A/N: All right, well, this chapter did not go the way I planned it to go originally, but I think you'll probably enjoy this version of it. :D Anyway, this chapter features a very thoughtful James – one that you're not used to, since he's never done what is going to happen before – and a very confused Lily (again). So…enjoy!

Lily

December 25th

Dear Diary,

I know that Christmas is a generally happy time of year, but my Christmas was anything but merry. It was more screwy, to say the very least; fate doesn't believe in giving me a happy ending.

I woke up this morning to intense sunshine, lots of snow piled up on my window, and the shouts of James's crew in the common room. I yawned, rolled out of bed, tied my hair into a knot since it was frizzy, and padded downstairs in my slippers.

Kyleigh, James, Sirius, Peter, Remus, and Leila were all sitting on the sofas with their stockings, sifting through their gifts, and telling each other what they got. I came down uncertainly when I saw Kyleigh there, but I took my stocking and settled down in my favorite chair in the corner.

James saw me first and yelled, "Come sit here, Lil!" He pushed Peter off the spot that was next to him and patted it, obviously wanting me to sit there.

"Thanks a lot, James," Peter mumbled as he pulled up another chair for himself.

"No thank you," I said timidly. "I'm fine here."

"Don't be stupid," he said, patting the seat next to him more insistently. "Come here!"

I had no choice; I took my stocking with me and sat next to him, blushing profusely. James looked mighty pleased by the small distance between us, and began to go into his stocking.

"Merry Christmas, Lily," Remus said courteously, smiling at me.

"Hey, Merry Christmas, Lils!" Leila said, waving to me.

"Oh yeah, Merry Christmas, Evans," Sirius added through a mouthful of chocolate.

I did notice that Kyleigh said nothing to me. I also noticed that my present was sitting on the ground next to her chair; she had not yet opened it, and if she intended to, she was waiting till the end.

"What's in your mouth?" I asked Sirius.

"Honeydukes chocolate," he said after an enormous swallow. "I got a box from Remus and I needed to start it right now – it was calling to me."

"Couldn't you at least eat in a more civilized manner?" Remus requested. "I even put that in your card – eat it nicely."

"Did you?" Sirius pulled out a crumpled, obviously unread card out of his stocking and scanned it. "Oh, ha, right there. Sorry."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I should have known that I would have to put the card in the box itself, otherwise you wouldn't see it."

"Sirius!" Kyleigh scolded. "Don't chomp like that. It's driving me crazy."

"How so?" Sirius asked with a grin.

"Both ways," Kyleigh answered, smiling flirtatiously.

"What do you say to a special Christmas present tonight in my dormitory?"

"I say that you need to tell me the time, and I'll be there," Kyleigh said, her grin menacing, in a way.

"Deal." Sirius saluted her and stuffed more chocolate into his mouth while the rest of us gagged.

"Open mine first, Lily," Leila said, turning her attention to me then. "It's the one wrapped in gold."

I looked in my stocking, pulled out the gold package, and unwrapped it carefully. In it, I found a clingy black shirt with a deep neck and little room to breathe, which appeared to stop short of my belly button. Sirius saw it and wolf-whistled.

"I can't wait to see you wear that, Evans," he said.

I threw him a dirty look and said, "Leila, it's lovely, but I don't have any place to wear it. The teachers will murder me if I wear this around the school."

"It's for parties," Leila said, smiling. "Like the one that we're going to have for New Year's!"

"Oh," I said, trying not to look too horror-struck. "Thanks for the shirt though." I hugged her, put the shirt back in the wrapping, and put it down next to me.

Peter tore open a parcel and announced that it contained chocolate. "Thanks James!" he said, opening it and munching on a few pieces.

"No problem, Peter," James said, grinning. "All of you – open your black one."

There was a moment of quiet as all of us began to sift through our presents and take out the black one. I was rather touched, to be honest; James had bought me a Christmas present, and I had refused to buy him a thing. I opened the paper more carefully than I would have for any other gift, and discovered a small, thin box. I took off the lid and gasped; he had bought me a bracelet.

