A/N: Another hard chapter for me to write – what's wrong with me lately? Anyway, I'm sorry that this chapter took so long to put up; I was just really super busy these past few days, and I wasn't able to update. But here's Chapter 16! In this one, Peter is brought back and even has his own scene, Regina is being a brat again, Lily's still trying to recover from Saturday, Remus is a topic of discussion, Snape has bugs in his pants (no, I didn't forget about that!), and James is completely confused out his mind. Haha, enjoy!

Lily

December 20th

Dear Diary,

I had thought that, even though I had ruined my Saturday night, the school would have forgotten about that – or at least gotten over it – and allowed me to live my life again.

I had thought very wrong.

This morning, when I walked into Transfiguration, I went in cautiously, my eyes resting on each person for only a second to see if they would react differently. They didn't even look at me; perfect. I strode to the seat in the back of the room and took out my materials, relieved. About five minutes later, I saw Kyleigh enter the classroom. I saw me – I know she did – but she acted as though she hadn't. She took a seat near the front; the farthest one from me. I tried not to be upset about it, but it was with considerable difficulty that I ignored her.

Leila came in shortly after, and to my very great surprise, she took the seat beside me. I was about to ask her why she was there, but she silenced me and began to speak.

"Look Lil, I'm really sorry about Saturday," she said to me in a rushed undertone, her voice throbbing with sincerity as she tried to get her words out. "The way I saw it, Kyleigh was right. But then I watched how much travesty you've been taking lately, and I knew that no matter what you did, you didn't deserve to be treated that way. Can you forgive me?"

It was a hasty apology; I acknowledged that, and I accepted that. I was a bit naive and vulnerable at that point in time, and her words just meant more to me than I could describe. Grateful for even the slightest attempt at friendship, I gave her the first small smile I had worn for a few days, and said, "Yes, of course. Thank you."

Leila smiled back at me, and took out her books to set them up; we were cleared, and we were friends again, which made my heart lift more than I could tell her. I gave her a full smile before pulling out my essay to hand in. Leila presented me with hers and I passed both of them up front, elated that I finally had someone who cared. There was nothing more wonderful than a friend who could express regret for an error and come crawling into your hole to be with you, and in time, save you.

After class was over, Leila and I walked down to our next subject, complaining about the difficulty of the day's lesson. As we made our way down to the corridor, however, I saw James and Peter talking quietly to each other. There were several things wrong with that picture; first of all, James Potter never talked quietly – he was one of the loudest boys in our year, and knew it. Second of all, Peter was not his second hand man – Sirius was (m y stomach lurched again as I thought of Sirius). Third of all, James actually looked worried, which was unusual, bearing in mind that he had a self-esteem the size of our universe. I pointed these observations out to Leila, but she wasn't as confused or anxious as I was.

"Don't worry about it, Lils," she said dismissively. "James has been a little off since Saturday, but it's not that big of a deal."

"He has?" Though I passionately loathed James, I didn't want to be the one responsible for making him act differently through my many mistakes.

"Yeah, but I'm sure he's fine," Leila said soothingly. "You know James; he bounces right back up."

I didn't say anything, apprehensive for some reason. James did bounce back fast, but that wasn't the problem; the problem was how awful I suddenly felt for what had happened on Saturday. My pity comes little bits at a time; I had been feeling increasingly sorrier since the night itself, and then, while I was talking to Leila, the entire package just hit me and it felt like it was killing me inside. I had to wonder though; why was it all for James? Why wasn't it for the best friend I had hurt? Why James? He had only been dragged into the conversation by Kyleigh, who had only wanted another nasty thing to throw at me, so why did I feel that way?

"He's probably just freaked out about Regina still," Leila told me under her breath, breaking my confused quiet. "They had a huge episode earlier."

"What was it about?" I hadn't gone to breakfast; I had slept in a little and gone straight to first period.

"She kind of spazzed out about his infatuation with you," Leila said confidentially. "'Intentional treachery and despicable unfaithfulness' was what she called it." She snorted. "It's nothing – she's just pissed that she can't have exactly what she wants like she normally does. Spoiled bitch."

