Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed nor do I own anything related to Judith Owens' song, "I Promise You." This takes place after the scene in "Vaya Con Leos" where the Angel of Destiny takes frozen Leo away, but before the last cuts of the sisters in that episode.
Through the Years
Twenty-One: I Promise You
Though I'm far dear, though we're parted,
I know that time can change nothing.
So if you feel afraid, and if your hope is gone,
Just remember all these things I promise you.
I will move heaven,
I will move hell and earth
To be where you are.
I will move heaven,
And it might take my life,
It might take forever,
But I promise you.
-Judith Owens, "I Promise You"
One hour. One hour since they had returned from the underworld. One hour since she had lost Leo. One hour of sitting on the couch listening to Paige and Phoebe's awkward platitudes.
"Leo's going to be fine."
"You two have been through much worse than this."
"We're going to find a way to get him back. And soon. Just wait and see."
"We can beat whatever's coming. We always have before."
After awhile they fell into silence, apparently unable to come up with any other ways to coax Piper into talking. Piper was well aware that they were staring at her, desperately willing her to say something, but she couldn't think of anything to say. Leo was gone. Leo was gone. Leo was gone. Why was Leo gone? How was she going to get him back? Why? Why? Leo was gone. These seemed to be the only thoughts her mind could process right now.
It was Paige that inadvertently made Piper snap.
"At least you found a way to save him," she said. "At least he didn't die. That's something to be grateful for, isn't it?"
As though coming out of a trance, Piper slowly turned to look at Paige. "Excuse me?" she said.
Paige looked unnerved. "I just mean that we should try to look at the bright side, right? It could be so much worse. If he was dead, you'd never see him again. Right?" Paige glanced at Phoebe as though seeking confirmation.
The hard knot that had settled in Piper's stomach an hour ago seemed to explode, spreading a fire of fury throughout Piper's body. She shook her head and tried very hard not to scream. "This is all bullshit, you know," she said, practically spitting the words. Paige raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. In contrast, Phoebe's facial features softened, her look clearly pitying. Both looks pissed off Piper even more and she crossed her arms defensively. "Leo was never going to die."
"Piper, you can't—" began Phoebe, but Piper interrupted her.
"Think about it," she said, standing up and beginning to pace. "Do you really think Leo dying in a traffic accident that Paige proved was completely unconnected to anything would motivate me? It had nothing to do with demons or a battle or anything evil. It wasn't like Shax. I wasn't going to want revenge. This was all just some sick plan to take Leo away from me. I do what they want and I get him back. If I fuck up, I lose him forever. It's twisted."
Paige opened her mouth to respond, but Piper ignored her, plowing on in her new theory. "They played me. They knew I'd never let Leo die. God. But why? When have I ever slacked off in the demon department? Have I ever actually failed them?" She shook her head. "I hate this. It's not fair." The words were barely out of her mouth when her breath hitched and she began to cry again. The tears were hot and angry and they spilled without abandon.
"Someone's going to pay for this," she hissed. "I am so fucking sick of this. I can't handle this anymore. I can't…"
"Piper…" said Paige.
Piper shook her head, took a sharp breath, and began to yell. "No! Why the hell is it always my sacrifice? Why the hell am I the only one who ever has to give something up? I am so fucking sick of it! Why can't it ever be one of you?"
Paige looked at her, flabbergasted. "Hey, hang on a second, I don't think that's—"
"Paige!" said Phoebe sharply. Paige furrowed her brow, obviously both annoyed and confused, but shut her mouth. Piper felt only the merest twinge of guilt. She was breathing heavily, her were cheeks soaked in tears, and she was in desperate need of a handkerchief, though she made no move to find one. Instead she glared defiantly at her sisters, willing them to make any argument against her.
None came.
After a moment, Phoebe stepped forward and wrapped her arms tightly around Piper. Instinctively, Piper tried to push her away, but Phoebe held on and when Piper couldn't escape her breath hitched again and she began to cry anew.
"It's not fair," she whispered into Phoebe's shoulder.