It wasn't just any bracelet either – it was solid gold, thin, and very feminine. Intricate threads had been skillfully woven to make a beautiful design, and miniature lily charms hung off of it every few inches. It was the most gorgeous thing I had ever owned, and it was James who had given it to me. He was looking at me expectantly, as though waiting for me to say something, but when I was about to, Leila saw the bracelet.

"What a buy, James!" she squealed, taking it from me and looking at it. "Lily, that's amazing!"

"Holy shit, James," Sirius said, leaning over and looking at it as well. "How much did you spend on it?"

"I can't tell you that," James said, starting to go red in the face.

"Under or over fifty Galleons?"

"Over," James said nearly inaudibly, his ears so red they looked infected.

"I WIN!" Sirius shouted with joy. "Peter, you owe me ten Galleons!"

"Damn you," Peter mumbled, handing Sirius the money.

"Were you betting on how much I would spend on Lily?" James asked.

"Yeah," Sirius said. "Sorry, mate; couldn't resist. And I won!"

While Sirius did his victory dance in front of Peter, Remus opened more presents, and Kyleigh and Leila inspected my bracelet, James looked to me; his eyes were so open and childlike, they made my heart ache.

"Do you like it?" he asked.

"Yes," I said truthfully. "It's the most stunning thing anyone's ever given me. But really; why did you spend so much on me?"

"Because you're worth it," he said. "And because I'm sorry for always bothering you. You never let me say what I wanted to say, so I needed your attention – I got it, and that was the purpose."

I bit my lip. "Well, thank you; so much."

He smiled. "I'm glad you liked it."

I felt like such a horrible, worthless person at that point; James had bought me such an extravagant Christmas present, and I had not bought him anything. There was only one thing he wanted from me, and I decided to give it to him; I owed him that much, didn't I?

"I have something for you too, but it's not something I could wrap," I said.

"What is it?" He was curious; of course he was.

I took a deep breath of preparation, closed my eyes, and kissed him very gently on his lips.

It was the strangest sensation, kissing James; I had given him a five second kiss – two seconds of a light touch, one second of pressure, and two more seconds of a light touch – yet it felt like it had lasted much longer. It was soft, but soaring and wonderful; I'm getting butterflies as I write this now, though it's been hours since the actual kiss. I felt incomparable warmth when we had been connected together that way, and I knew that I liked it much more than I should.

I pulled away from him very quickly (well, obviously, since it was only a ten second kiss) because I was afraid that he would carry it on for longer than I wanted. However, I looked into his eyes, wanting to see his reaction so that I could note it down for later reference; he looked like he had been clubbed over the head with a lead cauldron, to be quite honest – his face was blank with shock. I myself didn't know what I felt about the kiss, so I watched him try to regain his composure.

"Thank you," James said eventually. "That…that was the best Christmas present I've ever received."

I smiled shyly. "Glad you liked it."

He looked shaken, and I could feel my knees wanting to give out; I took my stocking, muttered a quick Merry Christmas to everyone in the room, snatched my bracelet from Leila, and ran to my dormitory like the coward I knew I was. I tried to regain normal breathing, but I couldn't; I had just kissed James Potter. I couldn't believe I had kissed James Potter. James Potter. I wanted to pass out and then move to Antarctica; I would never live this one down.

I opened the rest of my gifts in the privacy of my room; Kyleigh had, predictably, sent me nothing, Leila had given me that shirt, Sirius had sent a card with his picture on it, Peter had sent nothing as well, James had given me the bracelet. The last gift I had was covered in silver paper, and I knew it was from Remus. Eagerly, I tore it open and looked inside; there was a note and small bag of Galleons. This was what he had written:

Dear Lily,

I hope you'll forgive me for my lack of feminine knowledge, but I didn't quite know what to get you for Christmas. I enclosed fifteen Galleons for you to get something of your choice. Merry Christmas.