"Great; something else that's my fault!" I groaned. "Leila, do you realize that I'm accountable for most of our year not speaking to me, Sirius being awkward for the first time in his flirtatious life, Remus having a crush on me, being a bad girlfriend to Chris, Snape having a crush on me, and making James miserable?"

"Wow," Leila said after a moment of digesting this. "Lily, I don't know what you're doing this year – it's obviously different from before, considering what's going on right now."

"I wish I knew as well," I sighed as we walked away from James and Peter. "I don't understand this. Why can't boys just ignore me like they did when we were younger? Life was much easier when they thought we had cooties."

"We've always told you that you were beautiful, Lily," Leila said. "People are only just realizing it. But James – James saw it all along, even when no one else did, and that's probably one of the best things about him."

"What?" No; James couldn't have seen any beauty in me because he was the least observant person on the planet.

"James knew that you were beautiful inside and out when we first met him," Leila explained. "He doesn't show it much, but he sees things differently, Lily; he's a sensitive person."

"I can think of many adjectives to describe James, and sensitive is not one of them," I said. "Besides, how do you know all of this if he doesn't show it?"

"There are just some things you know, Lils," Leila said mysteriously as she held the classroom door open for me. I looked at her curiously as we went to find seats together, but she just smiled and shrugged.

Charms, where we were at, was always a good place to chat, so Leila and I continued our analysis of James and whether or not he was as sensitive as Leila claimed he was – guess who took what side. Haha. After a little while though, Leila had to go to the bathroom, and I was left alone. But, of course, it wasn't for long – James joined me the moment Leila was out of the door.

"Hey Lils," he greeted me cheerfully.

"I've told you before that you can not call me Lils," I snapped. "Lily is my name; Lily Evans."

"I know your name," James informed me. "I expect that most of the school has heard it more than once since Saturday night, wouldn't you say?"

"Oh, so you came to mock me too? Get a number," I moaned.

"No, I'm not going to mock you," he said. "I only want to ask what the hell was going through your mind over there; what possessed you to kiss my best friend?"

"He wanted to and I agreed," I said waspishly.

"I've wanted to go out with you hundreds of times before, but you never agreed to that," James pointed out. "What does Sirius have that I don't?" He sounded as though he was about to take mental notes or something; he sounded pretty desperate, so I wasn't sure how to respond.

"Look James, it never meant anything," I said. "It was just one kiss; it won't mean much to Sirius, and it won't change my opinion of him."

"It was still a kiss," he insisted. "I've tried to give you one countless times over the years and you go with Sirius's first attempt; that isn't fair."

"Hasn't anyone ever told you? Life isn't fair," I said. "You're dating Regina Masters, for example; lots of guys would kill to spend just five minutes with her."

"Regina isn't my girlfriend," James said sharply, startling me with the amount of detestation in his voice. "I don't know what she's telling people, but she's really not my girlfriend. As far as anyone else is concerned, I don't have steady girlfriend right now, and there's only one I really want to fill that position." His eyes flicked hopefully onto mine.

In actuality, I wasn't really sure what caused my words to come out so harshly. I guess it had just been the arrogance of it all; he had the most desired girl in our year, yet he seemed to hate it, and was trying to drop hints at me – plain old me. He was probably trying to mock me – I'd seen this tactic before, and it only just screamed egotism in every second of it. Ungratefulness and haughtiness at those levels just bothered me to no end, and I had little patience with James anyway, so the combination made for an extra-irritated me, and a hurt, shocked James.

"Yeah, whatever," I said as I rolled my eyes. "You're dating Regina, and quite frankly, I couldn't care less about you not having the steady girlfriend of your dreams."

"Lil, please; one chance is all I ask for. I'm not going to grovel, but I only want one date," James said, recovering from my snappiness much quicker than I would have expected. His voice definitely had a cooled edge to it, but his eyes begged me to agree, though his statement did not.

"No," I repeated, a little more gentle after hearing the obvious plea in his tone. "I'm not interested, James; stop trying to harass me."

He opened his mouth to say something else, but right at that moment, Leila walked in and took her seat back.

"Hi James, hi Lily," she said brightly, her eyes resting on James for just a fraction of a second longer.

"Hi Leila." James sounded very exasperated – more than usual – and it was enough to make even air-headed (but sweet) Leila take notice.