"I know," said Phoebe. "Shh. I know."
"I just got him back," said Piper. "We were finally getting back on track. And now this happens. It's like we're cursed!"
"You're not cursed," said Phoebe softly. "It's going to be okay, sweetie. We're going to get him back. Trust me."
Piper wasn't sure how long she stood there while Phoebe murmured words of inane comfort. Most of what she said washed over Piper in an unfeeling manner as she cried her heart out on her sister's shoulder. She felt like she had when she still stubbornly refused to believe that Prue was dead. Reality was suspended and she simply wanted to go to sleep and not wake up until things were back to normal.
She finally pulled back from Phoebe, though her sister kept a comforting hand on her shoulder, rubbing it. Paige was crying; silent tears rolling down her cheeks. She made no move to wipe them away. Piper swallowed hard. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."
"You don't have to apologize," said Phoebe, her hand moving to the side of Piper's head. Piper leaned into it, never as grateful for Phoebe as she was at this moment.
"Paige," she said, trying to strengthen her voice to reassure her baby sister. Paige hadn't seen her break down in this manner in years, and never before had she seen Piper displace her anger on her sisters in such a way. "Paige, I'm sorry."
Paige let loose a sob and came forward, wrapping her arms around Piper. Piper returned the hug, calmed somewhat by returning to her more natural role as a nurturer. "We'll get him back," said Paige. She pulled away from the hug and looked at Piper with a slight smile. Piper nodded.
"Come on, sweetie," said Phoebe, wrapping an arm around Piper's shoulders. "Why don't you go upstairs and try to get some rest."
Piper shook her head. "I can't," she said. "The boys…"
"I'll take care of the boys," said Phoebe. "They'll be fine."
Part of Piper wanted to argue and insist that the boys needed her, but the more logical part of her knew that what they really needed was someone strong and reassuring. She was in no state at the moment to comfort her children, and they didn't deserve to see her like this. "Okay," she said, her voice hoarse.
Piper went upstairs; she could feel her sisters' eyes on her until she was out of sight. She was sure they were going to discuss every detail of her little outburst, but she didn't really care. Mostly, she felt justified. At least this time she had exploded before a demon did something to make it much, much worse. The one thing she regretted was accusing Phoebe and Paige of not having to sacrifice anything; it wasn't true and the accusation was harsh. She'd have to make sure that they knew she really was sorry. Especially Paige, who she didn't think understood.
Just as these practical thoughts began to calm her down, she reached her room. She took a deep breath before stepping inside and shutting the door, but her heart still sank at the sight of their bed, one of Leo's shirts strewn across the foot. Trying very hard not to think, Piper went to her side of the bed and gingerly lay down. It was then that she spotted it: a piece of notebook paper on her bedside table. Tentatively, she reached out and picked it up, unfolding it. Leo's handwriting jumped off of the page and she bit her lip.
Piper, it read, I don't know if we're going to get through this one. I guess you never know; we have been in other really bad situations before. So I hope that you never see this note, but if you do, if we couldn't stop it, then I want you to know that I love you. I love you so much. You've made my life worth living, Piper, and I don't regret one moment with you. Please don't let the boys forget me.
Leo.
Without even attempting to stop herself, Piper doubled over, sobbing. No matter what her sisters said, this wasn't going to be okay. This wasn't going to be okay until Leo was home in her arms, and she wasn't going to stop until he was.
A/n: I'd just like to thank you all again for the reviews. I know that they've certainly been a big part of the motivation for me to continue with this story. I really appreciate every single one.
Just so you all know I replaced chapter four in this series. I never liked that chapter, so I re-wrote it. Check it out if you have the inclination.
SinderfullShocker also suggested another story idea in a review. I really love getting suggestions and ideas from people, and since I've had two already, I'd like to open the floor to anyone who'd like to leave one. I'm open to writing almost anything, so feel free. I appreciate anything anyone might suggest. Either leave the thought in a review or on my livejournal. The link is in my profile. Thanks!
Katie