Best wishes,

Remus

Okay, so it wasn't the most romantic letter in the universe, but it was something – he had thought about it and even though he couldn't figure it out, he still gave me something, which meant a lot to me. I put the bag of Galleons into my purse so that I would use it when I next went out, and carefully arranged all my gifts in my trunk; the bracelet, however, I kept with me on the bed – that was one I would definitely wear all the time. I put it on, marveling at the effect it had on my bare, thin wrist – it was so classy, yet so casual at the same time. James really knew how to pick his gifts.

I spent a good long time admiring it – the intricacy, the daintiness, and the fine craftsmanship – and, slowly, my thoughts began to drift to the person who had given it to me. I had not expected something like that from James; I had been quite disarmed when I opened his present. I then thought about the 'present' I had given him back; that kiss. I knew why I had done it – to give him something he'd wanted since we were eleven – but what I didn't know was why I felt the way I did as I recalled the memory.

One might say that after such a wonderful and lovely kiss, I would feel happy about my Christmas. Well, that person would be quite wrong; I'm not at all happy. Why? It's because I can't like James! I like Remus! I have been confused before, and I hate it; I thought I had things under control again, and now I didn't. Life was complicated enough without James screwing it up even more.

I don't know what's going on right now, but whatever it is, I wish it would stop and stay put so that I could figure it out.

James

December 25th

Dear Diary,

This was the best Christmas ever, and in many different ways.

It was absolutely amazing, and quite informative, once I got to the end. I learned things that classes would never teach me, and I think I understand what a miracle truly is, after the day I've had. Light yet deep, this is one Christmas I know I won't forget in a hurry.

Since it was Christmas morning, I ran down to the common room the moment my eyes opened, and dragged my friends with me. I honestly wanted to see Lily's reaction to the gift I had chosen for her; I was sure I had done a great job with it, and I wanted to know if Lily thought the same.

I had bought her this incredible bracelet a few days back for Christmas – I had felt pretty guilty about being such a pain to her all the time, and I thought that maybe if I gave her a really fantastic present, she would kind of forgive me, or at least know I cared about her. So, because of that goal, I went to the jewelry store in Hogsmeade. There, I enlisted the help of a female employee to help me find just the right bracelet – according to her, girls loved bracelets. When I found the gold one I ended up buying, I instantly knew that it was the one I wanted. Better yet, I discovered that you could attach little charms to the ends – there happened to be a huge variety of lilies to choose from. The woman complimented me on my choice of bracelet and charm, and even gave me a special discount on it. That helped – it was about sixty five Galleons normal price.

When I went downstairs, however, Lily was not yet awake; Leila told me so. She, Kyleigh, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I all took our stockings, and settled down in the common room to open them, excited as anything; Christmas was such a fun season.

Sirius was the first to open a parcel, and screamed out, "CHOCOLATE!" Like the dog that he (quite literally) was, he tore the lid off of his box and began to wolf down the pieces of chocolate.

"You're welcome, Sirius," Remus said with a grin.

"Sirius, you are such an animal," Kyleigh said, giggling in her usual flirty way. I wanted to giggle as well; she had no idea how close she was to the truth.

"Remus, copycat, I gave him chocolate as well," Peter whined as he began to open his present from Sirius.

"With Sirius, more is always better anyway," Remus said with a shrug, wincing as Sirius began to eat as loudly as he could. "And chocolate wasn't all I gave him."

Peter nodded, understanding the concept, and opened a box from Remus. He pulled out a homework planner, and gazed at Remus with revulsion. "What's this?"

"Oh, it's a homework planner," Remus explained enthusiastically. "James and Sirius – I got you each one too. You can write down all your assignments in it, and every half hour after you write the assignment, it'll buzz; that way, you remember to do it. You can also plan out your O. W. L. studying pattern."