"I'm so sorry; am I interrupting something?" she asked, looking from him to me, her eyes wide and looking for answers.

"No," James said. "No, I was leaving anyway. Bye." The word was said to both of us, but it was me that James looked at for just a little bit extra before he left. When he was safely out of earshot though, Leila turned to me and demanded at once that I tell her what we had been talking about.

Sighing with resignation – I knew she would never let me rest until she had knowledge so sought-after in her head for future usage – I told her the entire story. When I finished, she was shaking her head as though I was a completely lost cause.

"Lily, you blew it!" she said. "You should have said yes. James may not have admitted to it, but he was begging you to go out with him. Begging you! But you still said no to him, and there is something deeply wrong with that."

"Leila, he isn't my type," I explained. "I don't like him! I don't want to get his hopes high with a date and then crush him. Even to me, that is inexcusably malicious."

"You never know, Lils; he may actually be your type," she said. "Face it – you don't know him as well as you think you do, and maybe if you did, you would like him."

"Like you so wisely put it before, Leila; there are just some things you know," I said just as the bell rang.

The two of us ambled out of the classroom together, still arguing about James, when Severus Snape came up to talk to me. Leila looked at him, then at my grief-stricken expression, and said, "I'll see you later." She looked close to laughter, but left me there with Snape and ran ahead; I had no choice but to curse Leila in my mind and walk with him.

"I've been hearing a lot of rumors about you, Lily," he said. "I heard that you had to kiss Sirius Black on Saturday night. I felt so bad for you."

My common sense told me never to reveal that I had secretly enjoyed kissing Sirius, so I merely said, "Yes, I did kiss Sirius. Thank you for your concern."

"It must have been dreadful," he went on. "Is it true that Caroline or whatever your friend's name was liked him, and you knew?"

"Her name is Kyleigh, and I really don't want to talk about this right now," I said, my voice a little shorter than usual.

"I only wanted to know if the rumors were true."

"I'm pretty sure that they were fairly accurate," I said brusquely, loathing the truth in my own statement.

"I don't think it was your fault," Severus confided in me. "You're too rational and good-natured."

"Thank you," I said, though there was a bit of question in the way I said it; Snape almost never paid anyone a compliment. I didn't expect one from him because of that, especially since I was Muggleborn.

"Well, I'd best be off," said Snape, turning a corner as I went straight. "I have to stop for something. Bye."

I waved half-heartedly, but didn't say anything as I went to find Leila. I did find her eventually, and she found my conversation with Snape hilarious. She thought his attention was cute, even though he was not cute himself, but I thought that the situation was mortifying. Something had to be done about Severus, but I would deal with it later – I was a little busy for the time being.

So my day pretty much sucked, as you can see. I felt pity towards James for constantly losing my interest, which was different in an alarming way and Snape was quite a troubling issue of his own. Not only that, but I think I'm in love with Remus; he's pretty good-looking, not to mention hard-working and decent, but falling in love is the last thing I can afford to do right now, especially since he may not return the feeling. You know, I've also recently realized that all of these emotions might not even be love! Confusing lust and love is one of the direst mistakes a girl could make, and I didn't want to make it over Remus. Love/lust are/is the most confusing thing I can possibly feel – I hate it about as much as I hate James.

I know that not having my Charms homework done only adds to my situation, so I reckon that it's time I go deal with that side of life. If I want to live a happy, successful life, I need to go and do the rest of my responsibilities. I'll write again soon – with the way things are going for me right now, I daresay something big will happen in the near future that will merit pulling you, my diary, out to save me once again.

James

December 21st

Dear Diary,

I'm writing at about four in the morning, and yesterday just about killed me.

Now, it isn't often that I say something like that, though it's becoming more and more frequent this year, but it's true – it was another one of those days where I discover that I'm still capable of crying, yet I have the astounding self-control not to. Lily Evans really does know how to torture a guy.

It all started at breakfast that morning. I was sitting peacefully, eating with Sirius, Peter, and Remus. Peter was finally over his cold, and joined us, fully into his eggs, laughing at Sirius's porridge-eating habits. Sirius has the remarkable ability to inhale porridge – no joke; he actually gets it up his nose and eats it that way. Remus finds it disgusting and refuses to watch, but Peter and I always cheer him on. Sirius was doing it like he normally did, minding his own business, when Regina marched up to us.

