanted to expand on the reasons why, and to show how she finally forgave Leo for everything that happened.
Some of you might recognize the Leo/Chris conversation as reminiscent of a short that I wrote in my series of vignettes, "Moments in Time." I like this version much better (thank goodness my writing has improved), but a little bit of the dialogue is directly from that other piece.
I hope that the italicized sections weren't too distracting. I began by simply wanting to include an explanation as to why Leo left (since Piper harps on it so) and then decided to expand it. If there is ever a section to specifically include Chris, this is it. And he deserves a shout-out in one of the season six pieces, since he was behind so much of what went on that season.
So I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. Thank you so much for the reviews. I truly, truly appreciate them.
Katie
A/n 2: piperloveleoalways suggested in her review of the last chapter that I change the rating of this story from M to T. I'm torn about it though: most of the story is definitely T, but there are a couple of sections I'm unsure about. So I'd like to ask the opinion of the reviewers, who are so kind to stick with this story.
Should I change the rating of this story to T? Thanks for any feedback.
Katie