Sirius's jaw dropped, revealing a mass of half-chewed chocolate. "You expect me to use that?" He gestured to the book, which was sitting, graffitied already, on the ground. "I thought it was to entertain me for a few minutes."

I snickered as I opened mine. "Remus, you're daft; I'm not going to use that. Ever."

Leila opened her gift from Remus and laughed. "You didn't know what to get me, so you gave me fifteen Galleons?"

Kyleigh opened hers as well and held up an identical money bag. "Really, Remus – it was sweet of you to think of us, but it's so impersonal!"

"Shut up, Kyles," Leila said, kicking her. "Don't be ungrateful."

"I don't know what to get a girl," Remus said, blushing.

"You could have asked me," Sirius suggested.

I snorted. "Yeah, like anyone would want to; you'd tell him to buy the tightest dress available so that you would have something to look at."

Peter laughed. "I can see that reasoning." He began to suck on a sugar stick that had been included in his box of chocolates.

Kyleigh threw a crumpled up ball of wrapping paper at Peter. "Sick minded buffoon," she said in an accusatory tone.

"Why, thank you," Peter said, grinning, as he ate some more chocolate.

Kyleigh rolled her eyes, went through her stocking a little more, and uncovered a small box that obviously from Lily – it had 'Merry Christmas from Lily' written on a scrap of parchment on the front. Kyleigh looked extremely embarrassed, but Leila and I looked rather pleased.

"I told you that she would get you something," I said. "Open it."

"She told me that she bought you something, even though you weren't speaking to her," Leila said. "I agree with James – open it."

"The chick's just trying to be nice; give her a break," Sirius said lazily while selecting another sweet to consume. "It's Christmas."

"Just see what it is," Peter advised. "And if you don't like it, you can give it to one of us. If it's candy, give it to me."

Kyleigh sighed. "I'll open it later." She put the box on the ground next to her and began to rip open another parcel.

Leila opened her gift from Lily and squealed, "Look! Socks and earmuffs! And look at the adorable card – it sings Frosty the Snowman!"

Sirius checked his stocking. "I didn't get anything from her."

"I didn't either," Peter said comfortably.

"Neither did I," I said. I tried not to look too disappointed, but it was tough; I had tried so hard to get her the best gift I could, and she hadn't even sent me a card. I attempted to convince myself that she had just forgotten or something, but still, I was a little down as we laughed at Peter's chocolate-covered mouth.

We spent a bit more time chatting about presents and what we would do with them (while Sirius steadily ate his way through his box of chocolate), but eventually, Lily descended down the stairs, looking adorable in her pajamas, rumpled hair, and slippers. I watched her come down kind of hesitantly (because of Kyleigh, I figured), take her stocking, and sit in the corner. I couldn't have that; I convinced her to sit next to me. When she did, I remember smelling that vanilla cream on her again, and wanting to put my arms around her warm, limp figure. What wouldn't I give to love her the way I wanted to?

She ignored me, however; she greeted everyone in the room (besides Kyleigh, of course), watched Kyleigh and Sirius flirt, and discovered the true horror of Sirius's chocolate-eating habits. In time, however, she did get to her gifts; she opened the one from Leila first. When Lily unearthed a revealing, tight-fitting black shirt that Lily was supposed to wear to the New Years Party, Sirius had to really try to hold down his laughter; irony was such fun to encounter at times. Lily wasn't exactly pleased with the gift, but Sirius couldn't help but wolf-whistle and say he couldn't wait to see her in it. She gave him one of her famous 'looks' and told Leila that she loved it, even though she obviously didn't.

I was losing my self control though; I had to see Lily's reaction to the bracelet. Once Peter opened his gift of chocolate from me, I ordered everyone to open the gifts I had given them, my eyes specifically on Lily.

Lily finally opened up her box, and she froze; she was utterly taken aback – perfect. She gazed at it in stupefaction, but after a moment, Kyleigh and Leila pounced on it and began to squeal about how lovely it was.