"James, why aren't you sitting with me?" she inquired. "You are supposed to be sitting with me, your beautiful girlfriend, rather than these three."

"These three happen to be my best friends," I informed her. "I sit with them at breakfast every day, no matter who I'm going out with. Or didn't you know?"

She smirked, but smiled her usual dangerously dazzling smile. "I didn't, but now you know how I operate; get up, and I'll show you where I go to eat breakfast."

"No," I said coolly. "Leave me alone, Regina; I'm eating with my friends right now, and I will every other day – that's not going to change."

"Yeah, bug off, Gina," Sirius cut in unexpectedly, inhaling more porridge.

Regina threw Sirius a filthy look, but looked mostly at me. "Oh, and I suppose if Evans asked you to sit with her, you would?"

"How did Lily enter the conversation?" Peter asked. "She's not here right now. She wouldn't be, after Saturday."

"I remember how he looked at her the other day in class," Regina insisted. "She's taking my boyfriend from me! I can see it! I need to know that he's still loyal to me, and that's why he must sit with me right now."

"Geez, James; you really know how to pick the psycho girls," Sirius commented as he took some more porridge and stuffed it into his nostrils.

Regina glared at him icily. "How can I be psycho when you are putting breakfast into your nose?"

"This is perfectly normal, thank you very much," Sirius said resentfully. "Every fifteen year old boy should be able to put porridge into his nostrils, and if he can't, he is a failure."

At this, an anxious Peter took some porridge and tried to put it up his nose. Regina looked at him with revulsion, but Peter was able to somehow get it in and keep it in. He beamed at Sirius, who looked quite shocked, and said, "I'm not a failure, am I, Sirius?"

"Erm, no, of course not," Sirius said, looking at Peter as though he had never seen anything quite like him before.

"Good," Peter said, satisfied, as he put more porridge in his nose. "You know, this is pretty fun."

Remus looked as though he was about to puke. "Please Peter; stop that."

"I want to try!" I said at once, grabbing a handful of porridge and sticking it into my nose. I gave a hearty sniff, and said, "Hey, this is fun! Peter's right!"

"I know!" Sirius said enthusiastically, putting more up his own nose. Then he saw Regina, looking a little pale, and offered her a handful of porridge. "Would you like to try?"

"No!" Regina screeched at the top of her lungs for everyone to hear. "James Potter, you are the WORST boyfriend in the world! You are NOT supposed to be putting porridge in your nose, and you are supposed to be sitting with ME rather than with these…these…these fools!"

People were staring at her now, but she liked attention; it always drove her forward. She went on yelling, enjoying the hushed whispers starting to go around. "James, you are way too obsessed with this stupid Evans girl. This is intentional treachery and despicable unfaithfulness towards who should be the only woman in your life; you need to stop being so in love with that boyfriend-stealing bitch!"

I couldn't let her refer to Lily like that; I stood up at my full height and declared, "You can say what you want about me, but when you insult Lily Evans, that's where I draw the line."

"Why, because you're in love with her?" she asked mockingly.

"Yes," I said, loudly and clearly so that no one would miss it. "I'm in love with her, and that's why you can't say a word against her."

"Well, I'm not your girlfriend, not her," Regina said. "I can call her whatever I want to!"

"Gina, I don't know who you think you are, but you're not going to be a dictator over my life," I countered angrily. "I can like who I want, and I can sit by who I want; I shouldn't need your permission for any of that. Quit being such a bloody bitch and leave me alone."

The room began to 'oooh' as I said that. Regina looked like might explode with fury, and yelled, "You need to be a better boyfriend, James Potter. Stop obsessing over Evans! She doesn't even like you! She was making out with your best friend a few days back, if you do recall."

I chose to ignore her last sentence, but said back, "I will obsess over Lily if I want to, and you can't stop me." Arguing with her was such a waste of time; I just got up and left – it was nearly time for Transfiguration anyway. I went in, pretended that I cared about what McGonagall was babbling about, and just thought about Lily. I was guilty of doing that far too much.

I loved her, I thought as I took a note or two. I really did. She was beautiful, she was clever, she was sweet; what was there not to love? She was confident, she was energetic, she was charming, and most of all, she never let life get the better of her. She kept her head up high and lived life normally, even if her Saturday night had gone horribly. She was truly amazing, and I admired that; she was the only one on earth who could make me a better person, and I knew it. I mean, yeah, I'm fantastic, but she could make me something more – she was everything I needed, and for that, I loved her. The problem was that I didn't know how to make her see it; she didn't know what I really was, and therefore, she couldn't love me back. It was beyond maddening.

After class, Peter and I walked out to go to Charms together. Sirius was walking with his current girlfriend, Veronica, who had received the honor of being Conquest #54, and Remus insisted that he needed to be alone with his thoughts. I seriously think that he loves her, and that was troubling me. I decided to take desperate measures – I had to act, and this idea was my last resort.

"Peter," I began as we strolled down the corridor in the direction of the Charms hallway. "I don't know what to do about Remus and Evans. Sirius has already given me some rubbish advice, so I'm hoping you have something better to say."

"What do you mean, 'advice on Remus and Evans'?" Peter asked. "Do they like each other or something?"

"Yeah, they do," I said. "You missed a lot when you were sick. But I have evidence that they're in love, and it's freaking me out – I desperately want her to love me, not Moony."

"You should tell Moony that," Peter said. "He's all rational – he'll respect your wishes and back off."

"I want to do that, but at the same time, I don't," I said, frustrated. "Should I?"

"Yeah," Peter said. "Either that, or you can string him up by his ankles in Lily's dormitory with a sign that says 'Regards from James Potter' like you did to her other crushes last year."

I smiled reminiscently, remembering the insanities I had put together the previous year. "Oh – that. Ha, that was funny. People left her alone, but then she thought that she was ugly and not worth the time of guys in our year, so I had to leave them alone this year."

"Moony wouldn't even look at her again if you did that," Peter said, grinning.

"Chris has thankfully left her alone, so I don't have to deal harshly with him, but Remus is one of my best friends, which makes this so much harder," I said, contemplating the situation. "This absolutely stinks."

"He's not really your best friend if he tries to take your crush; he's your competitor, and your enemy," Peter pointed out. "Are you going to let him take Lily from you?"

"He hasn't made a move yet though – he didn't her out or anything," I reasoned. "I suppose I can just leave it for now, and only take action if I have to."

"So why did you ask me for advice?" Peter inquired.

"To see if your thoughts differ from mine," I said, shrugging. "It's just that I don't want to be more of a jerk – that was why Lily didn't like me before."

"I guess," Peter said, shrugging as well. "But I like the ankle idea still."

"To your best friend?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing; Peter wanted me to use my evil punishment on good old dependable Moony?!

"Well, he's not your best friend in such a situation," Peter said. "He's not playing fair by taking your girl – why should you?"

I nodded slowly, seeing the truth in his statement. "I suppose you're right, for once, but I'm not going to do anything to Lily's crushes that will make her hate me more."

"Okay," said Peter. "Good luck." He walked into the Charms room, where I saw Leila and Lily talking together. It made me ache all over to see her so peaceful and happy when I felt like I was losing myself for her. I sat down, thinking about how her face glowed when she smiled and dreaming that she would some day look at me like that. Class began, and again, I only pretended to work – I couldn't focus on anything but Lily.

I had a stroke of good luck when Leila left the room to go to the bathroom; I got right up and went over to Lily, seeking an opportunity to ask her about the disastrous events of Saturday night – I had to know if she really did fancy Sirius.

I won't go into all of the details, since they're mostly Lily trying to avoid me, but one thing keeps bothering me, even as I write at this very moment; it was how Lily was under the impression that I was dating Regina. I wasn't dating anybody, as far as the student body was concerned, which I told her, but she didn't believe me – she was quite annoyed, to be honest, and I couldn't imagine why. She did, however, soothe me by saying that she wasn't going to change her opinion about Sirius after just one kiss – it was good to know that she only liked one of my best friends rather than two of them. Though the information helped, it was the only calming thing she said to me.