"How much did you spend on it?" Sirius asked after he took a look; he had been the one I had complained endlessly to when I couldn't find a good gift for Lily, and it was inevitable that he would be curious about it.

"I can't tell you that," I said, feeling myself blush; Lily was in the room! I couldn't say how much I had spent!

"Under or over fifty Galleons?"

"Over," I said as quietly as I could, hoping I didn't look too embarrassed in front of Lily.

"I WIN!" Sirius yelled out happily. "Peter, you owe me ten Galleons!"

"Damn you," Peter said, glowering as he gave Sirius the money.

"Were you betting on how much I would spend on Lily?" I asked.

"Yeah," Sirius said, unrepentant. "Sorry, mate; couldn't resist. And I won!"

The two of them began to argue about their bet then; Kyleigh and Leila were fawning over the bracelet, Remus was trying hard to ignore everything, and Lily was just sitting there, watching as well, with a blush on her cheeks. I decided it was time to take action.

"Do you like it?" I asked.

"Yes," she said, her voice was strong – she truly meant what she was saying, which thrilled me to no end. "It's the most stunning thing anyone's ever given me. But really; why did you spend so much on me?"

"Because you're worth it," I told her, honesty getting the better of me. "And because I'm sorry for always bothering you. You never let me say what I wanted to say, so I needed your attention – I got it, and that was the purpose."

"Well, thank you; so much," said Lily.

"I'm glad you liked it."

"I have something for you too, but it's not something I could wrap," she said.

"What is it?" My lie had been right after all! She did have something for me! I was burning to know what it was.

Lily took a deep breath, seeming to ready herself, and then leaned forward towards me. I couldn't believe it; was she going to kiss me? She was; I couldn't believe it. She came so close, I could hear her breathing; her scent was so gorgeous, I feared that I would go insane. I closed my eyes and waited for her to finally touch me – I had been waiting so long, and here it was; the one thing I couldn't have but wanted most of all.

When her lips touched mine, I knew that I was entering the realms of something unknown. Kisses meant nothing to most teenagers – including me, most of the time – but this wasn't just any kiss. It was real; it had to be. Blood rushed through me, adrenaline flowing at rapid rates, and I wanted to pull her down next to me and do it for hours. It's so difficult to put something so beautiful into words, but it was almost like when you finally scored your first ten points in Quidditch – you had been trying for ages to soften up that Keeper, and when you finally did, the reward of glory and goal-completion was enough to make you go completely mad. I probably sound like a dork, comparing the unsurpassed kissing expertise of Lily Evans with Quidditch, but it's the only way I can think to describe it – Quidditch and Lily are all I live for.

She let go far too quickly; I had my drug, and now that it was taken away, I was left with only the memory of it. She ran upstairs straightaway, leaving me there with my friends; I had never wanted to be with them less, really. To me, the kiss had dragged for such a long, brilliant time, but to them, it hadn't been anything – none of them had even seen it. It was amazing how, only moments before, I had been with those people and enjoyed myself, and now I didn't want them to be there anymore – I wanted them to give me Lily and then leave me alone. I sighed, took my things, and went to my dormitory as well; I would talk to them later, when I was less dazed. Maybe I would even tell them about it. It all depended, really; life seemed to be seen in a new light after my mouth had touched Lily's.

I can't even write anymore; Lily is on my mind still, and I think I'll just dream about her again. I'm feeling so weird – it's like a hangover, changing reality into something you didn't expect. My stomach is still churning, my adrenaline is still pumping, and my mind is still replaying that kiss over and over again; I feel like a new person, somehow, and it all came from five seconds with Lily Evans. Maybe when I understand what this is about, I'll write out the explanation, but for now, lets just say that I need to pace my room a few hundred times while contemplating my Christmas a little bit more.

Well, did you enjoy it? I hope so! Leave me a review, and then I'll try getting Chapter 20 up. :P