Our conversation was not a good one, but it was, unfortunately, cut short by Leila's reappearance. I swear; that girl is out to ruin my life or something. But I left, carrying the broken shards of my hopes for her with me, and I didn't see her again all day.

The rest of my afternoon was pretty uneventful – I just spent the time looking for bugs by the greenhouses. I had not forgotten my idea to put bugs in Snape's pants for trying to get to my girl, so I needed my materials for the operation I had planned. I found plenty of really gross ones this afternoon, which was excellent, and I stashed them all in a jar in my dormitory; I would need them later at night. Sirius and Peter were in on the idea, but Remus wasn't; we chose not to tell him because he would try to stop us, which we didn't want at all – Snape's misery was like a game of Quidditch for us.

After it was time to go to bed, Remus felt his usual little change coming on, so we four all snuck out to the Shrieking Shack to transform. Once we were in, Sirius nudged me, and I said, "Hey Moony, I'll be right back."

Remus grunted in reply, and I snuck back out to the school, grabbed my bugs from my dormitory, and ran to the Slytherin area of the school. I held my nose as I did, since the halls reeked of Slytherin filth, and forced my way into the fifth year boy's dormitory as a stag. I padded into the room, and immediately, I spotted Snivelly. He was asleep, his oily hair flopping all over his pillow; his blankets were covering most of him, giving him the look of a greasy rat hiding in its little hole. I chuckled to myself, lifted the covers gingerly, and took a deep breath; this was going to be mentally scarring, but definitely worth it.

Snape was wearing a plain gray pair of pajama pants with a plain gray shirt – original, I know – and they were very loose, which made my job easier. I opened the lid of the jar, and, carefully, I tipped it into Snape's pants. The tiny bugs I had laboriously stuffed into the jar began crawling into his underpants, exploring the area, and I grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill. I scribbled the message I had wanted to write, Keep out of my girl's pants and I'll keep the bugs out of yours, and kept it on his bedside table where he would see it. The moment he began to wriggle with discomfort, I grinned and snuck out of the dormitory. I transformed back into a stag and galloped at full speed to the Shrieking Shack.

"It's done," I whispered to Sirius and Peter.

"Oh good," Sirius whispered back. "What do you two saying to going in early and just happening to be nearby when he starts dancing like a crazed clockwork toy?"

"I would ask what we were still doing here," Peter said, beaming. "Off we go. I'll make the excuse to Remus – you two go."

"All right," I agreed. "C'mon, Padfoot."

We tore off to the school, racing each other, and Peter began to talk to werewolf-Remus. Sirius went to the Slytherin area, which was conveniently located near the kitchens, and I followed close behind. We wordlessly agreed to use the excuse of a midnight snack if someone asked why we were there, and we began to spy on the Slytherin portrait hole, listening intently for any sign that my prank had succeeded.

We were rewarded for our patience; screams and shouts that could only come from Snivelly began to erupt from behind the wall, and Sirius and I high-fived each other, pleased. Peter turned up soon after, breathless from running, and we all three listened lovingly to Snape freaking out and waking up his entire house. Many swear words were said as more people were roused, and a growing amount of laughs were heard as the problem was pinpointed – once the Slytherins knew that Snape had bugs in his pants, they began to howl with laughter, and didn't even try to help him. We could tell, since Snape wouldn't stop screaming for a few hours until he had gotten all the bugs out.

Wiping away our tears of laughter, Sirius, Peter, and I walked back to our own dormitory, exhausted but delighted with the night's prank. I took this stupid book out, and I wrote everything that had happened – it had all been quite a to-do, and we had thoroughly enjoyed it. Putting those bugs in Snape's pants had definitely helped me feel a little bit better about Lily, but I still get a knot in my stomach when I think about how much I love her, and how ignorant she is to that fact. Happiness and hopelessness, joy and gloom, love and hate; wasn't that just how the world worked now, coupling opposites together to torture everyone?

Either way, I'm too exhausted to be philosophical; good night, horrible diary which seems to be my best friend somehow. I'll hopefully never write in you again, even though I probably will anyway.

Well, I hope you enjoyed that! Leave me a review and let me know, 'kay? xD Chapter 17 will be up as soon as I can get it. :)